We own a restaurant here in the UK called Yettis Kitchen

I do pay, give extra tips and when I bring my friends over... I cover t the entire bill as well.

For me... I tend to sometimes order over the phone to test the customer service and also feedback on quality

A business must never be mixed with a personal mindset... Its an entity entirely functioning on its own.

If you have nothing to offer her..let her go..!!!!

I made this mistake years ago at the age of 23, dating a lady 6 years older than me. Fast forwards 7 yrs later; I did the unthinkable and walked out her...I doubt she ever recovered. To be fair, she knew where I stood with her from the outset; I just didn't make the move for loads of reasons...she clothed me, fed me, sorted my bills; but the love wasn't there. We tried, but just wasn't...

I had to move to another county when we broke up..as it was hard for both of us...

My advise - don't waste her time any further. Leave her for her real right man....time is never on a woman's side....

At 30, she should have had at least two children.

It will be your loss, but her gain as well...

You all need counseling. Yourself, wife and in-laws in the same room. I will happily mediate.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new. Your wife hasn't cut the cord from the patents, neither was she trained to do that. In her world, her extended family comes first and last....habouring secrets and leaving you penniless. Your father-in-law has a stronghold on her. That will never change, if all these has happened already #MedicineAfterDeath
Who knows, they might have found get a side boyfriend as well...

Do you have children? As much as I hate to say...you need to be 5 steps ahead from now on. Play there game to your advantage. Go back and visit they in-laws, just to keep there mind at rest, start putting some extra money and investment aside, start building your own house as well on the side.....but continue to be calm....there's no point showing you anger any longer...wouldn't change what's been revealed

I would suggest also, you start looking at avenues to make more money.....Play the pretence game...more will be revealed

You have been judged unfairly by people who clearly.do not have triplets, nor earn N55k at the same time.

The problems you have are nothing new. The aggression from your mother-in-law are mirrored on your wife.

Her frustratios of managing three children is hard enough.

I suspect you are never there during the day to walk the same journey with her.

Bottom line...you need to be earning more, even if it means working a side hustle on the weekend to bring in the extra bread.

I wouldn't suggest you rush intro planting hey in a church...you may lose her if she's easily influenced.

Finally, been married 14yrs.....a woman will naturally mirror what you throw at her. Man-up and be the man....speak calmly, show care, pacify your anger...pacify hers...never rise to any insults, even if she baits you. Rather than complaining about the difficulties out there....be the one to give assurances....

When you have spent the next 3 months turning your personality around, finding a second job or business....calmly thing through issues...then, do church...but the right church.

The state of humanity has reduced mankind to this level of bliss.....we now celebrate and entertain dirt. I honestly don't know the full gist, but, won't let my chic put this sort of narratives out, regardless of how upset she gets. Says a lot about background and friend cycle.

Wish them well

There's no right or wrong. Simply take a look at Instagram to see how far people push to get noticed.

Why didn't he see this till now? Why did it take you to help him see sense? That's the wrong bit...as, am sure the signals were there.

In terms of being right; glad he listened to you. Hopefully, you'd be able to steer him with wisdom in the direction of the right woman to get married to

Regards

Really surprised you had to come here to ask for advise, when it's all clear where her head is?

You seem deeply in love and too scared to detach...and move on...

This is straightforward...sit her down and tell gret you don't feel good enough for her...she reads between the lines and you offer to go your separate ways. Need not refer to her WhatsApp...

Life is short brother.......you will airways find someone better than this clown; who wouldn't be discussing you with some Ex... Rather, praying for you to succeed and also wife her up.

Step up and sort it out

One thing I forgot to add.

The issues of mothers came up during our first childs birth.

In my tradition, the mother of the man holds sway. I did say to my mrs...Great opportunity to bond.

Fortunately, my mother-in-law was also around then, she clearly wasn't happy..but did come visit... due to her matrichial attitude, I made it a point to keep her at bay. Still no love lost between us...

Hi,
This sounds like an accumulation of bigger issues that have come full circle.

And I have some semblance in my own relationship, especially when it comes to communication.

My mrs likes to have the first say, middle say and last say in every conversation.
Fortunately for her, am from Oyo state..grew up in Lagos and steeped in tradition lol...and fortunately, I don't have a reverse gear. She grew up amongst matriarch...and I grew up amongst patriarchs...see where this is heading?

I for one found communication difficult, because everything got emotional pretty quickly from her end and I never used to see her perspectives...it's all about traditions for me..being the dominant party bla bla bla...

Eventually, I started resesrching her background and also compared with mine...my parents where never lovers..they where simply married....and so..that was all I knew, meant I needed to unlearn and re-learn.how to love a woman, understand, communicate, than simply be married to one....let me not digress..!lol

You need a retrospective with someone that can be honest with both of you..
Your man needs a mentor...(I have one)..! A man without a mentor is like a ship sailing aimlessly...
You also need someone you can go to as well to show you how you are going wrong and how best to turn things around..
We both share the same mentors...a married couple.we've known them for years through church, and make it a habit to meet them every 6 months for a catchup and fellowship..even if all is well

It feels like you are both living and trying things out, including throwing your toys about......Eventually, it will come to a head.

Regarding NativeDs...if his parental history is linked to doing these things, will be extremely difficult to get him off this train...that one nah prayers...question is, are you Godly and spiritual as well? This one no be physical...

It took us 10 yrs to finally get a good balance on how we both communicate..even longer for me to meet her emotional needs..Meaning, taking her our more often to exciting places...given her time to speak and to feel heard...reaching out to her and making her feel wanted..all these have calmed her passived aggressive stance with me into the lady I married...I guess she was crying for help....and I didn't understand it..

Lots to suggest and advise, but, will leave others to contribute s well.

Guys,

I work as a consultant here in the UK. And I also run a training session in IT Business Analysis. Barely two weeks ago, I gave a motivational speech to a group of MSc and PHD students at Coventry University during there ICON conference (International conference for Nigeria Students) - And the theme was "Employability - Being average not good enough"

The first thing i'd say is; having a degree is not good enough. As an employer, I do not ask who you are, who you know or where you come from...!

the only question I put out there is "What can you do?". For as long as you can defend that question you will certainly stand a chance to go into the next stage of an interview process.

If you show me your degree certificate in an interview; I'd happily show you 200 more CV's with degress on them somewhere on my desk. So, couldn't give a monkey's if you got one.....

Question is:
Can you communicate well?
Can you hold you own in a conversation?
Can you pitch an idea or present to a group of people and stay composed?

All of these softskills are used during interviews to understand the type of person you are.....

Wish you luck with your jobsearch.