its sold out now,thanks for your interest

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which
human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You
should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to
tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will
then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks
ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her,
"Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of
the eye".

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and
continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
(1) You have a dirty mind,
(2) you didn't read your homework, and
(3) one day, when you're older, you are going
to be very, very disappointed."

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
> >
> > (Passing requires 4 correct answers)
> >
> > 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
> >
> > 2) Which country makes Panama hats?
> >
> > 3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
> >
> > 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
> > Revolution?
> >
> > 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
> >
> > 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
> what
> > animal?
> >
> > 7) What was King George VI's first name?
> >
> > What colour is a purple finch?
> >
> > 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
> >
> > 10) What is the colour of the black box in a
> commercial
> > airplane?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Remember, you nee d 4 correct answers to pass.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Check your answers below.
> >
> > ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
> >
> > 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?116 years
> >
> > 2) Which country makes Panama hats?Ecuador
> >
> > 3) From which animal do we get cat gut?Sheep and
> Horses
> >
> > 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October
> > Revolution?November
> >
> > 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?Squirrel
> fur
> >
> > 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
> what
> > animal?Dogs
> >
> > 7) What was King George VI's first name?Albert
> >
> > What colour is a purple finch?Crimson
> >
> > 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?New Zealand
> >
> > 10) What is the colour of the black box in a
> commercial
> > airplane?Orange (of course)
> >
> >
> >
> > What do you mean, you failed? Me, too.
> > (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

hi guys for those interested in aspen estate, u can reach femi on 08084458905, as im no longer in charge, tanx

Application for the post of front desk officer

thanks a lot attached is my cv, my email addy : habeeba700@yahoo.com

hi ijongbon, isheri north consists of a whole lot of estates( private and government) and it has dry land,its just a few areas that has a bit of water and sand filling can do the trick. as for aspen estate, its on dry land and the occupants get a shared c of o, cos one c of o covers the whole estate. do mail me on Habeeba700@ hotmail.com , so we can talk better.
Seasons Greetings to you all!!!

Husband was rushing off to work one morning. His driver Okon had driven him half way when his Oga remembered he'd forgotten his briefcase at home. They turn around and Husband lets himself back into the house. He notices his sexy wife is in the shower, all soaped up, unaware of his presence. Not being able to resist, he playfully flicks at his wife's breast as she showers. Still blinded by the soap, she asks gleefully: 'Ah-ah? Okon, you don drop Oga now-now?

have a blissful day!

a male friend sent me this and i had a good laugh, imagine!!!

"We always hear " the rules "From the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side. "

These are our rules!
Please note, these are all numbered "1"
        ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1 Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.



See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as    Football, the   4-4-2  formation,
or golf.



1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. !!!

my bad, didnt know it was posted here, was excited! here's another one


PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE LEAVING CERTIFICATE:
NAME OF STUDENT : Aremu Mathew Okikiola Olusegun ObasanjoCLASS : Aso Rock Villa
YEAR OF GRADUATION : May 29th 2007
SUBJECT SCORE GRADE
1. Energy 19% F9
3. Education 17% F9
4. Poverty Eradication 5% F9
5. Telecommunication 50% C5
6. Human Right Abuse 75% A3
7. Globe Trotting 100% A1
8. Fuel Price Hike 175% A1+
9. Reforms 40% C6
10. Fighting Corruption 20% F9
11. Transparency 9% F9
12. Accountability 12% F9
13. Credible Election 2% F9
14. Crime fighting 10% F9
15. Women Affairs 200% AAA


REMARK : Outstanding! No resit please.
PERFOMANCE : YOU BE THE JUDGE.
,
SIGNED: NIGERIANS

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches in strategic locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its operations to Abuja , the Federal Capital territory. This expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced young officers. The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:

The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja , is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:

1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign European languages, and persons with the ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment ( Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed curriculum militae within two weeks to:
militant_recruitmen t@OsamaConsultin g.com

Stress Reliever # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to
the office.
Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how
impossible, I look
at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for
you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other
problem can there be greater than this one?"
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your
worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have
any
worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom , when I was on the bus with Dad this
morning, he told
me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom : Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home
at this
time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am ?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have
married me
if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the
woman replied
sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU
A FORTUNE"
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report
card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare
his parents."
___________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her
roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in
his 1932
Rolls Royce." Wow! That's a very expensive car. What
's so bad about
that?"
"He was the original owner."
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 9
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word
"beans",
"My father grows beans," said one student. "My father
cooks beans,"
said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all
human beans."
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 10
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your
success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were
you before
you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 11
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours
forever. The guy
replies: Thanks for the warning.
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 12
A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after
sex?" He
replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 13
Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the
first man
you are sleeping with?" Wife replied: "Of course
honey, I stayed
awake with all the others!"
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 14
"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in
the U.S. ?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong
side."
_____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 15
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me
my pretty
face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to
toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humour."
____________________________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 16
Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak
and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have
advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males
a day."

i guess its water(h₂o) in its liquid and frezzing state
if not ,do provide the answer,its been on for too long!

Isheri north is an upcoming serene area for development for both middle and high income individuals in search of peaceful and secured residential location.
This is a unique opportunity both for investment and accomodation purpose.
For further details contact www.aspen-estate.com or www.elleonproperties.com.
or contact me for more details

pay attention to your sleeping positions!!!

GOOD ONES - enjoy

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own , so does she.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


REACTION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"


WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS"


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

.Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? hehehe, Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Oops, Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker.If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is it called building when it is already built? If a book about failures sells, is it a success ? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? , food for thought!!!

@geevibe- thanks
@ others- i guess you guys still dont have a good sense of humor
i only wanted to be subtle in attacking you guys (it was directed at guys)
but,i do agree that it should be in poems, only wanted to share.
i'm begging oh, please dont crucify me.
its all about catching fun and sharing

The honey bee is a busy soul,
it has no time for birth control;
So that is why at times like these,
There are so many sons of B's!

all man made and out of prejudice;
we have few saints in our time that such mysteries can be revealed to everyone just wants to say something and be heard!

@ nike4luv tanx, didnt know where 2 put it n wanted 2 share it wit u guys

:Dhi guys, here's a little story that i know u'll enjoy and learn from: sry its a bit 2 long

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see
the farmer and his wife open a package. What food
might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was
devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the
warning: "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is
a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and
said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern
to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be
bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the
house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry,
Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but
pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the
house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but
it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and
dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house
-- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In
the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake
whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her
to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken
soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard
for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and
neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To
feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many
people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow
slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the
wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem
and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one
of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all
involved in this journey called life We must keep an
eye out for one another and make an extra effort to
encourage one another.

Remember: Each of us is a vital thread in another
person's tapestry; our lives are woven together for a
reason.