Wealthbrain22:
Have you people ever asked yourself that question sincerely? What’s so special about you that makes you think that your so called babe is dating just you? Is it your money or car or house or looks? Why are you special? You think you’re the only one with whatever qualities you think you have ? Bro trust me , 95% of you are in a relationship with yourself or best case scenario you are sharing one girl with at least 5 other guys, take it or leave it.

As for me I have made my peace with this, I don’t expect loyalty anymore, I know that the only time I’m truly with someone is when I make it official between God and man and we get married, till then let the games begin. I never mean what I say to any girl, I don’t love anyone, I’m just flowing with the tides, and I know any girl talking to me now is definitely doing the same and it’s cool.

It’s when you start deceiving yourself that you have found your dream girl and she loves you, that’s when you become the clown. Whatever you have, there are 6 billion guys out there with more, so if that girl isn’t wearing your ring, bro you’re dating yourself or in a polygamous relationship with a girl who has other boyfriends too. Many of you won’t agree but deep down you know your babe has other babes.

You simply contradicted yourself in your last paragraph. She's not wearing your ring but you expect a full blown commitment to you when you have the liberty to frolick around other girls. If they ask you now, you'll say you have the right to see other girls asides your gf. Continue clowning. You attract what you are. Simple! Werey tutu

deewhydoski:
Married men in the house, Is it normal for someone that is getting marry in the next one month to be nervous and anxious at the same time?

OP like others have said, it's normal just like going to write an exam.
I felt the same way nearly 12 years ago but one of the best decisions I made in my life. The anxiety was around being a good husband to her (she's still incredible), being a daddy, etc. But I grew into it. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. You will learn eachother daily.

Just continue to pray and be rest assured that all will be well.

Please ignore all the negativity. Congratulations on your marriage.

Romanoff:
Anybody in a marriage that is not comfortable leaving their phones unlocked and with their spouse is cheating or being dishonest about their finances.

This is a fact.

So y'all can explore each other's private parts but the phone is where you draw the line?

The most sensible take I've read on this thread.

Because they're earning much more than they ever will in their own countries.

Get a life!

Flows001:

You really are confused.
I'm a Nigerian Lawyer, called to the NIGERIAN BAR..
I know that LAW is dynamic and there are alot ot peculiarities in different jurisdictions.
It is utter ignorance to be insisting on the position of the Law of a country on another sovereign country.
I'm sure you know that homosexuality is not a crime in the Western world but a serious crime in Nigeria. Will you call the Western countries saner climes for legalising homosexuality
The earlier you realise that Nigeria is a sovereign country, with its independent right to make its Laws, after putting together religious and moral considerations, the better it will be for.

That being said, when it comes to the Nigeria Legal System, there is absolutely NOTHING like RAPE in Marriage.
Take it or leave it, this is Nigeria and not the Western world..

It is how you put homosexuality and rape in the same argument. Please rest! Nobody is talking about sovereignty here. You know how to be a lawyer when it is to comes to suppressing women and their rights. Your country Nigeria still demands the consent of a "husband" to issue a "wife" her international passport.

I am a husband and it is wrong.

Middleborn:
This is crazy. This is the very reason why so many men are still single and have no intention of settling down.

I'm a firm believer of a woman letting a man a little loose if they cannot satisfy him and vice versa. Apparently, the man has a higher libido than his wife, but doesnt want to cheat because he loves her. She probably is a sexy ass woman and have all the curves in the right places. Perhaps she lies on the bed naked or half naked. Then a man, legally married and truly loves his wife has to nurse his boner by thinking of Jesus and his kingdom because his sexy wife doesnt want to fvck.
When he decides to get his bitches for days like these, she will cry foul. Women should be emotionally intelligent enough to understand that their man can feel strong urges for sex many more times than they will, so if you're not gonna satisfy him everytime you feel not in the mood, then you might as well not feel destroyed when he fvcks a bitch. He still loves you, you can't satisfy him.

Eyah. Stay single. Because she's your property abi? She doesn't have a right to her own body. I pity the women you "boys" will marry. Because you think marriage is just about sex.

Flows001:

Are you a lawyer?
If no, then I certainly won't blame you for ignorantly insisting on this your position..

Legally speaking, there is nothing like "Rape" between two legally married partners. This is so because the Law sees the marital vows made during the marriage between the man and the woman as subsisting all through the period of marriage..
The so called "CONSENT" of a legally married woman is by Law, taken away from her when it comes to sex with her husband, whether or not she gives outright consent or not, the man cannot be convicted of rape when it has to do with his legally married wife..
The only exception where a lady can lay claim of husband raping her is when the Court has made a decree for Judicial Separation, that is when the both of them are under a decree of Judicial Separation which could possibly lead to a divorce (in this case, they wont be cohabiting under the same roof), and the husband goes ahead to sleep with her without her consent. This is the only time a woman can lay a claim and succeed.
Apart from that, any action for rape by a woman against her legally married husband is in futility, as it holds no water..
I'M A LAWYER...

Lawyer with zero knowledge of what's obtainable in other countries. Nigeria will get there one day. Slowly but surely. Some of you will relocate to saner climes with this mindset and get jail term.

Kaytixy:
oga you are the one spilling nonesense. Nothing like rape in marriage. All these stupid girls will be forming rubbish in marriage. Which nonesense definition are you talking about mr. Awe

You're ignorant and vile at the same time. Rest!

obedience4:


Have seen lot if conviction of rape in marriage..
I go compiled them send for you.

Thank you o. Just told someone up there about marital/spousal rape that can result to between 4 and 19 years of jail term. Thread is filled with adults who just want to argue ignorantly.
These are the same people who also assume a girl-child under 18 who is "developed enough" can have sex.

Moh247:


No need for insults keep it civil

The only reason no man anywhere in the world even police won't prosecute rape against an husband is because by law during marriage ceremony you are officially giving consent to your legally married husband


Marriage is the legal union of a couple as spouses. The basic elements of a marriage are: (1) the parties' legal ability to marry each other, (2) mutual consent of the parties, and (3) a marriage contract as required by law.

I suggest you read about marital/spousal rape.
Nigeria is a zoo.

In saner climes, you can be convicted under law. It was difficult to prove for many years but it is real. She's not your property. No means No.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/first-marital-rape-conviction-recorded-1.1089006

Philipmaxwell:


I shudder at the knowledge that people like you exist in this world. I fear for the girl children of these days....

Honestly.
As a man, a husband, and a girl dad, it is disgusting and disappointing to read all the nonsense. I also dare to say that majority on this thread are either rapists themselves or rape apologists. It is sickening.

Ofemmanu1:
Werey knelt down to beg a pvssy?!


Now, your mother is disappointed.

Simps children everwhere.

Indomie has destroy the fabrics of MAN in Naija.


SMH.

Bloody knob head. Can't even type in proper English.

.

maasoap:


Please o, why are you attacking him? He's right on point with all what he said now. He emphasised exercise and husbands supports

You're the one who definitely didn't read. I responded to a particular person not the OP.

SKhanmi:


You'll be surprised most Nigerian women and even men won't agree with you. The women especially like to espouse the belief that it's acceptable for a woman to balloon up after childbirth without doing anything about it citing stress, busy schedules, hormones etc then turn around and complain about the husband eyeing ladies outside. Barring the genuine cases, the rest just have a lazy mindset.

It's not enough to marry a slim individuals, marry someone who sees marriage, health and wealth as a personal lifelong job and is constantly improving. Those types will never allow you settle for less.

P:S I know a woman who has 5 children and still looks extremely fit. Cars regularly stop to offer her lifts and numerous toasters whenever she goes out, even the husband is tired.

Are you a medical practitioner? Because if you're not, you need to keep your ignorant opinion to yourself. When you realize or have experienced the physical and psychological implications that come with childbirth, then you can type this senseless comment. Bodies are not the same because of genetics and other factors. You think pushing a baby out of a vagina or going through a Caesarian section is beans. The comments are mostly terrible because some of you are still boys not kings. Inexperienced lot.

Tecnophone:
Atiku's wif is the best definition of old hag

You're a nonentity with a filthy mouth. That woman is 73 years old and has achieved more in her lifetime than you ever will. Google her! Illiterate with a smartphone.

Please move on because he has, unfortunately.
I don't know why some people do this. Cut people loose if you don't want them anymore.

Dear Nairalanders,


How long should the average courtship period that would lead to marriage be? And why?

Some say 6 months, others say 2 years. Mine was 18months.

Thanks for your contributions.

TONYE001:


We have been so misinformed about marriage that it seems we have totally lost the true knowledge of it. Each time I read stuffs online, I come across all sorts of statements and thoughts. This has been calcified in our minds such that it is almost impossible to have people reconsider their stance on marriage.

Good thing is, there are people that understand and appreciate marriage. If these people don't continue speaking, the wrong idea would be passed to the next generation.

DV is bad. DV has no justification. One way to give a significant blow to DV is by understanding marriage. Maybe I'd write about this someday.

Very true. And you're right about continually speaking up. Please write about this soon. We cannot be silent. I appreciate your lengthy piece on this. Don't let anyone silence you. God bless you

TONYE001:


I don't know if you're married now. If not, hopefully, when/if you eventually get married, you'd learn to replace "my" with "our."

There are many women that provide for their families and nobody knows about it. Many! You may not know but there are women that support their families when their husbands are out of jobs.

My understanding about marriage is a bit different. I know the husband-provide-for-your-wife teaching but I'm of the opinion that spouses should provide for each other. Husbands and wives must learn to do away with the "self mentality" and be selfless.

See, these things are not difficult. Honestly. We don't need to read big books or to listen to complex messages in places of worship to come up with these things. God gave us all common sense and an inert ability to love absolutely. We are the ones that have refused to put all these to use.

I am tempted to tell some stories about my home but maybe this is not the right place. This is our eight year in marriage and so far, with God's grace and application of common sense, my home has been excellent.

For DV to be eradicated, we all must unlearn certain things. Honestly. I see you saying your wife would leave in pieces if she doesn't go in peace. I'm sure if God blesses us with long days, a time would come you'd think differently. If your sibling continuously offends you, would you ask him/her to leave the family in peace or in pieces? How about your parents? Maybe it's because you are yet to see a wife as an INTERNAL component of her husband. If your heart fails to pump blood effectively, would you tear it out? God's concept of marriage is that the wife and the husband are one!

Let's make some redefinitions, please.

Before now, we are told that wives must respect their husbands. Emphasis wasn't made on husbands respecting their wives. For a successful home, the husband and the wife must respect each other.

We were also told that wives must be submissive to their husbands. We weren't told that husbands should submit to their wives. Guess what would happen if a husband and a wife submit to each other! They'd listen to each other's counsels. They'd honour each other. They'd be happy.

Before now, we were told that husbands must provide for their homes. This puts undue pressure on men. Imagine what the home would be like if the husband and the wife provide for each other! Imagine a husband thinking how he'd find money to fill the gas cylinder and his wife calls him that she just refilled the cylinder. Imagine a wide ringing her husband to tell him that their son is sick and she has already bought the meds. Imagine a husband buying his wife's needs. Just imagine.

Let's stop thinking of marriage like a big issue. Recall how you lived with your brothers and sisters at home. Recall how you lived with your best friend at school. Recall how you easily forgive your younger sister when she offends you. Recall how your parents always overlook your terrible mistakes. Recall all these and replicate them in your home. You'd find that peace would be natural.

I'm not just talking about stuffs I know nothing about. I told you I've been married for 8 years. My wife was my classmate and we knew ourselves right from year 2 at school. These are stuffs we do and I know that by God's grace, we'd see many more years.

Brother, tame your anger and learn to overlook things. If after all these it's still impossible to run the home, your next option would be to separate. Separation too can be peaceful. I've seen some divorced couples that still talk and visit each other. I know of one, as a matter of fact.

Please reconsider your stance.

God bless you at the bolded! You and your wife or you and your husband are one and the same. Has anyone ever wondered why God used "bride" and "bridegroom" in giving a template of His relationship with us as His church?

As you rightly stated, there are several things to unlearn.

Nobody should have to go through DV, man or woman. Why would you treat another human like dirt? Worst still, a spouse.

Being a terrible human isn't gender specific.

Richardjcooper:
Tbh, it goes both ways. Transparency is key. In Nigeria, most folks with AS genotype wouldn’t agree to marry another AS genotype partner for obvious reasons.

But this is 2022, there are solutions to these things now provided you have the money and the emotional strength to support each other when on it. Before marriage, discuss extensively with fertility experts and gynaecologists. There are various options to take for child birth. A common one is IVF. Know the pros and cons of it. If any of you are having doubts at this point, it is safe to call it quits. These processes are of course more expensive than natural conception. So it only makes sense to be financially buoyant if you’re considering marriage in this condition.

Adoption is also another “solution” or you guys can decide not to have biological children till you can financially and emotionally afford IVF or other solutions.

If you meet a partner and the only “red flag” is genotype, it can be worked around provided you both are on the same page so nothing actually comes as a surprise during marriage. Life no suppose hard especially if money Dey

Gbam! Well put bro

nedubrazil111:
My friend got married sometime back to her husband who is supposedly well exposed. They both tested and discovered that they were both AS.

After all the crying, they still went ahead to get married, but this genotype thing has been hidden from the husband's family. He doesn't want them to know because his last relationship crashed for the same reason.

Now they're hoping a Doctor will give them hope of having non AS children or a Pastor will invoke the heavens for them.

Having non-SS or SC children is a 100% possibility, if that's what they decided to explore. It is science. It's called Preimplantation Genetic Screening, through IVF (Doctors in the house can shed more light on this). From government teaching hospitals to private clinics, the cost of IVF ranges from 400k to 4m depending on the couple's conception issues/needs.

They can have their children and use a permanent family planning method.

I have seen couples who seemed to be "compatible" give birth to children with defects, disabilities, etc.

I understand the point OP is trying to make but it is 2022 and a myopic take.

I know I will receive backlash for saying this but it is not a death sentence if two people who know their genotypes to be incompatible, plan their conception method. It is different if they don't have a plan in place and carelessly bring SS children into the world. I am not trying to be insensitive to people who are going through it now. Plan it. The world has advanced beyond these takes. Love in this day and age is proving difficult to find. I know a few people who have gone the IVF route because of genotype and did permanent family planning.

Dagger007:
You've wasted 3 years of her time bro. And for a woman to stay that long with a man that means she had dreams that includes you and her. And your excuses are well, your excuses. No human is perfect, and I know you're not perfect too. Not even close with all this your long list of what you want in a woman. Tolerance, Communication and Love is the key to a good relationship

But it's your thing bro. Good luck

My brother, you see that tolerance? Patience? Even in the early years of marriage, it is most important. He didn't let her go in the first year but waited three years. He will still find something wrong with the new person and write an epistle again instead of looking inwards. Nobody is perfect. Nobody. He said he told her from the first month sha. Good luck to him.

Munzy14:

Perfect...When you put her in a place of relaxed mind..Even if them talk say you carry woman, she will laugh and continue doing what she is doing...The trust ia on a 100% secured.

Yea, women are super good with handling social media stuffs...Continue doing what you are doing as long as it has maintained peace in your home...

Transparency is a must in marriage.

Thank you my brother

princeeze1:
Only cheaters and women/men with the propensity to cheat would guard password like it’s the egg of life. The argument of it being private does not hold water. What is private about spouses that supposedly have sex and see each other naked? Define that privacy in context anyone please. The purpose of having passwords goes beyond monitoring as most even think. In emergencies, your spouse should be able to access you with ease. As a matter of fact, I use same password with wifey, for both phone and transactions. We can both initiate and access transactions easily, our both finger prints are registered in all devices. What exactly are we hiding that should make our devices turn private. It’s different from snooping, but when you guard it like egg of life, now there is a reason to do a James Bond and snoop. If you are not ready to be fully committed, just spill it instead of hidden under the privacy lie.

You're right, my brother.
To God be the glory, we're 11 years strong!

Magnoliaa:


What's the difference between knowing your partner's password and knowing each others' medical history? Or which of the two deserves more secrecy? You're willing to disclose your genotype, allergies, genetic conditions, weaknesses, body dysmorphias, etc., but the line should be drawn at passwords? Do you not also have them as next-of-kin and emergency contact(s) and share unclothedness?

You nailed it. This is so true. Let people continue to live in deception

Munzy14:

Well said...Even in relationships, my woman knows my password and I know hers..

Not to talk of marriage.

Me that has made it a decision my woman will handle some of my social media pages when I marry...

Some little things we do are what strengthens the peace of mind...And not when I want to go on a business trip, madam will be moody to cross check and sniff if it is business or Baecation...

Exactly bro. Trust and transparency brings peace of mind. Our social media platforms are handled by madam sef. Marriage has its challenges but it should not be things like this. She gives me peace because I haven't given her a reason to doubt my love for her.

Your phone is private property from your spouse or your significant other, but your private parts are not. This generation of people who can't tell the difference between privacy and secrecy. In a healthy marriage or relationship, it takes two transparent people to make it work.
My wife and I have access to each other's phones. Her fingerprint is registered on mine and mine on hers. We don't need to go through eachother's phones...your marriage will thrive in the atmosphere you create.

wwwihy:


https://thenationonlineng.net/uk-suspends-student-work-visa-applications-in-nigeria/

MISLEADING POST. It is the Priority and super priority services that are being suspended.

“UK Visas and Immigration is currently prioritising applications made under the Ukraine Family Scheme, following its launch and in response to the humanitarian crisis arising from the invasion of Ukraine.
“As a result, [b]UKVI has temporarily suspended priority and super-priority services for new study, work, and family applications. [/b]Customers with standard applications in study, work, and family routes may experience some delays in the processing of their application."