SHUT UP and take my money

There was a time people said Jolly Nyame was dead, when he came back he addressed a crowd I think in government house or so can't really remember. He did it to clear all doubts. I wonder why Danbaba can't do the same. Do these people think everybody in Taraba and Nigeria is in Grade 7?

OP.. You need help

Good for dem

How can we trust this people

Mehn the dude is wrong but I cant Imagine myself standing there and recieving that. I go fight O.

Lamborghini Veneno $ 3,900,000. The Veneno
gets you from 0 to 60 mph in a swift
2.8 seconds allowing you to hit a top speed of
221 mph. Only three cars are being made
available every year.
https://m.facebook.com/LatestEngineeringTechnology

Looking sooo real

Who is Karen?

What is his genre?

StarBoi get eyes o

Area_boy: how stubborn can you be?

We are telling you what you're asking for is rubbish. But you still insist on finding that one person to agree with you?

Goddamnit man!! THINK!!!!!

What religion are you?

Area_boy:

that explains why you swallow such massive bullsh1t.

Earthquake is a side topic in geography, but geology opens your eyes to much more. god doesn't "allow" nothing. If he did, everyone in Nigeria will be dead by now.

use your head mate

Area_boy:

that explains why you swallow such massive bullsh1t.

Earthquake is a side topic in geography, but geology opens your eyes to much more. god doesn't "allow" nothing. If he did, everyone in Nigeria will be dead by now.

use your head mate

The little I got from geography is enough to tell me what Earthquake is all about. I need a believer to answer me, If you believe in a God you'll know why I'm asking, it is more like 'why do God allow all these natural disasters on people? Is it because of their sin? I know if you explain it physically it has nothing to do with God, just plates moving and breaking because the earth is in motion.

ULSHERLAN:

Writing geologically not geographically but we still had A's in geography. Lol

What do you mean? Ive never had anything to do with geology. Earthquake and Volcanoes were Topics in Geography. The dude and I know the concepts behind earthquakes happening. He was trying to explain why God allows it.

ULSHERLAN: If it happens where sins are much y avnt we experienced it in Nigeria. Have you or do you have any knowlege about plate tectonics.would have loved to enlighten you but I get paid for things I know that you don't know. Instead of basing everything on religion base it on science. Everything revolves round science

Yup we both had As in geography back then in secondary school. The person was trying to explain why God allows earthquake.

Someone just told me Earthquakes happen in areas where the Sin rate is high. How true?

Jojo Armani: dis guy no dey hear word he still advising me to read dis. Ok i ve bookmarked it again to read in any public holiday, re u ok na?

lol ok

see the reply from nedu2000 Im sure he enjoyed it

Jojo Armani: but seriously u read all dat just to laugh. How many days or hours did u read dat? And again how many days or hours did u laugh after wasting such time in readin dat.?

Just some minutes. Just read it u'll like the stuff.

una funny ehn

Disclaimer: This summary of the
thesis results is not intended in
any way to offer advice or
therapy, nor is it intended to
infer anything about whether
anyone reading this page does
or does not fit the personality
profiles described.

http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

PLEASE READ:
This joke was also a personality
profile test...
It was the subject of a recent
Educational Psychology Master's
Thesis, soon to be published,
which investigated the way that
someone responds to a webpage
such as this correlates to certain
personality tendencies.
The research confirmed a
statistically significant
correlation which strongly
suggests a dependably predictive
positive relationship between
how a person responds to this
page and certain aspects of his
or her psychological profile.
Thus, it is called the Personality
Profile Assessment Test
Hypothesis.
While the actual results looked
at several complex factors, and
depended heavily on
questionnaires filled out by
volunteers upon completion of
their experience, I will simplify
the results by discussing three
main groups and their profiles.
While these profiles may not be
exactly fitting of each person
within each group, they do
strongly suggest a statistically
significant likelihood of profile
similarity.
11% of those who see this page
take their time, enjoying the
joke as they read it, enjoying
the build up to the punch line,
and even if the punch line itself
wasn’t particularly humorous,
they tended to enjoy the
process.
56% begin scroll down to the
punch line either before starting
to read the joke or within a
short period of time- usually 20
seconds or less. The vast
majority of this group choose
not to read the joke.
33% read at least 1/3 of the
joke, with the intention of
reading it all, but then begin to
question their decision and the
investment of time they are
making. They go back and forth
between deciding to continuing
or to skip to the end (this
vacillating may be unconscious
at the time, and happen in a
matter of moments). The vast
majority in this group give up
before finishing ½ of the joke,
and scroll to the end.
People in the first group, who
read the entire joke, tend to
enjoy the journey of life, and
take their time as they move
towards a goal. When traveling,
they tend to thoroughly enjoy
the process, and are not uptight
or stressed about single-
mindedly getting to their
destination. They also tend to be
very attentive, patient and long
lasting lovers, and enjoy
intimacy and physical
connectivity whether or not it is
carried to completion.
Those in the second group, who
scroll to the end before reading
more than a few sentences of
the joke, tend to avoid surprises
and the unknown. They prefer
to have a regular schedule and
not to step out of their routine.
They tend to be efficient, but
are often lacking in enjoyment,
spontaneity and passion. They
tend to be less patient and more
interested in the destination
than the journey. When on a
trip, they tend to focus on
getting where they are going,
rather than enjoying the
process. During intimacy, they
tend to not be able to enjoy it
unless they are certain it will be
taken to completion. The idea of
just “playing around” a while,
engaging in physical intimacy
without the promise of full
completion is, rather than
simply enjoyable and connective,
considered to be “cruel” and a
“teasing” and is met with
resentment. This group’s ability
to enjoy depends largely on their
need to know what is going to
happen. They tend to be more
self-focused lovers, and tend
not to last very long in
satisfying the other partner if
their own satisfaction has
happened or is within easy
reach.
The third group, who decided not
to read the entire joke after
reading a third or more of it,
tend to be commitment-phobic
and lack the ability to move
forward to completion when
things become challenging. They
are often procrastinators and
frequently give up on tasks
when they become more
difficult. They tend to prefer to
have big dreams than act on
them in the real, challenging
world. A significantly higher
percentage of this group had
Cesarean birth, and may not
have had the benefit of that
early experience of struggle and
effort being rewarded with
accomplishment. This group
tends to not take big vacations
which would take more effort to
plan and implement, and tends
to stay close to home or even
stay home during time off.
Promotions and career moves
which are within reach but still
require some effort and focus
are frequently not fully tried
for, although the perception will
be they were passed up. In
intimate relationships, this
group tends to start out
romantic and passionate, but it
quickly fades and is replaced by
lackadaisicalness and
indifference, characterized in
part by a sense of feeling it is
not worth the effort to continue
having a passionate, energized
and complete experience during
intimacy. There is a tendency to
“peter out” both in intimacy and
in other aspects of life, and to
take the easier road, even if it
leads to a less fulfilling life.

Jack had an instant of
realization. He was either going
to have to hit the
lever, or run over Nate. He
glanced over at Sammy and saw
that Sammy
realized the same thing.
Jack took a firmer grip on the
steering wheel as the RV ran up
on the stone.
Shouting to Sammy as he pulled
the steering wheel, "BETTER
NATE THAN LEVER," he ran over
the snake.
THE END

Everything went well, until they
got to the sand dunes. Jack had
been
nursing the RV along the whole
time, over the rocks, through
the creek beds,
revving the engine the few
times they almost got stuck.
When they came to
the dunes, Jack didn't really
think about it, he just
downshifted and headed
up the first one. By the third
dune, Jack started to regret that
he'd
decided to try driving on the
sand. The RV was fishtailling and
losing
traction. Jack was having to
work it up each dune slowly and
was trying to
keep from losing control each
time they came over the top and
slid down the
other side. Sammy had come up
to sit in the passenger seat,
coiled up and
laughing at Jack's driving.
As they came over the top of
the fourth dune, the biggest one
yet, Jack saw
that this was the final dune -
the stone, the lever, and
somewhere Nate,
waited below. Jack put on the
brakes, but he'd gone a little too
far. The RV
started slipping down the other
side.
Jack tried turning the wheel, but
he didn't have enough traction.
He pumped
the brakes - no response. They
started sliding down the hill,
faster and
faster.
Jack felt a shock go through him
as he suddenly realized that
they were
heading for the lever. He looked
down - the RV was directly on
course for
it. If Jack didn't do something,
the RV would hit it. He was
about to end
humanity.
Jack steered more frantically,
trying to get traction. It still
wasn't
working. The dune was too
steep, and the sand too loose. In
a split second,
Jack realized that his only
chance would be once he hit the
stone around the
lever - he should have traction
on the stone for just a second
before he hit
the lever - he wouldn't have
time to stop, but he should be
able to steer
away.
Jack took a better grip on the
steering wheel and tried to turn
the RV a
little bit - every little bit would
help. He'd have to time his turn
just
right.
The RV got to the bottom of the
dune, sliding at an amazing
speed in the
sand. Just before they reached
the stone Jack looked across it
to check that
they were still heading for the
lever. They were. But Jack
noticed something
else that he hadn't seen from
the top of the dune. Nate wasn't
wrapped
around the lever. He was off to
the side of the lever, but still on
the
stone, waiting for them. The
problem was, he was waiting on
the same side of
the lever that Jack had picked to
steer towards to avoid the lever.
The RV
was already starting to drift
that way a little in its mad rush
across the
sand and there was no way that
Jack was going to be able to go
around the
lever to the other side.

Nate nodded. "Thanks, Jack. I
only want two things. One -
show Sammy around
the world - let him get his fill of
it, until he's ready to come back
here
and take over. Two - give me
the fourth request.
"I can't just decide to die, not
any more than you can. I won't
even die of
old age like you eventually will,
even though it'll be a long time
from now.
I need to be killed. Once Sammy
is back here, ready to take over,
I'll be
able to die. And I need you to
kill me.
"I've even thought about how.
Poisons and other drugs won't
work on me. And
I've seen pictures of snakes
that were shot - some of them
live for days, so
that's out too. So, I want you to
bring back a sword.
Nate turned away to look back
to the dune that Sammy had
gone behind. "I'd
say an axe, but that's somewhat
undignified - putting my head on
the ground
or a chopping block like that.
No, I like a sword. A time-
honored way of
going out. A dignified way to die.
And, most importantly, it should
work,
even on me.
"You willing to do that for me,
Jack?" Nate turned back to look
at Jack.
"Yeah, Nate," replied Jack
solemnly, "I think I can handle
that."
Nate nodded. "Good!" He turned
back toward the dune and
shouted, "Sammy!
Jack's about ready to leave!"
Then quietly, "Thanks, Jack."
Jack didn't have anything to say
to that, so he waited for Sammy
to make it
back to the lever, nodded to
him, nodded a final time to
Nate, and then
headed into the desert with
Sammy following.
Over the next several years
Sammy and Jack kept in touch
with Nate through
e-mail as they went about their
adventures. They made a goal of
visiting
every country in the world, and
did a respectable job of it.
Sammy had a
natural gift for languages, as
Jack expected he would, and
even ended up
acting as a translator for Jack in
a few of the countries. Jack
managed to
keep the talking rattlesnake
hidden, even so, and by the time
they were
nearing the end of their tour of
countries, Sammy had only been
spotted a
few times. While there were
several people that had seen
enough to startle
them greatly, nobody had
enough evidence to prove
anything, and while a few
wild rumors and storied followed
Jack and Sammy around, nothing
ever hit the
newspapers or the public in
general.
When they finished the tour of
countries, Jack suggested that
they try some
undersea diving. They did. And
spelunking. They did that too.
Sammy finally
drew the line at visiting
Antarctica. He'd come to realize
that Jack was
stalling. After talking to his Dad
about it over e-mail, he figured
out that
Jack probably didn't want to
have to kill Nate. Nate told
Sammy that humans
could be squeamish about killing
friends and acquaintances.
So, Sammy eventually put his
tail down (as he didn't have a
foot) and told
Jack that it was time - he was
ready to go back and take up his
duties from
his dad. Jack, delayed it a little
more by insisting that they go
back to
Japan and buy an appropriate
sword. He even stretched it a
little more by
getting lessons in how to use
the sword. But, eventually, he'd
learned as
much as he was likely to
without dedicating his life to it,
and was
definitely competent enough to
take the head off of a snake. It
was time to
head back and see Nate.
When they got back to the US,
Jack got the old RV out of
storage where he
and Sammy had left it after
their tour of the fifty states, he
loaded up
Sammy and the sword, and they
headed for the desert.
When they got to the small town
that Jack had been trying to find
those
years ago when he'd met Nate,
Jack was in a funk. He didn't
really feel like
walking all of the way out there.
Not only that, but he'd
forgotten to
figure the travel time correctly,
and it was late afternoon.
They'd either
have to spend the night in town
and walk out tomorrow, or walk
in the dark.
As Jack was afraid that if he
waited one more night he might
lose his
resolve, he decided that he'd go
ahead and drive the RV out
there. It was
only going to be this once, and
Jack would go back and cover
the tracks
afterward. They ought to be able
to make it out there by nightfall
if they
drove, and then they could get
it over tonight.
Jack told Sammy to e-mail Nate
that they were coming as he
drove out of
sight of the town on the road.
They then pulled off the road
and headed out
into the desert.

Nate had
been getting quieter each visit.
But on this
visit Nate didn't even speak
when Jack walked up to the
lever. He nodded at
Jack, and then went back to
staring into the desert. Jack,
respecting Nate's
silence, sat down and waited.
After a few minutes, Nate
spoke. "Jack, I have someone to
introduce you to."
Jack looked surprised. "Someone
to introduce me to?" Jack looked
around, and then looked
carefully back at Nate. "This
something to do with the Big
Guy?
"No, no," replied Nate. "This is
more personal. I want you to
meet my son."
Nate looked over at the nearest
sand dune. "Sammy!"
Jack watched as a four foot long
desert rattlesnake crawled from
behind the
dune and up to the stone base
of the lever.
"Yo, Jack," said the new, much
smaller snake.
"Yo, Sammy" replied Jack. Jack
looked at Nate. "Named after
Samuel, I
assume?"
Nate nodded. "Jack, I've got a
favor to ask you. Could you
show Sammy around
for me?" Nate unwrapped
himself from the lever and
slithered over to the
edge of the stone and looked
across the sands. "When Samuel
first told me
about the world, and brought
me books and pictures, I wished
that I could go see it. I wanted
to see the great forests, the
canyons, the cities, even the
other deserts, to see if they felt
and smelled the same. I want
my son to
have that chance - to see the
world. Before he becomes bound
here like I have been.
"He's seen it in pictures, over
the computer that you brought
me. But I hear that it's not the
same. That being there is
different. I want him to have
that. Think you can do that for
me, Jack?"
Jack nodded. This was obviously
very important to Nate, so Jack
didn't even
joke about taking a talking
rattlesnake out to see the world.
"Yeah, I can
do that for you, Nate. Is that all
you need?" Jack could sense that
was
something more.
Nate looked at Sammy. Sammy
looked back at Nate for a second
and then said,
"Oh, yeah. Ummm, I've gotta go
pack. Back in a little bit Jack.
Nice to meet
ya!" Sammy slithered back over
the dune and out of sight.
Nate watched Sammy disappear
and then looked back at Jack.
"Jack, this is my
first son. My first offspring
through all the years. You don't
even want to
know what it took for me to find
a mate." Nate grinned to
himself. "But
anyway, I had a son for a
reason. I'm tired. I'm ready for
it to be over. I
needed a replacement."
Jack considered this for a
minute. "So, you're ready to
come see the world,
and you wanted him to watch
the lever while you were gone?"
Nate shook his head. "No, Jack -
you're a better guesser than
that. You've
already figured out - I'm bound
here - there's only one way for
me to leave
here. And I'm ready. It's my
time to die."
Jack looked more closely at Nate.
He could tell Nate had thought
about
this - probably for quite a while.
Jack had trouble imagining what
it would
be like to be as old as Nate, but
Jack could already tell that in
another
hundred or two hundred years,
he might be getting tired of life
himself.
Jack could understand Samuel's
decision, and now Nate's. So, all
Jack said
was, "What do you want me to
do?"

Jack parked a little way out of
the small town near Nate,
loaded up his new
backpack with camping gear and
the things he was bringing for
Nate, and then
started walking. He figured that
walking would leave the least
trail, and he
knew that while not many
people camped in the desert, it
wasn't unheard of,
and shouldn't really raise
suspicions.
Jack had brought more books for
Nate - recent books, magazines,
newspapers.
Some things that would catch
Nate up with what was
happening in the world,
others that were just good books
to read. He spent the weekend
with Nate,
and then headed out again,
telling Nate that he'd be back
again soon, but
that he had things to do first.
Over four months later Jack was
back to see Nate again. This
time he brought
a laptop with him - a specially
modified laptop. It had a solar
recharger,
special filters and seals to keep
out the sand, a satellite link-up,
and a
special keyboard and joystick
that Jack hoped that a fifteen-
foot
rattlesnake would be able to
use. And, it had been hacked to
not give out
its location to the satellite.
After that Jack could e-mail
Nate to keep in touch, but still
visited him
fairly regularly - at least once or
twice a year.
After the first year, Jack quit his
job. For some reason, with the
wisdom he
'd been given, and the
knowledge that he could live for
over 150 years,
working in a nine to five job for
someone else didn't seem that
worthwhile
any more. Jack went back to
school.
Eventually, Jack started writing.
Perhaps because of the wisdom,
or perhaps
because of his new perspective,
he wrote well. People liked what
he wrote,
and he became well known for
it. After a time, Jack bought an
RV and started
traveling around the country for
book signings and readings.
But, he still remembered to drop
by and visit Nate occasionally.
On one of the visits Nate
seemed quieter than usual. Not
that Nate had been
a fountain of joy lately. Jack's
best guess was that Nate was
still missing
Samuel, and though Jack had
tried, he still hadn't been able to
replace
Samuel in Nate's eyes.

"Yes, those should work," replied
Nate. "Though I'm not sure how
complicated
you could get. Samuel thought
about trying to build some kind
of remote
control for it once, but gave it
up. Everything he'd build would
be gone by
the next sunrise, if it was
touching the stone, or over it. I
told him that
in the past others that had been
bound had tried to bury the
lever so they
wouldn't be tempted to pull it,
but every time the stones or
sand or
whatever had disappeared."
"Wow," said Jack, "Cool." Jack
leaned back until only his
elbows kept him
off of the stone and looked up
into the sky.
"Nate, how long did Samuel live?
One of his wishes was for health
too,
right?" asked Jack.
"Yes," replied Nate, "it was. He
lived 167 years, Jack."
"Wow, 167 years. That's almost
140 more years I'll live if I live
as long.
Do you know what he died of,
Nate?"
"He died of getting tired of
living, Jack," Nate said, sounding
somewhat
sad.
Jack turned his head to look at
Nate in the starlight.
Nate looked back. "Samuel knew
he wasn't going to be able to
stay in
society. He figured that they'd
eventually see him still alive and
start
questioning it, so he decided
that he'd have to disappear
after a while. He
faked his death once, but
changed his mind - he decided it
was too early and
he could stay for a little longer.
He wasn't very fond of mankind,
but he
liked the attention. Most of the
time, anyway.
"His daughter and then his wife
dying almost did him in though.
He didn't
stay in society much longer
after that. He eventually came
out here to spend
time talking to me and thinking
about pulling the lever. A few
months ago he
told me he'd had enough. It was
his time."
"And then he just died?" asked
Jack.
Nate shook his head a little. "He
made his forth request, Jack.
There's only
one thing you can ask for the
fourth request. The last bite.
After a bit Nate continued, "He
told me that he was tired, that
it was his
time. He reassured me that
someone new would show up
soon, like they always
had.
After another pause, Nate
finished, "Samuel's body
disappeared off the stone
with the sunrise."
Jack lay back down and looked at
the sky, leaving Nate alone with
his
memories. It was a long time
until Jack's breathing evened
out into sleep.
Jack woke with the sunrise the
next morning. He was a little
chilled with
the morning desert air, but
overall was feeling pretty good.
Well, except
that his stomach was grumbling
and he wasn't willing to eat raw
desert rat.
So, after getting directions to
town from Nate, making sure he
knew how to
get back, and reassuring Nate
that he'd be back soon, Jack
started the long
walk back to town. With his new
health and Nate's good
directions, he made
it back easily.
Jack caught a bus back to the
city, and showed up for work the
next day,
little worse for the wear and
with a story about getting lost
in the desert
and walking back out. Within a
couple of days Jack had talked a
friend with
a tow truck into going back out
into the desert with him to
fetch the SUV.
They found it after a couple of
hours of searching and towed it
back without
incident. Jack was careful not to
even look in the direction of
Nate's
lever, though their path back
didn't come within sight of it.
Before the next weekend, Jack
had gone to a couple of stores,
including a
book store, and had gotten his
SUV back from the mechanic,
with a warning to
avoid any more joyriding in the
desert. On Saturday, Jack
headed back to see
Nate.

"Sounds like a good guy," agreed
Jack. "How did he handle this,
when you
first told him. What did he do?"
"Well," said Nate, "he sat down
for a while, thought about it for
a bit, and
then asked me some questions,
much like you're doing."
"What did he ask you, if you're
allowed to tell me?" asked Jack.
"He asked me about the third
request," replied Nate.
"Aha!" It was Jack's turn to grin.
"And what did you tell him?"
"I told him the rules for the
third request. That to get the
third request
you have to agree to this whole
thing. That if it ever comes to
the point
that you really think that
humanity should be ended, that
you'll come here
and end it. You won't avoid it,
and you won't wimp out." Nate
looked serious
again. "And you'll be bound to
do it too, Jack."
"Hmmm." Jack looked back out
into the darkness for a while.
Nate watched him, waiting.
"Nate," continued Jack, quietly,
eventually. "What did Samuel
ask for with
his third request?"
Nate sounded like he was
grinning again as he replied, also
quietly,
"Wisdom, Jack. He asked for
wisdom. As much as I could give
him."
"Ok," said Jack, suddenly,
standing up and facing away
from Nate, "give it
to me.
Nate looked at Jack's backside.
"Give you what, Jack?"
"Give me that wisdom. The
same stuff that Samuel asked
for. If it helped
him, maybe it'll help me too."
Jack turned his head to look
back over his
shoulder at Nate. "It did help
him, right?"
"He said it did," replied Nate.
"But he seemed a little quieter
afterward.
Like he had a lot to think
about."
"Well, yeah, I can see that,"
said Jack. "So, give it to me."
Jack turned to
face away from Nate again, bent
over slightly and tensed up.
Nate watched Jack tense up with
a little exasperation. If he bit
Jack now,
Jack would likely jump out of his
skin and maybe hurt them both.
"You remember that you'll be
bound to destroy humanity if it
ever looks like
it needs it, right Jack?" asked
Nate, shifting position.
"Yeah, yeah, I got that," replied
Jack, eyes squeezed tightly shut
and body
tense, not noticing the change
in direction of Nate's voice.
"And," continued Nate, from his
new position, "do you remember
that you'll
turn bright purple, and grow big
horns and extra eyes?"
"Yeah, yeah...Hey, wait a
minute!" said Jack, opening his
eyes,
straightening up and turning
around. "Purple?!" He didn't see
Nate there.
With the moonlight Jack could
see that the lever extended up
from its slot
in the rock without the snake
wrapped around it.
Jack heard, from behind him,
Nate's "Just Kidding!" right
before he felt the
now familiar piercing pain, this
time in the other buttock.
Jack sat on the edge of the dark
stone in the rapidly cooling air,
his feet
extending out into the sand. He
stared out into the darkness,
listening to
the wind stir the sand,
occasionally rubbing his butt
where he'd been
recently bitten.
Nate had left for a little while,
had come back with a desert-
rodent-shaped
bulge somewhere in his middle,
and was now wrapped back
around the lever,
his tongue flicking out into the
desert night's air the only sign
that he
was still awake.
Occasionally Jack, with his toes
absentmindedly digging in the
sand while he
thought, would ask Nate a
question without turning
around.
"Nate, do accidents count?"
Nate lifted his head a little bit.
"What do you mean, Jack?"
Jack tilted his head back like he
was looking at the stars. "You
know,
accidents. If I accidentally fall
on the lever, without meaning
to, does
that still wipe out humanity?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it does,
Jack. I'd suggest you be careful
about that
if you start feeling wobbly," said
Nate with some amusement.
A little later - "Does it have to
be me that pulls the lever?"
asked Jack.
"That's the rule, Jack. Nobody
else can pull it," answered Nate.
"No," Jack shook his head, "I
meant does it have to be my
hand? Could I pull
the lever with a rope tied
around it? Or push it with a
stick? Or throw a
rock?"

"Well, you see this pole here,
sticking out of the stone?" Nate
loosened his
coils around the tilted white pole
and showed Jack where it
descended into
the stone. The pole was tilted at
about a 45 degree angle and
seemed to
enter the stone in an eighteen
inch slot cut into the stone. Jack
leaned
over and looked. The slot was
dark and the pole went down
into it as far as
Jack could see in the dim light.
Jack reached out to touch the
pole, but
Nate was suddenly there in the
way.
"You can't touch that yet, Jack,"
said Nate.
"Why not?" asked Jack.
"I haven't explained it to you
yet," replied Nate.
"Well, it kinda looks like a lever
or something," said Jack. "You'd
push it
that way, and it would move in
the slot."
"Yep, that's what it is," replied
Nate.
"What does it do?" asked Jack.
"End the world?"
"Oh, no," said Nate. "Nothing
that drastic. It just ends
humanity. I call it
'The Lever of Doom'." For the
last few words Nate had used a
deeper, ringing
voice. He tried to look serious
for a few seconds, and then
gave up and
grinned.
Jack was initially startled by
Nate's pronouncement, but
when Nate grinned
Jack laughed. "Ha! You almost
had me fooled for a second
there. What does it
really do?"
"Oh, it really ends humanity,
like I said," smirked Nate. "I
just thought
the voice I used was funny,
didn't you?"
Nate continued to grin.
"A lever to end humanity?"
asked Jack. "What in the world is
that for? Why
would anyone need to end
humanity?"
"Well," replied Nate, "I get the
idea that maybe humanity was
an experiment.
Or maybe the Big Guy just
thought, that if humanity
started going really
bad, there should be a way to
end it. I'm not really sure. All I
know are
the rules, and the guesses that
Samuel and I had about why it's
here. I
didn't think to ask back when I
started here."
"Rules? What rules?" asked Jack.
"The rules are that I can't tell
anybody about it or let them
touch it
unless they agree to be bound
to secrecy by a bite. And that
only one human
can be bound in that way at a
time. That's it." explained Nate.
Jack looked somewhat shocked.
"You mean that I could pull the
lever now?
You'd let me end humanity?"
"Yep," replied Nate, "if you want
to." Nate looked at Jack
carefully. "Do
you want to, Jack?"
"Umm, no." said Jack, stepping a
little further back from the
lever. "Why in
the world would anyone want to
end humanity? It'd take a
psychotic to want
that! Or worse, a suicidal
psychotic, because it would kill
him too,
wouldn't it?"
"Yep," replied Nate, "being as
he'd be human too."
"Has anyone ever seriously
considered it?" asked Nate. "Any
of those bound
to secrecy, that is?"
"Well, of course, I think they've
all seriously considered it at one
time or
another. Being given that kind
of responsibility makes you sit
down and
think, or so I'm told. Samuel
considered it several times. He'd
often get
disgusted with humanity, come
out here, and just hold the lever
for a while.
But he never pulled it. Or you
wouldn't be here." Nate grinned
some more.
Jack sat down, well back from
the lever. He looked thoughtful
and puzzled at
the same time. After a bit, he
said, "So this makes me the
Judge of
humanity? I get to decide
whether they keep going or just
end? Me?"
"That seems to be it," agreed
Nate.
"What kind of criteria do I use
to decide?" said Jack. "How do I
make this
decision? Am I supposed to
decide if they're good? Or too
many of them are
bad? Or that they're going the
wrong way? Is there a set of
rules for that?"
"Nope," replied Nate. "You
pretty much just have to decide
on your own. It's
up to you, however you want to
decide it. I guess that you're
just supposed
to know."
"But what if I get mad at
someone? Or some girl dumps
me and I feel
horrible? Couldn't I make a
mistake? How do I know that I
won't screw up?"
protested Jack.
Nate gave his kind of snake-like
shrug again. "You don't. You
just have to
try your best, Jack."
Jack sat there for a while,
staring off into the desert that
was rapidly
getting dark, chewing on a
fingernail.
Suddenly, Jack turned around
and looked at the snake. "Nate,
was Samuel the
one bound to this before me?"
"Yep," replied Nate. "He was a
good guy. Talked to me a lot.
Taught me to
read and brought me books. I
think I still have a good pile of
them buried
in the sand around here
somewhere. I still miss him. He
died a few months
ago."

"Just talk," said Jack. "I'll sit
here and try to not think about
food."
"We could go try to rustle up
some food for you first, if you
like,"
answered Nate.
"Hey! You didn't tell me you had
food around here, Nate!" Jack
jumped up.
"What do we have? Am I in
walking distance to town? Or can
you magically
whip up food along with your
other powers?" Jack was almost
shouting with
excitement. His stomach had
been growling for hours.
"I was thinking more like I could
flush something out of its hole
and bite
it for you, and you could skin it
and eat it. Assuming you have a
knife,
that is," replied Nate, with the
grin that Jack was starting to
get used to.
"Ugh," said Jack, sitting back
down. "I think I'll pass. I can
last a little
longer before I get desperate
enough to eat desert rat, or
whatever else it
is you find out here. And there's
nothing to burn - I'd have to eat
it raw.
No thanks. Just talk."
"Ok," replied Nate, still grinning.
"But I'd better hurry, before
you start
looking at me as food.
Nate reared back a little, looked
around for a second, and then
continued.
"You, Jack, are sitting in the
middle of the Garden of Eden."
Jack looked around at the sand
and dunes and then looked back
at Nate
sceptically.
"Well, that's the best I can
figure it, anyway, Jack," said
Nate. "Stand up
and look at the symbol on the
rock here." Nate gestured
around the dark
stone they were both sitting on
with his nose.
Jack stood up and looked. Carved
into the stone in a bas-relief
was a
representation of a large tree.
The angled-pole that Nate was
wrapped around
was coming out of the trunk of
the tree, right below where the
main branches
left the truck to reach out
across the stone. It was very
well done - it
looked more like a tree had been
reduced to almost two
dimensions and
embedded in the stone than it
did like a carving.
Jack walked around and looked
at the details in the fading light
of the
setting sun. He wished he'd
looked at it while the sun was
higher in the
sky.
Wait! The sun was setting! That
meant he was going to have to
spend another
night out here! Arrrgh!
Jack looked out across the
desert for a little bit, and then
came back and
stood next to Nate. "In all the
excitement, I almost forgot,
Nate," said
Jack. "Which way is it back to
town? And how far? I'm
eventually going to
have to head back - I'm not sure
I'll be able to survive by eating
raw
desert critters for long. And
even if I can, I'm not sure I'll
want to."
"It's about 30 miles that way."
Nate pointed, with the rattle on
his tail
this time. As far as Jack could
tell, it was a direction at right
angles to
the way he'd been going when
he was crawling here. "But
that's 30 miles by
the way the crow flies. It's
about 40 by the way a man
walks. You should be
able to do it in about half a day
with your improved endurance,
if you head
out early tomorrow, Jack."
Jack looked out the way the
snake had pointed for a few
seconds more, and
then sat back down. It was
getting dark. Not much he could
do about heading
out right now. And besides, Nate
was just about to get to the
interesting
stuff. "Garden of Eden? As best
as you can figure it?"
"Well, yeah, as best as I and
Samuel could figure it anyway,"
said Nate. "He
figured that the story just got a
little mixed up. You know,
snake, in a
'tree', offering 'temptations',
making bargains. That kind
stuff. But he
could never quite figure out how
the Hebrews found out about
this spot from
across the ocean. He worried
about that for a while."
"Garden of Eden, hunh?" said
Jack. "How long have you been
here, Nate?"
"No idea, really," replied Nate.
"A long time. It never occurred
to me to
count years, until recently, and
by then, of course, it was too
late. But I
do remember when this whole
place was green, so I figure it's
been thousands
of years, at least."
"So, are you the snake that
tempted Eve?" said Jack.
"Beats me," said Nate. "Maybe.
I can't remember if the first one
of your
kind that I talked to was female
or not, and I never got a name,
but it
could have been. And I suppose
she could have considered my
offer to grant
requests a 'temptation', though
I've rarely had refusals."
"Well, umm, how did you get
here then? And why is that
white pole stuck out
of the stone there?" asked Jack.
"Dad left me here. Or, I assume
it was my dad. It was another
snake - much
bigger than I was back then. I
remember talking to him, but I
don't remember
if it was in a language, or just
kind of understanding what he
wanted. But
one day, he brought me to this
stone, told me about it, and
asked me to do
something for him. I talked it
over with him for a while, then
agreed. I've
been here ever since.
"What is this place?" said Jack.
"And what did he ask you to
do?"