I am an 18-year-old female high school senior living with my mother and stepfather. I am a serious student, get excellent grades, participate in school activities and have friends. My biggest problem is boys. I can’t seem to connect with one. I think that I intimidate the good ones. The few who have asked me out are too lame for me and rather than spend a boring evening with them I send them away. Most of my friends have or have had boyfriends, but I am still a virgin. I’ve been told that I am cute and sexy so it can’t be that. I worry that if I do find someone I like, I won’t know the first thing about what to do. I’ll come off like some amateur and they will lose patience and interest in me.

I got an idea that I know will sound totally crazy, which was to have my stepfather teach me. He is supportive and understanding, and provides well for my mother and me. When I first brought it up with him, he was adamant he would not even consider it. I pestered him and I guess he thought it over because he finally agreed, but only with strict conditions. We would not go all the way. Instead, we would go step by step. Either one of us could call a halt at any time with no pressure. I set the pace. And we would never, ever tell anyone else about it.

We started about a year ago when he taught me how to kiss. I had kissed boys before, little quick ones, but never like that. I wanted to keep going, but he hit pause. Since then, I have gotten more comfortable with our arrangement and have wanted to speed things up. He always tells me to be patient and take the time to think it over. But by now we have done just about everything except have actual intercourse.

I worry that taking this last step will change things in a permanent way. I can’t deny that I find my stepdad attractive, but I don’t lust after him. He and my mom have a loving, affectionate relationship which I am not jealous of. But if we have sex and it is awesome, maybe I will start to want him. And he has told me things about how boys and men think about women. (All the boys imagine me naked and in bed with them? ALL of them?) I don’t want to lose him as a trusted source of intelligence from the other side.

If we stop now and if, God forbid, we are ever found out, at least we could say that we never had real sex. I would die if Dad ever got in trouble because of me. But we have done so much already, would it really matter if we did just one more thing? Also, I have become something of an expert on things that not even my girlfriends have done. Suppose some future boyfriend wants to know where I learned how to do all this stuff. I will have to lie about it. I’m going to school next year where I have been assured that there are smart, interesting men. Maybe I should quit while I am ahead.

I’m just so conflicted. I have no regrets so far, and I’m really tired of being the only girl in the Virgin Club. But there’s something about actually having sex with my stepfather that I don’t think anyone else would ever understand. I’m starting to think that this whole thing was a major, major mistake. Am I going to hell?
Please help

He argued with mom saying that she quit having sex with him, after they got married. He drank got depressed, cry and then talk with me and my younger sister. He was mad but mom changed. She acted strange then she got angry with our step dad.

She hit him when he was to drunk to defend his self many times. I felt sorry for him and hated my mom for treating him that way. At age sixteen I stayed home from school on Friday. He was off most Fridays and by noon time was drinking. I ask him to play ping pong. I poured him whiskey early. He drank a few while we sat on the basement sofa listening to music. He talked about mom and I told him to stop, lets talk about something else. He told me that mom would not blow him either.

I made him, I mean forced him to let me blow him. I demanded he not feel bad, but I demanded he not get drunk and tell anyone. I gave him an offer, I would give him sex a few times each week, I would blow him a few times each week, if he would stop arguing with mom for sex. Just love her and stop arguments.
He was uncomfortable with it for a long time, so I was the aggressor and I did the work. Then he got comfortable, we have good sex after that.

I took care of him before I left for college, My younger sister knew what we were doing. She helped us be alone and some time was look out. I helped my sister with him, She had no problems, she already had sex with three of her past boyfriends. She did not like giving blow jobs, but he was more than satisfied with the sex she gave him.

Mom gave him sex on special occasions and holidays. My sister moved back in after college, she still takes care of him now.
I still hold hard feeling for my mother. She's not a kind person.

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