andromida:

The child is my focus here dnt make promises you cannot keep. If you cannot love that child like your own you need to let your gal know. Also it seems your woman wants to marry you but keep on making decisions on her own marriage does not work that way. Why dnt you talk with her about your concerns and give her reasons you feel the child should be with her parents. Let her know if the child grows up like this, (in hiding) feeling like a mistake the damage will be worse than her best intentions. she isn't the first to have given birth to a child out of wedlock.

What about the father of the child is he completely out of the picture? You need to help your woman not make more mistakes. You guys should be able to come to a reasonable decision that will satisfy both of you. Try not to come across as rejecting her child, belittling her. Be gentle with her and remain true to yourself.

what you said about her making decison about her marriage is what i am trying to let her know that is not proper but she insisted that whoever loves her as i claimed must love her child. Frankly speaking, i can't accept her child to live with me but can always visit her mother in my house . consider this, i will be a newly married man and start cartering for a child immediately that is not mine, when will there be a time to relax and plan for mine when a child is already there with me. how will i explain it to my own family too immediately i wedded that my wife had a child. don't u think my people might feel i was the owner of the child and what if something happens tomorrow and am not there my people will start to drag the child. thanks for anticpatory reponse to save me from this issue.

My People, i don't know how to start explaining my issue, i have this lady, i love so much and we planned spending the rest of our lives together. We ve always enjoyed telling each other truth and as we know it is always bitter. She said there was something she wanted to tell me that she has been hiding from everyone but she feels its time i know. she revealed that she has a child(girl) for one man  from Jos who she said she does not love to marry because of ethnicity and other issues but her parents and siblings  did not know about it. When i asked how she could do it, i mean hiding the pregnancy from her parents, she said she told her parents that she was in her cousins house in Aba and coincidentally, her cousin was abroad throughout the period of her pregnancy so no way for her parents to suspect but she was always speaking on phone with her parents and then  she was waiting for NYSC too. She then followed the owner of the pregnancy(Jos guy) sister who lived in Kaduna while her parents stay in Abuja and she stayed with the guys sister in kaduna for 1 yr and three months and gave birth to the girl child. She said because she planned to get married one day, she did not bosom feed the baby in order to keep the shape of her bosom. She proceeded to put the child in motherless babies home in Abuja where she always sneak out to visit without the knowledge of her parents and siblings. we re both from the eastern part of the country.  meanwhile, she always said no to premarital sex  now we are dating, she is not a virgin o and even said it is till our wedding night that can i make love with her meaning i ve not slept with her before, she said she has done sex before and never achieved anything now no more sex but we planned getting married. And i love her not because of sex and i continued with her.

After listening to all these, i was confused but i know i love her and i ask her, her plans for the baby, she said immediately we marry, she will move the  child who is now 3yrs and 3 months old to our matrimonial home to start staying with us and show her motherly love which she has denied her for long. i told her i don't support the idea that she should let her parents know for the child to stay with them but can be visiting her mother in my house as i will not take another man's  child into my house like that unless i adopted the child officially(where i came from such children stay with the family of the woman and husbands of their mother  can not claim them) meanwhile the child's father is still available with his own family knowing about their son having a girl child. i suggested that  i will let her parents know myself as the child is not motherless and she threatened dealing with me if i do, saying it is her life and not mine and even if she decides not to marry a again, she has her baby who will take care of her at old age. My people, i know good suggestions are always gotten here.pls if you were in my shoe what will u do, your advise is welcomed. Note we re both managing financially and marriage is everlasting,Advice your brother.

My People, i don't know how to start explaining my issue, i have this lady, i love so much and we planned spending the rest of our lives together. We ve always enjoyed telling each other truth and as we know it is always bitter. She said there was something she wanted to tell me that she has been hiding from everyone but she feels its time i know. she revealed that she has a child(girl) for one man from Jos who she said she does not love to marry because of ethnicity and other issues but her parents and siblings did not know about it. When i asked how she could do it, i mean hiding the pregnancy from her parents, she said she told her parents that she was in her cousins house in Aba and coincidentally, her cousin was abroad throughout the period of her pregnancy so no way for her parents to suspect but she was always speaking on phone with her parents and then she was waiting for NYSC too. She then followed the owner of the pregnancy(Jos guy) sister who lived in Kaduna while her parents stay in Abuja and she stayed with the guys sister in kaduna for 1 yr and three months and gave birth to the girl child. She said because she planned to get married one day, she did not breast feed the baby in order to keep the shape of her breast. She proceeded to put the child in motherless babies home in Abuja where she always sneak out to visit without the knowledge of her parents and siblings. we re both from the eastern part of the country. meanwhile, she always said no to premarital sex and even said it is till our wedding night that can make love with her meaning i ve not slept with her before but we planned getting married.

After listening to all these, i was confused but i know i love her and i ask her, her plans for the baby, she said immediately we marry, she will move the child who is now 3yrs and 3 months old to our matrimonial home to start staying with us nd give her motherly love which has denied her for long. i told her i don't support the idea that she should let her parents know for the child to stay with them or else i will let them know myself as the child is not motherless and she threatened dealing with me if i do saying it was her life and not mine. My people, i know good suggestions are always gotten here.pls if you were in my shoe what will u do, your advise is welcomed. Note we re both managing financially and marriage is everlasting,Advice your brother.