If you will like to relocate to South Africa either temporarily or permanently. You can make lots of money here and there are lots of opportunities but you must have at least a skill. Here is a step by step guide to get started

-1- Get your international passport; you are not good to go until you have it! This is the starting point.

-2-At least a month visiting visa will do the job. Travel agents fee starts from 120,000 Nigerian naira (everything inclusive and depending on visa type), visa processing takes only two weeks. Business/study/work visas take more time and money.

-3- If you are below 30 years of age, you may be contacted by the consular where your visa application was submitted to pay a repatriation fee (N110, 000), just before granting of Visa. However, if you are above this age (well, am not as old, am fairly new!) this fee may not be necessary. This fee, if paid is refundable within a few business days (before visa expiration) as soon as you are back to Nigeria (Of course that’s if you intend coming back anytime soon!)

-4- Congratulations on your visa! Next, book a flight (price ranges = N85,000 – N120,000 (return ticket/person) it varies) and approach the next airport (if any in your village, good! But I took a flight from Lagos, Nigeria and its called ARIK because it sounds very cheap!).

-5- Prepare your BTA (Basic travelling Allowance); it ranges between five hundred to a thousand dollars. You will also need to reserve a Hotel (at least for the sake of documentation) if you are on a visiting visa.

-6- Beware of corruption at the Lagos airport! (am still gonna write a petition on them). DO NOT change all your money to dollars! Reserve some naira notes with you because you will need to “shake hands” with almost all the airport officials (from custom officials, immigration, NDLEA, to almost every fool wearing a uniform at the airport) even if you are a VIP and all your documents are “ultra” complete.

-7- Come on board! Note that no powdery substances are allowed on this flight ( Elubo, ata gigun, ata gbigbe, you had better keep it in your pants,…else…lol)

-8- Welcome to jo’burg! If you are lucky to arrange for someone to pick you up at the airport prior to your arrival, then you are very lucky! Life starts from there. If not, get a taxi and enter the street. Airport pickups is just 350 ZAR if within Johannesburg. Contact me if you need me to assist pick you up from the airport and get you settled into your hotel room.

-9- Basically, you don’t necessarily need to know a body here before coming to South Africa. There are “Omo Naija” on every street and every corner! Infact, their head full everywhere. But be careful, they can make you use your return ticket before you really wanna do!

-10- Accommodation is bit expensive here! It’s no joke at all. And NOBODY will accommodate you (am sorry) because occupants in each flat are well monitored by the authorities, limits must not be exceeded. Infact, an average South African work majorly to pay their rent! Food and clothing are minors. Infact, food is everywhere and very cheap! Therefore, try and get a small hotel to lodge for a couple of your first 2/3/few days (Price starts from150 ZAR) before getting to figure out renting an Accommodation. A room apartment downtown generally starts from ranges from 45,000 naira equivalents per month! For my upmarket apartment in Sandton, I pay 180,000 naira equivalent per month (Utility exclusive...You sef shout…lol). But the good news, no crime in sharing!

-11- Get a job, start a business with your little money left (if any) or start hustling. But am sorry there are no jobs here!...na security jobs full everywhere (in the cold winter). If you are a graphic artist/computer guru like me, you can start talking to other colleagues/companies for free lance jobs and start a life from there. If you are a beautician/stylist (very good you are on your way to gold) you can thrive very well here because Nigerians run most beauty salons here! For other disciplines, If you are so proud of your certificate, then am sorry its of no use here! Certificates from Nigerian institutions are nothing to write home about, NO company is gonna give you a job with that “pali”, infact, forget it! You will need to do at least a diploma or certificate short course to compliment what you have before you can get a very good paying job (companies pay very good money here!). However, you will need a work permit to this effect. Work permits ranges from 7,000 Rands – 12,000 Rands (N140, 000 – N240, 000) depending on how genuine...lol. South Africa in a man-eat-man dog-eat-dog kindda place and you are solely on your own. LIFE start afresh for you On Your Own, keep fit!

-12- Here is the golden rule; never stay outta status! Your documents must always be valid! Police, cameras, CCTV are everywhere and on every street! If you are on a visiting visa, you will need to either convert your status to get a WORK PERMIT, BUSINESS PERMIT, STUDY PERMIT or get a LIFE….partner (you know whattamean, southy ladies are always ready for sex and marriage!). If you are still single and fresh from the oven (like me…lol), then you will “sell” fast here, southy ladies will be all over you! Anyways, just marry one and get a LIFE! (it’s always a contract). However, if you are not fast on your decision, then you will need to keep extending your stay till you are able to make up your mind and of course, additional costs...else get an asylum!

-13- From a bit of research, it takes an average of 3 years to settle down here (i.e get a good job, home and other stuffs we all run after in life. However this can be faster if you have your magic wand with you – money!...and if not, Goodluck is not enough!) and find your feet! After this, you can now go back home to bring down your family if any.

-14- South Africa is a beautiful country – most developed part of Africa, four seasons, quality life style, all things WHITE, BLACK or COLORED, beautiful city life, skyscrapers everywhere, beautiful ladies/women (if you do run after booties), sex right on the street (if you are into that trade), no generators, no DEMON called NEPA (lol), water running outta “healthy” pipes, life is beautiful, quality education, standard of living very o.k, make your money fast if you still have your brain with you, Life expectancy very high, Crime rate = High!(of course like Nigeria, but I mean crime not corruption or a combination of both!), Boko Haram = Zero!, Ebola = None, plane crash = not yet!, church collapsing = Not applicable... every other thing still very intact!

-15- In summary, this is what should be in your account before you think of coming here, if not don’t bother to come because you may be here to suffer. International Passport= 15k-20k, Visa Processing =60k-80k, repatriation fee (if applicable) = 110k, Flight Ticket = 95k-105k , BTA = 150k, Accommodation (at least 3 months) = 75k, Work permit = 140k-240k, other Savings = 100k.
Good luck!...em,sorry All the best.

-

This is a detail email, a step by step guide, on procedures to follow if you will like to relocate to South Africa either temporarily or permanently. If you are a graphic artist (of course like me!) you can make lots of money here, unlike every other parts of Africa, there are opportunities everywhere here! But just like any other business, you have gotta have a startup capital and at least a skill.

-1- Get your international passport; you are not good to go until you have it! This is the starting point.

-2- Get a reliable travel agent (contact me for referrals) to prepare your travel documents. At least a month visiting visa will do the job. Travel agents fee ranges from 60,000 – 80,000 Nigerian naira, visa processing takes only two weeks. Business/study visas take more time and money (of course you don’t need that)

-3- If you are below 30 years of age, you may be contacted by the consular where your visa application was submitted to pay a repatriation fee (N110, 000), just before granting of Visa. However, if you are above this age (well, am not as old, am fairly new!) this fee may not be necessary. This fee, if paid is refundable within a few business days (before visa expiration) as soon as you are back to Nigeria (Of course that’s if you are coming back!)

-4- Congratulations on your visa! Next, book a flight (price ranges = N85,000 – N120,000 (return ticket/person) it varies) and approach the next airport (if any in your village, good! But I took a flight from Lagos, Nigeria and its called ARIK because it sounds very cheap!).

-5- Prepare your BTA (Basic travelling Allowance); it ranges between five hundred to a thousand dollars. You will also need to reserve a Hotel (at least for the sake of documentation) if you are on a visiting visa.

-6- Beware of corruption at the Lagos airport! (am still gonna write a petition on them). DO NOT change all your money to dollars! Reserve some naira notes with you because you will need to “shake hands” with almost all the airport officials (from custom officials, immigration, NDLEA, to almost every fool wearing a uniform at the airport) even if you are a VIP and all your documents are “ultra” complete.

-7- Come on board! Note that no powdery substances are allowed on this flight ( Elubo, ata gigun, ata gbigbe, you had better keep it in your pants,…else…)

-8- Welcome to jo’burg! If you are lucky to arrange for someone to pick you up at the airport prior to your arrival, then you are very lucky! Life starts from there. If not, get a taxi and enter the street.

-9- Basically, you don’t necessarily need to know a body here before coming to South Africa. There are “Omo Naija” on every street and every corner! Infact, their head full everywhere. But be careful, they can make you use your return ticket before you really wanna do!

-10- Accommodation is very expensive here! It’s no joke at all. And NOBODY will accommodate you (am sorry) because occupants in each flat are well monitored by the authorities, limits must not be exceeded. Infact, an average South African work majorly to pay their rent! Food and clothing are minors. Infact, food is everywhere and very cheap! Therefore, try and get a small hotel to lodge for a couple of your first 2/3/few days (Price ranges between 120-150 S/A Rands) before getting to figure out renting an Accommodation. An apartment ranges from 45,000 – 250,000 naira equivalents per month! (You sef shout…lol). But the good news, no crime in sharing!

-11- Get a job, start a business with your little money left (if any) or start hustling. But am sorry there are no jobs here!...na security jobs full everywhere (in the cold winter). If you are a graphic artist like me, you can start talking to other colleagues/companies for free lance jobs and start a life from there. If you are a beautician/stylist (very good you are on your way to gold) you can thrive very well here because Nigerians run most beauty salons here! For other disciplines, If you are so proud of your certificate, then am sorry its of no use here! Certificates from Nigerian institutions are nothing to write home about, NO company is gonna give you a job with that “pali”, infact, forget it! You will need to do at least a diploma or certificate short course to compliment what you have before you can get a very good paying job (companies pay very good money here!). However, you will need a work permit to this effect. Work permits ranges from 7,000 Rands – 12,000 Rands (N140, 000 – N240, 000) depending on how genuine. South Africa in a man-eat-man dog-eat-dog kindda place and you are solely on your own. NOBODY borrows out money, not even a cent, nobody is ready to help, everybody is hustling and minding their business. LIFE start afresh for you On Your Own, keep fit!

-12- Here is the golden rule; never stay outta status! Your documents must always be valid! Police, cameras, CCTV are everywhere and on every street! If you are on a visiting visa, you will need to either convert your status to get a WORK PERMIT, BUSINESS PERMIT, STUDY PERMIT or get a LIFE….partner (you know whattamean, southy ladies are always ready for sex and marriage!). If you are still single and fresh from the oven (like me…lol), then you will “sell” fast here, southy ladies will be all over you! Anyways, just marry one and get a LIFE! (it’s always a contract). However, if you are not fast on your decision, then you will need to keep extending your stay till you are able to make up your mind and of course, more money from ya pocket.

-13- From a bit of research, it takes an average of 3 years to settle down here (i.e get a good job, home and other stuffs we all run after in life. However this can be faster if you have your magic wand with you – money!...and if not, Goodluck is not enough!) and find your feet! After this, you can now go back home to bring down your family if any.

-14- South Africa is a beautiful country – most developed part of Africa, four seasons, quality life style, all things WHITE or BLACK, beautiful city life, skyscrapers everywhere, beautiful ladies/women (if you do run after booties), sex right on the street (if you are into that trade), no generators, no DEMON called NEPA (lol), water running outta “healthy” pipes, life is beautiful, quality education, standard of living very o.k, make your money fast if you still have your head with you, Life expectancy very high, Crime rate = High!(of course like Nigeria, but I mean crime not corruption or a combination of both!), Boko Haram = Zero!, plane crash = not yet!, every other thing still very intact!

-15- In summary, this is what should be in your account before you think of coming here, if not don’t bother to come because you may be here to suffer. International Passport= 15k-20k, Visa Processing =60k-80k, repatriation fee (if applicable) = 110k, Flight Ticket = 95k-105k , BTA = 150k, Accommodation (at least 3 months) = 75k, Work permit = 140k-240k, other Savings = 100k.
Good luck!...em,sorry All the best.

-

An African in-flight tourist magazine urgently needs creative writers/contributors for the next edition of her magazine.
The magazine is directed to showcase the aspirations, successes and concerns of Africans, Africans in the Diaspora, with a strong interest in the continent's cultural heritage, unique tourist attractions, business, revolution in trends fashion and technology to millions of tourist and business people visiting Africa.

Interested writers and contributors should send across a sample article on any of the following subjects:
- Adventures and Destinations (African Context)
- Life & Style (Beauty & Fashion, Sex & Romance, African food recipes, Culture & Existence, Exotic Machines)
- Feature Articles (Investigation, Special Reports, African Icons, Exclusive Interviews)
- Business Articles ,Travel/Tourist tips/Articles, Politics
- Entertainment

Interested writers/contributors should also send a detailed resume to writers@creativemagicgroup.com or ashlormaddeh@creativemagicgroup.com using your selected topic as the subject of your email.

Kindly include a valid contact details on your documents. Renumeration is world class standard and paid in USD. Only creatively outstanding articles will be considered. For more details, please visit www.nomadquarterly.com.

A fast growing magazine seeks seasoned and experienced Advertising Sales executives in Nigeria and Ghana. A very attractive performance based package awaits successful candidate. Knowledge of the aviation and hospitality industry will be an added advantage. Remuneration is in US Dollars. Interested persons should forward their detailed curriculum vitae (cv/resume) to contactnewyork@creativemagicgroup.com or johntosinoluwatosin@gmail.com. Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted.

yw

A fast selling African magazine urgently wants contributors / writers for the next edition of their magazine.

The magazine promotes Africa culture and writers are needed to write on any of the following:

Fashion
Beauty and Lifestyle
Entertainment
Politics
Tourism & Hotel
Relationship and Romance
Interviews & Cover Stories
Etc

Interested contributors should send a sample article in MS word format to any of the following e-mail address: magic.studios@yahoo.com, johntosinoluwatosin@gmail.com. Use selected topic as the subject of your e-mail.
(Kindly include your contact details on your mail. Only outstanding articles will be given consideration and contacted)

Over the past few weeks, we have been promoting and creating awareness to corporate companies on the above yearly promo.

This promo serves as our contribution towards promoting our various new and existing clients. Each year several companies like yours benefits from this annual Calendar/Almanac Promo. This year, we want you to be a beneficiary that is the sole reason we are bringing it right to your doorstep.

Under this arrangement, CreativeMagic Limited will design your 2011 Calendar/Product Almanac, season greeting cards and other end of the year souvenirs for your company and/or your various products according to your specifications FREE OF CHARGE (Zero Naira Design Fee with ‘No Strings Attached’). Since we are calendar design experts, we have the specific design skills to give you a stunning, creative and eye-catching design thereby bringing your calendar project to life. Below are some of the features included in this promotion:

· Unlimited unique design options to choose the final design
· We don't stop until you are totally satisfied
· Fast service, but no compromise in quality
· We work to your specifications
· First proofs within 7 working days
· Free quote for execution of approved design
· No hidden charges

For further details on this promotion, please call Mr John on the following numbers 08036275024 or 07041088377. However if you still require further clarifications or inquiries, please feel free to contact us on e-mail:magic.studios@yahoo.com

Thanks so much as we await your response to this golden offer and look forward to a mutually beneficial business transaction with you.

Only in Nigeria you see lazy people who fail in their career run to do music,

lagerwhenindoubt:

Which is worse, using the lord's name in vain (no monetary benefit) or using it to make profit for yourself (without paying TAx tithe) 

Shuuu! ah beg help me ask am o, people too like to dey play holy. Just praise the lord in your own way naa,

Here are new ones from Today's Daily Tonic:

Jehovah El Jamisi (d one who informs me of every plan of d enemies).

jagunlabi:

Son of jehovah, i just wonder if there is anything that you can actually do for yourself.

One more name, though;
- Jehovah El Babysitter(the one who cleans your a.s.s every single time you make a mess)

@jagunlabi, Yess naa. My Jehovah does everything for me.

New names of Jehovah(please be free to add yours)

Here are mine

-Jehovah El Swarhgarrh (the one who protects my Jahcuzzi),
- Jehovah El Papparrazzi (the one who paparizes all my enemies),
-Jehovah El Karzzi rahzzi (the one who keeps me going) .
-Jehovah Zagaza (the one who zags my enemies),
- Jehovah El Bazooka (d one who destroys all plans of my enemies),
- Jehovah El Makanaki (d one who turns around all things 4 my good),
-Jehovah El Effizy (d one who is latest, current and sophisticated. His handiworks are more awesome than a thousand Tommy Hilfiger and Versace),
-Jehovah El Paraga (d one who strengthens my bones),
- Jehovah Oshiomhole (d one who fights 4 my rights)
- Jehovah Maga (d one who paid 4 my sins),
-Jehovah bluetooth (d one who connects me with blessings),
;DJehovah caterpillar (d one who makes ways for me) , Thank Him in your own way!,

Hi nairaland,

Pls i need to know when unilag second list coming out cos my agre. is 52 (Accounting) but the merit list is out and my name was not among.

Any hope 4 me for the second list cos am so worried.

Pls any info.

johntosin2@yahoo.com

pls who av information about the change of course form?

@stella, checked your profile-age 19,good,u need it ,, pls keep it up.

and for those of use who av lost our viginity since pry 6,lets strive towards purity,

i always wish am a virgin, but,

exactly!

His head is just an empty container with no brain.

infact, some people are big fools!, just look at what rave2u posted, in a serious matter like this, enh?!

Am 25 years old, i need a working class lady between age range 20-24 for a relationship. I work with an oil firm in victoria island here in lagos and am ready to settle down-get married and have kids.
You can contact me johntosin2@yahoo.com or 08054007515 (txt msg only pls) for details of my profile and an arrangement to meet. Thanks.

, I wonder o, bunch of hyprocrites.  I av ringed it loud and clear to the ears of my girlfriend,the day she stops wearing trousers is the day she s gonna see me last.