oyinda.:


i understand where your coming from.
but if the guy told u the truth that he is dating just u for intimacy or your face, will u stay with him? lol

i think it's best to be able to read his behavior/body language so u know what's going on and how he feels abt u. I have seen some relationships where clearly the guy doesn't like the girl and is just staying around till a better girl comes along, but the girlfrind keeps hanging on to him n can't see the signs 

i know,  i see these kinds of relationships all the time. sometimes the girls see the signs but they stay anyway. i guess it's not exactly easy to move on in these situations. but you know when you're in a relationship, you read body language differently from how others would. what others see as warning signals, a girlfriend may see as jealousy or even love. it's sad and scary 

Siena:

I can't understand what the issue is here - is it a crime to have a past?

Everyone has one, why would you expect your wife to destroy pictures of an ex, which was way before you guys got together? It's not normal to destroy pictures of an ex, just because you're married. Unless the ex in question was a violent bully, and arouses memories she would rather not dwell upon.

So, you get her to destroy these pictures, what about her mind? Can you delete her memories of her ex? I can almost assure you, that's the best way to drive your wife away, and back into the arms of the ex you're so insecure about. If she destroys these pictures because you insist she does, she will come to resent you. Do you automatically erase your past, just because you've gotten married?

Visual memories of her ex (pictures) are less of a threat compared to memories held in the mind, I'd think long and hard about what your issues really are.

exactly! the issue here should be whether or not she is still in love with her ex. the pictures don't really prove anything, she could destroy them and still be fantasizing about the ex.

cnario:

To be fair to her, has greatly improved emotionally compared. To when we first met.

Apart from her 'caged' emotions, she's not naturally romantic. You know, when I listen to Basketmouth and other comedians talk about Warri girls and romance, I see it only as a joke. But believe me, romance to her sounds like 'Latin'. She's really trying to adjust, but its not just in her. I often catch myself thinking of romance with other girls, though I've never cheated on her, and I don't wish to.

her unromantic attitude is probably linked to her 'caged' emotions, so if she gets over the emotions issue she should become more romantic. don't give up on her yet, especially since she's improving already. she has to make efforts to change though, not just expect healing and change to come naturally. you didn't mention how long you two have been together, but i think you should give her time. she'll most likely find a way to deal with this problem over time. now the question is how much time she needs, and how long you can wait. like puskin said, you can't have it all; you have to decide what you can/can't live without.

frank3.16:

Like u, i am scared of gettin married 2 a confused specie.

But marriage is almost inevitable, i just hope i wont get ova paranoid wen i indulge in it.

you're also paranoid about marriage, yet you see it as an indulgence eh? marriage is not at all inevitable, it's a choice you have the right to make.

Ujujoan:

@ least I'm not paranoid!

Did you check the meaning of that word before you used it?

i wonder oh! paranoia = delusions and baseless suspicions.

michelin89:

It's either guys have become extremely cynical or girls are really bad.

true

kulyie:

wot child abuse.d poor child has been disfigured 4 lyf,unfortunatly no amount of facial surgery can repair d damage.it's painful n emotionally traumatising especially 2 d mother dat her child has A NEW LOOK.no wonder dey say illiteracy is a disease cos wot d f*&^^^k is dat tribal bul sh*#t meant 4.dose who r in support of dat crap say in case d child is kidnaped dey can easily identify him,un4tunatly dat crude ideology of tribal marks of any kind dont work dis days.d best tin d mother can do is just accept her fate n dont eva take any of her kids 2 spend d holidays with dia granny except its just a visit were d mother will take them.but really its an infringement moreso because d old woman dint take permission from her son or her dota inlaw.however i suggest d woman shouldnt go visitin or allowin her kids 2 spend holidays with their granny,[b]but d man is free 2 go n if at al d kids must go,dey must go with their father,[/b]i tell u d old woman will understand d message sharp sharp because sometimes non verbal communication is more effective n faster in delivering d message than talkin.

what are the kids going to spend holidays with her for? i think she shouldn't ever be allowed to be in the same house as the kids again.

sorry for your loss.

willyspace:

Few years ago, she left the village for greener pastures somewhere in Minna. 5 years on, no one heard from her. she surfaced once and claimed she was living with a guy who would soon come for her hand in marriage.

ACT TWO A cool evening, a young man in late 30's walks into the family compound and reports to my Aunt tat her daughter was DEAD! Saying he was the one she was living with. [b]A family meeting was called and the young man was given a list of items e must present to for er marital rites before te burial. [/b]A date was fixed, (17th January) for the man to return with the items and the corpse.

Three weeks on, The young man has absconded, his phone lines dead, no one knows his where abouts, neither the mortuary where her corpse was deposited. Readers, what will you do if you where to be her brother?

that's probably what scared the young man away, can't say i blame him.

lannre:

They are invariably cursing themselves . They are in the better position to stop their Dad by [b]discussin[/b]g it with him,I believe he will be ashamed of himself that his children are calling him to order.

they are protecting their mother so it's not a curse. it might be a curse if they beat their father up without provocation. it's all these threats of curses they use to deceive women and children into remaining in bondage. how can you be calm when someone is beating your mother up in your presence.

image

ayettymama:

and whatever you do

o girl

DO NOT APPROACH THE GF

i guarantee you 100%

the man leave you all forever!!!!!

the girl knows hes married

and wants his money

shes doesnt give a shizz abt u

most men still love their families (their kids at least) when they cheat, i doubt he would leave them forever if she confronts the girl. the worst he should do is beat the living daylights out of her, but not leave. if he leaves it's not because she confronted the girl, but because he wanted to leave before but had no reason to.

Outstrip:


Like I said to each family their own. It is definitely about standards. The man is cheating and flaunting it. It is definitely about standards. If any case shows it it is this one. She does not need to know who her dad is screwing or how he did it. No one needs the gory details but they should not act like he is a victim her.
What do you mean by "another couple" as if these are not her parents. Cheating is a form of abuse. When you abuse your spouse you abuse your children. So please don't water down what I said. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I don't know how she will get the message across but their father needs to know that they are aware and they are disappointed and that they expected more from him and they are standing solidly behind Mom. No matter how old you get your parents are still your parents and not just for mouth. They should be an example.
I don't know what you mean by bullying here. Please I cannot laugh. My parents always held us to a higher standard as a matter of  it was ridiculous most times and I find that that is why I hold my father so high. He is human so I am sure that he will make mistakes but I will call him out on it. That is what he taught me. Should my father ever do such a thing I know he would be ashamed for his children to know. The fact that her father simply does not care if the children knows says a lot. To make it worse you guys are telling them to do family picnics and pretend that nothing happened. Why in the world do we have family then? Please abeg enough of the fakeness. If it was the wife that cheated nobody would be saying family pictures and picnics. I have heard it all now.

i also don't understand why posters want her to pet the man. if it was a woman cheating everyone would be talking about how irresponsible the woman is. now it's the man we're blaming it on jazz and midlife crisis.
i agree that when a man abuses his wife it affects the children. it's hard to be in such a home and pet the wrongdoer. the kids feel very hurt also, and i don't see why they should sweep it under the carpet. she should talk to her father, and talk to him well.

FactorChic:

what the heck is Na and Days?

pro01:

@ MrBrownJay
Kindly spare me the bastardized words 'insecure' and 'trust'. Women use the former to blackmail their man when he smells a rat; and use the latter to block his nosetrils to prevent further 'smelling'.

@ all the others
The responses so far prove the age-old maxim that 'a pleasant illusion is often preferred to the unpleasant reality'. [/b]There are two categories of illusionists in this regard: Female & Male. The female know themselves to be what i've described, but prefer to clutch at straws by saying 'men cheat too', and also spew clever-by-half sarcasms. The men on the other hand, prefer to bask in 'blissful ignorance' of their women's promiscuity since 'what you dont know won't hurt you'. All good. But just cant stand a thought of paying great costs for a peddlar whose 'goods' arent mine alone. [b]Women. See how Wayne Bridge's wife was fcking John Terry! Eeew. Just imagine the cynical glee Terry would have had when talking with Bridge in the England locker room. And these shiit happens a lot but only a few ever comes to light. Shege.

Flings and no-string-attached liaisóns seem the best way to keep going.

the problem is you're refusing to look beyond your experiences. your arguments against women can easily be used against men; John Terry was cheating on his wife too. it's hard for anyone, male or female, to commit to a serious relationship. both men and women cheat and it always hurts the partner.

pro01:

So, how do i tell which 'good' girl is really GOOD? The type of woman that would rather lose her job than cheat on me with her boss!

there's no way to tell upfront, you have to get involved to know. but seriously, who is really GOOD?

Sam Milla:

@H202

This is not a topic to argue with girls. They will never subscribe to our Views on mattes like this.
I have given my advice to the guy who asked for advice,
Trying to argue with GL here is useless, trust me.
Change the above question to

"MY BOYFRIEND SLEEPS IN A GIRLS HOUSE"

The same GL will come crying foul here. How the boy is a cheat. how he is silly and all that.

i might react that way if the OP's girlfriend was spending nights in the guy's house. but the issue here is she spent just one night and i don't think that's enough reason to end a relationship. even if she spent more than one night, it's better to talk about it rather than just break up.

Sam Milla:


I try to make jokes out of such things because if i am the guy,
I will call the girl and tell her to put a stop to that ASAP.
If it happens again, i will put my coat on my shoulder and slowly walk away.

that's the idea, talk to her about it and let it go. then if she does it again you can walk out on the relationship.

H2O2:

Trust your girl to go sleep over another man's house.  What are you talking about?
Well you're not a man so i suspect you can't understand why a man would be feeling uneasy about his girl sleeping over at another man's house. Unless the chap is gay or dickless something.

You might as well encourage her to go and give him a back massage then.

Trust trust trust my foot.

What happens if she gets drunk and the devil strikes? then it becomes a mistake abi? mschew.

it's not like you should encourage or give her permission to sleep in a guy's house. but if she does and she tells you, you should trust her enough to accept her story.

she shouldn't even drink enough to get drunk when she's alone with a guy in his house.

well, maybe i'm being naive but i believe it's best to trust your partner until you have evidence that he/she is cheating.

@ poster,

if she's been faithful up till now just trust her and get over this issue. if she keeps going to sleep in a guy's house after knowing you don't like it then there's a problem. it's hard to trust anyone, even your family sometimes. but a relationship can't be successful without trust. there would be no need for trust without suspicion-raising situations like this. you should talk to your gf, let her know you feel bad about it, and believe what she tells you (except you see evidence that she's lying). there's no need going to look for loopholes in her story, cos if you look hard enough for anything you'll find it.

bee444:

Most ladies do spend the night with their girl friends; your girl's behaviour is totally unacceptable and a bit bizarre!

Maybe she comes from a background that hasn't witnessed power shortage at night before (don't mind the sarcasm).

I believe every Nigerian woman should at least by now be use to sleeping at night without NEPA unless ofcourse your father is the richest man in the world that would afford fuelling his generator 24/7 for a month!

My advise would not be useful to you, follow your instinct.

sleeping without electricity in your family house isn't the same as sleeping without it when you live alone in a different part of the country. what if the girl had no close female corper friends, or if the guy was her only friend there? if the girl had a habit of sleeping in the guy's house, then it would be strange. but it was just one occasion. maybe she went to watch a tv program and overstayed till it got too late for her to return home.

ERE:

Oboy,

Sure you are a Christian??

Intstead of taking the matter to God in prayer, youre bringing it to Nairaland for discussion,
If you dont believe in it, why deceive yourself to pay it, or feel guilty not paying it,

How much is the money sef?  Two years rent, See how we limit ourselves!! Pls tell us how much it is, that is too much for JEHOVAH JIREH,  the provider to give a hundred fold,  

Funny thing is thing is if you really serve God your pastor does not need to compel you to pay your tithe, It should be automatic,

The commandments of God are summarised into two:

THOU SHALT LOVE THE LORD THY GOD WITH ALL THY HEART , WITH ALL THY MIGHT, WITH ALL THY SOUL AND WITH ALL THY STRENGTH(AND MORE THAN YOUR RENT)


THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF.

How many people have made billions and are now penniless?? Countless,

Forget pastor and do your duty as a christian, God does not need your money, He needs the sacrifice of your heart,

Those who sow in tears shall reap in Joy, (Psalm 126:5)

Pay your rent, then after 2 years, you'll be on your knees praying to Him for provision,

But our God is merciful and a God of Love, I'll pray for Him to open your eyes to see His Glory,

how do those commandments mean he should pay the tithe? tithing isn't equivalent to loving God or people, it's doesn't prove that someone is a christian. even 419ers and politicians tithe on stolen money. paying one's tithe doesn't guarantee riches, and christians should always be on their "knees praying to Him for provision" no matter how rich or poor they are.

you probably would be advising him otherwise if it were his child's school fees or hospital bill he was asking about. but shelter is also a fundamental need.

many people who tithe regularly do it because they want something from God or because they feel it is dangerous not to. for all we know, God doesn't accept some tithes because people give grudgingly or for the wrong reasons. it's better to use the money for something you need than to pay in church and have God reject it.

i think her action is understandable; the lights went out in her house. that she slept over in a guy's house doesn't mean they did anything. she could have easily lied to you that she was in her house, her honesty should count for something. just let her know you're uncomfortable with her sleeping over in her friend's house, but don't break up with her because of this.

smooooooth:

okay i hear u cos this is 2010 doesnt mean the role of the man has changed. i bet by 2020 she will be feeding your backside. cos she is a modern woman stucked with the wrong man. God help u, make i catch your babe, i will sway her with some blink blink. and too bad u dnt know what a five year old knows.

u guys have been complaining that women are gold-diggers, now someone is saying he has proof that not all women are like that and you say you can sway her with money. what do u guys really want then? this gold-digging thing is actually being promoted by men who try to get women's attention with their wealth.

strange, i could have sworn that nigerian guys are very good conversationalists. they always have something to talk about. maybe the guy was trying so hard to make a good impression and was being too careful. maybe he's not just good at starting conversations, so you should start then draw him into the conversation.

badman:

if the large sum of money the poster received is a gift, his he suppose to pay tithe. thought tithe is from wat u earn. if he pays tithe and God provides to pay his rent, does he pay another one from wats provided. pls let someone shed some light on this tithing issue

i'm quite confused about that too, i thought people only paid tithe on their salaries.

@ poster,

in your situation i would either pay my rent and give the rest to the poor, or pay my rent and pay the tithe afterwards. i understand that feeling of being coerced to give, don't give in if it's not from your heart. God is not going to get you evicted in revenge. you needed money for your rent and God has provided it, pay it and thank Him for His provision.

i guess there must be official Sony outlets in lagos, you should check them out. you can buy online through international mail forwarders.

rokiatu:

and how do you treat guys like that? you take your own money and buy what you want.
he will know that he is dealing with a classic lady.

i'm all for women spending on themselves, rather than depending on guys. but a woman considering a serious relationship with a guy should be bothered if he's a cheapskate. you don't want to get married to a guy and have him tell you to use napkins instead of diapers for your baby.

@ poster,
i agree with you that if a guy loves a girl who can't cook he should teach her. it doesn't take much to teach, simply cooking together would go a long way. if she loves the guy she'll be motivated to learn.

Siena:

To the question, I can.

A wife is a life partner, not a maid. Her being able to cook isn't part of my criteria in marrying her.

posakosa:

YES, thats why you have a house girl.

thank God some people know there's a difference between a maid and a wife.

Kenny_G:

i cant do "can't cook, won't cook women" and all that teaching her talk is nonsense as far as i'm concerned; a woman who spent 18yrs or more with her parents and never picked up any cooking skills na now she go come learn,
scheooooooooooo

many girls only learn to cook after 18, and they cook well too. what about a girl from another tribe who cooks well but just not your tribal food?

sweetcoint:

for the girls what if your guy is not the way you want your ideal man to be as in financially, behaviour and other wise will u brake-up with him or give him ideas on how to run a business or how to make money, and tell him the way you want him to be?
plz i need your opinion thanks

i won't break up with a guy because he's not as financially strong as i'd like (but then i won't even date a guy who can't pay his bills). i'll advise him, seek help from friends/family and do anything i can to encourage. but if i see he won't accept help, or he's too lazy or proud, i'll leave him.

if the deficiency is in his behaviour, it would depend on what exactly the problem is, how far we've gone with each other & how much i love him. if it's something i can live with and i love him enough then i may stay with him, but if it's something that really pisses me off i might just leave him.

which information?

NLing, listening to music, battling insomnia

bawo ni

shirts

pro01:

@ all the gurls here,

Why must a guy spend generously on you to win your 'love'? Is your useless 'love' for sale? When we say you all are mere love-peddlers you'd protest. Why can't you take care of your own needs!

The other one was shamelessly talking bout how her b.f buys her air tickets, etc. Tomorrow if you meet a wadada who'd buy you a plane, you'd ungratefully dump your bf without remorse and follow wadada. What would the poor bf have gained by dating you? Noting but misery and heartbreak. What do you have to offer other than your three holes? Nothing. But you want men to SPEND SPEND SPEND! Tufiakwa [spits in disgust].

what's wrong in a guy buying flight ticket for his gf if he can afford it? btw, the OP wasn't asking for too much by expecting her bf to spend £5 on a meal. no one is saying guys have to spend £5000 on a meal, or have to buy flight tickets. but you have to agree that a guy who only visits £1 shops and feels £5 meals are too expensive, yet lives in the expensive part of town and rides expensive cars is a cheapskate.

i'm okay with a guy giving suggestions/advice but i can't accept a guy dictating what to wear or how to wear it. then i'd think he's bossy.

Sisi_Kill:

WTF?

Why the heck do you have to give her money. . . are you her father?!!

i wonder. if the girl is looking for a bf who can sponsor her she shouldn't be dating a broke student. the guy should not let the girl drain him. he should focus on his degree because this kind of girl would leave him once a richer guy comes her way. when he starts working he can buy her heaven & earth.