1. Who are you now going to see in the US since you did not attend your uncle's wedding?
2. What are the reasons you could not make it for the wedding since you got your visa?
3.How much are you travelling with?
4. Who will be picking you at the airport and where do you intend staying?
5. How long do you intend to stay for and doing what?

These are some of the likely questions you would be asked, when you respond then I can start advising..

But know one thing, you showing up at another POE from the one declared is a 'RED FLAG'..

ethnicgirl:
good day forum members, pls i'm a little confused on some things and i'd appreciate it if you guys can help with answers.I got my visa in September to attend my uncle's wedding but due to some personal circumstances,i couldn't make the wedding.now,i have decided to travel after my exams in December for Xmas. but here's why am confused;

1.would i have any issues at POE just because i didn't travel for the wedding when i was supposed to since that was my main reason for applying for the visa?

2.the wedding was meant to be in texas but i have decided to use newyork as my POE. Texas is still going to be my final destination but i want the travelling experience and flights to newyork are relatively cheaper than flying to houston,texas.

3.Is it advisable to travel by road from newyork to houston for a first timer?if so,how do i arrange and pay for bus/train tickets.if not,would i have to book a connecting flight from newyork to houston before travelling?
pls guys i would love if you can really help me with this.this is going to be my first time travelling and i dont wanna make any mistakes especially at the POE.thanks

Bros 700K.. Deal?

Why don't you post your real story for all to see and learn.

depressedsoul:
I was born and bred in Lagos Nigeria. i am over 30 but swimming in poverty. i attended a university in Ogun state but i dropped out due to the loss of my mother who happened to be my sponsor back then. My father died before i was 4years old so i had no one to fall back on. I am the only child and life has been so cruel to me. I have no job at hand. My fathers family has taken possession of his property at Agege Lagos because they insist my mother had me for another man due to stories i'm hearing for the first time since my parent's demise. The story of my life is so wide, bitter and depressing. The moral of my epistle is that i need a casual job to survive. I am contemplating suicide at the moment and i almost drank sniper insecticide today. This is my last attempt at survival before i do the needful on my existence. Nairalanders please help me find any legal job be it unskilled labour. I have tried and tried but to no avail. Pardon me for been incoherent. I am a depressed soul waiting to see if my life can have a second chance.

This is not fraud nor scam. if you really want to know how real my story is kindly send me a private message.

God bless you for this contribution.

Oliviaarims:
@OP,I'm sorry yhu got urself into this kind of situation... So far,from ur story,the only wise decision yhu made was terminating that pregnancy, even though it's unethical. First of all,I can't fathom why a girl will willingly make herself a side chic,don't u love urself? Stop competing with that man's Scotland fiancée, u don't stand a chance. That man's just been using u,he won't marry u..at best,he'd turn u into a mistress. Do u want that? U wantu break a home?

U better start thinking 'bout severing all ties u av with him. Forget but the money he might have. As 4 the Muslim guy,he seems to me like an opportunist. Plus,u might be right about his fishy dealings. Marrying somebody u know u'd never love is stupidity. What's in it 4 u? 4 now,he can't adequately take care of ur needs as a wife. BTW,are u gainfully employed?

Don't allow the fact that u're 27 to coax u into making a terrible mistake. A bad marriage is hell! Take ur time and start all over again and be careful not to make silly mistakes again.

Ur family should not pressure u into doing anything. U're old enough to make decisions for yourself. Good luck to u.

The muslim guy has other intentions you dont know about, Please trust me on this!!! Give yourself more than enough time, you are soooooooo rushing things that you will probably regret the action. No decision here is truly from you and you are the one going to get married to a stranger because he came to see your family? Please dont let your story be 'O ma She o'.. If the muslim guy loves you, he will wait for you to be ready and not agree with everything you say just so you marry him. I see a trap before you!

Please give yourself time to be calm and stable enough! This might be a life time regret, there are too many 'NO' signs, what's your rush? It has never been about getting married but getting married to the 'Right' person.

A word is enough for the wise!

ugojohnlittle:
Good morning all,
I am a 27year old lady. I went into a relationship with a young Ikwerre guy exactly a year ago, he is 31 years old and works in an oil servicing firm here in Port Harcourt, we grew so in love with each other but there were two problems.
First; I am a Muslim while he is a Christian, and the second being being that he told me when we began our relationship that he was already engaged to a lady who was doing her masters in Scotland.
I was devastated at first, but he was just so nice and our compatibility was like no other, I just couldn't afford to lose him so we continued our relationship despite pressure from friends and family to leave him because of his religion.(no one knows of his relationship status) we still stuck together and like no man I've known, he was completely faithful to me.
Around July this year, his girlfriend came back from Scotland and visited, he told me when she got in and even told me when she'd be visiting.
He promised me that things won't change, the only thing being I couldn't visit him at home..to make up for this, he came straight to spend time with me once he closed from work and then will go home to her. I was really heartbroken then staying at home imagining what may have been going on with them. It was even worse when I called sometimes and he would not pick but will return the call later or in the morning.
She spent a week and went back to Calabar as she works with a Strategic Consultancy firm there. My boyfriend came back and told me to please understand that his heart truly belongs with me and that no one can take my place.
I however discovered from him that she came to conclude their marriage plans and that they were getting married in February 2016. I wanted to die, the thought of losing him was so painful, I was heartbroken and needed someone to cry to. He was with me all through this trying times assuring me that he'd forever be there for me and adviced me to take things easy.

All the while there was this guy that has been pestering me on whatsapp that he was crazy about me, begging me to give him a chance. I had always told him unequivocally that I was in love and in a relationship with someone else and warned him never to call me again
This guy does not have a job, he is a petty soft drink retailer, a devout muslim and acts extremely timid and naive he has a HND in engineering. I told him I was not interested and he said I should give him a chance.
I then told him never to call me that if he was serious he should come and meet my family.
The next day he was in my house with his people that he wanted to marry me.
My parents accepted him as they wanted me to break up with the Christian. He said he wanted to perform the islamic traditional rites by that weekend and I said no way. My whole relatives and friends begged me to accept him.
But my only reason for this was that I didn't know how to face my friends if they learnt that my boyfriend who I boasted was the best in the world married someone else. So I wanted to marry before he did.
I told the muslim guy that I did not love him and confessed to him that I was pregnant for my boyfriend, he said he didn't mind, that he will claim the pregnancy, he has also said he will not even hug me till our wedding night. I have aborted the baby as I took some drugs that made me bleed, my boyfriend wants me to keep the baby but we were cared that the drugs I took without his consent might affect the foetus or cause complications as the pregnancy progressed...the muslim guy does not know this

I do not know anything about him, I just know he still stays with his parents, and sisters and even has a sister who is back home from a failed marriage.

There are a few fishy signs, he said he broke up with his ex and changed his lines because of her, that I consider as being callous,
He also said his mom always disapproves of his choice of women but that she accepted me because of my calm disposition..but i am not calm, I am very opinionated and temperamental when you get to really know me. So it means his parents are domineering.
Whenever I don't take his call or tell him not to come see me, he calls all my family members reporting me.

I did not tell my boyfriend what happened and told him I wanted to let him move on, he probed further and I told him that someone had come for my hand in marriage.
He was really heartbroken that I stabbed him at the back, he said why did I not carry him along afterall he was always there for me. He was so heart broken and I felt so guilty, he said he will let me follow my heart and that he was hurt that I did not love him unconditionally. I begged him not to and almost killed myself when he told me to go my way.
We however made up and he started rationalizing it, telling me not to get married out of condition or compulsion. That my only fear was that I would share him with another lady but if I rushed into marriage, that the guy had the option to marry 3 more wives if it was not working with me and I will be stuck with my fear of forever sharing my man.

My boyfriend and his friends have begged me not to rush in to a marriage with some one I don't love but we have fixed the marriage date for December 4th this year.
I do not love him at all and he knows I am still seeing my boyfriend, he says that love will grow that he will let me do whatever I want to.
My boyfriend wants to prevent me from making this mistake according to him and is trying to get me a job away from here so I can relocate and clear my head. He says he loves me selflessly and will not allow me go into an unhappy family.
This other guy said if we get married and I get a job he will allow me relocate.
Please advice me what to do as I know I will forever love my boyfriend and this other guy is acting too suspicious.

Could this be love, what do I do now?

Thanks for your contribution. You said you did not pray before proposing to your wife. I am guessing having been friends with her for some time, you had that gut feeling that she was the one, right? What helped you make up your mind?

Harbb:
I'm happily married for upward of 5years now. Honestly speaking, a happy marriage is not a straight jacket. What makes it work varies from individual to individual. But the underlying factor is understanding.
I met my wife while still in the University here in Nigeria. We became close friends, initially with no strings attached. As the friendship progressed, we began to understand one another. I can tell you even at the level of friendship it was not smooth.
Let me state here that we are both Christians, without sounding to undermine the potency of prayer, I didn't pray before proposing to my wife.

To be continued...

At least they would have a certain level of satisfaction and contentment with their married lives. I know no one can be happy 100%. Get my point?

parrygee:
Who told u they are happy?

well

simdam500:


What else does that your insatiable friend want the guy to say?

That "she just made his day"

The Lady does not need his money, trust me.

wolestix:
Anyway to me oooo, the Bros never get money well well, if the bros don hammer correct money. The attraction go come by fire or by force (even aki and pawpaw get wife)... If another lady comes around to marry the guy and ur friend in question is not married yet, she will start blaming the devil that does not exist for her high taste guy with 6 packs. Sit down dia, age stil dey for her side. Go and marry CR7 now. Shebi u want a guy u re proud to show off. Like as if the show-off is what u re after in the marriage.

There is a wise Yoruba adage that says 'Eshin waju ni teyin wo sa re' meaning 'the horse running in-front is what the ones coming behind watch as they race forward'

A lot of brothers are willing to settle down but want to make the right choice, so we need help from our elders that have been in our situation. I have heard many different stories and how they ended, some started bad and ended well but some that started on a good note left the guys involved in regrets, a lot of scenarios. Many says its best to meet a good lady in church, mosque, club, house party, weddings or even on the street, well I believe where one meets a lady does not really matter but getting to truly know who the lady truly is.

Please I am pleading to Happily Married Men on Nairaland home and away to share their experiences before and after marriage. Please, also give us elderly advise so we can lead better lives.

PS: Married Ladies too can please give us some advice, many of us will marry your sisters, nieces, friends etc.

Many thanks and sincere appreciation in advance!

i have heard this before @don't marry a woman you love. Can you please shed more light on this?

nedu2000:
Whether she's cheating or not shouldn't matter.
If she can take care of your kids,maintain your home and doesn't bring a disease home should be your problem. Don't marry a woman you love
It's a tragic realisation but it's the best way to live up to a 100

Hello Everybody!

So the decision has been made. My friend told the brother that she will rather have him as a friend than go into a relationship with him or marry him. She said before and after she told him and explained everything ,he did not say 1 WORD except for 'thank you' and he left!

She is asking for my advice but i do not know what to say. I promised to update what happened on nairaland so here we are!


My friend is confused...........

Apart from Oil & Gas and Real Estate, what other business in Nigeria generates high financial returns?

Most especially that one business that will soon take over and is already beginning to be well sort after?

Minus entertainment industry please.

Thank you in advance..

Thank you all for your contributions/comments, so my friend says she is telling the brother her mind tomorrow 14th Oct 2015.

Watch out for Part 2. lol

I am a bit confused about certain aspects of life as I have come across Islamic Clerics/Imams and also some men of God that acknowledge giving what is to Caesar to Caesar and what is to God to God.

They translate this to mean that for one to live a successful life on earth so that everything goes smoothly without attack from spiritual wolfs & predators, atonement to these ones (evil ones/the mamas that we do not see but see the works of their hands) need to be done from time to time and one can still continue to serve God. They say this means one's life easier.

I find it a bit confusing, is this what God says? Does that mean every successful person carries out this practice?

Please I will like to hear from Muslims, Christians and maybe traditionalist on NL if this is true. If you can, please share life experiences that may support or go against this practice.

May God speak here as we all contribute/comment and share our experiences. Thank you all in advance

ok, thanks.

faith551:


She should give herself time

lol

faith551:


Thank you very much, can I have my peace now?

Haba! Snoring causing breakup. I am not sure about this one. Lol

She likes him, but not the way he wants (relationship/marriage) and she does not want to force it.

faith551:


Why not, it's 100% true, how do you feel about someone you just don't like, you might not hate the person but maybe there's something you don't like about the person, you'll just keep on avoiding the person.
Things like snoring have caused break ups in marriage.

Well, apart from him just being a Christian, she honestly said they have quite similar goals and aspirations including that she does not see the guy giving her any stress that she cannot handle. But it is just this physical attraction sha..

One scenario she gave me was, for them ladies, no matter how rich a guy is or how well he spends or shows love, if you ladies do not like the person or are not attracted to him, nothing he does will ever fully please you although you can appreciate.

Please, this question is from me. Is this true?

faith551:



Hahahahahaha, no be small thing ooo, brother let me tell you a story
There was this brother in my church, a very religious brother who is in his late 30's and wasn't married yet, then there was this sister that was an usher, very holy and quiet after much pressure, brother decided to marry and behold he choose anty usher, the brother in question is not that financially buoyant, he is just a self employed man striving to keep life going, after much preparation and everything ppl where happy brother decided to marry and we're waiting for date, the brother decided the wedding will be on December, but behold late November sister said she doesn't want to marry again, the church committee came and asked what the problem was and she said it's nothing that she just doesn't want to marry him, and brother was heart broken and dejected.
After a while I was discussing with him and he made some comments, that at a point he was wondering if he'll even like to marry the lady, that she's too primitive and nags a lot,
You should be wise as serpents the Bible says, what's wrong with a lady saying she's not really physically attracted to a guy, as a matter of fact the only thing good she sees in him is the fact he is a Christian.
Spirituality has where it has its applications, and then there are circumstances where u have to use your wisdom and reasoning.

Point of correction, not all guys please. Thank you

Missonas:

Would I like that? Thats the normal thg for u guys.Boo babymama sidechic what have u lol even the wife is jst dere

No hard feelings please, your contributions are very much valuable.. I appreciate

faith551:



Can you imagine, so am a Hinduist nau, if she's a Christian then why is she asking the question? Let her go ahead and marry him nau. I wasn't saying the guy is bad or anything am just saying before u go into marriage u must be in terms with your resolution.
One thing with us is that we spiritualize everything, Christianity is a religion, but then there is character, attitude and personality. From the post, the girl doesn't really know if she likes the guy, but all she's saying is that the guy is a Christian, now are you telling me there is no Christian guy out there that his attitude and appearance will be compatible with that of the girls?
She said she doesn't like his appearance and that she doesn't think she'll be comfortable showing him off even before the marriage, so what do you think will become of them in 5 years time? Aby holy spirit go change the guy appearance or make her proud to show him off? They will be living their life in pretence and one day problem will come in, maybe divorce follows and then regret.
Make una no disturb me on this matter again, the Op asked for advice and I gave him a piece of my mind, and he's OK with it, so what's the heck with all the mentions?

Bless you for this contribution, you have said it all... God bless you once again for drawing out the major point!

naijadeyhia:



You seem not to realize that the foundation of this lady in question is a Christian one and the rule guiding her in relationship is different from yours which is why she seems to be having this struggle. Its between her body and her spirit. He body seeks attraction but her spirit sees different.

Your comment/contribution is highly appreciated and understood. Are you saying she should ignore what bothers her and just close her eyes to it?

naijadeyhia:


If she is Christian then she should stop talking about being attracted to the guy as a criteria. What does the bible talk about marriage? Did God consult Adam before giving him eve? He just came out of deep sleep and saw the woman.

No, I don't think she is being a true christian to think that way. And I don't think it's rational to think that way either.

It would have two implications:

1) No homely people, no plain people, would get married.
2) Those who get married when they are pretty, and then change when they get old—lose their hair, get wrinkles, and get flabby—would fall out of love and would have no good marriages anymore.

I mean, that's just ridiculous. And yet I suppose the question is asked because there is such an emphasis, I guess, in our culture that if you don't look really attractive you're probably not going to get married. If you don't look really attractive, you're probably going to cause your wife or husband to go looking for somebody else. And there's a lot of books out there, I suppose, that say to a wife or husband that you're going to lose this guy or girl if you don't stay really pretty or handsome.

Well, he or she should try to stay as attractive as they can. But you can't put that on any of them. You can't make his faithfulness the outcome of her looks or vice versa. That's just not the way it works.

We are called as men to be faithful the way Jesus is faithful to his bride. And his bride, frankly, stinks! We are not that attractive! He died to make us attractive, according to Ephesians.

I think when Jesus looks at us, if he doesn't look at us in himself, he's not going to be excited about this marriage feast at the end of the age.

The word "biblical" in this question is perhaps intended to take me to a text. And of course the text that comes to mind is, when it speaks to beauty, 1 Peter 3:3: "Don't let your beauty be the outward beauty of the wearing of gold, and the braiding of hair, and the wearing of clothes."

It doesn't say "fine clothes." It's just "clothes," so you know it's not an absolute, as though not wearing clothes is good thing. It means the jewelry, the hair, and the clothes are not the focus. And our culture needs to hear that unbelievably. Marriages need to hear it, men and women need to hear it. That's not the main focus of beauty. The focus should be the inner spirit.

So women should ask, "What kind of spirit should I cultivate for my man and vice versa?" as well as, "How should I eat and dress and exercise for my man?" And the man should do the same: "What kind of inner spirit makes her flourish?" because there is a kind of spirit in a man that kills a woman or frightens or bores her.

And a man shouldn't mainly be pumping iron. Because, frankly, most women could care very little about what their husbands look like, unless they're just making fools of themselves. They want a spirit, a strength, a humility, a nobility. They want someone to pick them up and sweep them away.

In their worst moments women Mostly read novels about exciting romances, because their husbands are so boring!

And so it cuts both ways. I think we husbands should labor not so much with the outward man, and the women shouldn't labor so much with the outward woman. Rather, we should all cultivate the kind of beauty that we all deeply long for in relationships.

A marriage is a relationship. When you're old, gray, wrinkled, overweight (or underweight), squinty, bent over, and hobbling along, maybe you'll be holding hands at 85 because of the inner beauty.

Can you please elaborate on your experience? thanks

anyaekekehinde:


I had to painfully quit a relatuonship lately bkos of this issue of physical attraction, I was nice to the babe, caring and all, but i felt since i was not physically attractive to her, no point in staying with her. Though she later started begging and saying sorts, but i have moved on

for?

RapLawd:
Pray

Flip the scenario, would you like that?

Missonas:
See as 'keep him close' dey vex guys sha

30 but looks younger than her age

ogaprime:


She should bother to date him then since she's yet to enter into a relationship with him.

And how old is she??

Non of such

Nnemuka:

may be the guy is a midget, ugly with a bad breath.

And if she takes anyone to marry and the marriage does not even last say 4years due to something she suspected would happen? would that be wise?

kechywillz:
Women dont know that men are scarce,utilize this opportunity now,when u clock 30 and above,no be person go tell u say man na man,irrespective of not been romantic

As a matter of fact, the guy is not in anyway disabled and he has a splendid command of English. Yes, the thought of developing physical attraction for the guy has been the motivating factor for her not being severely blunt with him. Well, they were kind of paired and no he does not have any disgusting feature.. Long and short of it, her main concern is that she is not physically attracted to him at all. she even says she cannot imagine him kissing her in public that she will be soo shy! I too, I am lost for words but this is the situation she has found herself.

samopeyemi:
This is serious!
She is not attracted to him and won't be proud to show him off......is the guy physically challenged or is it about his look or command of English. Interestingly, she is comfortable enough to keep him as a friend.
I believe attraction can be developed (maybe) but the fact that she is not comfortable to show him off is what i dont get. Does the guy have any disgusting feature or what? Yet she is still friend with him. What type of friendship....to the extent that the guy is talking about marriage with her. What you can't eat, don't smell. It would have been better to have kept him as an acquaintance and not cross the line of friendship if she is not proud of him.