THE SHOCK OF DIFFERENCE (Musings of a Nigerian).
I am not one who is liberal in the usage of my tongue for the purposes of cursing, but I may have been tempted to so do lately. What has prompted this temptation you may want to ask, well, quite a few things. For one, the difference in the environment (Nigeria) which sired me and where I am now is the cultural difference that you see and it is more telling when you begin to see that difference and change in your children.
Culture I know is not a static phenomenon, it is organic in that it grows as society germinates but whether such growth is positive or otherwise is solely determined by the subscribers to that society. For Nigeria, a paradise, yet so far from righteousness, I am not exactly sure the growth of the country in the healthy sociological sense has been entirely positive. Nigeria’s story is one for another day, “make we face another tin”.
As I have observed here, the allowance for critical thinking in schools and in ordinarily mundane things such as sports and games impact your child and. When I say, “critical thinking”, I do not mean its isolation as a subject as we find in some Nigerian private schools but as a necessary condiment for the design of every subject/course children study in school. The ability to critically think makes the children begin to question everything around them. Their question is not geared towards uprooting our culture or religion which we think is dear to us but for them to understand why we hold it dear and convincing them on why they must have the same level of deference to those concepts and ideas. They question everything, questions you cannot possibly imagine from religion to homosexuality, racism, slavery, family and so forth and damn, you must be ready to answer these questions which should and must be convincing and logical. I think it is best to get ahead of some of these difficult questions by discussing them before you are asked by your children. In that way, it may be easier to discuss when these questions come up. The questions come in drips or torrents and it brings out the best or worst in you depending on how you respond to them. Even their jokes become cheeky and irreverent.
I told my last a few weeks ago when he was up to some mischief that he and I “will wear the same trouser”, he looked at me confused and retorted, “but we will fall Daddy”. Na so I quiet.
A few days ago, I went out with my second and last for a religious service at the end of which the second had to wait for me at the door away from a group of men. This made it challenging for her to find me among so many men. When the last and I eventually found her (or she found us) she said to me, “Daddy, I found you because of the reflection of the sun on your bald head”. Can you bloody imagine? Well, if she were in Nigeria, I am certain she would have exploded for simply having that thought cross her mind much less blurting it out. The other day, she told me to “always try to” take my plate to the kitchen after eating. I had to curse, IYA E!!! (YOUR MOTHER) and her mum was there laughing her head off without coming to my aid, mtsheeew, nonsense. Just thinking if I had said all these to my own father. Well…… first off, I won’t be alive to write about it or if I am lucky, I sure will have a few teeth missing.
I have always been a fiercely private person but being here has given privacy a whole new meaning. In Nigeria, my beloved, I can just stand in front of my house for no reason other than standing, I can sit with my Fulani guard to catch up on the neighbourhood gossip, I can do all sorts and anyhow but here, you mean nothing to anybody except for tax purposes. Simple things like clearing the snow path are a big deal and is determined by the survey lines of your property. Your neighbour can clearly tell you not to allow your kids play around his car or on his driveway and come to you the next day expecting you to be nice. The culture is different, everything is “one kind sha”. The other day in an office in which I interned, a Nigerian was absent from work and when she resumed, she was asked the reason for her absence and when she did not respond, the questioner said “were you ill?”, she responded “Alice, I was not ill”, “Alice, I am not ill”. They all wondered why she repeated her answer twice but as a Nigerian although she did not say it, I knew the emphasis meant “Alice, I am not sick in Jesus name”. In my mind, I was like “talk am naa”.
We are what we are, adapting to a new environment can be challenging and at the same time interesting. The success or otherwise of the transition from the comfortable to the unknown is dependent on the person. What I think is certain is that we as Nigerian immigrants can change without necessarily losing our core of respect, love and more importantly fraternity.

Adeniran Ajagbe.

MOVING WEST (Musings of a Nigerian)
I often wonder in those rare moments when I think, what sacrifice really means. I suppose I conflate it with duty (at least that is what I think) By duty and/or sacrifice, I mean duty to one’s family (wife and kids) or sacrificing one’s comfort for their wellbeing! Thinking about it, I suppose duty and sacrifice is what a father properly so called should and must do. This is even more so where, as I am, one is situate in a place far from the warm embrace of familiarity.
Growing up in Nigeria (the country of my birth which I love dearly almost to the point of pain) I really did not see the point of leaving the country for another land not for any reason but because I did not feel there was any life or comfort on offer beyond the seas that needed my purchase.
After school (university) and armed with a law degree, I was quite comfortable and maintained a decent enough living to maintain a family and service my habits. So, what changed?
Well…, there isn’t a straight (or direct) answer to that question. It will have to be a cocktail of answers but to put it simply, I wanted more but as I have come to realise wanting more comes with its own difficulties particularly where there is the “little question” of family. As most fathers/husbands would agree, the moment you marry and have kids and you invest your emotions in those endeavours as you rightly should, you become weaker (in a good way) and you also become stingier (kids and wifey first before others) Don’t judge me please, my parents are late! It is for this reason that the security and wellbeing of my family almost ran me nuts during the uncertainty of the period leading up to the 2015 General Elections in Nigeria. It was after the drama of that period that I saw the sense in a relocation which also brought about the apprehensions that attend such decisions.
What will I do when I get there considering my qualifications as a legal practitioner? Will I have to change career? What will my wife do? Will the challenging situation of an immigrant (as I would soon become) affect my relationship with my wife? What about the kids, oh God, the kids; what will become of them? How will they fare? Can/Will I make a success of myself? These and many more are those legitimate questions one needs to ask oneself but the answers can only come about when one conducts an annual general meeting with oneself and being less selfish in one’s future outlook and simply ask, What is best for the family? Are you living your life in this new land to redesign a future for yourself and your family or are you simply trying to make an impression for those ‘left behind’? Truth is, many of those you left behind don’t care, some do sincerely care, some will snigger at you pretending to care, some are happy they are rid of you (particularly your debtors) but looking at the bright side, the world will be drab without an admixture of these saints and sinners. I, along with Mrs. resolved before my consideration of the above queries never to go and live in another country as illegal immigrants, so getting the right documents took the better part of six months before leaving Nigeria.
I have moved west going on two years, any regrets ooh certainly, as I am human. I wish every day for the sun, the music in the laughter of the Nigerian, the smell of suya (skewed meat marinated in spices and served with dried pepper) wafting through the nostrils, the distant calls from the minarets, the dance, the stories (gist) and so much more. You realise it is those little things you miss the most.
I like it here too, the organisation, the sense of direction, the care for children, the quality of the schooling, the care for the next man. I guess you cannot have it all. I love Nigeria and love it here (I guess you can love two at the same time; bloody polygamist) but in all I would say it’s been worth it so far.
The kids are well settled and at the end of the day, it is about them. Most of the fears about them and their upbringing may be me projecting my insecurities on them, maybe not, time will tell. It has been interesting thus far and I guess I still have many more miles to run as Shakespeare said, “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves”
Adeniran Ajagbe.

mosquitoway:
hi everyone, if you are looking for a place to stay in Mississauga

Hi, I sent you a pm, pls respond.

eddycross:
My people, please just send email to all three mailboxes below:

info@frsc.gov.ng, NDLVerification@frsc.gov.ng, helpdesk@frsc.gov.ng

I noticed that when I escalated to especially the NDLVerification email, I got response. You don't need to pay. And also don't need to shout.
If they have not responded to you for months or so, just send a follow up and beg them. I did and got a response to pick up next day.

If you have ever gotten any feedback with a mobile number, call and ask the person to please help.

Hi, I got a response from them after so many attempts. This is what they replied:

Good day,

 

Please, send to this email a formal letter stating your request and addressed to the Corps Marshal of  Federal Road Safety Corps through the Deputy Corps Marshal; Motor Vehicle Administration (MVA).

2. Also, kindly include the following and treat as important

A. Attach a clear scanned copy of your drivers licence and also type the licence number on the body of the mail.

B. A valid address your request can be sent to.

C. Your contact number.

 

3. This will help facilitate your desired result.

 

Thank you.

 

Regards

EE Nkadi(DRC)

STOF, NDL/ITC.

CORPS MARSHAL'S OFFICE

FRSC Headquarters.

08039294851

 You can all try to send the request mail in this format, hopefully you will get a response from them.

I didn't pay for the service, just paid 4k for courier to Lagos since I didn't have anyone to pick it up.

I want to thank @40manlappy...he responded to me when I reached out to him on this FRSC matter.

I also want to thank everyone on this thread, I have gained a lot from you all, God bless.