Redberyl:
This is why every woman should have her own money before getting married.I am not surprised at your husband's attitude.That's how most men behave when see finish has entered the picture. He can never explain his finances to you because you don't contribute to the home.

Madam, there are issues you need to take by force in your marriage. Have a conversation with your husband, let him know you are being laughed at for looking shabby.

Either he agrees to giving you upkeep money to take care of your personal needs, or let him give you money to start a business. There are men who don't have a sense of duty, they need to be told what they should do for their wives.

You can't gum mouth, afterall he is your husband. If it means you giving attitude for some days to drive home your annoyance, please do. Every woman should know her husband and how she can get things from her him. Above all, try to figure out what you can fo for yourself. A woman needs her own money for marriage to be sweet ooo. This is 2019, everyone is securing their own bag.

In my case, i had a booming business before getting married. The business expanded after marriage and i make good money off it. Funny thing is, Oga knows i have my own money, but he practically insists on giving me upkeep money monthly and getting me stuffs i don't even ask for. In return, i use my initiative to assist him with paying for some stuffs and projects in the house which he always appreciates.

That's men for you my dear, you are respected more in marriage when you have a lot you can bring to the table. Strive not to be seen as a liability by your husband, start thinking of how to make your own small money my sister.Forget submitting of cvs, work no dey Nigeria.

baby124:
Your husband knows you have potential and simply does not want to encourage your career growth. Calm down and clear your head. You have options:

1) Where are you from? An oil producing area or? If you are from an oil producing area you can look out for scholarships.

2) Try to find better teaching jobs with higher pay or even HR. These jobs give you time to balance care for your baby and study.

3) Do you have a cooperative around you? Join one and contribute no matter how small. You will end up raising enough money to start a business or pay for your exams. I recommend starting a business.

4) You can start a food business from home. Small catering jobs or selling small things like moi moi, Akara and Zobo. Meat pie sef. All these small and fast snacks sell well. Especially in a school environment.

5) While your husband is away you can do small daycare work at home. Take care of neighbors and friends children for a fee. With this option, be careful with your daughter though.

6) Apply for scholarships and jobs with multinationals. Your chances are higher of securing an opportunity.

7) To learn a skill, if one of your students has a skilled mother, exchange lesson teacher fees for learning the skill. You can also make friends with one of these people and, learn from them.

Sell your expensive jewelry and even wedding ring. Replace it with a fake replica and use it to pay for exams. If it’s gold.

In the meantime, ask friends who have done the exams to please give you their books so you can start familiarizing with the material. So once the money enters, one time you will pass. It will save you money.
Goodluck.

sisisioge:


So he doesn't drop anything for upkeep? Not even money for feeding you and his daughter? Pay utilities? Nothing?

Well, continue to apply for jobs but meanwhile, call family meeting on his head if he doesn't do any of these. If he pays for them, you should be able to put something aside for yourself to at least buy inexpensive cloths. As per the job, may God bless you soon enough.

Jmk9292:


I wonder o. Why would a man that earns up-to 300k neglect his own wife to her fate? ..
Unless the wife in question has some dubious aspects of hers' she has not told us..... If the man is free of spell and the woman as good as she states then, she deserves every assistance from the husband... ....
Unless the man has an offshore concubine....

crackhaus:

Okay then, keep talking to strangers instead of having a conversation with your husband.

bukatyne:


You earn 12k/month and are able to
1. Buy toliteries
2. Buy comsetics
3. Buy cheap clothes for yourself and daughter.
4. Send to your mummy

That is interesting from N12k/ mth. You will still transport yourself and buy food or a few things once a while.

The above means your husband is responsible for:
1. Feeding in the home
2. Tuition (school fees, books, uniform, extracurricular activities)
3. House rent
4. Utility (water, security, refuse etc)
5. Electricity
6. Sponsoring his relatives
7. Family vehicle maintenance (if you have)
8. Repairs that would come up frequently
9. His own toliteries, clothing, grooming
10. Etc.

Looking at the list, you will honestly see that your husband handles 97% of the home's expenses which is dependent on where you live and the lifestyle you live. So it is ACTUALLY possible that he is always broke.

I know it is hard to look at it this clinically however you need to appreciate his financial support.

How does he actually dispense the money considering he is not home? Does he give you upkeep money or stock the house?

After that, discuss with him. What model of finances should you adopt? Can you both draw up your expenses and see how best to meet them and prune off the ones not required.

In the light of bills your husband has to handle, allowance for cloth seems frivolous especially as you are also 'working'.

And please, change your friends and enough of people say, people say.

They don't like your clothes, your next birthday they should change your wardrobe.

GHoJes:

Even if she didn't say it, did you really believe yourself when you said the op has not ask for help from her husband?

There's is no way that man will go broke with what he earns to the point of not having money to give her if he is not deliberate with his action. That man spends 2-3wks at work during which his food and toiletries are catered for by the company. For him to go the mile of putting his daughter in an above average school in their locality shows he will go miles for what he places value on.

It is either op has not said why her hubby treats her so or it is a spell, because in the ordinary situations where things like this play out, the man usually stock the house with enough food, possibly buy wife's clothes, does not allow her work at all and yet doesn't not give her cash. This is a case of my business with you is our child you are your own business.

It seems as though Op wouldn't have been his choice of wife if he had his way. Their child is four already with no sibling unless it is natural delay, it is atypical of a Nigerian man with a job except the OP is responsible otherwise it begs another question of their sex life. I don't think that man sees Op as his wife, he is only still there because of the child.

piroux:
And we are all certain that the OP is married, right?

I could be wrong but I get the sense the OP is a lady who just wants a job and cooked up this story to whip sentiments.

All she really wants is a job, not all the "call family meeting" advice.

Just my thoughts oh. The story has k-leg, that's why.

I might be wrong.

internationalman:
If you slept with the employers the job would have been your by now.

May God reward your faithfulness with a more suiting and paying job than your husband's..


That's the best revenge you could ever hope for.. He will feel inferior and his self esteem will drop and climb down dat high horse if when he learns that you now not just earn but earn better than him.

That's if what you say about him is true.

midnighter:


This is why I asked her if her husband was angry with her

A typically irresponsible husband would lavish money outside and include their daughter in the punishment. Yet he even sent their daughter to an elite school

If its because he wants her to stay at home, he would give her money to discourage her from looking for work or from working for 12K .. even if its just chicken change he would beg her to manage it

I feel they have some issue between them that she doesnt want to explain... allowing your own wife to languish in the house without any particular explanation is a deliberately cruel action

Well she doesnt have to explain it but if she doesnt, then no point bringing the issue here with incomplete information and getting an advice that doesnt even suit what shes going through

The other aspect of it is just to ignore him and find another way of supplementing her income since the man is not interested

Acidosis:



I don't think you know how much your husband earns monthly. You may have been exaggerating things. Women do this a lot.

crackhaus:

I guess this proves the fact that a lot of women these days marry men who will increase their status in life.

So let's get back to the drawing board, please share with us exactly why your husband would rather invest so much on his daughter than on you.

YOUNGELDER1:
What about your family?
Since your husband decides to act this way, reasons best known to him.
Why not ask your family for a soft loan or something?
I mean your siblings or even well to do uncles & aunties?

bukatyne:


It is not enough to ask yourself for 4 years.

You have painted your husband as a good father.

Let's assume he earns N350k per month, how is your daughters fees per term/year? How much is your rent? Does he have dependents? How much do you spend on feeding? Is he doing any special project like building a house?

Do you really know how the money go every month?

What do you use your salary for?

greatnaija01:
HIKE THE FEES

OR GET A LOAN

midnighter:


Sorry about it dear...

Do you have any kind of skill? Like can you make hair? Maybe you'd start inviting clients to your home

I have only heard of the man refusing to help train his kids...this one is strange

Sorry to ask this question but has he ever told you that you've offended him for any reason? I don't understand

Jmk9292:


I wonder o. Why would a man that earns up-to 300k neglect his own wife to her fate? ..
Unless the wife in question has some dubious aspects of hers' she has not told us..... If the man is free of spell and the woman as good as she states then, she deserves every assistance from the husband... ....
Unless the man has an offshore concubine....

internationalman:
If you slept with the employers the job would have been your by now.

May God reward your faithfulness with a more suiting and paying job than your husband's..


That's the best revenge you could ever hope for.. He will feel inferior and his self esteem will drop and climb down dat high horse if when he learns that you now not just earn but earn better than him.

That's if what you say about him is true.

bukatyne:


From this, your husband cares about your daughter's education and welfare (I am judging best school is expensive a d you have not said anything about fending for your daughter yourself).

So he doesn't care about your welfare and education. As in he doesn't care about you.

The question is why? I have been asking myself that question for the past 4 years....

midnighter:
So have you broached this topic with him...like what's his excuse for allowing you to go about in rags while he's earning 500k

greatnaija01:


she can get the kids school fees and delay payment while she INVESTS or STARTS A BUSINESS. or she can send the child to another school without the husband knowing yet until she has her own money ....

MANY WOMEN DO IT.


she is not desperate yet.

Jmk9292:
Your husband should assist you start up something unless he is under a spell......