Hanneque:

IFor your first paragraph, i wondered same too but I know it is spiritual because his Dad never supported our marriage but I got to know this just a week to our wedding so because of that his parents are not in talking terms till now (his mum was in support).

His mum and sibling were in support of our wedding and they were caring also. He is the breadwinner of their family, if they do otherwise, you know the implication already?. The mum was really pained because i took the bold step to leave with my daughter, they never imagined i could do such thing( I feel thats the reason they didnt call us till now). She always want me to endure all the abuse while praying that everything will be fine someday. Whenever i report any issue to her about her son, she was always of the opinion that I beg my husband even when its obvious i was not at fault just for peace to reign.

Please note i didnt pressure him into marriage because I was even trying to get another job then before thinking about settling down. I married him as a virgin.

Thank you

@fyzaila

ahnie:

Seems she's not much of a talker,she has bn on nairaland for some couple of years and has few posts in her credit.

I don't think she's faking it.

You are right @ahnie

IFor your first paragraph, i wondered same too but I know it is spiritual because his Dad never supported our marriage but I got to know this just a week to our wedding so because of that his parents are not in talking terms till now (his mum was in support).

His mum and sibling were in support of our wedding and they were caring also. He is the breadwinner of their family, if they do otherwise, you know the implication already?. The mum was really pained because i took the bold step to leave with my daughter, they never imagined i could do such thing( I feel thats the reason they didnt call us till now). She always want me to endure all the abuse while praying that everything will be fine someday. Whenever i report any issue to her about her son, she was always of the opinion that I beg my husband even when its obvious i was not at fault just for peace to reign.

Please note i didnt pressure him into marriage because I was even trying to get another job then before thinking about settling down. I married him as a virgin.

Thank you

Good day all, I never thought I can come on Nairaland to share my story and seek help, it took lots of courage for me to share this here, it is so unfortunate that I find myself in this situation seeking help from well meaning Nairalanders. I am sorry it is going to be long.

My husband and I dated for 3 years before getting married in late 2020, during courtship, we used to be best of friends, he was very loving, caring and near perfect (he never showed any trace of being abusive and violent) though I never expected him to be perfect because it is only God who is perfect. He portrayed himself to be perfect not knowing all were deceits and a tactic to get me to marry him(this he later confessed in one of our conversations after marriage). His true color began to show just two months after our wedding. He told me he never loved me but he didn't want to let me go because I have all the qualities he wanted in a woman and also considering his age, he needed to settle down. He also said he hid his character away from me because he didn't want to lose me because most ladies he dated in the past all left him because of his character (he is narcissist) and vowed never to show anyone he's going to marry his true personality.

Before we got married,I was working and doing well for myself but along the line i lost my job (during covid 19), but was able to save some money which i planned to start a business with, he assured me he was capable of taking care of me and our unborn kids that i should not bother looking for any job since none was forthcoming ( I wish i didn't fall for his lies) and i decided to start a small business with my savings after settling down which we both agreed to because I am an advocate of being independent before getting married

After we got married, i brought up the topic about starting my business with ny savings because i don't like depending on my man for my needs, he told me to be patient with him and wait after he set up a business for his mum first because the mum was not working at the moment also. I begged him to allow me to use the remaining money I have left (I used some for the wedding( to start up something for myself. I believe this shouldnt stop him from setting up a business for mum which he blatantly refused and I dare not challenge his authority, whatever decision he makes stands.

The main challenge now is he gets angry and beats me at any simple provocation even when I was pregnant ,He doesn't provide for us again especially when we have a misunderstanding, He sees not providing and beating as a measure to reset my brain or punish me.Whenever we have any issues, i am always the one who tries to settle it and beg him even when I am not at fault for peace to reign, he is a control and respect freak, whatever decision he makes in the home stands, i dare not challenge him even when i am not pleased with his decisions all because he is the head of the family(in his words) which i don't dispute.

We recently relocated to a new apartment in the outskirts of Lagos, a week after his younger brother came to live with us and ever since the burden of feeding and running the home has been on me, he no longer provides for either me or our child, he claimed he didn't have money to buy food stuffs after paying the rent and he also stopped eating at home but i continued to feed his brother. Whenever there is a misunderstanding between us he would start yelling and insulting me and my family, beating and also keeping malice with me. He became very aggressive, violent and toxic, there was no communication between us again because I didn't know what I would say that may get him angry so I avoided arguments by all means.(I am not the nagging type, instead I keep quiet and listen more).

The abuse, maltreatment and domestic violence was getting too much, he always beat me and insults my family at any slight provocation, I can't count how many times he has beaten me in just 2 years plus of marriage. He is so toxic,yells at me, aggressive, violent and also stopped taking care of his child's needs.
The last straw that broke the camel's back was that he physically abused me again in January which almost caused me my life.I was already going into depression which affected my mental health.He didnt care if we existed again or not. He was not providing for either me or his child again but was always sending money to his mum. He would buy food stuffs for himself and his brother and kept it in the parlor and ate it alone with his brother not minding whether I or his daughter had eaten or not.
I fell sick and struggled to take care of myself and our daughter alone but the sickness and emotional trauma was getting worse so i told him i wanted to go to my parent's house to treat myself for 2 weeks since he didn't care about us anymore
He said I can leave but I shouldn't go with our baby(the child he was no longer providing for and sometimes yelled at her probably because of our differences but why take it out on the innocent child?), it took the intervention of his uncle before he allowed me to go with her because i am still breastfeeding her, i asked him about taking responsibility for his daughter, he said since i insisted on going with her then i should consider our marriage over and said he is never going to be responsible for his child that since i have decided to take her along with me then i should be responsible for her alone and that i should never come back to his house again.I have been the one taking care of her needs financially even when I was still in his house. I finally left with my daughter in April when the abuse was getting worse and life threatening (I chose to leave in order to live for my child) and he didn't feel remorseful about all this(the physical abuse, neglecting his responsibilities, insulting me and my family etc) instead he was playing the victim card. Since we left he has not called to even ask of his daughter, even his mum and his brother have not called us, although his aunt has been checking up on us because she knew everything I was going through.


Please I need help and a way forward from kind hearted nairalanders. I am seeking a job either hybrid or remote job, business that will enable me to cater for my child. I graduated from one of the federal universities in the country where I studied Economics (second class upper grade).I have over 3 years work experience in a financial institution, i am a fast learner and very hard-working.
I also have knowledge in html, css and javascript(willing to learn more and any other digital skill that i can earn from).
P.S: I will try and answer all questions sincerely if any.
I wish he is on nairaland to share his own side of the story
Thanks in anticipation

B.Sc Economics
3 years experience in client relationship management, a year experience in HR, administration.
Professional certification in HR(CIPM)
Microsoft Technology Associate- Programming using Html, css and javascript

Thank you

Misblah:
BS loading!!
My pink jet came in at 11:14pm yesterday.
Came out wit 2 pushes, small tear and a sneer

Congratulations in advance to all my October Mummies in the house. God will give you the strength and composure needed. Amen.

As for other Mummies with time, I'd advise you read this book, Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Miaze. Read it and digest the scriptures with it, I saw God's hands clear in my labour journey and could apply these principles I got from the book.
Congratulations to us all.

Congratulations ma, May the Lord bless your Lo and the family.
Kindly send a copy of the book to my mail ma. temmy.han28@gmail.com. Thanks ma

temmy.han28@gmail.com

temmy.han28@gmail.com Thanks

..

dejol88:


The web development class will be at Alabian solutions limited in ikeja. So if i pick you, i will pay for your class.

Plz do not pm, i will pick one person myself or Op should help pick for me for transparency sake.

N.B You can drop only email address as a means to reach you.

If you are in lagos,

Please I am interested in learning web development. I would appreciate if you can help

temmy.han28@gmail.com
Thanks so much

Tankunland:
aww eya good bless you. Chia we really love ourselves in this country just that we have allowed this politicians to separate us by tribe and religion. I would gladly pick someone for you oo. So if you really wanna learn web development kindly indicate. God bless you sir

Your story is so touching and inspiring. Thanks for sharing
Please I am interested in the web development training. Kindly recommend me
Thanks

Honestly , i read your piece and was truly moved.

I remember you when you came online with other moniker to seek for help i just regretted not doing anything at that time. All i can say is may God heal you.

Having gone through some comment concerning what others are going through , i am also touched.



I came from a poor family and i can relate to some of your experience. I am not anywhere i will like to be infact still struggling .However, I will like to train just single a nairanlander , who is desirous to learn a skill in web development . I believe this is better than giving out cash.


The web development class will be at Alabian solutions limited in ikeja. So if i pick you, i will pay for your class.

Plz do not pm, i will pick one person myself or
Op should help pick for me for transparency
sake.


N.B You can drop only email address as a means to reach you.

If you are in lagos,



Please I am interested in learning web development and I would appreciate if you can help.
temmy.han28@gmail.com

Thanks so much

.

Amen..... Thanks

God of last minute miracle, I believe you are still in the business of doing signs and wonders, mine should not be an exception. I have the following wishes;

1. A well paying job in a multinational organization, its been almost a year that I've been jobless and its not been easy surviving. God please answer me speedily.

2.I want to be settled marital wise come 2020 with the one you've destined for my life.

3. Lastly I want peace of mind.