Sorry, a lot of the issues that have been coming on here recently don't qualify as "minor" faults. A marriage with repeated spousal abuse is NOT a marriage with a minor fault. That fault is MAJOR and is solid grounds for at least a temporary separation. I am anti-Cabal (because I know women are never up to any good when they band together ) but I am yet to see anyone of them suggest divorce except for the most serious cases of abuse or serial cheating. In fact, even the toughest one of them tends to default to "try to work things out first". That the Cabal's mission is to promote divorce is a piece of fiction.

Let's bring down the Cabal using other accusations/strategies please. The Cabal must go down, by kpekus or by fire!

Calm down ladies! I was bored; she was available, hot-tempered and dirty-mouthed. I twisted and winded her up and she performed a show for all of us. We both had fun. Let's chalk this up to a weekend of drinking and general debauchery. Business will resume as usual on Monday.

ps - it's funny that ALL you people complaining the loudest about the yabs are the SAME ones that are eagerly reading each post with popcorn and zobo! Has anyone noticed that thread views spike dramatically once a fight breaks out? Bloody hypocrites!

This is great news! Congratulations to him!

elaine mia: Though he doesn't like to admit it, I don't think he wants me to work yet. he has the money but he tells me there are other very pressing bills to pay,"maybe" when he gets some extra to spare. He's the one sponsoring me through school.

As for schooling and motherhood occupying me, yes they are,partially but not fully cos I go to school on the weekends only,and my kids,the first and second go to school. So i'm practically idle through out the day till 3pm when I go to pick them up. Moreover, a woman needs to take care of herself and kids. My hubby is not the kind that gives allowances or pocket money. And he is so consumed with trying to expand his business,invest and pay off the bills that he forgets those little things that can make me and the kids happy and quite comfortable with ourselves. I want to assist him and fill that gap. I can't go out and see something nice and get it for my boys or me cos I can't afford to. I have to ask him for EVERYTHING and 8 out of 10 times the story is always the same"later not now,there are other pressing needs" and to be real later never comes we just forget about it.I'm tired of being totally(I mean TOTALLY)dependent on him,that's why I am seeking advice on what I can and should do to better me and my family cos I know my career might not kickstart now until I upgrade my qualification which is going to be in another year or 2 by God's grace cos our educational system is not helping issues and a happy me is a happy home cos its the woman that makes a home.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Stop worrying! If you hold on to your dreams and plan diligently, you'll be back in the workforce in no time. Some ladies have suggested things you can do to make some money while you complete your studies. Your current situation is only temporary. Good luck!

agiboma:

Very true, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

The same old st[i]u[/i]pid arguments of women with no self-esteem! Agiboma, you need to stop pushing this sorry bandwagon. Time to pack-it-up and go ply another trade!

Guitarlife: A quick update . . . . . . It all started with this quotable quote after the assailant had mercilessly rained some heavy mortar on unprepared civilian's going about there daily work. Moral of the story, 'nobody and no f00l I say, has a monopoly of rascality '(properly quoted now.)
. . . . .Guitarlife reporting live for GuitarlifeSATTELITETV.

Are you still a virgin? Or have you finally found a girlfriend? I would think that you would be much more focused on solving the issues you're facing with potency instead of instigating market women to brawl. I am just saying.

Odunnu: Who be this Guitarlife? I've been away for a while I need an update biko

His tragic life history is all up here for your persusal:

1) He's a 25-yr old virgin man that has never had a girlfriend:
https://www.nairaland.com/796346/will-regret-this

2) His own father rejected him and refused to fund his lofty dreams:
https://www.nairaland.com/816518/iam-depressed-encourage-me-tell

3) He cried out for help because a she-devil wants to disvirgin him by force:
https://www.nairaland.com/910804/young-man-fighting-keep-destiny

You're welcome!

chaircover: I dont know what happened here but by the amount of hidden posts it seems to be pretty bad.

Obviously even to a blind man one can see that something is not quite right somewhere and maybe it is time for the mods to do something otherwise we will keep on seeing these kinds of things.

We used to have a thread called "let off steam" or something like that. Maybe it is time to resurrect/create a new thread but with a rule that zero insults allowed and people should like the adults that they are state their grievances and sort them out maturely.

We all cant agree with each other and what may be a clever opinion to someone may be a stupid opinion to another but we need to learn to agree to disagree amicably and respect each others views. Richy and I have been at it for 2 or so years now but we still manage to disagree without drawing blood. Thanks to him I have the word "CA" shortened for Cabal tagged at the end of all my degrees Hi Richy **waves**

I also think that we need more mods on this section; with at least one of them being logged in 24/7 to oversee things and to nip things in the bid before they get out of hand.

One reason why I nominate mutter year after year for the family section vote is because, no amount of insults you throw at her, she responds maturely and still sticks to the topic/her point and its the other person ends up looking silly

BTW Guitarlife, whatever happened to you? You used to be such a calm fellow & BTW stop showing off with your Grammar before Debosky or Lastpage descend on you & turn you into a quivering nursery school boy on his first day at school

I am sorry, but calm, adult talk all the time does not make for a very interesting section (the mix of real advice and real craze is the special sauce that makes this section vibrant and yet serious). At the end of the day, Nairaland is an internet forum with a huge entertainment component. These are my last days on here anyway. It all gets really tired and boring after a while and I think it's time to move on (not sure when but it'll happen sooner or later if things keep going the way they are).

Guitarlife: Clap for yourself *claps* you just nailed the cat but erm, wait are you a 'murderrator'? Are you? Well, who care's a bottle of sobo drink for him with a plate of three boiled yam's and three cooked egg's splashed with an extravagant quantity of red oil. And did you say a woman started this assault ? Well, you might wanna reread the thread. No! Not now after your meal. Ok!

A crash course in reading comprehension is in order! Who said anything about a woman starting the assault? Bloody dullard! Besides, who called for you? I put out a rat trap and this lousy cockroach ran into it. Who told you that you were invited? Abeg, comot jor!

I am no fan of Aunt Jenny (but I do enjoy her craze display from time to time) but all you bloody weaklings need to stop the false back-slapping and learn to speak-up for your damn selves! The biggest tragedy is to see a full-grown man hide behind the skirts of a woman! Shame on you!!!! No wonder your wife took your son and left! Failed, miserable coward of a man!

Wow! This thread has dissolved into a complete fiasco. Why are women so mean to each other? Why can't they insult each other intelligently without calling each other "sluts" and "ashewos". So sad!

Tgirl4real:

In addition to the reassurance, abeg follow this too:



Actually, its ur choice if you want him to have full access to ur account. But he needs to inform u before spending it and you shouldn't restrict u either.

OP,

Nice write-up. I haven't finished reading though. Will go back and do that.

Well, if the free-access thing was working out well, she wouldn't be on here complaining. No man will like having to "inform" his wife before spending money (ego issues). Her best bet is to separate the accounts.

Why are these fools derailing the thread with insipid nonsense?

Dumbest thread in the universe! Imagine a woman calling herself "mixed breed". Ignorance nah real disease oh!

I am sorry... the gbagauns gave me a headache. Some people really need to spend more time learning basic syntax and grammar instead of wasting time on NL.

PS - @ OP, please stop thinking simple thoughts. There's nothing you said here that's beyond a primary school level of reasoning. In addition to English, please go to school and read-up on life beyond the Bible.

Is your husband's family Ibo? That would explain this mess! You should have been prepared for this before you married an Ibo man. His family owns you since they paid your hefty bride price; the sooner you deal with this, the better.

jennykadry: @Moremi

I am as shocked as you and yes it was moved from the romance section, come on now what did you think? A man that sleeps with even his house-helps and has refused to work for 8 years? did someone just say this is the time he needs her most? and some eediot agreed to it?

stillwater: He doesn't have a job, and he's sleeping with housegirls? That's a major deal breaker. Before you made mention of his cheating and you talked about his accusations of you cheating, I immediately wanted to write he's cheating.




Do what you have to do then. The head refuted his position and has given you the go ahead. With money comes power.

I am so relieved that you ladies are here. This thread has officially started.

armyofone: so our own Ronkelus upon all ya yagan na for Ghetto you dey for Philly i see why you wan pack go another hell hole Just wanna tease ya
but come o, wetin you see for Philly that place is just too odd for my liking.

I was scratching my head at her comment because I completely forgot that she lives in Philly! LOL! No wonder she thinks crime in the U.S. is higher than crime in Lagos!!!! Aunty Ronke (PhD holder in Kpekus), please don't think the rest of the US is like dirty, ghetto Philly! Just finish your school and go experience a non-ghetto part of America. Your opinion will change after that.

figures: Yeah! Dats wat I go through, I know it is not normal. We keep 1 purse because in the begining, he didn't have a job and I felt it wasn't proper for me to give him cash, so he had my atm card. To be fair on him, he is very prudent, maybe too prudent. He only allowed me buy clothes wen my boss and colleagues started makin comments about my dressing.

Sorry, in this day and age, your jobless husband shouldn't have access to your bank account, especially with the restrictions he has placed on you. Please, cut him off the account and re-open a joint account that both of you have access to and to which you transfer a small portion of your earnings. If he asks you why, tell him you're not happy with the way he behaves when you send money to your parents and siblings (sending YOUR hard-earned money to some random distant cousin). Also tell him how you need him to be more helpful in the house. Use your woman's wiles to burst into tears and tell him you're tired and almost going crazy with stress. Tell him you're going to die if he doesn't start helping you! It's not that hard if you're a good actress. He'll get the point and stop being a prick. Whatever happens, don't let him back into your primary account.

Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.

I am sure there are people here who will give you better advice than "communicate more", "be there for him". I think 6years is enough time for your husband to get his act together or at least be grateful to you for your steadfastness. You my lady are a tough, good woman. Even if your husband might not appreciate you, the men folk thank you for holding your family together single-handed.

There are two issues here that need to be dealt with separately: his joblessness and his infidelity. Addressing his joblessness requires a firm and delicate hand. You can't allow this man to keep lounging around! He has had no employment for 6years!!!! Chikena! At this rate, he might soon be unemployable! Have you both even discussed starting a business? You have to find a way to lovingly but firmly have him to go hustle like the rest of his mates! This situation is just unacceptable.

With regards to his infidelity, I think your husband needs a reality check. Some times, men take good things for granted because they can't imagine an alternate reality where they are held accountable for their actions. The next time he sleeps with another house-girl, gather solid, undeniable evidence and kick him out of the house! Let him promise you to never cheat on you again before you let him back in. You are already paying all the bills; he won't be missed. Please, whatever you do, don't bring up the issue of his joblessness as a reason for kicking him out! You don't want your contrite husband to finally find a job and start treating you badly because you were harsh with him when he was jobless. Make sure you make it clear that you're kicking him out for his infidelity, not his joblessness.

It's better that he takes his time to find something worthwhile to invest in than rushing into a business that'll eventually fail. According to what I am hearing about ex-bankers these days, too many of them quickly open well-stocked shops only to find that sales are lagging and they are stuck with obsolete inventory. Please give your husband time and space to find the right opportunities; prayerfully support him and he'll be back-in-action in no time.

chaircover: He is probably fagged out bless him. Banking work is not beans. Just today I had a banker come running to me that his target has been increased to 1 billion & to please help introduce him to people that I know to come and bank in his bank.

Your friend is not alone. A family member had a 2 billion personal target last year (and a 20 billion team target). You should have seen him running helter, skelter, begging Governors and commissioners here and there for deposits. We sha thank God that some family connections came through for him. I have already told him to find another job but the stubborn man won't listen (probably because his wife won't stop spending). Nah so-so running about every day! Meanwhile, the real ogas are in headquarters, collecting salary and adding zero value! Such a horrible job!

LOL! This thread makes no sense at all and only forces a false comparison. Nairaland serves a completely different purpose than Facebook. Comparing the two is like comparing apples with oranges.

No amount of Taekwando classes will make your friend stronger than her husband or give her a happy home. The problem she faces requires a different type of solution; I am sure this thread will soon be full of actionable, practical and wise advice you can give your friend. I just wanted to dispatch this Taekwando solution immediately as a non-starter.

Miss_Ife: @lastpage : thanks for your post, so on point

Please, stop thanking him for ignorant, conflicting opinions. He mistakes chaos for freedom. A civilization that aspires towards greatness must have enforceable laws. With the same mouth Lastpage has used to complain about collapsed buildings in Lagos, he will use to rant against building codes in the West. With the same mouth he has used to complain about the ease with which politicians launder stolen loot in Nigeria, he will use to complain against anti-money laundering laws in the West. With the same mouth he has used to complain against child abuse in Nigeria, he will use to complain about child protective services in the West.

Having no laws is NOT freedom! Until we get beyond this type of mentality, Nigeria will remain a backward place that has not lived up the promise it showed in the decade after Independence.

Get her something expensive that she can show-off to her friends... ladies always love that, regardless of whatever nonsense they say on here.

chaircover: Are we saying that everyone who has insulted this poster are either abstaining from sex or are on birth control every single time?

Why are we so self righteous sometimes? and who is fooling who? Even as a married woman I sometimes find myself frantically doing date calculations after times that too much wine has equaled

I personally do not agree with abortion and I believe that there are solutions for every problem. @poster there is nothing new under the sun so sit down and have a think about what what you want to do and as bisi said, please have urself checked for herpers. Herpes can infect the baby during delivery and this can be fatal.

I have dated many smart women who don't play with birth control. You can't be against abortion and NOT be a birth-control Nazi; the two should go hand-in-hand. Let's call a spade a spade; the lady was foolish. Now she needs to face the repercussion of her decision ( having a child out-of-wedlock or an abortion). She should take this experience as a lesson learned and either close her legs next time or get on birth control pills until she's ready for more babies. Let's not confuse sentiments with giving realistic advice.