Firstly, you really need to calm down on how you are taking the whole thing on yourself else you will just keep doing yourself more damage than you can imagine, learn to use your feelings and emotions towards the right course cz am surprised u are putting yourself through all this stress for a guy who you are aware keeps you more like a side chick. You deserve better than that......Also, make sure you ain't putting yourself under any pressure whatsoever of getting into a relationship......