I think it depends on the couple and how open they are about the direction the relationship is going in, although there are no guarantees in life. Trsu is of the utmost importance otherwise tears and single parenthood are inevitable.

I am curious about Bini people. What makes them stand out?

TOH:

Rather be known to be a pretender than have their faces

Ok ladies dont get all hot under the collar but from what I understand from my Nigerian brothers naijawomen tend to have an "agenda" and therefore you never really get to know the "real" person until its too late to back out. I think with Southerners what you see is what you get.

khai_khai:

Your absolute stupidity preceeds you.
The topic is about south African women. The women have sex with babies? ?
What a dumb dumb fellow you are.

This is beyond ignorance!!

TOH:

Rather be known to be a pretender than have their faces

Funny you "ass ume" that I am south african-I am not. My query comes from the preconcieved ideas that nigerians in my vicinity have about southern africans (note - not south africans) and I am curious as these are reflected in NIgeria.

So I have heard lots said about the oppinions of Naijafolk on Southern African(generic-South Africa, Bots, Zim, Zambia, Malawi etc) people. I am curious to get people's view hear. What are some of the general beliefs or "heresays" about southern people particularly sistas?

timmfikk:

I think you have to give yourself a proper time to try and investigate the issue of having another woman, try and confirm for yourself at the right way but don't believe in the kind of sms try and see it physically before taking any action dear sister and i hope that can help you a lot.

Thank you for that. I have given myself a timeframe based on some things we have discussed as a couple. On the upside, I have gotten a dialogue going with him to establish where we are going. Based on the outcome of that I will move on or stay put. I have also tackled the issue of the other woman-whatever is happeneing if anything, she is there, he is here with me. But the most important thing for me is to establish whether we have a future or not becasue if there is then its worth my while confronting the other woman issue-if not I go my way, Whatever happens, I have learned how to appreciate and make fantastic egusi and pounded yam, and my pepper soup!!!!! I always get compliments!

no we don't do the bride price thing-its not our way. You cannot put a price on a good womans but thats a discussion for another day. as far as i understand not all groups in naija use the bride price system? I stand to be corrected

never been pregnant nor had a d and c! but i think me getting pregnant is just an excuse, no guarantees he wont politely ask me to go my way once i am pregnant- not finding excuses but i think after his 1st marriage broke down (very badly) he is scared, or I am being naive

As for the lights- no not "just like that". One looks at all the angles- tunnel vision is a problem. it sometimes helps to get an outsiders view. I like to consult my guy pals to get a male perspective. He would freak if he knew I was taking "our issue" outside of the home! but like i say getting alternative oppinions helps

Thanks for the pearls of wisdom, somewhere along the line I lost myself and my life became about pleasing him. He's been married and divorced has a child. he's been talking about us going to Nigeria to meet his family, I've spoken to most of his family members (I know they are his family not just some randoms) and his Uncle who has been to visit (I know its his uncle, not a random) to whom I was introduced as the wife. Even his closest friends don't understand his dillydallying, the lights are coming on now!!

My boyfriend and I have been living together for two and a half years. at first things were rosy but now,
First he says he wont consider marriage unless he is sure i can get pregnant?!!! Is this normal?
Secondly I found out he has been romancing another woman back in naija-I am not nigerian- he is. I He denies there is anything happening between him and the other woman-as far as he is concerned we have a relationship as long as we are living together. I'm not stupid and i've seen the text messages they exchange. Am I wasting my time? He has met my family and has indicated he will come for formal introductions etc, I am not convinced, help