namiji2598:
madam I am not married yet, but I have enough experience in marriage cos I have stayed with so many married couples in my life and am assuring you that marriage is very hard to be perfect, in as much as u can't force love in to ur heart, u can only allow it grow. Ur husband should try winning your heart, he should read you very well and know ur heart desires, he should know the kind of man you need and he should try being that type,sometimes is not by jus being a good man sometimes is by being the right man, if you ar the type that desires clubs and party, no matter how he tries he can never win you unless he is also that type, of you ar the type that needs flowers but your husband only gives you money, he can never win your heart, if you ar the type that needs vacations and great sex but your husband never took u for vacation, he will never win your heart,he have to know ur heart and try feeding it
And how did you guys cope with sexual urge? Do u guys cheat?

Omar09:


I'm gonna go out of the way and do what others have failed to do here. And I wish your husband will see this comment of mine.


I blame your husband! Why do I blame him?
He forced himself on you. [color=#000099]Because he forced himself on you, he couldn't see that you both should have remained at being just friends. He was hellbent on dating you and getting married to you. Which is bad. And you might have hidden your true self from him consciously or subconsciously and because he was blinded by his infatuation and lust couldn't see it coming.

Yes,he forced himself on me,I wouldnt agrue less maybe becsuse of my background I wouldnt know but i remembered during the wedding preparation i wasn't excited of getting married,my family was fully responsible for all the expenses and it was an elaborated one.
One thing i remembered 1month to our weddin,i was always crying without no one to speak to but 2weeks to the day,i was courageous to open up to a close aunt that i wanted the wedding cut off but she gave me the shock of my life by saying and i quote " my dear,you want to put the family to shame,what will people think and say?how will you face the society that your wedding was cut off 2weeks to the said date and to crown it all, she said people don't marry for love,the feelings will grow as you grow and live together" but deep down i just needed someone to understand my feelings and not being sentimental.

Right from the day one i knew i was going to put all effort to make this work,but i didnt expect this resilence will linger this long, i have tried all my best,its just not yielding result.


All I wanted was just being friends with him and nothing more.

To op, you just have to divorce him on the terms that you both are not compatible. He will see you as the bad person, but that's for you not showing him your true self and getting in on the bandwagon of marriage. And he will be heartbroken because he deserves it. He shouldn't have forced himself on you.

If you divorce him, you will do him a great favor so that he can find happiness. But make sure it comes to him as subtle as possible.

namiji2598:

3 years without sex? Are u guys getting it somewhere or what?

Well,ever since i got married i havent cheated on him!
I'm also not getting it elsewhere.

Back to the question op, ur husband suppose Don suspect say u don't love him and that's why he keeps on prooving himself
I don't really believe in love, because I have seen couples who love themselves so much but there is no happiness in their home, the betterment of ur marriage lies in your hands jus try and make it work,
Give him sex
Do house chores
Appreciate him
And open ur hearts for him and try to love him

movement2020:


That's sounds nice. You really know what you want and you are ready to make it work by all means. Communication in absentia via text, calls and chats will go a long way in solving lots of issues. You would open up, ask questions and as well proffer solutions. It's a good idea but...

Since you are married, it would be difficult to tell him you want separation, he would definitely think otherwise and heaven may let loose which I think you are also avoiding.

There would certainly be a way you can do it.

What about travelling to a cheaper country which can afford?

The means is what I can't phantom or do you have a way to do it?

Greatzeus:
Did you ever feel like this in any of your previous relationships?

No,I was a very lively ,romantic and easy going with my first boyfriend.
We had alot of things in common,we were happy together,we were adventurous,we were physically and emotionally connected in fact,people call us twinnie back in the days!

If yes,then the problem is not your husband,but you.You need to see a psychologist .
If no,then it clearly shows you don't love your husband AT ALL,infact you are not sexually or physically attracted to him. What you described up there is not marriage at all,it's better you both go your separate ways and look for partners that will make you happy, instead of making you depressed.

movement2020:


That grudge is really embedded in you and love of 15yrs is no joke coupled with the fact that you didn't date your husband. The foundation was the problem.

Ma, no one and nobody should stay in a relationship where he or she is not happy. Your happiness really matters. You already know what you want and making efforts to make it work is not yielding positive response.

Few questions more

Would you drop the kid for him?

No I have no intention of dropping my child for him,my child goes with me anywhere i go!

The seperation you're seeking, is it to re-strategize in order to develop love from afar or date a new guy and see if that would work or go back to your former relationship if he has not married (I doubt).


The seperation i seek for is just for me to restrategize and to see if i can develop love and feelings for him in absentia and also if I can open up good communication with him.


Do you find it hard to tell him your inner most mind?

Bankowner:
Take my advice, seek an independent counselor or therapist. You cannot get the solution you need without talking to someone who won't judge you while you open up.

If you are the church type, and you can trust your pastor or his wife enough to talk to, then take your matter to him/her.The beauty of it is you can always love your husband if only you let yourself.

babythug:
Your situation is less tricky to manage since the bulk of the issues are with you!

I am aware that many people were or are in arranged marriages where there was no love at first. In some cases feelings grew in other it never did but some of these couples learnt to live together in peace.

Only you can determine if you’d ever open your heart to this fellow, if you cannot only you can ultimately determine whether you want to put yourself and him out of the misery.

Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side, single parenthood or starting after in a new marriage doesn’t always work for all of us.

I’d say to you to pace yourself and give some time to enhance or develop the relationship and see if your feelings change.

Be more tolerating, accepting and accommodating.
Try to reach out more to build a bond, chats via texts beyond running the household matters, genuinely seek to bond with him. You can also make the first move towards se.x.
Take more care with his meals, just be truly pleasant .

If in six months your feelings don’t change then at least you’d know for certain the next steps!

Good luck

movement2020:
Were you seeing someone before you got married to this man?

Do you still get in touch with your Ex (s)

What do you think you can do to love your husband?

There are some attributes you want in your dream man that he does not possess? What are they?

Yes, love grows but you closed your heart due to some reasons best known to you.

What exactly do you think would solve the problem? Seperation or Divorce.

daddytime:
Yet, another.

Madam, there is nothing anyone on here (a faceless forum) can advise you that'd matter any, or have any meaningful impact on your sham marriage because, from the get-go, you knew love was non-existent amongst anything else that must have attracted him to you.

You knew how you felt about him during courtship, into marriage, and up until now. I'm very certain that the only thing that had changed has been a progression in how much he disgusts you.

I feel so sorry for the poor naive man. He is indeed naive and a mugu. If he wasn't the previous and the latter, trust me when I say, even someone who was blind, deaf and mute, would be just too sensitive to the much hate you have and exhibit for this poor man.

On a side note, does anyone notice how relationships are gradually losing everything relationship about them?

The good old heart2heart or tete a tete between lovers and couples is being daily trashed on the alter of social media, where people now come to bare their minds on issues bordering on their lives and we'll beings, while hoping to get advised or validation from complete strangers who have zero to no idea how it truly seats with them on the whole.

Everything for the life just dey get k-leg dey go anyhow...

Na wa

Prec1ous:
You married the brother who was ready to take care of your bills right? Because the one you wanted was not serious, ready and wealthy. Hahahahah

Ishilove:
Op what was that special reason that made you accept his marriage proposal in the first place?


Start from there first.