JallowBah:

Ooooh, I can`t wait.

I am celebrating my birthday there, and told him I want some cake. On my bed, in the morning. Lol. And he better be cooking me my favouritemeals down there.. I am also going to bring some norwegian food and chocolate with me, I know he misses some things. The only thing he said I HAVE to bring was toothpaste and a good toothbrush. Guess he is tired of using the sticks..hehe.

I am also excited to see what he thinks of how I look. I have been training at home, and I see the difference my self. I am actually nervous, to be honest. I am nervous to see how he reacts to seeing us again. I am nervous about only having two weeks there. I am nervous about even getting naked in front of him again..haha. I have never been in this situation before, the longest we have been apart earlier was 3 weeks. Now it will be 6months when I go there..oh laaaawd.

Oh my goodness, I am excited for you! I still love my husband the same way you love yours, and I know my hubby loves me too. Maybe in a few months' time we will feel the same way about each other like you will when you meet again in Gambia. I still have hope for us, you know

Have a lovely trip! And give a hug to your lil girl for me. I bet she is just as beautiful as my lil princess is.

I just noticed this your thread. Tooooo cute! I am really happy for you. I hope your trip to Gambia will be wonderful and that all your dreams will come true

JallowBah: They look to find a counselour who speaks english. There probably is at least ONE.
Or, if you both attend one church/mosque, ask for counseling with a priest/imam.

Yes, I will try to do that. This is really eating me up. My husband, the big, bold and brave man, has been crying, literally, like a baby here. I know he doenst want to break up, either. But it is really too bad that he has to start talking about it like that. I never did that to him. But of course, we react differently to things.

uj_sizzle: How about you both seek marriage counselling huh?
You've both done wrong, and don't trust eachother. Divorce cannot be an option because there are children to think about. If you're really interested in keeping your marriage then convince him it's time you both sought help outside. Get a third party, someone you both can trust. Get everything u've got against eachother out and then start working on yourselves.

P.S. Don't ever put personal info on Facebook.

It is very difficult to get counseling in English in this country. And using my native language would be very difficult for my husband. Of course he can manage with the language in evryday life but talking about issues like this? No, too confusing. I have considered talking to his brother about this but I dont know if it would help. At least I have to seek my husband approval before I do that.

JallowBah:

Kids are happy when their parents are happy. Either together, or apart.

Get counseling. And don`t fight or bring any of this up in front of the kids. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it might be extra hurtful for him that you did this when things started to go good for you ( your words.. ). Get counseling together. Find back to the reason you fell in love with each other. Ask yourself what it takes for you to trust him, and tell him what it takes. Ask him the same; what does it takes for him to trust you?

He thinks the only way he can trust me is to read my mails, check my phone and my Facebook. I don't think it is necessary. Even if it is, I still dont know how I could let him do that. I would break the trust that other people have for me by letting him see all our conversations. Already, a few of my friends have blocked me from Fb because of this. The community of Nigerians is small in this country, and they are other wifes of Nigerians involved in this. So, is it fair that we involve all those couples in our problems.

JallowBah:

I see your point there. But when he found this through messages, he probably want to make sure there is nothing more you are hiding. And I understand him.

But what do you want in this marriage? YOu want to stay? You think he will remain faithful to you, or do you think he will slip again?

He doesnt behave the same way anymore. I always knew when he had something going on. It was too obvious. He is not like that anymore, so he really has changed, I acknowledge that. But still, I dont know if he will cheat on me again. I just dont know.

I really want to stay. I love him with all my heart. I dont even know how it is possible after all that has happened, but I really do still love him. And I have worked too hard to let it all go. We also have three kids to think of.

JallowBah: I think you both have done wrong.

For e relationship to carry on after betrayel, the trust need to be restored, on both parts. You need to see you can trust him, and he need to see that you trust him. For him, this probably feels like a pay-back, and he worries you will go further, like he did. And I understand that.
At the same time, he should be working his butt off to gain your trust again.

No, he should not have cheated. And no, to make the relationship better, YOU should not have cheated either. Two wrongs don`t make a right..

You need to talk to your man, and explain why this happen. If you two can not work things out and be faithful to each other, you should either break up, or have an open marriage. Betrayel, lies and cheating behind each others back will do none of you any good.

Yes, I totally agree that we have both done wrong. We have talked about this for days now and I have explained all the reasons, all my feelings - everything you can think of. I have no intention of ever doing anything like that again but he doesnt believe me. I feel betrayed. I forgave him over and over again, but when I make one mistake he threatens to leave me. And this password issue...oh dear. I cannot let him read all my conversations with everybody, all my friends' secrets and all. I also think that even in this situation, and even as a married woman, I still have a right for some privacy. I dont need to open my brains up for him.

I can't believe someone has actually started a conversation about the same issue that brought me here! I wanted to seek advice on this very same question. My husbad has recently said to me that if I dont let him read my Facebook and other personal media, he can never trust me and we have to break up.

I am not a Nigerian, but have been married to a Nigerian over 10 years now. We live in my country where he had already been living for years before we met. So, we married for love, not for papers, money etc. We are both attractive, social, outgoing people and we have a lot in common. Nevertheless, we have had serious problems in our relationship and he has totally ruined my self-esteem. For at least the first five years of our relationship he cheated on me constantly. He even had a child outside our marriage, and the child is almost the same age as our second child. I forgave him, over and over and over again. He begged me not to leave him, did everything to win me back, only to hurt me again. We sought counseling and worked hard for our marriage. For a couple of years now, things have been a lot better. But my wounds havent healed. I am still hurt and I still have serious problems trusting him. I have told him that the only way I can ever heal is that he has to help me. He has to lick my wounds and make me feel better. Still, he doesnt get it.

I know I am a beautiful woman but my husband has made me feel just the opposite. I feel not wanted but taken for granted and just plain useless. My husband knows he is not playing his part but still does nothing about it. A few weeks ago I went dancing with my girlfriends and met a man who did everything humanly possible to sweep me off my feet. He made me feel like a woman for the first time in ages. I kissed him, and almost went too far and followed him home, but got back to my senses and left him in the club. I didnt tell my husband this until he went and read private messages I had written with my girlfriends in Facebook. Obviously, he went ballistic. After that our house has been a battle ground. He now thinks that I am hiding all kinds of other things from him also and that I will leave him for another man or start cheating on him. He thinks that he should have free access to my passwords now so that he can start trusting me again. I do not agree. He has no right to force me, or threaten me with divorce. I have put up with all the humiliations you can think of but this is too much. It is not only my texts and conversations he will see from my e-mails and profiles, it is my friends' personal issues also. And they are none of his business.

I think my husband is totally overreacting. If you compare what I have done to what he has done, this is just ridiculous. But what an earth should I do?