My friends, do you all sometimes think about life and its universal purpose? Do you sometimes wonder why there is so much suffering in the world? These days, I feel such a painful alienation from the world that I wonder if I am going to die. And though Fifty Cent has said that pain is love, I find myself asking if the pain in my heart has anything to do with love. I ask myself daily, 'Why do I keep alive? What is my purpose here on earth?'

Today is Sunday. Ordinarily, I should have gone to church, but since the start of the New Year, I have kept well away from Church, because I can no longer permit myself to have religion. Indeed I cannot. I woke up feeling empty and lost today. I did have a nightmare, and in the past I would have prayed; but I do not want to think things in terms of spiritual warfare. If I had a nightmare, then there must be a biochemical or biomechanical reason for it; if I don't know that reason, then why bother? So I debunked the nightmare.

Many times I feel empty. I have no friends. The few I used to have now resent me because I have a job. It is the way with Nigerians. Few can feel love. All feel jealousy.  Jealousy, it seems, is the driving emotion of the average Nigerian, who in any case seems to me to be inferior to the white man. Forgive me for saying this. So why do I keep alive if I can find no home here? Not in my biological family; not in my country. Why must I be alone? Does anyone feel me?

The other day I was forced to write an email to my biological younger brother. I attach it to this post. It is very revealing, I know, and probably should have been kept private, so why do I share it for public consumption? Maybe because I have lost the sense of privacy? Why do I have to be so dead to the usual convention around here? Why do I have to be so tenuous? Why do I have to be me?

The searching goes on, as does the pain. The emptiness squelches, making me wonder if ever I will be free. But a philosopher did say, 'Is life so dear and peace so sweet as to be bought at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God. I do not know what others may choose; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death.'

You guys will be the end of me!

if this thing no enter pg 98 now now, i go and if i all of una must to because na wetin i want i go get

Kenosky, believe me, what you posted above is as creative as creativity can get. You are truly truly blessed, my brother. I am clapping for you!

Phew! What can I say? I am so grateful I got to mingle with all of you. Skeelo, Pgm, Kenosky, Kenosym, Aniffy and all the house. My! You all make me so so proud of you!

Yes, I was praying for Nigeria, because I want to believe that Nigeria will be better some day, for you and for your children. As for me, I know that I will never be a Nigerian, but of course that does not mean I hate the country. If and when I make it to the USA, I will always try to do something from there to positively affect the lives of people in the Motherland. I love all God's people. But as at today, I am still working out a clean break once and for all out of this nation that holds so many bad memories for me. Memories I would be better off being millions of miles away from. Memories I never even dare to think about.

But I want to be happy. So let's not begin to talk of Nigeria, and who loves it or who does not. Your speculations about praying for Naija, then loving it, then 'marrying' it and all that are not real for me. But I do not hate and curse the nation.

My! Kenosky, keep keeping it real, for all of us. And spend your pounds wisely. Anyway, you once worked in a bank, so I don't think you need too much advice on how to use and value money. Just be you!

Thanks. And Sequoia, I'm okay; and you?

Later! Peace.

One love.

Association of Unemployed Nigerian Graduates (AUNG). Good. A first step: Draw up your aims and objectives.

Anyway, God bless Thought.

Wherever he is.

Amen.

Tommyex, meeee tooooooooooooo!

I am having thoughts about Thought.

Where is he?

Chei! This thread go soon leave me behind-o! Every time I come, the thing go don add one more page. This regime beta pass that time when Opoks dey run things like marathon sef; but anyway, im ma dey try no be small. Kenosky, I salute you-o! Pgm, I dey hail-o! Opoks, birikw'o-o! Tommyex, nothing do you! All ma homies, e go beta for Naija. Amen-o!

Phew! you guys are doing a marvelous job. Anniffy, can anyone really meet those targets? Well, we keep trying our best!

Temperature at minus three? Na real yepaa be that one. (lol).

Opoks, great to hear from you. I have stolen out of the office to post today. Methinks February should hurry away! (lol).

Championships fever again, I suppose. Well, well, well.

Peace, all!

Opoks! Great to have you back. Are you still living the NLNG dream, or is it the Exxon dream you're living now? Pak, I appreciate the spiritual touch you're giving this thread.

Have a great next-week!

Siblings, I am sorry that I have not been able to post all this while. February is our Financial Year End (FYE), and we marketers are under a lot of pressure to bring in deposits so as to shore up our balance sheet size. But today is Saturday, and I can breathe at least. And come online to be with you guys.

Kenosky, how are you my dear? I am happy to hear that you are fitting in properly into the English life. I dare say you will miss the United Kingdom when you finally come back to Nigeria. I hope you will bring many happy memories, that you will share with your compares back here.

I love you all.

The day of lovers is fast approaching. Tomorrow, in fact. Perhaps this is why Anniffy is thinking about his chick. Kenosky, you get Val for over there? How your tomorrow go be now?

Everybody, this hundred paaaaaaaaaaaaage mark na wa o!


Thanks for keeping it real.

Peace and love.

Kenosky, you know say you no fit walk alone, not while I'm still here.

When the time is right
And nobody dey fight
The peace is like night
When the body dey tight
Not black and white
Or TuFace wey dey shite
Shayo and sprite
All man see da light
Am I right?

I dey feeeeeeeeel you big time, my brother.

Keep it coming. One love, y'all.

How are your lectures coming? Giving it your best shot?

Let me add: Thank you, guys. You guys on this thread have been like family to me. This is one place where I feel free to be myself in a hard and unfeeling world. Thank you. God bless you. Thank you.

Kenosky baba!

You've got flow
When you're on show
And like you know
I'm on tow
There's really no row
That you can't blow
You're da man; you're the pro
Bro!

One luv.

I spoke with Wandel earlier on. He was in the staff bus, returning home after the day's work (his hours are eight to five).

Peace to y'all. Keep it real; keep it coming.

Perhaps the reason posts are slimming down is because there are not many things happening again. We have mostly settled into our ways of life, which most of the time are set and reguler, and nothing new seems to be occuring, and so we are somehow stuck and without news or issues to discuss. Hopefully when things get exciting in our lives, we will share them with one another, and thus liven the thread.

But in all of this, let us keep hope alive. To do otherwise would hurt. Yet, we can tell that there are only two kinds of hurt: The hurt of discipline and the hurt of regret. Let us learn to prefer the former. It helps.

Kenosky, my brother, I think it is natural that those you mentioned do not post as regularly. They have other pages in their life story to turn. For them, the NLNG and now they must get on with their lives. For me, it is not gone because I feel somewhat attached to this thread; call it habit or whatever, but somehow, whenever I come online, I must peek at this thread. There was a time I cam and I saw it on page three like you said you did, and I did not know what to do. I said, 'Chei, these friends of mine have left this thread to go stale.' And somehow I did not feel like reviving it; I said, 'Well, if they do not want the thread to live, then so be it.' And I left it.

But I am here again today and what do I see? I see the thread has picked up, and it is now on the first page, where some people think it ought to be, and has been for a very long time; and I say to myself again: 'Well, it seems they want it to live afterall,' and so I keep posting. I am resigned for the thread. If it lives, then it does; if it dies, then it does.

But if we want it to live, then we must do all in our power to keep posting regularly. We all have dreams and aspirations. Let us all share them with one another. Let us all keep bearing one another up. In our pains, in our joys, and in our strives. It began with NLNG, but perhaps it does not have to end there. It is well with all of us.

The psalmist prayed: 'Yahweh, bless the work of our hands; bless the work of our hands.' Amen.

We live in an imperfect world, and we have to accept it for what it is. Like they say, we cannot eat our cake and have it. Some people have to choose between alternatives. Just to keep alive. Today, I watched certain people that passed out newly from the training school here in Kano. They were very hopeful and optimistic. It was like a new start for them. They are the newest bankers in town. I wonder how they will feel three or four years down the line. People are born, and then they live and grow old, and then die. They are at best always rushing to catch up with one appointment. They will be happy when that promotion or that job, or that something (be it marriage or whatever) comes along; they wanna be this and that and that other. But how do they ever? People sigh; others pray; many more are searching for a meaning to life. Hmmmmmmmm. May God help us all. Amen.

Someone said that certain people were waiting at the airport to stone the players as they touched ground.  They would stone the players because, though it was apparent from the match that the luck was on their side, they played 'rubbish'; and now they have come back home, in shame. 

Anyway, it is even better. Let them come and rest. They had always been playing as if there was nothing at stake; as if they wanted to rest. Is this a correct perception? 

Whatever. Let's just see who claims the gold at the end of the day.

On a different note, how y'all doing! Kenosky, snow! Chineke nna mu-o! I have never seen snow since I was born; but if I am lucky, I will see it this year. My admission is almost ready, and by the end of this month I shall get my I-20 from the American university I am applying to for a Master's degree program in Communication (the love of my life). Soon I shall begin gathering my papers for the visa interview at the Consulate in Abuja. Kenosky my dear, please pray for me that I make it well and good to the USA. (Did I also tell you that my first manuscript, Ninety Negro Numbers, is now with the publishers in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania? Pray for me on that count as well). These days I am taking my life in my hands and moving slowly, but surely.

How are the others there with you? You know, today I ran into a former NLNG hopeful who as well did not make it, and we got talking:

Kuwena: So, the thing is over at last; NLNG has taken those they want. And they are now in England enjoying themselves (mutual laughter).

Hopeful: Na so we see am-o, Kuwena; what can we do?

Kuwena: Nothing, o jare my brother; but at least you have this job; have you considered how those who do not have anything to fall back on would be feeling?

Hopeful: But Kuwena, I have learnt not to settle for less; you should know me by now. I will apply again.

Kuwena: O yeah? But I thought NLNG only did their recruitments once in three years?

Hopeful: Says who? I think they do it every year. Anyway; is it only NLNG? There are many other companies.

Kuwena: As for me, these days I wonder if I even want to remain in any company whatsoever. There will always come a time in my life, I am sure, when I will have to strike out on my own.

Hopeful: (sighs) Anyway, how about (the name of a mutual friend)?


And the conversation shifted. Our NLNG conversation; our NLNG story. It is up to you, Kenosky and co to live it up, and keep doing us proud.

We love you-o! We love you. Hmmm. 

I wish you all a fulfilling work week ahead. God bless y'all!

Following Anniffy's example, I am forced to revive a blog I started more than a year ago. I posted on it again today, after over a year. It is a blog dedicated to thoughts on how to heal the motherland, Africa.http://healingthemotherland..com/

On a lighter note, Nigeria meets Ghana today. Who will win? Who will play the prophet before the match is over? Shall I? Okay, let me hazard a guess: 2 : 1; BUT I WILL NOT SAY WHO WILL GET THE 2 AND WHO WILL GET THE 1.

Anniffy my dear, I have visited your blog. Splendid job you are doing! I posted on all the topics, I hope.

I was particularly touched by the fact that you recognize the poverty in the land. It shows you have a conscience. There are some people that when things are going well for them, they do not care about others.

You are going to be neighbours with probably some of the poorest people in the land, and you are going to be among the workforce that will exploit their resources to make the country richer at their expense. I thank God that you are going to be in External Relations. You will then be able to use your active conscience to help many of them. You will help to give them scholarships. You will write to inspire them. You will remind the great NLNG to look kindly at them, and give them back some of the loot that is originally theirs anyway.

If you recall what Chevron did for me, how it would have been very very difficult for me to go to school without the scholarship they gave, you will recall that behind the application letter of at least one undergraduate who applies for the NLNG scholarship there is an orphan crying for help, almost as in the song by Christie Essien Igbokwe:

Hear the children crying
See the children helpless
Hear the children crying
Nne m o
Iya mi o
Mama! 

Then you will do your best to see that the selection processes are fair, that you do not allow all those divisions you speak about (tribalism and nepotism) to influence your just decision.

Then you will realize that your job is not simply a pay packet, but a way of bridging the divide between rich and poor; between NLNG and her host communities that look up to her for help, for salvation from the filth of poverty.

Anniffy, I look to you with hope, that you will do what some of us were denied the opportunity to do: Speak to the hearts of those many poor. Then you will have stilled the nagging conscience; you will have filled the starving soul.

I trust you.

I've been ill. And busy. Those are why I have not been able to post all this while. But I think things are better now. Yes, it is expected that the traffic will be slim. But that does not mean the thread will die. I have yet to hear of a person who died because he was slim. Malnourished people die, yes; but not slim ones necessarily.

Kenosky, good to hear from you. I am grateful you still post as regularly. God bless you. Today is Saturday, and as usual I am still thinking of that grand concept of purpose, of the reason we were made at all. When I recall that certain people like DBanj (Koko master) earns about a million naira a day, and we that go to work each day earn only about N5,000 daily, I wonder if one can ever be rich working for someone else.

What I think this means is that we all will at some stage in our life go out there and use our talents. You know what I was thinking the other day? I was thinking how this world just keeps turning out to be the same over and over again: The first world experienced industrial revolution before Africa, and so they came here to look for slaves. And now that's history. Now there is a Capitalist revolution, and there are now more jobs than people to work them. So, through Visa lottery and all what not, more Africans will go over to the first world as new slaves of Capitalism, and the whole thing will repeat itself.

We are then forced to ask: Will this ever end? The answer is: I don't know.

Amen.

Don't say anything about what you know
Keep it in your chest.
About your slavery,
The unappreciated sacrifices you make
Just to keep alive in bitter starvation
Of soul, of spirit?
Keep quiet, and let it pass.
Shh! Shut up;
No one wants to hear you are suffering
Shh! Shut up;
Who cares if you go hungry
Clothe your lean bones
Soak kpo-kpo garri and ekpa
Morning, afternoon, night
In peace time?
Hush; don't tell anyone.
Don't tell anyone you made a first class
That no one saw your back while at school
That you passed your tests as if you
Set the questions yourself.
Shh! Shut up
Don't tell anybody
Don't let them know of the tears shed
When forced to rise before the sun
Everyday
In haste,
The harsh, piercing cold-water on your skin
In spite of the merciless harmattan
The grating feel of the coarse sponge
Scrubbing the weather's brunt
As you hurry to make it before seven
To the place where you earn your bread
To the shop in which you are caged
With gratitude
Because so many would be like you
But cannot;
So be quiet:
Forget the worrying economy
Forget the wasted dreams
Forget your talents stashed up unused within you
Forget the painful sensations of degradation
In your own country,
When they lie and
Insult your sensibility
Tell you it is the white man
At fault for all our ills
That Africa is the land of greats and pride
When all we see is mediocre ill
Which we love anyway
And in which we are wont to stay
Without conscience and unabashed
Ere long awaiting a freedom
No one is sure will come.
So be quiet
Keep still
And bear it all
Trying still to smile.

Opoks, you were asking the other day how you can turn your love for this thread into a money-making stuff. Well, you could try this: since you have already met some of the people who post here in person, you could form them (if they are willing, and considering space) into a club; a live club, that is, and not just an online post-only thing. You guys could task yourselves with regular monthly or quarterly donations; with the proceeds of this common pool, you could invest jointly, and use the proceeds to do certain activities, like youth outreach and self-employment consultancy. I don't know if it will work, anyway; it's just a suggestion.

Keep cool. Stay on top. Rule your world.   

Hi.

You could do Desktop Publishing for say six months. Then you could try web-page designing.

You may also take some courses in programming (the basics only); insist as well to be taught Power Point technology (for slides and public presentations). Corel Draw won't be a bad idea too.

Then, you could do more in-depth study. If you have the time and money.

But start with Desktop Publishing. I think it will help you.

Today is Sunday, the start of another week, in the new year 2008. Maybe it is because we are still in January, or why does it seem as if I am somewhat freaked out about this year? We all have stakes and prsyers for what we want God to do for us this new year and we know that we want him to do it in time, whether that time be his or ours. What we know is that we want to see him active in our situations and to make sure that we end up achieveing what it is we set out to achieve in the new year. For those of us who are still believeing God for that job or that turn around in an economic situation that is not so favourable, let us pray that somehow our God gets to listen to our cries and help us to achieve what he wants for us in the new year. And God be praised if his will for us coincides with our own wish for ourselves. Because it means that all we pray for will come to pass. God bless us all.

I also want to encourage our NLNG successfuls to keep posting. This thread was made for them, and it is they who are inbound to NLNG that must now take up the responsibility to ensure that this thread does not lose i ts original NLNG flavour, or what do you all think? Methinks they should not keep us in the dark as to what is happening in their lives. It is their thread as much as it is ours. Feel me? I hope so. Thank you very much and God bless. Happy Sunday, and happy new week ahead.

Before I sign out for today, I want to reach out to all of us everywhere and say that 2008 will meet us each at our points of need. God bless you.

Talk to you tomorrow!

One love.

Kali, contrary to what you have been told (except I'm wrong), NLNG did require only first classers and two-ones. That is what I do recall.

The first classers and two-ones that took the first test were over 18,000. Then when it was time for the second test, only about 5,000 were still on board. By the Assessment Centre, the number had come down to about 464. Then when it was time for medicals, I think the number had become something like 90 or so.

Please read hard. A first class or a two-one will pay you. Good luck as well won't hurt; I know some two-two people who have plum jobs, and some first classers who have not. It's neither here nor there. Just do your best and as they say, leave the rest. Okay? Good.

Opoks! Good luck on your new pursuits. Let us pray that 2008 will bless us all.

With love. And peace. And joy. For all of us.

Amen.

OpoksNo be small thing. thax for your care, love when u were around. Really it was real fun just that I wasnt there to keep u company because of some traaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!!!
To be sincere it was real fun and since we have gotten to Hartepool, Uk, It has been more fun.
Jogging in the rain at temp of 0 to 4 degrees, it wasnt really easy but it was fun
Really have to go now, because i really don't have enough time to spend online but as soon as our internet facility is set i will inform you.
"Opoks, it was real fun having you around
"kenosky softly softly dey chop
"biolabee, new presido softly with your policy
anyhow
safe
one love

from Hartepool, UK

Live in London, the Centre of the World; the home of the Queen.