I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Mindlog:


You are welcome, just make sure he/she is a licensed family therapist because you may need an official report from him/her should the need, arise.

Thanks will have a look on Google and read some reviews

Mindlog:


I understand your fears over the possibility of Child Protection Service having your children removed from your care, so I would suggest you look up for a grounded family therapist near you, so that you, your wife and the kids can sit down in a neutral setting and explore issues that are affecting relationship within the family and it is also a safeguard because it would help your case, should it escalate.

Thank you for this great advice

ThatPetiteChic:


Whatever you do, think of your other 2 children and unborn child. They shouldn't be deprived of a father figure just because of their mother's attitude. Just calm down, do not hastily take a rash decision that would affect you or them in future.

I feel for your 11yr old daughter and you can only manage the situation. Your wife and mother in law don't like her and you can't force them to like her. Ensure you encourage love and respect among your kids because your wife is capable of causing sibling rivalry.

God will help you to do what is right.

Thank you

ThatPetiteChic:


Two wrongs don't make a right sir. At this point, there is really nothing you can do about it. Your wife has 2 children and pregnant with the 3rd child. Take it as your cross and continue to show love to your kids.

I am trying so hard to keep my family together but the way things are getting worse day by day, you know school teaches our children that chikd abuse is wrong and if they are at risk, they should report to the teacher. if one day my daughter has decide to report her mother to the school. Do you know that we are going to be at risk of losing all the children.

I rather act now before it get out of hand.

UpInTheSky:
There's nothing to be confused about.

Reading your previous thread, it's as clear as night and day that your wife has never liked your first daughter, let alone love.
Marrying someone who doesn't love or at least accept your child like her own wasn't a good idea but you've chosen that route...

It's either you take your daughter to her mother to live with & pay the necessary child support, and visit the girl regularly (don't neglect her),
Or stop allowing your wife to mistreat & verbally abuse her in your home, 'cos as her father, it's your duty to protect her from these things.
If the girl has been enduring hatred and spitefulness from your jealous wife since you married her, then the poor girl has really tried, smh.
She's now a pre-teen and her continuing to live in such an unloving home will negatively affect and shape her self-esteem and self-worth.

Thank you for the advice, taking her to her mother is not an option for me but I am thinking of renting a one bedroom apartment for me and my daughter. But I don't know if it will be fair on my other children and I strongly believe that if I leave , she will stop me from seeing my children.

But I have to do it for the sake of my daughter well-being.

Hey guys really need ur advice since I can't sleep. This evening when I came back home I met my 11 years old looking so sad , I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing.

Later in the evening when I was sitting ouside in the garden to get some fresh air she followed me and asked me what does bastard mean..
I asked her where did she heard that from and she said her mummy call her that. I asked her what did she do to mummy she said she was carrying her baby sister and she accidentally caused her to hit her head in the door, mummy got angry and call her a bastard .

It really shocked me and I had lied to her it doesn't mean anything bad but she said she knows the meaning because she had googled it. I wasn't happy with my wife no matter what the girl has done she doesn't have to use such words to her , despite being angry I was patient enough waiting for the little ones to go to bed.

I have confronted her calmly but I was so shocked that she has taken it to another level accusing me to be sleeping with my daughter mother.
We had a heated argument which she held me by shirt shouting at me if you are a man hit me without minding she is 7 months pregnant.

She knows hitting woman is not my nature and she was tempting me to hit her so she can call the police on me because she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore. I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post

stupidity:
If money isn’t the problem then move your son to the new school for peace to reign.


You just started an unnecessary fight between your wife and your daughter. Things like this doesn’t go away easily. Two women are involved. Na you I dey pity shar.

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

rain21:
Hmmm,do as your wife said for peace to reign.if the former school was good and ok,why then did you enroll your daughter to a new one? It's partial, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander.., irrespective of their classes. Don't start putting ideas in your wife's mind, treat all your kids equally.
There's no reason you will give her that will be acceptable to her.take your daughter back to her former school if you won't cope with the fees of the two.

To be frank with you I had no issue with her old school she started there since nursery2 until she left in primary 5. My elder sister enrolled her kids at the new school last year and I just like everything about this new school and because I could afford it that was why I have changed her. The amount that I’m paying for her in primary 5 it’s very fair to me but for a 2 years old I think it’s waste of money. It’s not like my 2 years old will be at the old school forever , like I said earlier I promised my wife that he will join his sister when he is in primary one but my wife still not satisfied with my decision.

She lives with me

Pavore9:
I guess your first daughter is living with her mother.

I have 3 wonderful children 9,2, 5 months. My first daughter is from my previous relationship. I recently changed her school to an expensive one 50k more than her old school. My son still attending the old school which is a good school with expensive fees too. My wife is not happy and accused me of loving my daughter more than her kids. I love my children equally and told her I don’t see the point of changing his school Now , he is only 2 in primary one and has promised to change him to the new school when he is in primary one. She has been acting funny and treats my daughter like her worst enemy , which I reported the matter to her mother. She supported my wife and said I should change his school for peace to reign, I was shocked I taught she would talk to my wife and makes her understanding instead she sided her. Anyways I still stick to my decision of not changing his school and my wife is still mad. Is it worth it to move him school ? I hope I’m not wrong with my decision ?