pcguru1:


He closed it I read it on reddit what a shame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNuF33Nj7qQ

Some of the relationship videos that they did are still on there. It hurt my heart to watch them, especially cos he seemed more into her and she seemed rather distant from him. Maybe I was just reading too much into their body language knowing what happened. Mehn, I feel sorry for the guy sha...he seems nice. It's too bad that so many couples seem to be mismatched. You'll either have a good guy with a hoe or a good girl with a fboy...too bad.

mikejegede:
OK...am really pissed with people talking ish abt edo people..wtf self...so because she got her self a good guy to settle down with now,she's a hoe...
for me sha,if ur boyfriend or girlfriend is not from edo(BENIN)..U r still single..

So you're saying you don't believe in cross cultural marriages or that they're not valid?

I remember seeing this on ig...really lovely. They used #rhodestobenin as their ig tag...the guy is Nick Rhodes and the girl is Capt. Hosa's daughter Adesuwa. Money is definitely good...even had governors in attendance. Looks like they had a lot of fun. I enjoy seeing cross cultural weddings.

Thanks @ sisisioge .....any one know about in Edo specifically Etsako. Maybe do registry and a small reception afterwards, but at least have d bride price paid if at all there is no ceremony. Would that be so unusual?

NLs,
If you are planning to get married can you pay the bride price without all the attendant rites and ceremony of the traditional wedding to cut costs? Would it still be valid? Would someone be able to pay the bride price and do a registry wedding?

It does look a little somehow...maybe people from different regions make it differently but I was taught to make it with tomato, red onion and red peppers blended...let that simmer; add palm oil, seasonings (all the ones you listed plus thyme and curry), and then the rest was pretty much the same. My MIL sent me shoki seeds which we grew and I use that instead of spinach - which is too soft or doesn't really have bite to it. But you tried...the eba looks a little too soft. But the most important thing is that your guy enjoyed it. A good resource is youtube. You can find a ton of naija recipes with step by step help. Good luck!

BlackGirlLost:


He is VERY Nigerian.

I am trying to learn the ropes here.

I may have overlooked this bit of info in all the posts, but how long have you been dating? Is this still a pretty new relationship? Introductions to immediate family members are pretty serious things, particularly for "very Nigerian" men. It's not done casually from what I've observed.

modelmike7:
...... Lol!! What an interesting relationship you have!!! Wishing you all the very best in your relationship............... Glad you have some suprises waiting for him @ home. Oh, Mide is his name? So direct translation of your name is Mide's wife, but in straight actual yoruba translation, it means 'my wife has come'! Whichever way, you belong to him!!!!!!!!! You always welcome!

Awww. that's sweet...I knew that it meant Mide's wife - - which is why I chose it for my user name, but I did not think about the full connotation of the phrase in direct translation...that makes it more special Yep, I belong to him 100% for almost four years now and it has been an interesting and fun journey lol! Thanks for the best wishes and for the help!

modelmike7:
I hope you are doing good, just as i am today? My main purpose of writing this is just to let you know that I LOVE YOU 0. Hope you are in good health O? See you soon O. You and i O. Your dearest love................... Happy Love Life! Hope you atleast know the translation of your moniker?!

Haha , yes I know the meaning of my name. My hubby, Mide, is Yoruba and I've been trying to learn it. Even though I have some basics he likes to sometimes throw at me what he knows I wouldn't yet know...just to stretch my learning a bit. So I wanted to surprise him by knowing the meaning of this before he came home from work. I knew some of the words/phrases like mo nife re, Temi, but not the rest...Google translate was no help either. Thanks again

Se alafia lo wa o. Gege bi emi na se wa loni yio. Pataki oro mi si e ni wipe mo nife re o. Se ara ya o? Ma ri e laipe o. Temi tire o. Ololufere Owon.

Thank you guys so much!!!

SewaGRITS: Tonight's dinner for the hubby...he's growing ewedu (as well as tete, okra, and corn) in our backyard garden. Mumsy sent the seeds over for him. So here's me trying my best to make fresh ewedu, gbegiri (shelling the beans - - not fun for an OCD person like me; have to pick each and every single hull I find; needless to say it takes me forever which is why I love it when I find them already peeled), and chicken stew :-)

You are really trying for your man. It's cool you have a garden with his food. I might try that for my guy.

MRbrownJAY:

double nonsense!!!!!
although we all know that you shouldnt become a maga, there are some women out there who deserve a gift once in a while (just like men do), and when YOU decide that your lady deserves a gift, then offer it to her (remember: a gift could be something as small as a pack of gum)

ps if a gal DEMANDS for stuff then these are not gifts, they are ransom!

And as gifts you don't collect them (unless they freely return them)just because they disappointed you or broke your heart. You move on with grace and maturity and learn to be more judicious in the future. I paid my boyfriend's tuition one semester because he was in a bind. He later cheated on me and we broke up. Do I give him a demand of reimbursement for that semester? No, it was a gift. Have I learned to be a little more cautious in the future? Definitely! Will I give my boyfriends gift in the future? Most likely if I feel so moved. It's not that I'm a fool, but a gift is an expression of the care I have for a person at the time; not a reflection of their faithfulness to me.

And the award for best dramedy goes to....drum roll...how pathetic! I'm not saying that his ex wives share no part of the blame...I'm sure they are not perfect angels but his sob story is so one sided. Cry me a river and let me drown in it this story is so **ugh**. The bottom line is you live your life right - - just do it right. Don't take short cuts, don't try to sneak around. What you can't do in the light of day just DON'T do. If you truly loved this Uloma, you would have been honest and made sure you were free from entanglements before putting her in a position where she is vilified. All this they made me do it. Man up and stop living foul. Let stop before I get high bp...it's not my life. Lemme go and enjoy my chicken and waffles!

OP, To me you may want to consider taking the job in order to save money and be less dependent on your relations. If you have already been accepted by the school you can defer admission and come at a later date with your own money in your pocket. My reasoning is that experience is valuable. Also self reliance is a must. You don't want to be so dependent on your uncle and what happens if they can't follow thru. You are left jobless and without a means to continue your schooling. I lnow someone who's uncle promised to send him to school, but when my friend came over there was a lot of stone walling and procrastination. They could not give him the money because of their own debt and financial problems. You sound like an intelligent man who has a good head on your shoulders. So I'm sure whatever choice you make you will find success. My main advice would be to never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on others.

drealnamdy:

See dis retarded bad adviser ...I gues u hav to re read what d op jst wrote..of all d constant downsize in d bankin sector..I can't believe dat pple re stl fightin to get in without job security..my brother u can go ahead wth ur Msc abroad after which u can secure several jobs over and be workin doing ur programme...Dis iz d University of Florida in d United state for cryin out loud.....and u re contemplating of droppin dat opportunity for som bank Job?? C'mon!!

It is not the "University of Florida" which is an amazing school, and if he got admission to it he would be crazy to pass up. He got an admission to a smaller school in Tampa. It is still a good school, but it is not "the University of Florida" which is in Gainesville, Fl and one of the best schools in the US.

Thank you once again

Mods,
I'm not sure if this is the right process, but can you please close the thread:

"Can you take this as a man" by olamide1

It is in the Family section. The matter has been resolved and no further posts are needed or desired. Thank you

Thanks Jidegirl and all others,
I think we can close this thread. For my husband it was not a matter of "airing our dirty laundry" but rather to get an anonymous and unbiased opinion. We were both at an impasse about the situation and he needed another perspective. Instead of going to ppl we know who may then have negative impressions about one or the other of us that could affect our marriage down the road, he sought advice from ppl we don't know and who have no stake in our relationship.
I didn't mean it to hurt him and I thought it would be no big deal. It will never happen again.
Thank you and have a blessed day!

I am the iyawo in question. I'd like to provide the clarification to some points that some of you made.
@Ome: I slept in a room with two other moms. They could vouch that I was there all night. Plus DH and I spoke on the phone several times that night too. I am not from Naija. I am an American. Even so I would say that I am probably "difficult to tame" as I am a person with her own opinions and not a domesticated animal. However, I have always been true to my marriage vows and to him.
@Ify: The point of us being at the hotel is that it was the venue for the party. The theme was a hotel sleepover party. So there is no point in having the Ex at the party. He needed to watch our son who could not stay at a hotel with 10 young girls. Also, the Ex was coming anyway because (DH neglected to include) he was supposed to take our daughter to a daddy-daughter dance the next night anyway. So he came up the night before (he live 3.5 hours away) to wish her happy birthday and stay with our son while I am at the hotel with all the girls and a couple of other moms. After the party was over the next day he took DD to the dance and drove back to his home.
@Jidegirl: You took the words right out of my mouth..."Who thinks that way?!"

There are plenty of ppl to verify that I stayed at the hotel from our daughter to the other moms. Also my Ex had no access to our bedroom or matrimonial bed. From what our son said, he stayed on the couch but at some point went to our daughter's room. He is a very involved father and often visits his children. But he does not treat my home like his. He is only ever in the living room, the children's room, or sometimes the bathroom. He doesn't eat our food. I don't cook for him. In fact he usually takes the kids out to eat by themselves. I don't accompany them as I see it as their time with him. He and I have a cordial relationship and do whatever to make sure the kids have whatever they need.
This situation was simply a matter of the most convenient solution to a logistical problem. Instead of it being no big deal I get abuses rained on my head. I am called "a betrayer", taunted about "having a boyfriend", told he would never buy a house with me because I would have all sorts of men sleeping there, and other hurtful and shocking things. It was really too much, too childish, and not what a loving husband should say to his supposed sweetheart!