well me and my exgirlfriend had dated for 7 months and in january she ended up meeting some guy, she told me about how he told her that he was telling her how girls should be treated and how i wasnt buying her nice stuff (i don't have a job and i think making things is more special than buying, but maybe that's just me) but anyway back to the story. i automatically hated him.

then in january i went on a trip and as i was driving back from the trip we got into a nasty fight and she decided we were on a "break" and i thought no big deal this has happened once before and i got her back in less than a day. so i get back home go to bed and wake up, but when i woke up we weren't dating again and we just never ended up technically "dating" but we remained exclusive to eachother, kissing, having sex, being all couply, etc.( i considered us dating)

and we ended up in another fight because i wanted to date her and she ended up kissing this other guy and she told me after we made up. i then told her i didn't want her doing that and to quit so she did, or at least she said she did,

and these things went on this way for 2 months i waited for her,

then  on Friday the  22ndf April she asked me to be hers out of the blue i dididn'tet it, but i was happy because my dreams were finally coming true, all the waiting paid off. but something weird happened, she said she wanted to stop having sex "because it was taking over our relationship" (we hardley ever did it anymore maybe once every 2 weeks) and we dated for a few days until Easter. then she said she felt bad for dating me because the other guy was hurt and i dodon'tike him so i could care less about what he thought. but me and my ex started talking and she asked me if she ever slept with another guy if i would be done with her for good, and not knowing what my answer was i said i don't know, then asked her if she slept with this guy, then for a second she laughed and then stared me directly in the eyes and she said even if i did i couldn'tell you, so i asked again and she admitted on thThursdaythe 21st) she slept with another guy, i then burst into tears and walked out of her house. she then begged for me back and still is i know shes extremely sorry and knows she made a mistake. (shitty Easter)

then we started talking a few days later and i still dodon'tnow what i want to do told her that i was gonna let time tell what would happen to us, but i had to know every little detail about their sex, so i asked her everything, if it was inintimate, if they were naked, etc. i had to know because my mind would wander and i wanted to know how bad it actually was.

so today (the 29th) i hung out with her and we still act like a couple(kiss and say i love you, no more) but i cant get the image of her and another guy having sex it is like a knife to the heart. i want to forgive her but i cant stop thinking about it. like just imaging it makes me so pissed off.

but heres that she told me about the sex thing, they had to do a project and afaftert was done they started watching a movie, then they started making out and she kept trying to distract him( which i don't doubt, she has done it to me before) and then after like the fourth time she distracted him he got up and got a condom and came up to her and asked her if she was sure she wanted to (she said she was scared to say no because she is scared of him when hes mad) but she also admits to wanting to a little bit and he took off her pants and proceeded to have sex with her and he asked her to be on top and she did for the last part of it, she says it wasnt inintimatend she dididn'trgasm, she also says she was thinking about me the whole time and even said my name outloud once while it was hahappening|_
i really don't know what to do, cause i want to keep her anandarry her but its really hard to forgive aand stuff and another problem is having sex with her again might be kinda hard for me( sex is a very inintimatend emotional thing to me and i feel so bebetrayedand also the trust issue i dodon'tnow what to do about that, if she evens mentions hanging out with friends i get really terrified. but she has also promised she will change and she will stop talking to this guy aand she tells me she hates seeing him and she talks about how much he annoys her.

but i was thinking maybe over time i would forgive her fully and we could just use this incident to make us stronger.

also if anyone could tell me if you think this was cheating( i do) but her friends all say it was fair game because we were broken up but i have always felt like we have been dating, so maybe ththat'shy.

but please thankyou for your input i really hope i can get some help, i currently have noone talk with about this and i am in terrible heartache but thankyou again for input