Let me see... my thought is ESRD (End stage renal disease)

steph7: What sort of excuse would these accused men give. The first time an ex bf slaPped , the thing hit my surprise oh! Cos we were laughing and gisting, when I asked him why he did that , he said he felt like hitting something. I ignored it. Next time it was beating, what was my crime then sef, I went to ask him for money I lent him . The most annoying situation is when people refuse to believe you or believe you should stay and suffer, living every moment in fear.

This is a typical case of an abusive man. There is no other side to the story. He abuses because he wants to and he can. All abusive men both physical and verbal need psychiatric evaluation.

I have read several comments and can clearly see how ignorant some people are. Abusive men have deep seated problems, its more psychological than anything else. Their back ground also doesn't help matters.Now who are the people talking about the other side of the story. 90% of domestic abuse is not as a result of a rude , disobedient or nagging wife. It usually stems from the man needing to control something and that is his wife. If you notice most of these abusive men are charming, gentle and very attractive.
Please read about Drew Peterson, study these men that abuse or kill there wives and you will know that there is no need to hear THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY.

@poster is she always nagging? what is she nagging about? If you can answer that question and better still change the things that she keeps complaining about then you would'nt have to come to nairaland to share this. I'm in a relationship where I tell my fiance something over and over again and its like he either isnt listening or he simply has memory problems. What do I do? struggle, suffer and manage to cope ? Doing these three things will affect my relationship as i will be totally indifferent to anything he does and of cause there will be no more "nagging". Some men will say, there is a way you should or could talk to him and he will listen. Well, I have tried every known method. He loves to have his way. So NO man should come out complaining about nagging if he cannot change. Some of these things woman complain about is eating into them deep, it is getting them depressed!
Men think again before using the word naggging.

bukatyne: i m really enjoyin this topic and i agree wit sexrevives and Thoniaslim's points amongst others. i ve come to realize wit revelation that wat is obtainable in most Nigerian homes is not submission, it's servitude or wat a popular pastor calls 'glorified slavery'. A typical nigerian marriage only fulfills 1 out of d 3 reasons for marriage: companionship, prevention against adultery and child bearing and we all know d one they fulfill. initially, when i saw ...'wives submit to ur husbands...', i thought God was been sexist. However, on further study, i realized that the love God expects from men is much more indepth than even d submission of women. God compared His love for isreal to the love a husband has for his wife. i read 1Cor 13:1-8 and i realized that when a man loves genuinely, he lays it all for d woman. he believes d best of her. he can do anything to make her happy. she is his world and everything! King Solomon even said in Proverbs that 4 things amaze him and d last is 'how a man loves a woman'. when d man loves his wife, he esteems her above himself. he considers her first in all his decisions. when that loved woman submits, she esteems her husband above himself and considers him first so there is a balance. some people wonder y d man must love first; d man finds d woman and is d head (the source/building block of that family). a loved woman will do everything in her power to please her husband. she ll think of cooking his best meal, looking good for him, dressing him up to be outstanding, encourage him, believes in him and trusts him. when her husband brings suggestions/ideas, b'cos she knows that he loves her and has considered her before making that suggestion, she readily supports him and stand by him. a loved woman that doesn't submit has a problem and a husband that is expecting his wife to submit witout loving her unconditionally has a problem and is looking for a glorified slave. have a splendid day

the most sensible comment!!!

Thanks everyone. @mynd 44, your advice is one I always tell ladies. I don't believe in sticking around a guy who is abusive physically and emotionally. The emotional abuse occurred last year and it is the reason I didn't get married then. I saw he was sober and had seemingly changed. Now its another problem I cant deal with, cheating.

Thanks a lot, your comments have really helped. He has apologised severally and seems sincere. Like bobonkiti101 and emooo have said, prayer is the best thing to do in this situation.

I hate to generalize but I find myself stereotyping cos of the hurt I have been through. I have known this guy for almost 10 years. We started a serious relationship beginning of 2008 and he left the country at the end of that very year. We found our selves in a long distance relationship, something I hated and had told him before he traveled. In 2010 we got engaged and later that year we did our introduction. The distance continued and I also had to leave the country. Now that he was my fiance, things were worse between us.Last year, he insulted and abused me emotionally. He kept accusing me of cheating. One day he wanted to show that he cared and was not really abusing me, so he sent a chat between him and his friend. Unfortunately for him, he copied and pasted the wrong part of the chat as the cat he sent revealed that he was cheating on me with women. He begged and begged and i didnt listen. Not because he cheated but because he was cheating and was also abusive. Please anyone reading his should take note, any man or woman who keeps accusing you of cheating without any proof is actually cheating. Its what they call projecting in psychiatry.
Well, 2012 came and I stupidly forgave him. he promised never to insult me again and he was true to his promise. He also added that he had broken off with the girl. Just yesterday a lady got in touch with and revealed that this my fiance has been dating her since 2008. I always sensed it but this guy kept lying for four straight years. He is manipulative and smooth. Besides the cheating, he has put me through hell.
Now the problem is I can never forgive him but we are planning our wedding. We are supposed to go for counselling next week. I know I have to cancel the marriage counselling but what next. I loved him at some point and I wasted my life with him as i am not young. I have heard stories like this before but I never knew this evil man can be like that. He has also wasted the time of the girl he was cheating on me with as she isnt young too.
How can he get punished, how do I announce to the family what this man has done. am confused and disappointed. please help.

Good points with soaking garri are, Garri water is good for diarrhea and garri itself can ease constipation. It is also important to avoid taking garri that ia not well dried as it can contain some amount of cyanide. This is one of the numerous causes of goitre.

ohnana: Dispelling myths about preeclampsia. Nobody knows w it happens ut If you ave it a first time it puts you at risk for having it a second time. The only treatment for preeclampsia is delivering d baby. If you actually have a seizure then that is eclampsia and d baby needs to come out ASAP. Most hospitals give magnesium to control d blood pressure. Ad hold on for as long as possible but ultimately d baby needs to come out

I think magnesium is used to treat the seizures seen in eclampsia and hydrallazine is the preferred medication for pre eclampsia. There are certain risk factors for pre eclampsia and eclampsia but the real aetiology is unknown.

Really sad story, i'm sorry for your loss. women who may be predisposed to it should watch out.If the woman's mother has had pre eclampsia she may have it. Girls below the age of 19 and women over 35 years of age. Multiparous women(women who have had more than one child, multiple gestation( women pregnant with twins or triplets), women who have had a child for another man. These are a few risk factors. Most importantly women should take the ante natal care seriously.

How old is your wife? Did her mother have a similar experience during child delivery?

I was involved in a long distance relationship of about 3years,. We are both in different continents. Even though my ex always said the long distance relationship is what causes the strain between us, I always begged to differ. About 2years back he suddenly developed a bad habit of verbally abusing me. He blamed me for the distance because i cant return his visit. Before the long dist relationship ever started, I asked if it would work, I asked if he would visit and I told him I may not be able to visit till we are properly married. He encouraged me and said it will work.
He has forgotten all of his promises and when he gets stressed he reigns ugly abuses on me, insults that keep me miserable and depressed for months and then after a while he apologises. Then he does it again weeks later. So my take on long distance is, it depends on the individuals involved. Some times long distance relationship isnt actually the problem. It may be a cheating partner, an abusive partner, a partner that fails to communicate etc. Its the people in the relationship that break or make it!

Does anyone have statistics on the number oflong distance relationsips that have actually worked.

i think it depends on the individuals involved.breakups sometimes happen due to immaturity or family influence and if u can overcome these obstacles why not?besides i have seen relationships that really worked the second time.if u think d guy is cooll then i'll advice that u date him who knows, he could just be THE 1.