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 Crime / Re: 17 Pregnant Girls Rescued In Aba [PHOTO] by miztapheek(m): 8:24am On Jun 20, 2013 |
Iko5000: Gbagaun alert!!! Nigga,u no go skul?dumbass |
| Islam for Muslims / Re: Muslims Fight To Defend Their Prophet And Christians Dont? by miztapheek(m): 9:44am On Oct 03, 2012 |
Donphilly: Can somebody honestly shed some light why muslims would kill, fight and defend their prophet while the christians would only pray and ask God to defend himself. Don't crucify all muslims for the sins of a violent few...ur shallow understanding has made u forget the fact that not all muslims scream,fight and chop people up at any slight on the prophet,@ least there are muslims in the south west and other parts of the country?have u ever heard them take up arms and cause raucus weneva stuffs like this happen?next time OP,u could rephrase ur thots like "why do northerners and arabs fight wenever the prophet is abused"....don't generalise all muslims please,u sound like an educated fella to me,understand things before opening a post next time.thank u |
| Politics / Re: Islamist Sect In Kano, Threatens To Bomb Cool FM by miztapheek(m): 12:13pm On Sep 17, 2012 |
Asiwaju9ja:Dumbass read again very well,I said the northerners behave like animals,I didn't say muslims do...when was the last tym muslims protested or killed anybody in the south west? 1 Like |
| Politics / Re: Islamist Sect In Kano, Threatens To Bomb Cool FM by miztapheek(m): 11:59am On Sep 17, 2012 |
Its getting more and more interesting when u see the way nairalanders display their dumbness in relation to issues.yuh say islam is not a religion of peace,was there any protest n saudi arabia?even iraq as volatile as it was had a quiet demonstration,its only northerners that will scream as if yuh are squeezing their balls.before u abuse muslims please kindly note that their are muslims is the south west and other regions of the country too....did they scream blue murder or kill anybody?did they protest?this thing is majorly a northern thing,its not all muslims that act like animals,so please people should learn to look @ things both sided before they open their mouth to comment on threads.Its only God that can judge,and its only Him that knows who is faithful or not....nuff said! 2 Likes |
| Politics / Re: Orji Heads Sovereign Wealth Fund by miztapheek(m): 4:45pm On Aug 30, 2012 |
PROUD-IGBO: You dumbasses always bring tribalism to the fore in everything,its a pity...stupid dickhead |
| Politics / Re: Sheikh Gumi Escaped Death In Kaduna by miztapheek(m): 9:50am On Aug 16, 2012 |
christ4mi: Some children will be happy here one this one sided forum, why can't u see we are fighting a War. If we appear united (Muslims + Xtians) in front of our common foe Boko Haram, will actually weaken them. Let's stop the blaming games, It Clear Boko Haram is fighting muslims as well. Wake up pple Tell dem bro,sometimes I think Nairaland is now a front for people to take out their unbridled anger against a bunch of misled nitwits who are against the tenets of islam itself...Boko Haram members also kill muslims so what are they fighting for?people should look @ things critically,I mean what did u go to school for when u start thinking like an illiterate..but sadly dis is what nairaland is turning to,its a pity.for them to be attacting people in the holy month of ramadan,its clearly obvious its not a religious war buh more of a political shindig and unfortunately some folks here will not see it that way,oh well...its only God that can judge who is really worshipping him. Those of us that are muslims and christains are the only ones that have problems in life because we let religion cloud our thinking,them atheists don't have any wahala...God will help us#nuff said# 2 Likes |
| Politics / Re: Boko Haram Killed By Their Bomb In Kaduna. See Pics. by miztapheek(m): 10:07am On Aug 15, 2012 |
Kpac: Deceit and Control I feel you to the bone bro,God will surely punish and expose their sponsors |
| Jokes Etc / Fact: Heavy Drinkers Outlive Non-drinkers! by miztapheek(m): 12:25pm On Aug 29, 2011 |
Moderate drinking, which is defined as one to three drinks per day, is associated with the lowest mortality rates in alcohol studies. Moderate alcohol use (especially when the beverage of choice is red wine) is thought to improve heart health, circulation and sociability, which can be important because people who are isolated don't have as many family members and friends who can notice and help treat health problems. But why would abstaining from alcohol lead to a shorter life? It's true that those who abstain from alcohol tend to be from lower socioeconomic classes, since drinking can be expensive. And people of lower socioeconomic status have more life stressors - job and child-care worries that might not only keep them from the bottle but also cause stress-related illnesses over long periods. (They also don't get the stress-reducing benefits of a drink or two after work.) But even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables - socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on - the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers, second-highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers. The sample of those who were studied included individuals between ages 55 and 65 who had had any kind of outpatient care in the previous three years. The 1,824 participants were followed for 20 years. One drawback of the sample: a disproportionate number, 63%, were men. Just over 69% of the never-drinkers died during the 20 years, 60% of the heavy drinkers died and only 41% of moderate drinkers died. These are remarkable statistics. Even though heavy drinking is associated with higher risk for cirrhosis and several types of cancer (particularly cancers in the mouth and esophagus), heavy drinkers are less likely to die than people who have never drunk. One important reason is that alcohol lubricates so many social interactions, and social interactions are vital for maintaining mental and physical health. As I pointed out last year, nondrinkers show greater signs of depression than those who allow themselves to join the party. The authors of the new paper are careful to note that even if drinking is associated with longer life, it can be dangerous: it can impair your memory severely and it can lead to nonlethal falls and other mishaps (like, say, cheating on your spouse in a drunken haze) that can screw up your life. There's also the dependency issue: if you become addicted to alcohol, you may spend a long time trying to get off the bottle. That said, the new study provides the strongest evidence yet that moderate drinking is not only fun but good for you. So make mine a double,will you? P.S What kind of 'study' finds that heavy drinkers outlive non drinkers anywayz? These researchers dey fall my hand o, *SMH* |
| Jokes Etc / Wor Wor United by miztapheek(m): 12:20pm On Aug 29, 2011 |
Have you ever met a wor wor babe before? I mean like really wor wor… The one wey the wor wor dey shout with loud speaker. Like the one that will make you sing “how could you be so wor wor?” (In kanye west’s heartless tune). Yeah I know the babe must be really wor wor. For those that don’t know what wor wor means, it’s a term used to describe an ugly person… I mean like hideous…. like… u get my point. Funny thing is, when it comes to African babes, most are good looking, and beautiful, but for every 2-3 fine African babes, there is one wor wor babe, and it just spoils the whole thing man. In short let me ''kowaciate'' the different levels and categories of wor wor that I’ve encountered in this my life time. There are those that know their status. They know they went to wor-wor grammar school, so they use their other qualities to make up for it. Great personality, and other good qualities that they have kind of tones down the fact that they are wor wor. These ones I kinda feel sorry for them cos they are great people, and have a lot going for themselves but they just happen to be wor wor. Kinda sucks. Then you have those that are wor-wor, they know they are wor-wor, but for some strange reason think that they can magically make their wor wor-ness (sorry i’m just making this ish up as i go) disappear by loading 2 pounds of make-up on their face. I mean sometimes it works temporarily.But when you catch dem , Chei! That’s when you see how all their wor wor just dey shout with amplifier. For someone like me, the first thing I do is call my homeboy that knows them and vex for him… I mean why didn’t he tell me the babe wears a disposable face? This one can really vex me. I mean… I’m not dissing make up o. I think make up is good when applied to enhance beauty, but abeg, don’t use it to deceive people into thinking that you are fine, when you are not. And last but not the least, you now have the ones that are wor wor…. maybe even the most wor wor of all….The commander in chief of the wor wor forces, but for some odd reason they think that they are Halle Berry or Gabrielle Union. I mean it’s really baffling. Most times they surround themselves with babes that are slightly more wor wor than they are, so they actually look better, and on top of that they have the worst attitudes. They are the ones that if u try to talk to them in the club by mistake, they’ll just squeeze face as if they are about to shit or something… (ah ahh…. wetin be your problem sef? lol). They’ll be the first ones to say the club is wack, the first ones to say the men in the club are sooo lame, and the last ones to get even a cup of pure water offered to them. Now before all the independent women in the house start shouting about how they can buy their own drink, let me just say that when a guy that you don’t know offers to buy you a drink it’s an indication that he at least wants to start some kind of conversation with you. So if no one offers to buy you a drink at the club, it could be that all men are just cheap, or it could very well be that you are wor wor. All men can’t be cheap at all the clubs and bars you’ve been to since you’ve been going out. Anyways… enough wor wor yarns for one night. I don’t mean any disrespect to anyone, but if you so happen to get offended by this piece then it’s either you are wor wor and you know it, or your very good friend is wor wor and she doesn’t know it. Wor wor is in the eye of the beholder, but some wor wor-ness is in the eye of everyone abeg. “If you’re wor wor and you know it, clap your hands…(clap clap clap)… If you’re wor wor and you know it, clap your hands…(clap clap clap)…If you’re wor wor and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you’re wor wor and you know it, clap your hands.” |
| Jokes Etc / The Things We've Learnt From Nollywood by miztapheek(m): 12:17pm On Aug 29, 2011 |
Watch a Nollywood movie anyday,anytime and tell me if i'm wrong. Happy Viewing!! THINGS WE'VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD!! 1,Every problem is spiritual.na wa o 2,In every Romance movie, someone must die.shege! 3,It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!!o ga o 4, Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.*NOT AFTER HE/SHE HAS SCREAMED STANDING AND LOOKING AT THE CAR RUN HER\HIM OVER* naija 5,Poisoned food always tastes better.lwkm, 6,The best way to make money is by visiting a 'BABALWAO' DIBIA' *Joining a cult, *Sleeping with rich men. 7,One of a pair of twins(identical or not) is born evil!! 8,Ten years later; Same hair,same shoe,same phone,same HAIR?(what the hell?) 9,There is never an end to your suffering except death.abi, 10, With a Pastor, all things are possible.yes na,can i get an amen? 11, A movie can be tittled anything, such as *They boy is mine *Face me,I face you, *Area mama *Shakira, *Beyonce, *Lady Gaga(? not yet) watch out tho** *Two rats, *Spanner, *Calculator, *Light out *Igala (PROMOTING GALA,I GUESS??) *ijele, *Igodo, *Igudu, *Just checked 114 now, i saw Eran & Erak?? (smh) *Beyonce & Rihanna. 12, A movie has not been made if at least one actor|actress has not- 'shelled', or Twisted his\her lips to speak wrong phonetics.(so irritating! kemdi,remember that ngbeke that was saying deddy instead of daddy!! urghhh), na by force? 13,You are in love, you want to take your girl out ,the best place you take her to is, *Mr Biggs(whats that??), where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other ice cream!! *The beach= where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully. *or the best= take her to buy some ugly new clothes, 14, An Igbo movie has been made if *You visit a dibia, *A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time. *Kanayo 'o' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is there too!! *You hear those freaking interlude that makes you wanna scatter your house to find the rat making such unpleasant sounds! urghh! *To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult, na so e dey be? 15, Gun shoots and Knock-outs sound the same! 16,Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, Once you read the title and see the poster,YOU KNOW IT ALL!! ALL!!(Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly with a crunk Igbo Accent, urghh-So much for suspense and intrigue!!!!) 17, A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following- *Ramsey noauh. *Genevieve Nnaji. *stephanie okereke. *Nadia buari. 18,So the police are extremely EFFICIENT unlike their real life counterparts!!!! 19,An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in FLASHBACKS!!! 20,It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!*JIM IYKE 21,So when you are shot in the chest,it really doesnt matter; your head will be bandaged!! same for the legs!!! 22,OK,so when advertising a movie,you really should shout because, people are deaf??GRAB UR COPY NOW(echoes till fade off) 23,When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- a beautiful house, very good furniture,TV, nice clothes and hair, but you wont be able To send your kids to school?? 24,The bad guy always dies or gets caught by none than the POLICE-Lol! 25,An actor must also sweat profusely when crying? *(whatever happened to air conditioners? ahh, ohh, sorii, they shoot movies with candle* MY BAD!) 26,An actor announces his death as he slowly dies-"You killed me" "I'm dying" "I'm dead". 27,In a case where a person is on his death bed,they must cough until they die? 28,Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powder unevenly distrubuted on their faces.kai, make up, lol 29,A person dies on the floor,some other person carries her from the floor to a car and what?she holds unto his clothes so tightly? did she forget she was dead? 30,A person's heart beats even when the doctor has said "im sorry,we lost her", dey no fit play dead 31,At the end of a 3hour movie,you'll be reminded that *THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING* , WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!! OR 3? WAIT! WAIT!, THERE SHOULD BE 4,INNIT? 32,No matter the type of movie, *TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!, no be God do am, lwkmd!!! |
| Celebrities / Naija Entertainment News Gists by miztapheek(m): 1:24pm On Aug 26, 2011 |
TONI PAYNE,OLAMIDE PART WAYS The popular talent manager and estranged wife of popstar 9ice, Toni Payne has reportedly dropped young rapper oLamide from her Toni Payne Concept management outfit.Sources say Toni Payne allegedly terminated the management deal because she had once or twice caught the young rapper performing at shows without her consent. oLamide was said to have been collecting performance fees also.Reports stated that the last straw that broke the camel’s back was when the rapper was said to have attended a gig sponsored by Coca Cola alongside his record label mates at Coded Tunes after Payne had boycotted the show and instructed him not to go only to find out on Twitter that he indeed attended.‘I don’t want to talk about it. I won’t say anything about it’, Toni Payne said when asked for comments.Several attempts to reach OLamide himself proved abortive as his phone was answered by a certain Labo who claimed to be his manager. ‘No comment’, Labo said when he was confronted with the matter.OLamide who is signed to ID Cabasa’s Coded Tunes records and known for his street anthem ‘Eni duro’ released his debut work ‘Rapsodi’ in March 2011 and has received four nominations at the forthcoming The Headies awards. FEMI KUTI AND DURELLA TO COLLABORATE ON UPCOMING SINGLE Afrobeat maestro and iconic musician Femi Kuti has collaborated with pop act Durella on a song titled ‘Back to sender‘. Sources say Durella who had written the song about a month ago felt it needed someone other than himself on the track, he pitched the song to Femi Kuti who was at the time in Abuja and the saxophonist liked it. The song which, according to Durella’s manager Milez sounds like ‘a typical Durella song’ was recorded Wednesday, August 24, 2011 at Koga Studios, Oregun, Ikeja, Lagos. Those present at the recording say Femi was happy to record the song and was heard to have said ‘It’s nice to do this, It has made me connect with the Nigerian youth again’. Durella recently signed on with new record label Ikonic Music and plans to release his third album ‘Back, Better and Bada‘ mid September. OBIWON TO RELEASE SINGLE AUGUST 28 Secular musician turned urban gospel artiste Obiora Obiwon returns with three new singles from his forthcoming third album entitled “T.R2012”. T.R2012 poses to be the sequel to the successful 2009 sophomore “The Rebirth”. He explains in his own words, “I felt I had so much to say and express musically on ‘The Rebirth’ which wasn’t said or heard enough, hence the urge to turn it up a notch and find more expression in a sequel”. The three singles “Follow You”, “Good To Me” and “F.a.t.h.e.r (Part 2)” are scheduled for release starting Sunday August 28th 2011. The song F.a.t.h.e.r (Part 2) gets reissued after it debuted late last year and was later pulled back due to the artiste’s unavailability while undergoing minor surgery. Musically, Obiwon experiments with a blend of electronic music over cultural rhythms and HipHop styles in varying degrees, while breathing his deepest convictions in raw forms over characteristically expressive vocals.Listeners and fans in Lagos can catch Obiwon on live interview to break the songs on the morning of Sunday the 28th with Freeze on Cool 96.9 Fm and with Yaw on 95.1 Wazobia Fm, as well as other radio schedules and fan give-aways within the issue week. Listeners across the globe will be able to stream and download the songs on major Nigerian music and entertainment sites. On his general musical path and future, the artiste introspectively affirms, “My greatest musical ambition is to be vehicle for music that speaks life and brings healing and can also be fun when required. I’m so thankful to have found the purpose of my own existence and gifting and I’m glad to continually give in to the higher calling” DON JAZZY QUASHES ILLUMINATI TALK Don Jazzy has reacted to a story that claimed he was a part of the Illuminati cult following the success of the 'Oliver' competition.The evidence in question is a video clip produced by the record label in which D’Banj, Don Jazzy, Dr Sid, Wande Coal and Bankulli dance like gay men to D’Banj's new hit single, 'Oliver Twist'. According Dr Zen Solonso, a Zen expert and an expert on everything Illuminati,who said he analysed the video and exposed all the supposed hidden Illuminati symbols in it. He said, ''one of the biggest objectives of the Illuminati is to turn everybody gay – this is why their known members like Kanye West, dress like gay men. It would be recalled that D’Banj and Don Jazzy have recently signed up to Kanye Wests’ record label.Dr Solonso also pointed out that in the group’s video Don Jazzy is wearing what looks like chequered trousers.“This alternating pattern of white and black squares is the Illuminati’s mind control method,” he said. Indeed, according to the expert, the song’s catchy tune and highly danceable sound is down to Don Jazzy’s pants.Dr Solonso also pointed out that at some point in the video the unidentified man walks across the camera, holding a red bag and what looks like an enchanted horn.Don Jazzy took offence with the spoof that called himself and the Mo'Hits team a new recruits into the Illuminati cult as he tweeted the following days ago on social networking site, Twitter: @DONJAZZY (Michael Collins) hahahahahaha this is the dumbest story i have ever read. guys pls read. i don laff tire its stories like this about me that makes me doubt that the shit exists in the first place.**hisssss**. instead of the idiot to say they want promo for their site. Who's d fool behind dat?! *SMH*
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| Celebrities / Naija Entertainment News Bits by miztapheek(m): 10:48am On Aug 25, 2011 |
NICKELODEON EXTENDS COVERAGE ACROSS AFRICA American kiddies television network Nickelodeon this week,have commenced broadcast in 36 countries in Central, East and West Africa on cable television DSTV. In a statement, producers say Nickelodeon’s programming throughout the continent, will provide original family friendly entertainment content for viewers. Airing from August 23, 2011 are various shows which include live-action TV series, movies and more and will cater for parents and children from 2-15 years including dedicated content for pre-schoolers and teens. These Programmes, we’re told, include ‘Adventurous of Dora the Explorer’, ‘SpongeBob SquarePants’, ‘Victorious’, ‘Big Time Rush’ and ‘iCarly and Bubble Guppies’. ‘We are delighted to expand Nickelodeon’s ‘orange’ footprint to a new fan base in Central, Eastern and Western Africa with our partners at DStv. We are confident that Nickelodeon will become a firm favourite with kids and parents in these regions’, Alex Okosi, Senior Vice President & Managing Director, MTV Networks Africa said in a statement. ‘Nickelodeon’s core values of fun, playfulness and innovation, along with our ‘putting kids first’ philosophy and top quality content resonates with kids and their families all over the world. We are looking forward to spreading the word and creating even more fans across sub-Saharan Africa’, said Andy Goodhand, Senior Vice President, Nickelodeon, Emerging Markets, VIMN. EBENEZER OBEY LOSES WIFE Juju musician-turned-evangelist, Dr. Ebenezer Obey Fabiyi, has lost his wife Lady Evangelist Juliana Olaide Obey-Fabiyi. The 67-year-old woman died in the early hours of yesterday, Tuesday, August 23, 2011 at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) on Medical Road in Ikeja.Although the family is yet to disclose the cause of death, we however gathered that the lady evangelist had recently travelled to a healthcare centre in India. A family source also said that she died of a heart related disease. Ebenezer Obey-Fabiyi reportedly quoted a bible verse at his first reaction of her death, ‘For this God is our God forever and ever. He will be our guide even unto death (Psalm 48:18)’, and during a press briefing at his residence on Olu Akerele Street by Balogun Bus/Stop, Ikeja , he said, ‘I have nothing much to say, but to thank the creator…. Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21)’.Born Juliana Olaide Olufade on March 23, 1945, the deceased married the Obey in 1963. She also gathered that she was a frontline businesswoman and a poultry farmer. Mrs. J. O. Obey-Fabiyi is survived by her husband, Evang. Obey Fabiyi (MFR), and children Shina, Rotimi, Bukky Obey-Olaiya, Lanre, Toluwaleke and Folarin. KOGA ENTERTAINMENT ALL SET FOR TOP 10 MIC CONCERT Fun lovers in Lagos can now excitedly countdown to the end of the year as the biggest show of the year tagged TOP 10 MIC and featuring the Top 10 Nigerian artistes together in a live concert is now set to hold on December 23, 2011 at the Tafawa Balewa Square in Lagos courtesy KOGA Entertainment, the big name in Nigeria entertainment.The first of its kind in Nigeria, TOP 10 MIC will be bringing on stage artistes representing different genre of music like; Hip hop, Fuji, Afro Beat, Juju, Dance hall and others. Artistes already confirmed to perform at the show are; Femi Kuti, 2face, MI, Obesere, Eldee and Sir Shina Peters. A lot of buzz is already going on around town on which artiste will make the list of the final four.In the words of Jeyibo, ‘years past, people used to look forward to attending Lekki Sun Splash but all of a sudden that stopped, but the yearning for it never did. What we are trying to do with KOGA Top 10 Mic is to create a concert that everybody will look forward to, one that takes care of everybody entertainment wise’.KOGA Entertainment, the brain behind TOP 10 MIC is broken down into KOGA studio, KOGA production, KOGA records, KOGA publishing and KOGA lounge. It operates and provides entertainment services through various divisions like its Four Live ultra modern recording studios with full HD and SDI cameras, Digital and Analogue audio sound recording studio, Ultra modern Event hall with capacity to seat 800 persons in banquet style, 1400 persons in theatre arrangement and 2000 persons in concert style and a Lounge designed for relaxation and entertainment. TARUWA CELEBRATES FOUR YEARS AND 100 EPISODES What started out as a forum where arts lovers could come strip down, relax and express their talent with no pretence; evolved into a regular show that is celebrating its hundredth episode come August 30, 2011. TARUWA started out on August 21st 2007 as a platform for young budding poets, spoken word artistes, actors, comedians, instrumentalists, and singers etc to express themselves and slowly evolved into an avenue for groundbreaking, fresh and promising talent. In its bid to encourage up and coming talent, Taruwa fused performances from the “known” and the “unknown; slowly making it the place showcase talent as well as network with fast rising and already established talents. TARUWA also provided a platform of engagement and unwinding for journalists, publishers, producers and other special service providers who are forces to reckon with in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Artistes like Mode9, Djinee, Snatcha of Rooftop MCs, Wale Dizzy, Obiwon, Spoken word artiste Sage, Idols West Africa’s Omawumi, Eric and Jodie make up the list of Taruwa’s diverse talent breed; Rapper Jude MI Abaga first performed “safe” at Taruwa – a song he had written a night before the event. Celebrity figures who can easily be identified as Taruwa regulars include alternate soul artiste Bez Idakula, Top 90.9 radio personality Tosyn Bucknor, Amstel Malta Box office winner and actor OC ukeje, renowned stage act Lala Akindoju, and producer Cobhams Asuquo. Attributing a lot to the success of the show, Lydia Idakula Sobogun, CEO of Gbagyichild and convener of the event states “Taruwa is one of the only events where you can just come up and express yourself. When we started, you could just walk up to the organiser or host and put your name on the list to perform no matter who you are… There are some of those kinds of events now; some inspired by Taruwa, some not. But I’m glad for them, because there are so many talented people out there and not enough stages for them.” This event will feature amazing performances from alternative soul artiste Bez, Rockband Threadstone, Inyanya, poetry from Sage Hasson, Jeffrey Plumbline, a surprise duet by Ibiyemi and Lydia; Isebiama, Tolu from MTN Project Fame, Ese Peters. It will be strictly amazing performances as usual and the host for the evening will be Snatcha of the Rooftop MCs. SINGER SOUL E LOSES COURT CASE,TO PAY RECORD LABEL N160M When he hit the scene in 2006,Emmanuel Okose popularly known as Soul E was signed to a music label called Colosal Entertainment. In 2007, Soul E left the record label and they sued him for breach of contract. The case went to court in Oct 2007 and only just concluded recently.The record label won the case and Federal High Court, Lagos has ordered that the singer pay the label the sum of N168, 486, 320 and five more albums to complete their agreement.The agreement, which was signed in 2005, states that Soul E will release 6 albums under Colossal Records, and so many other things which the singer agreed to and signed. The label claim they spent millions on Soul E in the two years he was with them and want their money back. And unless Soul E pays Colossal that money and give them the 5 albums, he can never perform on stage again as Soul E.
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| Celebrities / Entertainment News by miztapheek(m): 10:49am On Aug 23, 2011 |
SAMMY OKPOSO OFF TO THE US FOR ALBUM RELEASE Frontline gospel artiste and United Nations Youth Ambassador for Peace, Sammie Okposo has left the country to the United States of America to finalize his new album release plans with his American label, TMG (TATE Music Group) Records where he is surprisingly the first black artiste in the history of the label.His first port of call will be Atlanta before heading to TMG Records office in Oklahoma. He will spend few days with ten times Grammy Awards winner, Kevin Bond who is producing nine songs on the album. Background voices had already been done by leading American vocalists and Sammie will be adding the leading vocals to it.He left Nigeria with seven songs originally produced by him as an addition to the nine songs being produced by Kevin Bond to complete the 16 tracker new album titled ''Statement''. TMG Records wanted a blend of both the western music and African music on the album and for this reason; they opted for an African and American producers.Sammie will leave Atlanta to Oklahoma for more familiarization tour with the label executives before the official press conference and photo shoot for the new album which is currently scheduled to be out in the last week of October, 2011 baring any unforeseen circumstances.In another development, Sammie Okposo and Daddy Showkey, both indigenes of Delta States are currently finalizing a project with the Ministry of Youth Development in Delta State on how to help develop the talented youths scattered all over the state who doesn’t even have a clue of what the future hold for them. This they believe will further help to reduce crimes in the state as youths will be channeling their efforts towards more productive ventures. BRACKET DENIES ALLEGED BEEF WITH P-SQUARE Contrary to reports swirling around the streets some weeks ago, alleging that all was not well with the once blossoming relationship between Bracket and the award winning duo, P-Square, the duo has refuted the alleged beef.In a statement released by their publicist, Onucheyo 'Nas' Nasir, the Yori Yori singers said that there is no iota of truth in the report and as such, should be disregarded by all Bracket and P-Square fans and music enthusiasts alike. According to Nas, the full participation of Bracket at the just concluded P-Square's spectacular Invasion concert is a clear indicator that all is well and rosy between both artistes and all parties concerned. Bracket gave an outstanding performance with P-Square's popular high life tune, Ada Owerri, on the group's electrifying album. Meanwhile, the duo have announced 5 September, 2011 as the official album release date for their second outing ''Cupid Stories''. The long anticipated album has been in the works for over a year now with production imprints from some of the biggest producers and engineers around. The album features prominent artistes such as; Tuface, P-Square, Banky W, Flavour and others. Already, two lead singles; Me and You and the Kiss Song (Muah muah) with the accompanying videos have been enjoying massive reviews and criticism in the media for over three months now ASA'S BEAUTIFUL IMPERFECTION TO BE RELEASED IN THE US SPETEMBER 6 Fresh off a successful European tour in August, international recording artiste Asa berths her sophomore album, Beautiful Imperfection, in the United States of America on September 6. The release is through her French record label, Naive Records. In Beautiful Imperfection, the musician expands upon her emotional repertoire and distinctive musical style, which has its roots in her successful self-titled debut album, Asa released in 2007 - and she continues to charm music lovers across the globe with her unique fusion of reggae, pop, soul, R&B and an unmistakable Nigerian flavour. The album will receive early programming in retail chains including Gap, Victoria's Secret, Origins, Old Navy, Forever 21, White House Black Market, Torrid, PUMA, Pinkberry, Eileen Fisher, Chiccos, C.O. Bigelow, Buckle, BCBG, and Anthropologie. This is not the first time US fans will be listening to songs from the album as the singer, in June, had performed acoustic shows in New York and Los Angeles to promote the release of Beautiful Imperfection'. The album was rated 2 Most Added at CMJ AAA, and receives strong support from radio stations; KCRW & KPFK; Los Angeles, KGSR; Austin and KFAI; Minneapolis. The singer continues to win global critical acclaim for her powerful smokey vocals and expressive songwriting: Teen Vogue compares her to "Amy Winehouse at her peak, Bob Marley and Marvin Gaye all in one". BUST refers to her "smoldering vocals and beautiful and ultra-catchy melodies," AOL praises the musician's "swinging hybrid of soul, pop, reggae, and Nigerian music and sincere songwriting and mellow, seductive voice" and Yahoo! Music observes that "Asa's smokey voice and velveteen melodies can't help but evoke a gentle joie de vivre". GUS 8 AUDITIONS KICK OFF IN OWERRI,BENIN,ABUJA AND LAGOS Organizers of the popular Gulder Ultimate Search reality TV show have announced that a record of 26,004 individuals registered for a chance to take part in the eight season of the show. Last year’s edition saw a total of 20,634 entries. The show’s producers said that regional auditions will take place in Owerri, Benin, Abuja and Lagos. Selected applicants will be put through rigorous activities which will include physical strength, endurance, and swimming ability among other tests. The screening will take place from Tuesday August 23 to 25 in Benin and Abuja, Saturday August 27 to 29 in Owerri and finally August 27 to August 31 in Lagos. ‘This year's huge number of registrations for GUS 8 is the highest we've ever seen as over 26,000 individuals registered for a spot on this very novel reality TV show which reflects the popularity of Gulder Ultimate Search. Close to 6,000 individuals registered over and above last year’s figure. Even more spectacular is the fact that over 1,000 people registered with just twelve hours to the deadline‘, Ita Bassey, Senior Brand Manager, Gulder disclosed. The eight season of the reality show will be jointly anchored by Nollywood actor Bob Manuel Udokwu and R&B king Darey Art Alade.
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| Literature / Entertainment News Gists by miztapheek(m): 11:29am On Aug 22, 2011 |
2011 CHANNEL O MUSIC AWARDS;JESSE JAGZ,WIZKID,NAETO C, OTHERS MAKE LIST This year's edition of the Channel O Music awards nominees list has been released with acts from Angola, Ghana, Mozambique, Kenya, Nigeria, Tanzania, Uganda and Namibia in the running for it.This time, only the Original African category features multiple artists with two or more nods, making it an open field for nominees in the 14 categories.This edition sees a massive 10 videos in contention for the Most Gifted Video of the Year award.Among the strongest bid is Kenya’s STL, whose “Lookie Lookie” has been nominated thrice for Most Gifted Female Video, Most Gifted Dance Video and Most Gifted Video of the Year. Alongside her is Ugandan artist, Navio, whose “Keep Moving” is up for Most Gifted Video of the Year as well as Most Gifted Male Video and Most Gifted Hip Hop Video.Also making a play for attention is hotshot South African artist Zakes Bantwini whose “Wasting My Time” clip has earned him a nod in the Most Gifted Video of the Year category as well as Most Gifted Male Video. He is up against Nigeria’s D’Banj with his “Mr. Endowed (Remix)’ featuring Snoop Dogg.In the Most Gifted Newcomer category, Wizkid will face South Africa’s AKA, Uganda’s Keko, Nigeria’s Ice Prince, Zambia’s Zone Fam and South Africa’s Kwesta.Most Gifted Hip Hop Video meanwhile has Collo (Kenya) slugging it out against Jesse Jagz featuring M.I. and Ice Prince (Nigeria), Proverb featuring Lungelo (South Africa), Navio (Uganda) and AKA (South Africa).In addition to STL’s success, another female has also made an impact on a music scene dominated by male artists. South Africa’s Lira has a double nomination for the video “Phakade” in the Most Gifted Video of the Year and Most Gifted Female Video categories. STEPH NORA-''P-SQUARE STOLE MY SONG'' Award winning artists P-square and Nollywood actress Steph Nora Okereke are currently at logger heads, a development that might see them heading to the courts.Steph-Nora Okereke recently alleged that they stole materials from Jeje, one of the tracks in her yet-to-be released debut album. Incidentally, the 14-tracker album titled ‘The Invasion’ released by the twin-brothers on their Square Records (SR) has a song entitled Jeje, and featured RnB/Soul crooner, Waje.The actress cum producer who is just making a foray into music sampled the opinion of Jude Okoye, the elder brother of the stars, several months ago with her own version of the song.Steph-Nora reveals that she sought the opinion of the elder Okoye based on mutual respect and his experience as a moving force behind the success of P Square. The visibly upset actress says:“What they did was to remix the chorus of my version to a danceable track. That was not all; they also gave their version the same title, Jeje and featured Waje.”She explains further: “I sent the song over to Jude via email and he listened to it. The next day I called him for his opinion and he said exactly these words ‘Stephnora the song is good but don’t release it like that because it doesn’t meet the standard of the Nigerian market’. I asked him what should be done and he suggested that I return to the studios and brush it up.“As a brother and colleague, I took his advice and went back to the studio with my producer, Jiff. I also consulted with my manager, and we agreed to improve on the work ahead of the album launch, which I planned for this December. I finally completed the song in May/ June. But to my consternation, two weeks ago my personal assistant called my attention to P Square’s new album, which included a track entitled Jeje.”Ope Banwo in his reaction disclosed that he intended to file a copyright infringement lawsuit against P Square next week if they do not respond to their demand letter. “This kind of thing should not be tolerated. P Square is a big group that should not take advantage of up and coming artistes and their friends. Stephnora trusted them and they stabbed her in the back,” he added. DON JAZZY OFFERS OVER N1.2M IN OLIVER DANCE COMPETITION For over three weeks, Mohits Records boss, Michael Collins a.k.a Don Jazzy‘Enigma Music Competition created so much buzz on and off Twitter, getting so many artistes all creative and yet again he is in the news offering over N1.2 Million naira ($7,500) and other consolation prizes for a Dance Video Competition to D’ banjnew song, Oliver. Mohits Records have stated the call for fun videos from either individuals or group dancing to the Oliver song, which the Mohits crew themselves made a fun video to on their official website dancing energetically to tunes radiating from the gigantic sound system behind them.According to Mohits Records’ official website, ‘following the success of the #Enigma competition we at Mo’Hits Records have decided to give a chance to people with different kinds of talent – Dance, Comedy or anything Entertaining…’ Don Jazzy gave away N560, 000 naira ($3, 500) in the Enigma competition where he created the beat and released on Twitter for artistes to sing over. However, unlike the first contest which has three places, this one has five positions; 1st place gets $2, 5000, 2nd place to grab $2, 000, 3rd $1, 500, the 4th position to get $1,000 and finally in the 5th position $500. He also stated that top 10 entries will be part of the Official Oliver video and the top 50 entries will get a free Koko Mobile Handset. Ranking as the first Nigerian to get over 100, 000 followers on Twitter, Don Jazzy has emerged as a strong brand himself. And just as the mad-rush flooded the streets, facebook and twitter at the release of Enigma, this again would keep many people busy. CHANTE MOORE LIVE IN LAGOS CONCERT POSTPONED Virtual Xchange, and True Health Foundation have postponed the Chante Moore Live in Lagos Charity Concert till 23rd October 2011.As part of her African trip, Chante Moore was to perform 20th of August at Harbour Point, Victoria Island alongside Wizkid & Banky W. Chante Moore who is presently in South Africa, having featured at the ABSA Capital Leading Women in South Africa Event will return to the United States and return to Nigeria in October for the Charity Concert.The decision to postpone the concert was made in conjunction with Chante Moore and was arrived at primarily because more time was required to conclude the placement of a dialysis machine and ensure access to it by its beneficiaries. This was and is considered critically important, as the ultimate aim of the concert is to raise support for the treatment for pregnant women suffering from Acute Renal Failure. Virtual Xchange stated that it will continue to work with its partners and industry leaders to deliver a truly incredible concert experience to music lovers while also contributing to a socially relevant cause.These include Smooth FM, Sound City; Chromes, Hart to Hart and Southern Sun Hotel. For those who have bought tickets, the organizers have requested that they hold on to them as a wonderful experience awaits them. For those who haven’t, tickets are still available at Chrome, Swe Bar, Soul Lounge, Bogobiri, Hub Media Store at the Palms, Silverbird Galleria & Terra Kulture. GLO,M-NET LAUNCHES SEASON 3 OF GLO NAIJA SINGS National telecom operator, Globacom, in partnership with leading Pay-TV Giant, M-Net Africa, has announced the commencement of the third season of the famed musical reality TV show in Nigeria, Sings. This followed the runaway success of the second season of the popular programme, which was won last year by the singing sensation, Casey Edema.Speaking at the event, Gideon Khobane, Marketing Manager, M-Net Africa, said the company was happy to partner with Glo once more on a programme which has continued to draw large audience eager to see, hear and celebrate great music from rising Nigerian stars.Viewers of the programme will also have an exciting time as selection will be done by voting through short messages (SMS) on their phones. Viewers stand to win exciting prizes such as Glo high speed internet modems, Glo recharge cards and DSTV mobile phones as a reward for their participation.Already, auditions have been held in several locations across the country with top contestants selected inIbadan, Benin, Enugu, Port Harcourt, Abuja, Kaduna and Lagos.Open to a wide range of vocal music performers from soloists and duos to groups of up to four persons, Season 3 of Glo Naija Sings will allow contestants to put their singing ambitions to the test. Selected contestants, who must be Nigerian citizens over the age of 18, will be allowed to display their talents, win great prizes and get an accelerated shot at stardom.A new addition to this season’s show is a music sensation, Dare Art-Alade while the energetic Denrele Edun will be bringing his unique style, panache and humour to the production, as a ‘behind-the-scenes’ presenter.Returning to lend his knowledge and skills to the aspiring contestants is music star, Tosin Martins as vocal and performance coach, while the ever dynamic Dokta Frabz is back as music director.In order to make the show even more interesting, other specially selected music professionals, artistes and top Nigerian music industry icons will be joining Olisa during each episode as celebrity judges. MALTINA DANCE ALL SEASON 5 AUDITION COMES TO AN END In what could be described as the most exciting family reality TV show in Nigeria, the fifth season of the Maltina Dance All (MDA) regional auditions lived up to its billing as the curtains finally fell.During the auditions, the judges selected people who would represent their respective families at the Maltina Academy in August. MDA is a unique TV reality show where families strive to outdo each other through the mastery of various types of dance steps ranging from Wazobia, Jive, Pantomime, Samba to Salsa.This year’s regional auditions took place in Abuja, Enugu, Port-Harcourt, Ibadan, Lagos and Benin and were undoubtedly memorable in the hearts of millions of Nigerians by the excitement and buzz surrounding them. Season 5’s MDA auditions featured an unprecedented number of contestants across the 6 regions where the auditions were held. Contestants came out in droves displaying their dancing skills in intense try-outs.The auditions, which took off in Abuja and Enugu simultaneously, were filled with thrill and excitement.The regional auditions in Lagos proved to be one of the most interesting, considering that Lagos is the focal point of entertainment in Nigeria. The anticipation and excitement at the National Theatre, venue of the Lagos audition, was executed amidst palpable excitement. Thousands of contestants thronged the venue of the auditions in the early hours of the morning all set to show their skills. The contestants displayed a high level of dexterity and know-how of many dance styles which proved a feat for the judges to decide upon. At the end of the keenly contested auditions; Ogechi Okuledogu,Omukoyem Catherine, Gloria Biachi, Ayo Ojueromi, Ali Praise, Adekpe Kerry, Michael Obi and Damilola Titiloya emerged as representatives of the Lagos region.Speaking at one of the regional auditions, Muyiwa Osinaike, veteran dancer, choreographer and one of the judges said that the auditions were interesting and very entertaining. He based his criteria for selecting the final eight on five basic standards. First was the dancer’s creative ability, then his or her knowledge of different dance styles, ability to teach and learn fast, stamina and brand fitness, i.e. ability to align with the Maltina brand values and represent the brand well.Following the new arrangement, the winning family will now take home N5 million in addition to a brand new family car, while the first and second runners up will take home N1 million and N500, 000 respectively.
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| Celebrities / Women Sha: by miztapheek(m): 1:25pm On Aug 18, 2011 |
As a woman, its not a bad thing if you want a man that has all your criteria, but it gets to a point when you should get off your high horse. I have this 36 years old friend who is still as incredibly choosy as she was when she was 18 year old. I grew up listening to her with so much zeal and excitement cos I thot that was the ish. This is the criteria for everyman that wants to marry her : 1. You must be dark and tall. My friend is as dark as charcoal so i wonder wetin she go born if she dey find dark man. 2. You must be a doctor or she fit manage pharmacist. Note,She is a teacher 3. Your parents must be influential in Nigeria or in the world. God forgive me, her parents are not “influential” 4. You must be as fine as Boris kodjoe but she says she can manage Tyson beckford. Note, she is not a pretty lady oo, so you wonder y monkey they call person monkey. 5. You must have at least $100,000 in your account prior to toasting her. She earns less than 45,000 naira monthly. 6. You must have white teeth cos she cant marry anyone with brown teeth. You need to see my friend’s teeth. its like palm oil mixed in poo poo 7. Your house must be fully tushed up. aka furnished 8. You must live in ABJ. she dey live for ojota 9. You should dress fashionably, aka. kill people fashion sense 10. Your mama must not be alive cos she cant stand mother inlaw. her own mama dey alive yet she wants someone’s else’s mother dead. 11. You must be driving the latest model of any car cos he no fit enter okada. Btw, she no get motto oo, na leggedes benz she dey use most of the time. The list goes on and on. Whatever happened to understanding, God-fearing, well-behaved, loving, obedient, Spiritual. On the first date, any toaster way no pass any of her criteria is disqualified.No wonder she is still single, searching and crying ” who be my enemies wey they attack me and hinder my happiness.” You may be wondering if no one has been talking some sense into her. But the truth is that everyone including my parents and her parents have shut their mouth up cos my aunty bad mouth fit make person commit suicide. The worst thing about my aunty is that she is soo religious, she join choir so she fit see fine bobo. She also dey prayer band so she can pray for a husband. My aunty fasts like crazy with the hope of getting a husband. The day I summoned up courage to tell her the reason she can’t find a husband, she nearly chop me die. Notin way she no tell me ooo , she no even call me since den cos she say I be bad belle way no get sense. She says even the Bible says she should not settle for less. I guess she is reading a Bible I never heard of. but the question is that, na so dem they take find husband ? With a list like that ? Likewise, there are thousands of women who make silly criteria’s for husband. But really, do we possess some of those things we want them to possess. Look at yourself before aiming too high. Even if you pray and fast from now till forever, your prayer will not be answered except you lower those your unneccessary standards. |
| Celebrities / What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman by miztapheek(m): 1:23pm On Aug 18, 2011 |
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN The pregnant woman is an odd creature. She is beautiful and at the same time prone to fits that can make her positively horrendous. She carries life within her and can appear to have the very life and vitality drained out of her at the same time. This is the one thing that she can TRULY do better than a man! However, she can be sensitive to the point of discomfort, as many a husband has been dismayed to find out. There are some things that one should never say to a pregnant woman. I have a few in my head but this is by no means an exhaustive list. 1) “ My…how you’ve grown! You look about ready to pop!!”: Uhm…no, no and again I say no! FYI she is VERY aware of her bulging, burgeoning shape. You do not need to remind her, genius! She feels like she’s about ready to pop and if you’re lucky, she just might…in front of you. Not pleasant. Very messy. 2) “ That’s a very odd shape…looks a bit like a misshapen pumpkin…”: Einstein, who told you that all pregnant bellies are created equal? There are some that are like cute little basketballs and others that look like oblong watermelons (yep, it’s gross but true). Please don’t tell her that. You may have one of 2 reactions: she may burst into tears…or she may attack you. 3) “Uhm…are you sure if you eat that the baby will turn out…you know…normal?”: There are very few times in life when a woman can eat what, when and how she wants and pregnancy is one of those times. So do her a favour and leave her alone. So what if she’s eating yoghurt with pickles and ketchup? The baby will turn out just fine. Worst comes to worst she’ll have a bad case of indigestion. 4) “Aren’t pregnant women supposed to glow and be radiant?”: ‘So you mean I’m not?’ That would definitely be her response and then you will fluster and sputter and try to apologize ‘No, that’s not what I meant…’ ‘Well, what did you mean?’ “Oh, uhm, I, uhm’. You get the picture. Don’t start what you can’t finish. And a pregnant woman is not a person you argue with: she has stamina and she can be C-R-A-N-K-Y!!! 5) “Let’s hope baby doesn’t end up looking like Uncle Clement (or Auntie Abebelubelanetta)”: That is a definite no-no…especially if the said Uncle or Auntie is aesthetically challenged in the facial department. Seriously, no mum-to-be wants to visualize her baby with Uncle Clement’s red brick nose or Auntie Abebelu(etc)’s satellite dish ears. 6) “Good LORD! I’ve heard of women’s noses getting big during pregnancy but yours…” You have just officially entered the danger zone. The condition you speak of is called pregnancy induced acromeghaly and is quite common. However it’s one of those things you pretend not to notice…for you own well being. As mentioned earlier in points No. 2 and No. 4: Pregnant woman= cranky and sensitive! 7) “Wow…got a Dolly Parton thing going there, have we?”: How do I put this delicately…a pregnant woman’s body is preparing for a new person. That new person can make a loud and HUNGRY entrance into the world and for the safety and sanity of all around there had BETTER be food on the menu around the clock, a fully stocked bar so to speak! For some ladies this is a rather welcome development while for others, it’s a bother. Better to err on the side of caution and not try to find out which of the sides the lady is on, right?  Geez…I thought you were a Size 6. When did you start wearing your husband’s shoes?”: There are cases in which the lady gets swollen feet and hands. That can be quite distressing. Equally distressing is the fact that gone are the days of sassy Manolos and in come the Crocs and flip flops. For the fashionista mum-to-be this can be extremely depressing. So please when you see her donning a less than flattering pair of shoes/slippers, leave her be. Believe me, she’s grieving the loss of her high heels.9) “ Oh I’m sure you’ll be back in shape in no time after…you gained 28 kgs? Oh… I see. Well, nothing a year of vigorous diet and exercise won’t clear up!”: Oh don’t rub it in! She knows she looks like a beached whale. Please don’t remind her needlessly. If you’re not going to be her personal trainer and help her lose the weight then please don’t talk about it. 10) “ Gosh, I hope you don’t have one of those long 75 hour labours…”: Labour is not a pleasant walk in the park and for some ladies it is a terrifying prospect. The less said to scare her, the better. Besides, you may make things even harder for her husband as she is likely to pour out all her labour room angst and horror at him! There we have it, people!Though i've not gone through the process myself but I know some peeps who have and they still have the scars to show for it I don’t want anyone saying that stuff to a heavily pregnant woman,else,that pointed heel will land on your head! |
| Celebrities / One Man's Meat by miztapheek(m): 12:47pm On Aug 17, 2011 |
I hate nightclubs… I really, really do! It baffles me to imagine how people consider ‘clubbing’ to be fun. With the numerous, potentially fatal risks which are associated with the coming of the night, it stands to reason that people would only venture outdoors when it is absolutely necessary. Okay, since you are acting dumb and pretending you don’t know what the risks are, I’ll spell them out for you; armed robbers, crooked cops, car- jackers, pick pockets, poor visibility, the list is nearly endless… I have some friends who promptly fall ill any Saturday morning they don’t ‘club-hop’ the previous night. Until recently, I had never been to a nightclub. I considered (and still do) them to be modern day, miniaturized versions of Sodom and Gomorrah. At this junction, I need to ask you to refrain from thinking of me as a Sunday school teacher. I just have my own ideas of what ‘fun’ is and clubs aren’t in the picture. I’ll share something with you; I was dragged into going to a nightclub one night by my friends. After dragging my feet and being offered an irresistible bribe of all the suya I could eat, I reluctantly agreed to go along. I suspect the main reason why they wanted me to go along was because of my car, but that’s a story for another day. Friday night came and we were set to go. In a two car convoy with six people in total, we headed for La Cachette, a popular nightclub in Ikeja GRA. We got there at 1am and after some unprofessional frisking by the bored-looking,steroid chested bouncers at the gate, we were in. The first thing that came to my mind was that we were in the wrong place. I know nightclubs are breeding grounds for women of easy virtue but this place was literally flooded with them! It almost looked like a National prostitute convention was being held there! We picked our way through the mob of sweating, gyrating bodies and found a couch to recline in. Drinks soon arrived and my friends slowly began to unwind and get into the groove. Me, I’m almost a teetotaler. The strongest brand of liver-spoiler I can handle is Smirnoff Ice and my limit is three bottles. My dream of running for President has been dashed thanks to some pictures of me sprawled in a pool of my vomit after I passed that thin line between sobriety and inebriation. I have offered all my worldly possessions to the friend that has the pictures but no dice… Goodbye, Aso Rock! Have you noticed that when you are doing something that you don’t like very much, time usually ticks very slowly? By 3am, I felt I had spent all the passing years since puberty in that place. By this time, the prostitutes in the club had started going into overdrive mode. Their dancing became more frenzied and provoking, in their bid to snare ‘customers’. Apparently, this tactic worked on one of my friends as he told me I could pick any girl I wanted and he would foot the bill. I looked at him like he just hit himself in the nuts with a hammer. On second thought, I wondered what it would feel like talking to a ‘real, live prostitute’ so I told him to pick anyone he felt like for me and sure enough, a female soon plopped on the seat beside me. While she played coy, I eyeballed her like a scientist would do with an AIDS infected blood sample. After clearing my throat like a billion times, I engaged her in conversation. Things were okay for approximately seven minutes until she told me the only way she was going to continue the conversation was if I took her home. ‘Why’? I spluttered. ‘Because I like to get to know the people I sleep with.’ She answered demurely. In my mind I asked myself what the hell I had gotten into. I really wanted to sleep and here was this female wasting my time. We must have looked like two market women haggling over the price of an item. Luckily for me, she gave me a way out and I grabbed it with both hands. ‘Don’t think I’m a prostitute o!’ She blurted out, while my eyebrows went into orbit, ‘I just came here to unwind and if you are nice to me, I’ll allow you take me home.’ I shot my friends a dirty look for getting me into this mess. They were some distance away taking an active interest in the proceedings while managing to look in every direction except ours. ‘I see’, says I, ‘so are you in school or do you work?’ ‘I’m a doctor’, she declares while I scoot to the far side of the couch lest lightning strike her for lying and gets me too. I asked her what her area of specialization was and she replied, pediatrics. This white lie turned me off and I sank into the couch, closed my eyes and started forcing myself to catch a nap. She got the message and left some minutes later. Doctor, my black arse! There are two things I really, totally hate which can drive me to commit murder; disturbing me when I want to sleep and partaking in my meal uninvited. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way I am, okay? I was in the club last Friday, (yes, again!) with my crazy friends (I’ve got to get rid of those boys,for real) and I had a pounding headache so I was trying to sleep it off. I was in a foul mood and was successfully dozing off when some rough hands shook me awake. ‘What? What??’ I yelled, cross-eyed with anger. ‘That girl wants to dance with you, she asked us to come and wake you up so you’ll dance with her.’ my friend yelled back, pointing at a good-looking, shapely female who was dancing with her boyfriend who was the exact opposite in looks. They were a scant 4 feet from where I was slumped in the couch and she was looking at me with a teasing smile while her fat, pot-bellied sugar daddy was trying his best to mean-mug me. I turned back to my friends and yelled at them very sweetly; ‘LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!’ And I turned over and went right back to sleep. For me there are better ways to have fun without buying over-priced drinks in the club, or running the risk of catching air-borne STDs from the prostitutes in the club or getting robbed and possibly killed by men of the underworld. You want to know how?Thats another story for another day.
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| Jokes Etc / What If? by miztapheek(m): 1:14pm On Aug 16, 2011 |
What if? I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, and somehow our discussion got into colonialism in Africa , and how each and every colonized African country just can’t seem to shake off the effects of colonialism. A lot of times I sit and I think about how things would’ve been different if we were never colonized, or better yet if the situation were reversed. Like what if we were the colonial masters. Like… What if Africans traded Europeans as slaves to other parts of the world? What if we occupied an area in Europe and enslaved their citizens and made them second class citizens? What if apartheid was in Switzerland ? What if the Greek Kingdom, French Kingdom and Spanish Empire were joined together to form a country called Mediterraia, and their national language was Hausa, while their local language was considered vernacular? What if it was the Benin Kingdom that attacked and burned down Amsterdam to the ground, instead of the other way around? What if the British were still begging and appealing for the Benin Kingdom to return their sculptures? What if wearing Agbada was considered corporate attire? What if Europeans all had a traditional wedding and “black” wedding to be considered officially married? What if their men had to wrestle for their wives, instead of proposing with a ring? What if European women spent a fortune on buying nappy hair cos it was more acceptable or it looked “better”? What if there was darkening cream so that Europeans could “darken” their skin to be considered “more beautiful”?…just like we Africans bleach. What if we all looked at them as inferior cos their skin is pale? What if black was considered pure & good and white was evil and bad? What if we had commercials all over Africa about saving the European child for just N10 a day? What if Europeans were the ones always celebrating the firsts?… First white president, First European country to do this, first white woman to do x, y and z? What if Africans took traditional religion to Europe on missionary work? What if Europeans all had to learn Igbo or Swahili to be considered educated? What if Europeans all had Fulani “middle” names, just like we all have Henry, George, and Sarah middle names? What if Europeans worshiped Oduduwa and Amadioha? What if Europeans spoke pidgin-igbo as a slang? What if Queen Amina of Zaria was like the Queen Elizabeth Of England? What if Europeans were the ones excited about hosting world cup for the first time in London ? What if Europeans countries had to get their “independence” from their Zulu colonial masters? What if Europeans all supported Eyimba FC, and shooting stars of Ibadan (football clubs) and lived and died by if they won or not? What if Europeans fone’d their igbo cos it was cool to do so? What if Europeans felt better about themselves if they were half-black? What if that made u socially finer? What if eating eba and vegetable soup was considered as being classy, and eating pizza was considered local? What if speaking English was local? What if I was supposed to write this in Igbo for everyone to be able to read and understand? What if they abandoned their culture to adopt ours so they can be considered as developing? What if the 3rd world countries were in Europe ? What if the tables were turned? What if they complain about us all the time, and we looked down on them? What if we were them, and they were us? What if I never even had to think of the what ifs? Often times, I can’t seem to not think about the what ifs. I’m not writing this because I feel we should revert back, or cos I have a solution or any answers. If I did, I’d be writing about the answers instead. Call it a moment I have every now and then, and I had to vent… but think about it though… what if? |
| Romance / Re: She Wants To Hear From God First by miztapheek(m): 11:59am On Jul 27, 2011 |
@190,God will help u if i crack a rib o,haba, lmaoo  |
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