I sent another pm.

Fiwasayo:


Bless you dear,not seen your reply,I will really like to talk to you....

Your write up seems to make sense to singles. Not here to contradict but like the engineers say...'Preparing a job in the office and the actual execution of the job are two different views'. Only the married ones can vet this.

Toks2008:
[size=14pt]Malachi 2:16:“For I hate divorce!”says the Lord, the God of Israel.[/size]

"I want a divorce" is a word that tend to be common when it seems one of the two married couple wants to opt out of an affair and it has become a regular lyrics in many homes but the question i tend to ask is this: Is divorce always the solution?

Today i want us to look at 8 lies and propaganda surrounding these words:

[size=13pt]1.Irreconcilable differences[/size]: This is the funniest excuse ever because most of what people complain about have always been there but because they believed he or she will change,they went into the marriage just to get disappointed when the person refuses to change.

As long as you are two different entities,there will always be.Even twins from the same womb has differences.The problem is that when a couple decides to have a deaf and dumb affair,irreconcilable differences will never be reconciled but if you can learn to be very observant even before you say i do,i guess most irreconcilable differences would have been resolved. If you like change spouse a million times,there will always be irreconcilable differences and until you learn the act of tolerance i guess you should just stay clear from marriage.

[size=13pt]2.Infidelity: [/size]I know many people will wonder if there is a lie about this but what you are about to read will shock you/

As a man i really don't see any need to divorce a "repentant" wife who commits the act of adultery especially a woman you love because of what use will it be if you divorce her against all odds and you bring in another woman who might even be worse than her and does it make sense to push a woman you love away into the waiting hands of an irresponsible randy man? Yes Jesus instructs that a man divorces his wife on teh condition of adultery but he also preached about forgiveness.The act of sex is not all there is to marriage so i guess guys should just give the wife another chance and only divorce an unrepentant adulteress.

As a lady i am happy to be the one to tell you that there is no where in the bible that suggests that a wife divorce her husband because of adultery. Yes many bible scholars have accepted that the Bible is not gender specific and wherever "he" is mentioned,it also refers to she but definitely not in this case and i want us to read together right from the start of Jesus speech.

Matthew 19:8

"8He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

[size=13pt]3.Ill luck: [/size] Some men can be so myopic. Yes we know this is a dark continent where crazy spells are casted on some men but most times,men are the architect of their own failure and they readily put the blame on the wife as the one responsible for their bad luck especially when the man seems to be doing so well before meeting the lady. This is indeed a very funny mindset and men should stop this odoriferous act. Even if you marry a witch or ogbanje,love and cherish her and she will use those powers to help you rather than destroy you.

[size=13pt]4.Family troubles: [/size] I have heard of many divorce cases because of this and i kept asking why will a amn or woman use this as an excuse for divorce? In any marriage it is you and your spouse before anything and as long as both of you are good, every other factor remains secondary.

[size=13pt]5.Interference by spiritualists: [/size] Any one who tries to divorce a spouse because one pastor said they are not meant for each other,such person should be sent to evil forest to be eaten by wild animals.Some ladies have fallen prey to many false prophets,imams and pastors in the name of seeking spiritual help where they are told rubbish about their spouse and they just believe like fools. They will suddenly tell you your wife is a witch or your hubby is evil and before you know it,they are done just to remarry and experience real evil marriage.

[size=13pt]6.Childlessness[/size]:This is a very unfortunate one that has destroyed many marriages but the truth is that this is no longer a biggy in today's world but you should rather explore many options available and pray for finance or solicit for funds if needs be so that you can have a successful assisted conception rather than try another partner out of frustration and risking being the father of another man's child or the lady having an embarrassing child outside her marriage.With prayers and decisive steps by you,a child will definitely come in no time.

[size=13pt]7.Finance[/size]:This is one big issue that has destroyed many homes and will destroy even more. Many ladies put money first before true affection and if the money is no more,apparently they have no need staying in the marriage anymore. And some go into marriage with high expectation that the man will make a headway within an expected period of time and as time passes and this expectation is not met,the lady becomes so frustrated and starts to hate the man and start comparing him with his rich mates even when he is so loving and caring. This has made me conclude that the best thing any lady can do to avoid this possible frustration is to love a man in a condition that will not frustrate her in years to come even if the man does not get better and they should also strive to be financially independent but pray for a better situation and not just marry a rich man or a struggling man with a die hard hope that he will make it big in no time.

[size=13pt]8.Domestic violence[/size]:In my world,this is the only logical reason for divorce because i will never advice a lady or a man to stay in a marriage that may send him or her to an untimely death but let us wait a sec and ask this frank question:"Is domestic violence preventable"?in most cases the answer is an emphatic YES. Ladies are more at the receiving end but If every lady can learn to be very very calm and silent during any form of crazy argument by the man,i believe the case of domestic violence will not come up.Some women can make an angel beat them up with their parrot mouth but nevertheless no man should raise his hands to beat a woman except he is a beast that deserves to be in the jungle.

I believe that in most cases when people opt for a divorce,they are actually looking for flimsy excuses to be with a new partner but after a period of time with the new partner, they tend to realize that there will always be a reason to divorce anyone we have in our lives no matter how perfect they seem to be at the begining.

For people who insist on divorce i always wonder that If you can't make your first marriage work then what is the assurance that you will maintain the second one if same problem crops up? Staying married to one partner is not about feelings but a conscious decision we must make.


Hope this epistle makes sense.

Hello @Fiwasayo. Replied your pm. I admire your marriage values. In my case, he can't handle pressure. If we have an issue, he avoids talking about it which becomes frustrating. I'm trying to be patient but he simply is just being unreasonable. It's demoralizing. How can I teach him to respect me and our marriage if we manage to scale through this?

Fiwasayo:
I have been married for 6 years now,and I can't say I've not had the worst of it,but i can say I have learnt so much from being married and living with my husband,i have learnt to be more respectful,tolerant,patient, i decided about two years into my marriage that my marriage is for better and for worse, and i have worked hard,I learnt how important communication is,how important friendship is between spouses, i have also taught my husband to respect me,it is important to respect each other,it is important to know that huge fights and misunderstanding will occur,but when you are prepared for it,when you know that it's a stage that will pass,you become stronger....i have got so many stories to share ....

Amen.

100Cents:


My God and Father in heaven.

iGazelle is a newly wed. You built the institution called marriage. She says she is your daughter and has confessed thee openly. Lord, it is thy desire and ours that what God has joined together, no man should put asunder. Father, standing on your word which says that if we ask with faith, that we shall receive whatever we ask for, Lord we make a demand that you heal her marriage and establish their love permanently in Jesus mighty name.

And the Church of God says Amen.

I considered divorce even though we haven't met the requirement (2years separation). Which is why I'm trying to let us resolve instead.

4C2215131:
Like I keep harping, divorce is the best thing to happen to the institution of marriage. There comes a point in one's marital life where you know it's just over, not working, humpty dumpty can't be put back again never minding what the pastor, president, inlaws, kids, relatives or parents say.

I keep advising folks in troubled unions that have crossed the rubicon. Don't stay in a wedlock that you are done with inside for the sake of society, your parents or the most popular excuse, the kids. You'd be doing everyone a huge favour especially the kids to dissolve the union while there is still time before it escalates to something that all stakeholders would shake their head in regret; the regret of not blessing the divorce sooner.

Happiness is everybody's right, the pursuit of it is something so beautiful and if it means getting out of that union you feel puts you in a straitjacket, don't be afraid to take the bold step. Remember at the end of the day it is YOUR life. Could go on and on but a word they say is enough for the wise.

Yes I am.

100Cents:


Are you a christian ? Please if you are, quote me so that i can pray with you.

Jesus Is Lord !

My husband is the vulnerable type so most times I try to protect him but I think it's doing more harm. He says he wants freedom, he wants to still communicate with his ex, do whatever he wants without reprieve. Frankly it's hurting to hear this because I feel he ought to know his boundaries. I just don't understand.

momoftheyear16:
So sorry for what you are going through. You are already in it so no need for blames. Have you tried discussing/asking him why he really wants to separate? What really is the underling issue. There may have been warning signs prior to this time. You also need to draw closer to God because most times our battles are not physical. Pls upgrade your prayer life and try to find out the underlying cause and work towards it. Sometimes it's wise to play the fool so that long lasting peace will be the reward.

Hello. Just came across this topic and it really relates to me. My marriage is not up to a year and it's about to be seperated due to irreconcilable differences. We were friends for some years before we decided to get married because we thought we knew each other but now i see our personalities and ideologies are totally different. I have compromised for peace but he doesn't. I feel so so lonely and pained but still trying to resolve this but he doesn't want to be reasonable. I don't want to bring the family into it because I don't want it to be a routine. Pls I need sincere advice because I feel.so vulnerable. The details are so long I don't know where to begin. Just confused.