I've been married for 8years. Before the marriage, my hubby and I had a very cordial and beautiful relationship. He was a banker and lost his job 3months before our wedding.

He hasnt been able to get himself together ever since. Not gotten himself a job and has been acting very unserious. I have single handedly shouldered all responsibilities of the family including taking care of him without complaining. I have to force him to go get a job even to the extent of following up on written applications for him; he, most times will pass the first stage but will never be able to make it to the final stage of which they could employ him.

I couldnt bear it any longer at a stage (about 6years into the marriage), reason being that he started accusing me of infidelity which was never true. Considering our place of residence, Akute and I work on the Island, i always had to leave home before sunset and considering the nature of my job, i do close late and return home late. The situation got as bad as him having to be having sexual intercourse with my housegirls(to an extent that the longest a housegirl will serve with me is just 4months). Can be so difficult getting a good maid in Lagos and i kept loosing them in intervals of 3/4months.
This did not allow me concentrate even on the job (which happens to be the only source of livelihood)for the entire family which includes 2 female children.

The situation has so degenerated to the level where we dont even discuss or talk with each other now, he tell lies at every given opportunity and is very unashamed. He tells me to my face that there is no big deal in being a woman and taking charge of all financial responsibilities of the home front.

i truly wish to leave but afraid of what people will say.

pls i need your advise.

Wat can I say?
Not even been in d marraige world but mayb my little cent cld count

I blv right now, dis is d tym he nids u most, tho you made it sound like he's very lazy, bt I think u should communicate even more with him, tell him how u feel abt d whole issue, I blv he ll change

Invite God in and let Him take charge! Continue supporting him in every way possible. You are in it for better or worse! and keep maids out of your home please! If you really need to have one then get one of his relative instead.

Dyt: Wat can I say?
Not even been in d marraige world but mayb my little cent cld count

I blv right now, dis is d tym he nids u most, tho you made it sound like he's very lazy, bt I think u should communicate even more with him, tell him how u feel abt d whole issue, I blv he ll change

u are right u know and yes he could still change.

@op,do u mean he as been out of job since u got married now 8years? No bizness wotsoever? So wot does he do at home at all times? Dont ur kids always ask him y he is always at home? He slept with ur maid,did he force ur maid or ur maids lured hm to bed(i am not justifying his act),
my advice is dis, snc u av forgiven ur hubby aftter d maid saga. Dont leave ur hubby its now he needs u d most,u av come dis far with all d strugles and i commend ur effort. U most b a very stong woman. First is u shpuld send wotever maid u av now and relocate ur kids to ur parents or his for a little period while u bring love and oder into ur home. Av a heart to heart talk with ur hubby in a very humble n polite mood with all d respect u can gather(reason is so he dosnt think u are acting bossy cause he cant act up to his resposibilities as d man of d house). Let him undastand y he needs to get realy busy. If u av d means as pls set ur hubby up in a bizness pending d time he gets a job. D short period ur kids are away,use it to brig d love u once shared with ur man. Let him know u still care and love him eventhough he is out of job. Afterall u are his companion who should be there through thick and thin. God bless ur family so b a very wise woman and u wunt regret it.

It is very easy for people to say support him. I currently in your shoes except that accusations of infidelity have not set in yet. I am really looking forward to people's comments. Ultimately, hang on. Divorce isn't good especially with female children

Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.

I am sure there are people here who will give you better advice than "communicate more", "be there for him". I think 6years is enough time for your husband to get his act together or at least be grateful to you for your steadfastness. You my lady are a tough, good woman. Even if your husband might not appreciate you, the men folk thank you for holding your family together single-handed.

There are two issues here that need to be dealt with separately: his joblessness and his infidelity. Addressing his joblessness requires a firm and delicate hand. You can't allow this man to keep lounging around! He has had no employment for 6years!!!! Chikena! At this rate, he might soon be unemployable! Have you both even discussed starting a business? You have to find a way to lovingly but firmly have him to go hustle like the rest of his mates! This situation is just unacceptable.

With regards to his infidelity, I think your husband needs a reality check. Some times, men take good things for granted because they can't imagine an alternate reality where they are held accountable for their actions. The next time he sleeps with another house-girl, gather solid, undeniable evidence and kick him out of the house! Let him promise you to never cheat on you again before you let him back in. You are already paying all the bills; he won't be missed. Please, whatever you do, don't bring up the issue of his joblessness as a reason for kicking him out! You don't want your contrite husband to finally find a job and start treating you badly because you were harsh with him when he was jobless. Make sure you make it clear that you're kicking him out for his infidelity, not his joblessness.

@ op your case is very sad, you are playing the good wife, being the bread winner of the family.I think the best option you have now is to talk to your husband. How wud a grown man sit down and let his wife feed him for 8 years ?if talking to him doesn't work, invite family members to talk to him.

moremi2008: Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.

I am sure there are people here who will give you better advice than "communicate more", "be there for him". I think 6years is enough time for your husband to get his act together or at least be grateful to you for your steadfastness. You my lady are a tough, good woman. Even if your husband might not appreciate you, the men folk thank you for holding your family together single-handed.

There are two issues here that need to be dealt with separately: his joblessness and his infidelity. Addressing his joblessness requires a firm and delicate hand. You can't allow this man to keep lounging around! He has had no employment for 6years!!!! Chikena! At this rate, he might soon be unemployable! Have you both even discussed starting a business? You have to find a way to lovingly but firmly have him to go hustle like the rest of his mates! This situation is just unacceptable.

With regards to his infidelity, I think your husband needs a reality check. Some times, men take good things for granted because they can't imagine an alternate reality where they are held accountable for their actions. The next time he sleeps with another house-girl, gather solid, undeniable evidence and kick him out of the house! Let him promise you to never cheat on you again before you let him back in. You are already paying all the bills; he won't be missed. Please, whatever you do, don't bring up the issue of his joblessness as a reason for kicking him out! You don't want your contrite husband to finally find a job and start treating you badly because you were harsh with him when he was jobless. Make sure you make it clear that you're kicking him out for his infidelity, not his joblessness.

U said beta dan 'communicate more'
Now tell me where urs referred to?

moremi2008: Was this post moved here from the Romance section? I can't believe the comments I have read here so far.

I am sure there are people here who will give you better advice than "communicate more", "be there for him". I think 6years is enough time for your husband to get his act together or at least be grateful to you for your steadfastness. You my lady are a tough, good woman. Even if your husband might not appreciate you, the men folk thank you for holding your family together single-handed.

There are two issues here that need to be dealt with separately: his joblessness and his infidelity. Addressing his joblessness requires a firm and delicate hand. You can't allow this man to keep lounging around! He has had no employment for 6years!!!! Chikena! At this rate, he might soon be unemployable! Have you both even discussed starting a business? You have to find a way to lovingly but firmly have him to go hustle like the rest of his mates! This situation is just unacceptable.

With regards to his infidelity, I think your husband needs a reality check. Some times, men take good things for granted because they can't imagine an alternate reality where they are held accountable for their actions. The next time he sleeps with another house-girl, gather solid, undeniable evidence and kick him out of the house! Let him promise you to never cheat on you again before you let him back in. You are already paying all the bills; he won't be missed. Please, whatever you do, don't bring up the issue of his joblessness as a reason for kicking him out! You don't want your contrite husband to finally find a job and start treating you badly because you were harsh with him when he was jobless. Make sure you make it clear that you're kicking him out for his infidelity, not his joblessness.

U said beta dan 'communicate more'
Now tell me where urs referred to?

@Moremi

I am as shocked as you and yes it was moved from the romance section, come on now what did you think? A man that sleeps with even his house-helps and has refused to work for 8 years? did someone just say this is the time he needs her most? and some eediot agreed seconded that comment?

women with low self esteem issues.

He doesn't have a job, and he's sleeping with housegirls? That's a major deal breaker. Before you made mention of his cheating and you talked about his accusations of you cheating, I immediately wanted to write he's cheating.

The situation has so degenerated to the level where we dont even discuss or talk with each other now, he tell lies at every given opportunity and is very unashamed. He tells me to my face that there is no big deal in being a woman and taking charge of all financial responsibilities of the home front.

Do what you have to do then. The head refuted his position and has given you the go ahead. With money comes power.

jennykadry: @Moremi

I am as shocked as you and yes it was moved from the romance section, come on now what did you think? A man that sleeps with even his house-helps and has refused to work for 8 years? did someone just say this is the time he needs her most? and some eediot agreed to it?

stillwater: He doesn't have a job, and he's sleeping with housegirls? That's a major deal breaker. Before you made mention of his cheating and you talked about his accusations of you cheating, I immediately wanted to write he's cheating.




Do what you have to do then. The head refuted his position and has given you the go ahead. With money comes power.

I am so relieved that you ladies are here. This thread has officially started.

I bet sm ppl don't understand d frustration of odas
A jobless man we r sayin ere, no one knows ow frustrated lyf cld b wit him

So 2 d married women ere, ur husbands cheat n d next thing u throw him out ryt?
Smh

Dyt: I bet sm ppl don't understand d frustration of odas
A jobless man we r sayin ere, no one knows ow frustrated lyf cld b wit him

So 2 d married women ere, ur husbands cheat n d next thing u throw him out ryt?
Smh

Sure, he is frustrated. DID you read the part were the woman has been the one looking for job for him for 8 years? did you see where he wrote its no big deal for a woman to take care of the family? did you see where he sleeps with every househelp that she employs? Yea he is very frustrated indeed.

Who here has told her to throw him out? the last time i checked, you just raised the suggestion

May God have mercy on you NIgerian women that have no self worth

Op it is said dat a wise woman keeps her home. Accepted he as gone wrong in many ways. If he is remorsely and u still love him den forgive him. No sane married man with kids or without kids would HAPPY to b looking up to a woman to meet his needs. U av come dis far in keepin ur home so it wunt be too much if u go futher in making things right. Once again i comend ur effort,u are indeed a strong woman. Its not by force u follow my advice as someperson already thiks of another as an eediot for saying '' dis is wen he needs u the most''

moremi2008:

I am so relieved that you ladies are here. This thread has officially started.

Even a man as yourself cannot wrap your head around this mans laziness and my fellow women are telling her to be there for him, I don't even have qualms with the one that suggested it, it's that follow follow taryour that all she does is quote people even when she comes off as stooopid when we does it. A man disrespects his wife and yea, it's her fault for not been there for him .

That taryour is an eediot for real, and can someone please tell her to act like the educated woman she claims to be and type in proper English not shorthand like an illiterate?

jennykadry:

Even a man as yourself cannot wrap your head around this mans laziness and my fellow women are telling her to be there for him, I don't even have qualms with the one that suggested it, it's that follow follow taryour that all she does is quote people even when she comes off we stooopid when we does it. A man disrespects his wife and yea, it's her fault for not been there for him

Erm ma
Y nt give ur own advice instead of dwellin on odas
U free 2 give ur own opinion
Nt necessarily u v 2 condemn odas
We r all ere 2 learn one or two things

jennykadry:

Sure, he is frustrated. DID you read the part were the woman has been the one looking for job for him for 8 years? did you see where he wrote its no big deal for a woman to take care of the family? did you see where he sleeps with every househelp that she employs? Yea he is very frustrated indeed.

Who here has told her to throw him out? the last time i checked, you just raised the suggestion

May God have mercy on you NIgerian women that have no self worth

I can rili c ow self worthy u r, I bet u one of d women dat comes on ere, rant all u can n ryt in ur hm, ur hubby deals wit u lyk u nottin
Kip up ur self worthiness
Shior

Dyt:

Erm ma
Y nt give ur own advice instead of dwellin on odas
U free 2 give ur own opinion
Nt necessarily u v 2 condemn odas
We r all ere 2 learn one or two things

It's a public forum remember? So I can reply to any post

jennykadry:

It's a public forum remember? So I can reply to any post

Now u v condemned, let's read frm u
Wat do u v 2 say 2 her ma?

figures: It is very easy for people to say support him. I currently in your shoes except that accusations of infidelity have not set in yet. I am really looking forward to people's comments. Ultimately, hang on. Divorce isn't good especially with female children

Dont mind them especially tha one that hasn't even see marriage yet and is busy telling her to be there for him.

Let me ask you, what if your husband becomes so physically violent that he beats you up in the presence of your kids, tell me what will you do?

Eight years I couldn't even stay in my parents house and remain jobless for a year after graduation, they will definately frustrate me out.lol. OP, you need tough love to deal with this man.. If you don't do something drastic, he'll get worse. Tell him your expectations from him and be firm!

All the best ooo.