baby124:

She broke her celibacy for him, she would have had unprotected sex with him if her conscience was clear. She was already calling him fiancé, getting him opportunities and planning traditional marriage with him. She knew his ways were not pure, she had done her research. OP needs serious cane. Smh. What a yeye man.

At no point do I advocate unprotected sex. But they had come far enough that if she didn’t have reservations she would have asked for a test and gbensh him unprotected

She has never had unprotected sex with anyone and she doesn't lie, she has never given me a reason to be suspicious, she was that honest. We both did test and she still insisted on protection. She didnt want a child out of wedlock considering her background. I am a very smart man and trust me there was no way she could have known. We had no pictures of our wedding pictures on social media from any of my family members. This wasn't her first time using my laptop and I saw the message from her office insisting she sends a mail which she had to type in Msword on my laptop. Yes, she had the hunch, but the gmail gave me out.

baby124:

When I was single I was in your girlfriends shoes many times. Though no sexual contact because I suspected these men. There is something about a married man sometimes that they can’t hide. I did not go on a crazy spree, stealing private pictures and opening fake pages like a lunatic. Then attacking their wives because these men were trying to play me. I simply laughed it off, faced the nuisance married men and moved on.

She tried to wreck your marriage by confronting your wife and shaming her! Your wife didn’t blink but you did, so she retreated. She is checking on your marriage progress to see if you are serious about the divorce. Obviously you are a cheap player and she sees that you are an opportunist who wants to be married while living single.

I agree. Thank you for the vile words but I think you'd do worse than my gf if you were in her shoes. You just hate her because she's a gf and not a wife.

thorpido:
For me it's a hard one to be honest.If the feelings are not there as in your case,it will hardly come even if you both take a wkd off to be together.I've seen this play out in many relationships.

You are really the irresponsible guy here You seem not to have a direction.You just want to touch whatever glows.
Before you decide to eventually ditch this marriage,try to fix it.Tell your wife to move in with you.Both of you spend time to try to bond.If after 4months,it is still the same loveless marriage,you had better split.

Points taken and I admit I'm wrong. Thank you

baby124:

That she stole his wedding pictures, opened a profile on Instagram and started stalking the wife till OP put his child’s picture up? Even blaming the innocent woman who doesn’t know what this OP is up to for not putting up her family picture to warn *girls* that he is married? That girlfriend is completely crazy!!! She has known from the get go that OP was married. She was playing along and looking for proof. When girl say they dream about this and that, they have seen evidence and just want you to admit. Her dream was too exact and vivid to be a revelation! Trust me!

I really didnt think I'd argue revelations here as I dont believe it either, but before we even got really close or talked families, she dreamt about my brother travelling down to Lagos and that very day I got a call from my brother coming down to visit me in a weeks time. And there are several others. Her dreams are vivid and mostly accurate.

thorpido:
I'll disagree with calling her this.The Op consistently denied he was in a relationship (not to even say he was married),led her on and kept having sex with her.The girl has every right to go overboard and she did well without physically harming anyone.

Thank you for pointing that out. The gf is now the bad person because she isnt the married one. As women they really dont know what they're capable of until they're in someone else's position. She could have forgiven me. Kept quiet about it and insisted I divorced my wife which I was planning to do anyway.
Instead she reached out to my wife, asked for forgiveness and asked her to fix her marriage. At that moment it may seem unreasonable but if I choose to stay in my marriage I think she triggered it.

baby124:

The idea not to live together to her own understanding and what you made your wife believe is because of distance! You never even gave that relationship a chance because you felt *trapped*. I know you did not want that pregnancy or to get married at this time which is the grudge you are carrying against your wife! I advise you to forgive yourself, forgive her and try to make it work. Stop fighting everyone because you are the one that did the gbenshing and put the baby there. So, obviously, you liked her a lot at some point.

One thing that struck me is your girlfriends statement that the child looked like you. Which you then noticed!!! Were you at any point disputing paternity and, was that one of the stories you told madam girlfriend to get in her pants? You are a funny guy. You can bond and fall in love over chess but can’t love your own wife because she tied you down.



Your wife must be an angel to even rate you after all your bullshit behavior. Just look at the lunatic behavior your so called girlfriend displayed after finding out you were married? Compare that with your wife after all you have done to her You sure your girlfriend is really an angel? LOL

My gf didnt know about the child until recently, and since that moment we haven't seen each other except talk on the phone. I and my wife didnt live together not just because of distance, it was one of the conditions I gave if I was to marry her. I didnt want to be around her.
Yes i agree my gf was wrong but guess what!!! her actions might be what is making me consider staying in the marriage and yes I did doubt the paternity because a relationship was never established, she was desperate to be married and I thought she was trying to tie me down with it.
It's okay for you to judge me. I agree I've been wrong and will do all in my power to mend my marriage but honestly cant guarantee forever and I have no intention of going back to the gf since she doesn't even want me either. All she ask when we talk if we are working on our marriage. She regrets her actions but according to her she had to do it else she would want to continue with the relationship but after revealing the truth to my wife, it will be impossible for her to continue the rship with me.

baby124:

How were you trapped? Did you have unprotected sex and come in her? Please stop trying to abscond from responsibility and take responsibility for the part you played. Can you honestly say that your anger at the pregnancy has stopped you from connecting with her? You seem to like women that are difficult and you delight in making them have sex with you. Then you start telling stories. Since you had this new girl at your beck and call, what made you hesitate on divorcing your wife?

I have resorted to separation which is the first step to divorce. We dont live together as couples. I just haven't made it official. I wanted th baby out first then at least 6 months old before I started the process but as it is, things are now more complicated.

ifyalways:

Work with your wife not the new lady,your wife seems to be more sensible.

To be honest I have no feelings for her. There's no guarantee we would both be happy in the marriage. The other lady may be dramatic but I dont blame her in any way.

baby124:

Shame on you for putting your wife and mother of your child through all this. So, all the months you were sleeping with her, you felt nothing for her Or you just had cold feet because you did not think you were ready for marriage. No one forced you into that marriage, you married her willingly under rushed circumstances.

We weren't dating. We were just friends and the marriage isnt based on love. I was trapped, she begged for the marriage. The plan was to take care of the baby once she delivers her but she insisted she would kill herself if I didn't marry her before the baby comes.

baby124:

Invite one of them for a week and, take some time off!

Will try to get her mum over. Thanks

ifyalways:
The type of women you attract .
One is unnecessarily vindictive and dramatic and the other stuck on you.

There are chances you can still work out things with your wife/baby momma. Can you both take a weekend out, leave the baby for the grannies and try to work/talk things out ?

They both dont live in lagos. Yes, I'll definitely try to work on this.

0ppa:
You impregnated her, and not 'she eventually got pregnant.' If you were so up and doing to get a lady pregnant, be ready to father the child; and stop thinking she needs your pity..and mind you, she is your wife now (even though you have both sinned on pre-marital basis). About your affair with the other dame, it is quite appalling many men are so indecisive in important matters. What I deduce from all your tales is that you are irresponsible -- please believe.

I accept whatever you throw at me

ifyalways:
A pastors daughter does not care about pre marital sex, even her Pastor parents that consented to the awkward marriage.

If it's just one of those church weddings and certificates and no registry certificate, its easy for you to walk out of the marriage now. Tell her how you feel and If she wants to keep wearing wedding band and stay married to herself just so she can keep up appearances, that's her own wahala.

Your child though should not suffer for your indiscretion. Make she s/he is well taken care of.

I actually ensure both of them are very okay. I actually gave her my car during the period she was pregnant and she still has it. I'm just unhappy in the marriage and no it wasn't just a church certificate, her parent ensured of that.

joseo:
Married man...... Only boys are pressured into marriage

Not when she's insisting on killing herself.

I eventually put up my daughters picture then I noticed she brought down the fake page but she said she was still depressed and it would take the grace of God to help her heal. She told me the baby looked exactly like me which I began to notice too when I went to visit them this weekend. My wife claims she can't continue the marriage which I'm supposed to be happy about but I didnt want it to be around this type of circumstances.
The other lady is so confused and devastated and is probably still in love with me.

I didnt wish to be in this mess. If I stay in this marriage I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life. I'll be there for my child whenever she needs me. For the other lady, we could have been perfect but now that her family is against it, it seems a no go area. I've always been financially supportive to my wife and baby even though it wasn't the type of marriage I planned for.
I dont know how to make it up to the lady as she has insisted she wont forgive me for lying to her while my wife cant stand me either.

When she eventually picked my calls, I apologized profusely. I told her i was already planning to get a separation from my wife once the child was at least 6 months. I promised I was going to see her people so we can do a traditional marriage and eventually get a divorce. She was so devastated and said she was depressed. I told her I'd been reading the marriage act and asked for her forgiveness. Then I explained why I got married to the lady and circumstances surrounding the marriage.

She said she needed to talk to someone and was suicidal, she had an exam the next day and said she wasn't thinking straight. I felt really bad as I'd grown fond of her. I kept checking on her to ensure she wasn't going to do anything stupid. We communicated from 10pm till about 5am when her folks were almost awake and till she got prepared for her exams. I tried to calm her down but she kept crying on public while talking to me.
She insisted she couldn't allow me go through with the decision of divorce and she needed to seek forgiveness from my wife and daughter. Later on she said she wanted her pound of flesh.
She later called saying she spoke to her uncle who insisted I should leave the relationship that I wasn't serious with the whole divorce process and the separation was to buy time so he could resolve with his wife and divorce doesn't take 2years and it could take longer. I was disappointed because I meant what I said when I said I was seeking separation and would marry her traditionally but I guess she was overwhelmed by her emotions and decided she would contact my wife.

I didnt think she was going to go through with the threat of contacting my wife but she did. She asked me earlier if my wife was aware she was going to contact me and I replied yes which was a lie. Eventually, she narrated it all to her and created a fake page on instagram with our wedding pictures which she found on facebook. Immediately, my wife put a call through to me and she wouldnt stop crying.
Ever since we got married I have not had sex with my wife as I never wanted the marriage. In fact I wanted to get a PhD in the UK to get out of the situation as fast as I could. She was unhappy and just wanted some privacy. She said she didnt want our wedding picture out there since it showed she was pregnant and told me to tell my gf to bring down the page on IG. I reached out to my gf but she insisted on leaving the page out there so that no one would fall prey to me. She also mentioned my wife reached out to her to bring down the page but she wouldnt as she was part of the problem. She insisted if my wife at least gave an hint she was married to me on social media then maybe she would have save alot of single ladies falling prey to married men.
I asked her to drag my if she wants but to leave my wife out of it but she claimed to have forgotten the password.
She said in fact she's helping me save my marriage that I should fix it and put my wedding pictures on social media.

After we settled our fight I told her I was traveling home to see my parents but the truth is my wife was about to put to bed. While I was away, she noticed i stopped communicating and we had another major argument, I lied I was really busy since I hadn't seen my parents in 2 yrs. So we stopped communicating for a while till I was away from my wife again. She insisted I was hiding something but I shoved the thought away.
After some weeks we got back together again, this time she said she had a dream I was lecturing/training people and was earning half a million fro the job. I told her I had a passion for training so I decided to do proposal for training, so i asked her if this would fly at her workplace and she agreed she'll do her best.
So she talked to her boss about the proposal and he asked that i see him the next day, he was going to introduce me to the head of training which he did. Her boss introduced me as his brother and even told people around her workplace that that's her fiance. At this time I was confused, she was embarrassed, she didnt expect her boss to tell everyone about her relationship especially now that we're not stable. I appreciated her effort but could bring myself to tell her now that half of her colleagues think we are dating.

The training department promised to get back to us and it was all looking positive. For the first time she asked to sleepover on a Friday and get back home the next day which I agreed and this time we decided we weren't having any sexual relationship since we've had an argument that the relationship was all about sex. The next day she woke and insisted she had a dream about a pregnant woman who came around to take her things from my place. Before she told me her dream she said she knows I'd hiss. In my mind I knew she was right but I insisted it wasn't true. Unfortunately she got a message on WhatsApp to deliver a mail from her workplace so she asked to borrow my system to quickly get the work done.

While she was trying to login google had saved my wife's email on gmail, so she said she couldn't log in but she'd rather use yahoo. When I checked the email I saw my wife's mail and I was only hoping she doesn't try to find who owned the mail. I was shocked she didnt ask, she just finished sending out the mail and left.

Around 10pm that day she already knew I was married, she sent several messages insisting I was married with a daughter yet I could lie to her even knowing that she has a policy against dating married men.

She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

I'm Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.


She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.