GiantParrot:


His mother has no respect for you

He is not a stingy person. He assists his family and takes care of his daughter.

He knows you have potential, but does nothing to help you achieve it.

He does not treat you with basic human decency. No one should have to beg for a simple respectful treatment.

All I see is hatred.

If this story is true, is a marriage that exists in an atmosphere of hatred still worth it? it looks like he's trying to frustrate you out of the house, without having the balls to ask you to leave to your face. Perhaps so he can look good before people and say: she left of her own accord.

You should confront him. Tell him you can see clearly that he hates you, and wants to frustrate you out. Many manipulative narcissists love to run away from such conversations. They may naturally respond with anger. But it's important that the conversation be had for your sake. Let him be forced to have that conversation. Let him clealrlu state what he wants for the future of your union. He should know that you are no fool, and do not deserve to be treated as one. This conversation is very important.

Meanwhile, never forget that you have potential. And your potential can still be realized. The road maybe rough. But there can still be light at the end of tunnel. Keep being hopeful.

thanks really appreciate..And please ,dont doubt my hurt it real,and that's why am here...

Octopusssy:

With all due respect, mum, please don't talk that way about my family. I won't take it. I won't stand you disrespecting my family.

Along that line sha. Give her once or twice like that. Scatter your dada.

I know that's what I will do.

I admire your choice of words and how you place it out here but I always think about the possible outcome before I utter any word to people,I think of the consequence of my words to them,what might be the worst that could happen after I have made that statement,(3) I also think,reacting to this situation is it worth it? (4) what if she choose to massage her ego and throw me into the police station,who will know that I am there and will my husband bail me??when I have taught of the possible response...then the person who said silence is golden is indeed no fool after all...goodmorning. for all those who ask how old I am,I am 25 years

And please my people,am very much open to a better job offer,make your girl no die for suffer,if not for my sake but for my family that needs my help,you might say it doesn't [b][/b]t concern you,but Las Las every good we do has it's way of coming back,its just a matter of time...before now till next year June,I will save up 50k to start a petty trade....but. before June next year,am willing to volunteer free for any accounting firm in port harcourt..you dont need to pay me salary,yea I will WORK FOR FREE,cos the truth is,I need to reminisce in my field again,and I also want to be under a mentor,a practicing accountant....so that when am done I can on my own manage the accounts of small businesses with a fee attached...they are all streams of income...please guys...I want to do a FREE VOLUNTEER job for any accounting firm or account dept of any organisation,or company,to boost experience in my field,feel free to PM me...#UnhappyMarriedNigerianWomanRebranded..#I CAN DO IT..#OnBECOM FINANCIALLY INDINDEPENDENT,#Grateful

farady:
OP, I have read the comments. See there's no point talking back at your mum or your husband. Since you're already doing a teaching job that fetches little, I suggest you continue with it, while you try applying to dinner either schools that pay higher.

I read where you said you have no skills. Look everyone of us have a skill that God has deposited inside of you and me. You need to sit down, pray and ask God to reveal to you. If you ask Him, He will reveal it to you. Usually it's something you can do effortlessly. It is only when you need to further polish it, you might need to go for training and even acquire certifications.

Yes, you may have read accounting, but that may not be your interest. That is why you need to discover your passion. It's the passion you grow up to create value, value that solves a problem. It's when that value solves a problem that people pays for it. For example, you love braids; how it makes a woman beautiful and you create variety of designs effortlessly, doing each sessions quickly. You can start from your house within your neighborhood and before you know it you're literally booked all through the week.

It could be accounting, then you can save. Yes save from a side hustle (skill). It may take time, maybe years but if you follow your passion, you will get there.

Whether your husband gives to you or not shouldn't even bother you. Still pray for him. Thank God he takes care of the home and your daughter. Continue to love him and respect him. Keep your home very clean, neat and orderly. Cut off from your friends that are mocking you. Like someone wrote, buy materials and see them beautifully. You can make simple but beautiful dresses for little money. It's for you to look simple, very neat and presentable.

If you do the above and with God in your side, you will surprise one day, just one day, your husband will ask, how he can assist you or ask what you need, without you asking.

Your matter dey simple. Give your husband the benefit of doubt, think inwardly for that talent in you, be a good wife and home maker, pray for your husband and commit your home and marriage to God in prayers always. Proverbs 14:1 says "Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." So my dear be wise.

thank you for this piece...thanks alot

Octopusssy:

I wonder why you will allow anyone talk to you like this. Have you no self esteem??

with the circumstances of events pls suggest to me what my self esteem can do,in regards to how you wish I should respond to her?.

bukatyne:


I have read the thread even with the forced marriage stuff due to pregnancy.

To be honest, I do not see much difference between your marriage and a typical Nigerian marriage except for he doesn't buy you clothes part.

Your husband is even very financially responsible. Worse case, he has a parallel family he takes of but again, the typical Nigerian wife is fine with a cheating hubby especially when he is financially responsible.

You can do a census to know how many Nigerian husbands buy clothes or cream for their wives. Your case is not so different.

I know wives who take care of the kids, pay their tuition and finance the home more than 70% and yes, the husbands make much more. They say they are the new type of Lagos husbands.

My honest advise is that you look for another job or means to make more money so you can take care of yourself. If you are an accountant, look for small businesses you can keep their books for a small fee at weekends. Your husband is not mostly around so you have a lot of time on your hands. You can sell snacks in your school, you can even check your daughter's school if they can employ you. It could afford you more time.

If you were not a typical Nigerian woman, you would not be in this marriage. I refuse to believe that the man loved you all the years you were with him.

It is well.

thank you so much

Plead:



The story looks fake sef ...from the main OP and to her replies on the thread


Most people just feel like replying cuz they know it’s fake

I will not say this should be your portion...so you will know how fake it feels..that's why people tend to keep things to theirselves and die in silence because of people like you...you still say this even in a faceless forum..dissappointing... dont joke with people's hurt,you dont know the strength they took out from within to speak up

ahnie:

Glad to hear this.... thumbs up!
Kindly give me a mention when you're set.
Bueno el lucko!

I will....tnxs

I have heard all your suggestions,and am going to save to start a petty business...and hope things will get better...you guys r like my extended family here, and I dont take your advise for granted..sincerely I appreciate all..the constructive criticism,the subtle advise all sums up that truely,people still care after all..am grateful...thanks and wish me luck...

sassysure:

She is in a lifeless relationship. If not for his daughter,3 months she will not set eyes on him even if he is in town.
Let's just tell her the truth.

my goodness

sassysure:


This is the cross of the matter.
Even though he disvirgined you and went out with you for yrs, that man isn't into you.
It seems like he was forced to marry u which he never planned to do. U trapped him with pregnancy when he dont want to marry u
He don't want another child with you. If he loves you and is financially okay, why did he put a stop in child bearing.

Can't u see the hand writing?

When we say don't trap a man with belle, some of us no go hear.
There are condoms and contraceptives.
Have sex as much as u want but be alert. Learn your body system if u must do skin to skin.

I wouldn't be surprised if he has another family out there with the support of his family who is already against u.

U are on your own.
Be wise and use your number six.

When u get your bearing, free yourself.

there was a church program I attended the pastor told me my husband has a child outside my marriage but I choose not to believe it

Gloriagee:
Locking the door may result in violence but u can speak to him in the dead of the night. I trowey hand for our fore mothers... they got this whole stuff down to an art

I have tried speaking to him in the night countless times and nothing happened

baby124:
OP,
Are you looking for solutions or money? Cause you keep going on and on as if you are helpless and hopeless. Do what pleases you abeg...*closes thread door*

you can say it again..right now I feel helpless and hopeless

Fountainofyouth:
So far, the only problem he had with you is getting pregnant and blaming you solely for it, he is still blaming you with his attitude towards you, very painful, this thread is very sad and painful, if he doesn't want you anymore, he should divorce you and take his child instead of making you suffer, he shouldn't have married you then, you sef, why will you marry someone that wanted you to abort? why will you do this to yourself? that should have sink into your head that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you talk more of marriage, you have to divorce or separate for a while cos I cannot advice another human being to live a miserable life all cos of marriage, you need your sanity back and you need it without him in the picture, either you lay it all bare to him fiercely, and if he doesn't budge, take a walk, he is punishing you for what is not your fault, what da hell!!!

thank you so much for the advise...I appreciate

LadySarah:
Keep doing good wife while life passess you by.
Do you want to die unfilfilled?

Lock the doors and ask him of he is happy in ur unhappiness.Both of you must arrive at a positive conclusion before the doors are opened.Change Tactics.Dont let poverty/marriage demean ur
person.

How can he be paying #160k fees for your daughter while you cant boast of #1k in ur acc?

What if he dies today?What if he loses his job.How can he earn 250_450 and no side biz/investment?

Both of you are jokers!!!!!

he doesn't want to give me the money to do side biz,I dont know what he has in his head...I really dont know. I will try locking the door tactics..I hope it works..the man that wants to give me the govt work has told me I have just this week to decide to be his mistress or not

LordKO:
@OP

The earlier you accept the bitter truth that the man has never been in love with you genuinely, and that you don't have what it takes to command his soft spot, the better for you - this doesn't automatically make neither you nor him a bad person. Both of you have never been mutually in synchronization and altruism. He can do better though, since both of are already married, regardless of the circumstances that necessitated the marriage. He lacks humaneness.

Only a man who has always been genuinely in love with you - a man who fell in love with you because of your innate quality (attribute/immaterial thing) - can move mountains for you at every point in time, regardless of your financial standing in particular and overall condition in general.

You've to continue to sort yourself out.

thank you too....but my problem now is,I dont know where to start from

Redberyl:
This explains a lot. Clearly he was never interested in getting married to you. The only reason he did is because of the pregnancy which he didn't want in the first place.

The fact that he doesn't want another child with you goes to show that he has emotionally checked out of that marriage. Make serious effort to plan your life without him, that man doesn't love you. He never did in the first place. I won't be surprised to know he has another woman outside that he is crazy about and lavishing his money on.

thanks for these...my reasoning has thus, been re arranged.....

Omojudy:

Hey dear, we were chatting in PC, where did u go?

ok..o chart in my free time

ifyalways:

Is that Fed Govt job offer (the one that came with mistress clause) still open and you have a single gf that will be willing to play ball with you to achieve your purpose? If yes to both questions, go with your cute, well dressed girlfriend ( she must be prettier than you) to the mans office ,introduce them and subtly excuse yourself. If the man is a randy goat as you have painted here, he will make moves on your gf and your gf will drop the ultimatum:- he must give you your appointment letter before anything.
Get yout appointment letter, be smart in the office, learn the ropes and plant yourself in firmly by getting to know the bosses and being on their sweet side so the randy man wont have any chance to come for you incase your gf does not play ball.
Your mama no teach you how to corner men? This is Nigeria, you are already at an advantage being lady,whats left is how to be smart and act swiftly. Being married does not stop a street savy woman. Your husband will not change, you dont have to shift yout pant for anyone either unless you want to but you have to do something to change your situation. Take charge of your life.

I tried this with him..but he insisted that it must be me..that he has had an eye on me since year one.....

ifyalways:

You said you have a four years old daughter but married in 2016 meaning you had your child before marriage
If your family truly went through hell to put you through school and then you went and foolishly got yourself knocked up, rushed in to marriage as opposed to finding your feet in life via a career path then you had this coming. Your husband will never invest on you because he does not want other men to look at you when hes gone.

You have to compromise something to get what you want at this point. What would you compromise and will it be worth it? Your call.

what can I compromise I dated him right from when I finished secondary school...till my final year in the university, my daughter was as a result of me being disvirgined by him...he said I should abort it I told him I can't cant,i have never done abortion and he knows thats,he insisted that this can be the first but I stood my ground my people got aware of my pregnancy and insisted the father must marry me,and he married me...would that bad why he is treating me this way....ever since we gave birth to my daughter he told me he is not ready for another child

sisisioge:
Hmmm...OP, if all your claims are correct, then you are not in a fruitful venture. Normally, you know what people do with fruitless ventures? They either take the bull by the horns and force it to be fruitful or they simply desert the venture. Its your call...you can't be whining upandan. I wish you success.

what do you think I should do?

Olufemiolaolu:
some unseen forces are behind it I guess. You don't have to be bad for people to hate you OK. If you aren't careful he may do worse than this. Prayer is what you need now.

tnk you,I will keep praying

Olufemiolaolu:
Im wondering what he is investing his money on really? It's a pity he doesn't have people to talk sense into him. Liberate your self financially through prayers.

I have been praying,and still praying

Olufemiolaolu:
Your hubby may be investing in software.(side chicks) Watch out. Your mother in law obviously wants him to kick you out. This your situation needs urgent prayers oooo

why will she want me to be kicked out with nothing,have I not been through enough,I love fiercly,am dedicated wholly, I put in my best in everything I do..I practice to see the good in people even when am hated by them,I live a God fearing good life,I have never cheated on my husband both in relationships until marriage,I am very supportive,am very beautiful,I had to go on low cut because the cost of maintaining hair is beyond my reach to afford..I dont know where av gone wrong....why can't I get a good job to be useful to myself and my family who look up to me.....my life

Olufemiolaolu:
Your hubby may be investing in software. Watch out. This your situation needs urgent prayers oooo

please what is software

Kaycee54321:
This is what happens when a woman marries a man because he is 'ready' or financially stable instead of for Love... If the man Loves you, he wouldn't be treating you like this but our Ladies won't hear...anyways, what do I know?


As others have said, in your career, you really need to get those certifications if you want to get a good job. Prayers are good but if you don't make moves, you won't get any results.

I married him because I love him...still with that love in my heart I pour out my heart here....when he was working with his company his first pay was 60k,we were dating then and when we got married in space of 4 years ,he has been upgraded,..to the present pay he has..so I never married him for money that's y I am comfused...

baby124:

Your husband knows this? Well this is your opportunity to make her eat her words.

You need to have a very tough conversation with your husband. If anything happens to him and you are not stable, his beloved daughter may be the one to suffer. No one can love her like her father and mother. He needs to stand and do the best he can for his family.

I have had tons of this conversation which its result was negative..that's why am here

baby124:

Better join a church that does to help yourself. The church you currently attend cannot even sponsor your exam, so of what use are they? Relationship with church should be both ways cause they will not hesitate to collect tithe from your 12k

thanks for this advise

Owiii:

Madam, most offshore workers have concubine in town. Once they are in town, they invite their concubine to the hotel, stay for some days before going to meet their family. Your mother in law have a hand in what you are suffering because it's like your hubby is a mummys boy. I believe he seeks almost all advice from his mum and that will definitely affect your home.

yeaaaaa,I think am beginning to see a clearer picture....

baby124:

Really? Your mother in law said this to you

she doesn't like me....no matter how I try am never good enough...am emotional right now..but my life for you...and Yes,with every opportunity she has,she never make me forget.

Femsyn:
This is why I always advise women to always get themselves busy before marriage, especially when the man is conservative.

Also, this should've been one of the subjects of discussion with your potential hubby.

Look women! The society doesn't favour you per say, especially your decisions after marriage. This is why you must have salient discussions, and not be in a haste.

I see women not being able to fulfill potentials, just because they're married. OP, your destiny is in your hands and know you're someone's child, whose investment must not go down the drain.

thank you for the reminder..I needed to hear this..

baby124:
OP,
Also join women’s groups in church. Preferably attend a big church. You will meet women that can help your career and business.

my church dont have women group,I attend salvation ministries