momentarylapse:



That's not true....click on edit profile and when the page loads just scroll down and click on deactivate! Their is no link!


Unless you are now afraid to deactivate and you were just blabbing? I will monitor this your username for future reference! Next time don't write a check with your hands that your ass can't cash!

I don't have any qualms with you. This is the link it sent to my mail. I clicked it yet, my account has not been deactivated. The link........https://www.nairaland.com/deactivate_account?code=ZO2SRYlhrtgADH8i0tN1nfDE6G8lE72DmGgTuHCA

momentarylapse:



That's not true....click on edit profile and when the page loads just scroll down and click on deactivate! Their is no link!


Unless you are now afraid to deactivate and you were just blabbing? I will monitor this your username for future reference! Next time don't write a check with your hands that your ass can't cash!

it says a link should be sent to you after clicking that instruction. I went to my email to confirm that a link had been sent. I saw the link, clicked it and the next instructions went this way: type username and password to log in and the next was on resetting my password.

Please, I've tried following the link to deactivate my account to no avail. Someone help please.

I just confirmed what many have been saying. Something I didn't know before now and immediately I finish typing this, I will deactivate my account. I never knew one had to accent to such a rule before commenting on an Islamic thread on Nairaland. Believe it or not, SEUN or whatever the owners name is, this is as bigoted as any thing can be. I can never be part of this anymore. How on earth did I miss this? Thanks for the time on your forum. God bless. It is necessary for a christian to boycott this forum. That's my take. Such a 'vitriolic religion'.

Very unfortunate. Civilians who are supposed to be ululating them have abandoned them. N.A, please review your rules of engagement. Whenever hostility is recorded against the military of western countries, it is always against those countries where they are resolving conflicts, not in their own states. Their stu....pidity of the army is already affecting this country. The country can't easily buy arms to fight insurgency and militancy from nations like the U.S. BTW, I don't hear these type of stories from Ghana( just saying). Today, I actually read in the news that the Ghanaian police arrested about 20 plus guys for beating( not even killing) a lady who stole from someone. This is not common place in Nigeria. Tomorrow, some uninformed people will start making excuses like the number of police officers isn't enough. How many of these miscreants have they arrested before now? It all boils down to the very same corruption Mr. president says he is fighting. I hope it all goes well for him and Nigeria.

Outofsync:
They should bring this to all biochemistry and mathematics Lecturers in all federal Universities

Those guys are fucking sadists

ha!ha!ha! enzymes don suffer for them hand shebi?

wao! some are already spewing trash as if they don't know Nigerian soldiers. Whether the story is true or not, I am 100% sure these guys can do even far worse than this. What concerns soldiers and civil law enforcement when the police is available? What are they doing in our streets especially the south east and the south west where we only hear of isolated cases of violence? I know this had been happening even when Jonathan was there, but isn't it necessary for the government and the military to review its modus operandi in these relatively calm regions. Tomorrow some peeps will still come out to say that international reports of human right abuses in Nigeria are false. We will all remain in this stupid mess until we all decide to change it. How many people here can confidently say they've never seen soldiers manhandling people? We see it in different proportions every day. People fear these 'things' like God. Why will I condole with them when I don't even see what they are doing as a sacrifice? I wonder what would have happened if fire arm possession rights and standards were relaxed as is obtainable in the U.S. I have seen and experienced military and paramilitary brutality in Nigeria. There rules of engagement are just as archaic as there training. Let the government do something about this anomaly. It is time to take these people out of the streets here in the south. Let them go to the creeks and forests to fight militants and terrorists, not unarmed people. Why be the law, the judge and the enforcer at the same time?

SINZ:
God forgives, I don't.

in order words, retaliation is a must.

Look how they're messing with themselves. You don't need to be told the type of people they are. She refers to herself as a bi...tch and he refers to himself as a nigga. wao! Tomorrow these guys will be shouting racism and nonsense. They are just pathetic.

I love these angels. Nothing elates me more than seeing these angels. No matter how livid am, once I set my eyes on them, everything changes. I bless God for allowing me to see the most beautiful thing ever made. I wish I can serenade these ones. Innocence epitomized.

I have given this a lot of thought. I wonder sometimes if Nigerian kids are not the least confident of all children in the world because of this. I am sure this must have a very huge impact on kids. The family is always the bedrock of confidence for any child. Any thing negative from the family can be very dangerous to them. I wish someone can create a thread or start a conversation that can allow people talk about the impact of these things on children and even adults.

celeron40:
Welcome to Africa, where warped cultural values have turned families into breeding ground for emotionally unstable adults. If our glorified "cultural values" are so effective, then why is Nigeria so messed up in all ramifications? There is a doctor in my church whose kids have all sorts of scars on their bodies as a result of several beatings from the dad. This monster flogs his kids with rubber hose...yet, nobody in the so-called "house of God" has ever challenged the man. Going by international standards, I'll say that almost ALL Nigerian kids are suffering from some form of abuse. In the South-West, physical abuse is condoned and even encouraged. If you don't want kids, why have them and then subject them to torture? Yorubas are major culprits in this regard. Yet they say it's love... I had a classmate while in Secondary school, whose dad used to flog her naked. Her self-esteem was so low that despite being so pretty, she was always looking dirty and rough. This tradition has to stop! It is only in Nigeria that being friends with ones kids is considered a sign of weakness.

I must hand it to you. Your comment is really very comprehensive. I will also like to say that this is not just isolated to the yorubas. It happens even in my own culture(igbo). I had a neighbour who once used a cutlass to flog the child and even cut him to the extent his blood vessel became visible on the skin.

Acidosis:


I get the points and that's why I asked OP to state the actual issues.

7pm might seem early enough to you, but it takes understanding to make the dad see things from her own viewpoint.

I currently live alone, and I dare not arrive home at 11:30pm... In fact, I'm not permitted to leave my generator on at 11:30pm because the community (CDA) said so... This is happening after I had paid rent and dues. That seems too harsh for me, especially given the fact that I work at night.

What can I do to get out of this "mess", absolutely nothing, than wait till my rent expires, and decide whether to stay back and enjoy the security that comes with the rules, or move on to a 'lawless' community with total freedom.

OP as it stands has choices: obey his parents and learn to understand their way of life (culture); or endure till he's able to secure his 'freedom' out of the home.

I've not said he should leave his house if he doesn't have the capacity to do so now. All I am saying is, we are supposed to learn to do the right things and that this is a problem in the society. The society tends to ignore it and it is wrong. Yes, I will go with your idea of being patient and working towards branching out, it will help. But let us not pretend it is right for anybody to behave that badly. That's the impression I get form your first comment. Family can also teach one the very wrong thing and can even destroy you when the parents in question do not use the right tools to groom their kids.

Acidosis:


I get the points and that's why I asked OP to state the actual issues.

7pm might seem early enough to you, but it takes understanding to make the dad see things from her own viewpoint.

I currently live alone, and I dare not arrive home at 11:30pm... In fact, I'm not permitted to leave my generator on at 11:30pm because the community (CDA) said so... This is happening after I had paid rent and dues. That seems too harsh for me, especially given the fact that I work at night.

What can I do to get out of this "mess", absolutely nothing, than wait till my rent expires, and decide whether to stay back and enjoy the security that comes with the rules, or move on to a 'lawless' community with total freedom.

OP as it stands has choices: obey his parents and learn to understand their way of life (culture); or endure till he's able to secure his 'freedom' out of the home.

That's not the issue. Yes, rules must be obeyed but what sort of punishment one gets for their sins should also be looked at. Look at it again, what makes sense in sending a 17 year old girl out in the night?

Churches should also preach against these things. I am always impressed with pastors who take their time to talk to people about these things. Kids are very special and delicate gifts who should be handled with great caution. Why use cuss words on your kids? Why tell them how stupid they are? Perhaps, people are not taking these things seriously and for sure, it is not restricted to Africa. Naturally, those parents are even abusive to themselves. I know of friends who are like that( abusive) to their kids and even to themselves. WORDS CAN HURT AND IT SEEMS WE NEGLECT THEIR IMPACT ON PEOPLE. ABUSE MUST NOT BE PHYSICAL BEFORE IT CAN BE SAID TO KILL. PEOPLE HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY WERE TOLD.

Acidosis:
You didn't give us actual examples.

What form of freedom do you seek in your parents' home?

Freedom to watch x-rated movies, drink alcohol, smoke? do braids? piercing? tattoo? girlfriends? sleep outside the home? late nights? club? invite friends over to the house to party? earring? skip fellowships?

Seriously, I don't know your definition of freedom...but while growing up, my parents never allowed any of the above. In short, we (the children) didn't make any attempt to do the above, I was totally cool with the rules, so search your heart, do you think your parents want the best for you?


The family you hail from should reflect in the lifestyle you portray to the outside world. There is nothing wrong in protecting one's name. Look at Zahra Buhari, Halima Dangote, Adeboye's sons, Oyedepo's sons, Mike Bamiloye's children, Prof. Osinbajo's daughters, I can't name them all, but I'm sure you know how they all comport themselves in the real world, even on the social media. Why don't we ever hear about the abortion these folks commit, why don't we ever hear about how Adeboye's son impregnated three girls? What you're passing through is simply a phase everyone from a responsible nuclear family pass through. Make no mistake by assuming freedom from birth will make you a better person.

Compare the above families with Kemi Olunloyo... No matter how much you want to define the kind of freedom she now possess, whoever is coming into the family would think twice cos that name has brought more shame than good.

I'm not in anyway justifying the harsh measures from your parents. However, as far as they remain parents over you, nature and the law give them the rights to mentor, train, teach and guide, without breaking any of the state laws.

I don't think the situation is as bad as you've painted, at least for someone from the middle class family. Usually, harsh treatments and brutality are prevalent among the poor.

Two masters cannot lead the family... be calm and gentle and try to understand your parents' weak points (no. 1 key is obedience). Do what they want twice, and have your way once...

As soon as you begin to live like a bachelor, you'd understand there's really no FREEDOM out there. The first barrier you'd encounter would be your landlord/agent, and then your boss/organization.

Guy no need painting this, I experienced bad things too but probably not as bad as that. Until we accept that this nonsense is happening in homes, things will never change. I have a friend whose dad was just terrible then. He even sent the very young sister out of the house for coming back by 7:00pm from church( I am 100% sure she was from the church) because she returned late. A church very close to their house. People can really be very abusive and like he says toxic. That environment isn't good even to people's confidence. Until I confronted my father with these things, he didn't change. Look at it properly, its either his father's background or frustrations that is causing all these. These are his personal issues which he shouldn't unleash on his kids.

Of course, the response to his comments can also teach us that fool...ishness is not restricted to Africans. When properly analyzed, you will see that even some on this forum commenting need pity. Those screaming sexism and all what can easily pass as being confused( Nothing wey no be sexism these days). All he was doing was simply to support the claim that chastity isn't bad and that women should take responsibility for their bodies( at least the discussion didn't degenerate to rape). He didn't make a direct comment to oppose the woman's statement. To even think that some of our people cannot independently determine what is sexist and even what is wrong when it is sold to us by the westerners shows how bad things are for us. Today they are the ones crying out that the laws they made themselves are biased against men in their courts and all that. I once told a woman that I expected women to behave much more honourably than me and the next thing she shouted was sexism( sexism for even good thing or should I say desirable traits). To even think this woman is white might baffle people the more. I think the inferiority complex that exudes from some Africans is taking on a monumental stature.

Many of the comments on this thread show one and only one thing; many if not most people are very confused and unstable in what they believe. Funny enough, many of these people will claim to hate porn and know how bad it is yet, they will advice you to neglect this. One problem I have with this(op) is the extent to which you hold unto what you believe. One of the risks in coming on to a forum like this to seek advice is the issue of the 'tyranny of the majority'. How are you going to make your decision now based on what people say even though you can't ascertain the veracity of the preponderant opinion. Of course this question also seems to corroborate the submission from one of those who commented that you are immature to be married but I wouldn't be that mean to say it. Porn is bad. What makes it bad is not the end which it helps one to realize( in this case sexual gratification), but rather, the facts you've alluded to in most of the responses I've seen you give to the comments on your thread. Making money is good, what is bad is the means many go about to achieve it. I need not tell you why porn is bad 'cos I believe you should know that as many reasons abound. Many people here will make comments based on simple emotions. I would only advice you to be very cautious and articulative with this. Look well before you leap. If you look at many of the comments, you might baffle at what those who wrote it will do or say when you try to seek out why they made their comments and how much thought they gave this.

Emperormartin:

And you classify this as super peaceful....


My brother lemme tell you even people from north central fear people from north east n west.

All these things the DG is saying is just PREACHING

There is this adage in my language that says 'wetin person wear for hand, him no need mirror to see am. Frankly speaking, the phobia to travel to the north has always been there even before the boko haram menace. That place seems very alienated from other parts of the country. Until they accept the truth that they have been very hostile to other ethnic groups, things will not change. Yes xenophobia has been part of humanity from the antiquities but, once it graduates to hostility and intolerance, it becomes something else. How many times have you heard that Christians either in the north or south remonstrated or destroyed lives and properties because of a cartoonist's parody of Jesus christ far away from Nigeria in recent history. Can one say the same about northerners. Charlie Hebdo had done so much of these parodies for the sake of theatrics while mocking Jesus but nobody bombed him until some misguided individuals thought it was necessary to smother his voice by bombing his theatre because of their religion. I will stop here for now.

this lady looks very young and truly sick. She needs help.

Don't allow yourself be deceived. I always hear people saying women are more emotional than men and that the way to a man's heart is respect. These remarks are always made as if to say the other partner doesn't deserve same or equal levels of those things. Sorry to say this, you should never have asked this question. Who in their right sense will think using expletives on others is right? kai... I just don't understand people anymore. Certain things are supposed to have been learnt either vicariously or directly through ones personal experiences. So to answer you without sentiment, no one wants to be treated disrespectfully even when they are wrong. I personally do not waste time alienating myself from such people. Even when I do it inadvertently, I always feel very sad about it, take time to apologise properly and mend fences. I once messed up with a quote on this forum( I didn't even use cuss words but wasn't pious enough and felt my actions where just ignoble), so I deactivated the account. It's also necessary to learn how to be sober and calm even in frenetic situations.

solomon 8:4, 3:5 and 2:7. Do not awaken love until he please.

ultimately, this question doesn't need so much brainstorming if one is a true believer.

Scripture is far more realistic about people’s desires
and level of self-control than many people know.

“But if they cannot control themselves, they should
marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with
passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NIV). Just like so many analogies can be projected as reasons to have sex before marriage, there also abounds so many analogies for one not to.

Question: Who is ready to buy the cow when you are ready to give away the milk for free?

Before one should consider anybody for marriage, you should as a matter of necessity consider the very fabric of that person's lifestyle or what some will call the person's philosophy about life. If you see someone who is very desperate or someone who finds it very easy to relax his or her standards in life, it doesn't take too much algebra to figure out the solution to the equation. As a woman, you've been going to church and hearing, do not sleep with a man before marriage, yet you think that fornication is the best way to prove to the man that you are very fecund( OP this is not for you though). oya continue, I do not envy the achievements of the ungodly and advice we that people who come across this thread and this quote take this stand. Let us stop alienating God and expect things to favour us. Sorry OP for derailing your thread with this diatribe. I feel it is necessary though. All I am saying is, trace your root to your creator and see your life realign with his plans for your life.

Sorry bro. As painful as it is, this is why it is strongly advised that doing things the way of God and with the people of God is the best. If you were a close friend, the very first question I would have asked is, how good a christian are you and how good a christian is your wife. Yes, you must go for the DNA test, but even if the kid is yours, it hasn't solved your problem. I wish I could just shout it, "we must abide by the rules of God to get things right no matter how dumb it sounds". I have come to learn this truth. Let us be careful with how we apply our psycho-analytic vain babbles when it comes to making very critical decisions. If you and your wife had subjected yourselves to the spirit of God, this case wouldn't have been heard. I can psychologically tell the kind of person your woman is( Maybe the type that can say what a lady once told me, "I cannot by a product without test-running it" )Sorry for the long epistle and forgive me if I have overstretched my bounds.

Divay22:
What if you were told she'll only be the woman you'll find Love with,be happy with,be at peace with,outside her is trouble.....will you all still refuse her

don't be deceived. You choose who to give or show love to. Love is very much amenable.

nowwhat:
My h and are are back together after many years apart. He got work in my area and has moved back. He treats me respectfully and kindly but I cannot understand why he treats our 10 year old son so roughly. You'd think after missing out on most of his growing up he'd want to play with him, build him up, praise him. But after less than a week here he only seems to be criticizing him, calling him a spoiled brat, coconut head, bully etc.
Our son is only 10, usually very behaved, and he can hardly feel comfortable sitting to eat at the table with his dad. He spills rice accidentally, and our son is quickly trying to pick it up, but his dad is yelling for this, for any noise of the fork on the dish etc. Our son tried to explain he didn't be clumsy on purpose, but his dad won't let him talk, sends him out the door in socks in the winter (snow) then he comes in and shoves him in his room. His dad keeps calling him a baby, telling him to drink warm milk etc.. He yells if our son takes 5 seconds too long to go get something.
At night he tells he he wishes his dad would go.
What can I do to help this situation?
My h doesn't take well to criticism especially about parenting, and says I should never interfere with how he wants to do it. I feel like my hands are tied. I want this all to work out. Please advise, am I worried over nothing? Over time I feel our son is going to resent his father, and being called names all the time will wear his confidence in himself down.

When I read abuse, I laughed. Yes though I was a good child( at least by certain standards I might not fully express here)my own dad would use electric cables and so many things to whip me for trivial mistakes even as an 8 yr. old. Many times I had bruises on my body from the torture he put me through with those cables and belts. When you say abuse, I was terribly assaulted by him. But while growing up, I started to figure out possible reasons why it happened. As stupid as it sounds, you might find it difficult to find the nexus between infidelity and child abuse in marriage but that thing is very real. Needless say, that you the woman initiated the whole saga. The effect is going to be like 100 times what it would have been if he was the first to be found culpable. So what I am outrightly saying is( I rarely say this) go for a divorce if you don't want a marriage of convenience or take it upon yourself to do the extraordinary( very much possible if he can change) to attract love and trust to this union. I will repeat, you messed up in the beginning( you can fix it). I have been through your threads and can tell you that this is the problem with it. Even though today my pop tries to get close to me, I find it extremely hard to connect with him and might never. Take this from me, one of the things that elate children the most is to see there parents together. Yes and Yes this is the truth that even the kids might be shy telling you. Each of those days might parents yelled at each other, I experienced depression I couodn't handle. I am sure part of the reason I am battling with High Blood Pressure is because of this. Funny to believe, I became an emotional wreck because of that. You might find it easy to exonerate yourself from any wrongdoing in that child's life, I can tell you that there is a 100% possibility that revers psychology will take its toll on your relationship with him in the future. Let me ask you, does he understand at his age that you cheated on his pop? nah I guess, be careful as this might pop up in the future and who knows... Yes that boy's life is being messed up today by his dad, but where and how did it start. That boy needs a father that can treat his mom well and take him to games. His personality is being shaped today and only posterity can tell what will be when he becomes an adult. You can take the bull by the horn. He tells you that he wants his dad gone, that is true, but he will also cry when he is gone without telling you.

nowwhat:
My h and are are back together after many years apart. He got work in my area and has moved back. He treats me respectfully and kindly but I cannot understand why he treats our 10 year old son so roughly. You'd think after missing out on most of his growing up he'd want to play with him, build him up, praise him. But after less than a week here he only seems to be criticizing him, calling him a spoiled brat, coconut head, bully etc.
Our son is only 10, usually very behaved, and he can hardly feel comfortable sitting to eat at the table with his dad. He spills rice accidentally, and our son is quickly trying to pick it up, but his dad is yelling for this, for any noise of the fork on the dish etc. Our son tried to explain he didn't be clumsy on purpose, but his dad won't let him talk, sends him out the door in socks in the winter (snow) then he comes in and shoves him in his room. His dad keeps calling him a baby, telling him to drink warm milk etc.. He yells if our son takes 5 seconds too long to go get something.
At night he tells he he wishes his dad would go.
What can I do to help this situation?
My h doesn't take well to criticism especially about parenting, and says I should never interfere with how he wants to do it. I feel like my hands are tied. I want this all to work out. Please advise, am I worried over nothing? Over time I feel our son is going to resent his father, and being called names all the time will wear his confidence in himself down.

Look, maybe no one has been up front with the truth about this. Let me tell you what you seem to ignore. The moment your marriage damaged was the day you cheated on your husband. No mincing of words, your husband is acting out of frustration. You had no and I mean no good reason to do what you did. His action(cheating) was also wrong but listen, that man isn't yours for now and you're probably not his. He will keep trying to make the best out of his life while you remain a tool for his satisfaction and ego. Your clime might treat such actions with levity due to the fact that its people seem to have evolved, but there is something we all cannot deny, emotions in this situation are rarely tamed. If you are still willing to work things out, you have to start addressing the main problem. This isn't a marriage of necessity anymore but a marriage of convenience. You messed it up from the beginning, you can fix it if you wish. Take the bull by the horn and you will be alright. Cheating is a very serious issue that can even affect the kids. Need not tell you much but I can tell you something personal about me. My mom always accused my dad of cheating when I was still little. Most of the time she always cried and this made me to resent( I'd rather use detest) my pop. Once she tried to leave and at the age of 7 I wrote her a letter not to go. She showed the letter to him and he said I couldn't have written it and that she was turning me against him. I still carry the scar of those actions today and yes he is my pop, but we're not close to anything like father and son and never have been since the day he read the letter. Every single action he took against me was judged as persecution by me.

bro. I simply termed this schadenfreude in a previous response to one of this posts. Now in reality, I am from the east and will respond in all honesty thus: If the president personally ordered the shooting and killing of innocent IPOD members in any part of Nigeria and deliberately ignored the call to restrain his people from perpetuating the infamous 'fulani herdsmen rampage', you and I have no moral background to speak against or upbraid those affected by his actions. We can only ask them to tamper justice with mercy for the sake of civility. My humble opinion.

Misanthropist:
I want the human race to descend into extinction. I want mankind to dry off like a plant starved of moisture and wither and die unceremoniously.
I want the planet to shake us from the surface of the earth, to oblivion...Every single father, mother, child, teacher, farmer, individual, that ever walked these glorious lands.

If I had the power, I would terminate the meangingless endless streams of aspirations, desires, hope, craving, goals, ends, wants, which are illusions that feeble minded pieces of pathetic meat sacks otherwise known as humans vehemently clinge to in order to delude themselves into nurturing the vain idea that life is worth living, that life is precious.

This world has endured humans enough and now is the time that we must go, so as to make way for more important creatures, more respectful creatures who would better appreciate the earth.

Look at the world. There's no beauty in it. Death, sickness, famine, hunger, war, deformity, earthquakes, drought, deadly infections trying to outdo man, yet man in his conceit and self-importance, has elevated himself and taken for himself a higher position, and now thinks he has the littlest chance against these invisible elements just because he was able to conjure some little laughable excuse for technology.

In the face of this harsh reality, is the strong oppressing the weak; the rich exploiting the poor; the greedy politicians fleecing the masses and offering them false hope; a wretched boy being killed for stealing a loaf of bread because he was hungry, while pastors are being cheered and encouraged to defraud responsible folks.

Everyday it breaks my heart seeing the broad smiles on the self-satisfied faces of egoistic, self-centered humans as they go about their meangingless routine.

We are at the height of our existence. We have tasted life enough. Man has suffered for far too long, we should fall flat on the ground and give up all hope awaiting the cold embrace of death. If the angel of death could just pay us a sudden visit, it would get the job done swiftly, and more efficiently.

Woe unto mankind.
Cursed be mankind.
It shall not be well with mankind.
Mankind is doomed, and most certainly, death will come for it.

are you a misanthropist?

I think this is sheer schadenfreude. I wonder what these frenemies of pmb will say when he comes back.