I is sad that your family is not working out bu the good news is_
It is time for you to set up your own family. Meet a girl, fall in love and set up your own family.
Do not vest too much energy in mending bridges in this state you are now rather create a new bridge.
As you focus on building your own family something amazing will happen--
The bridge to your mother and siblings will somewhat improve or at least it wouldn`t tear you apart.
Above all - snap out of it.. I mean the impending depression!
Tell yourself it is well..IT IS WELL!
You need to love yourself and believe inyourself. Even if you are difficult, you still deserve the love of your mum and siblings.

There is nothing wrong with distance when it is based on respect, familiarity breeds contempt, at times even with parents. As the kids get older it is important that they have someone they are "scared of".
However don`t let the distance be too much. a healthy balance.
Basically you can never get it all right with kid`s. You just try your best.

Maybe you are not ready for marriage.
You have so many projects- but obviously wife and family do not fit in right now.
As a mother of grown kid`s I can tell you some women do not want to share their sons or what he has. Your mother has worked so hard and cried many tears raising you and now another woman is comming just like that to take everything she laboured for away.

It is your duty to talk to your mother, assure her of your love and that she will always remain dear to you, get her to meet and like your partner.
Your mother might just be scared of loosing most of you, especially as she raised you alone.

You need to be diplomatic on this one.

If you love your child -
Please let your child get to know the mother. It is the right of every child to know the mother. You have wronged the child by keeping the mother out of his/her life.
You can never bring back the lost years but it is better to correct a mistake later than never.
Your wife should get to know this woman and you would need to encourage that. I have seen cases where a man died and the family could not be held together because the mothers were at log ahead or had no contact.
Please poster do what is right and noble. Let the child get to know the mothr. The love for you will not deminish but rather increase. Help the women to get to know each other. Help and support this woman how you can because if she goes down it would be a burden and pain for the child. It would be wrong of you to project your own opinion of the woman on the child. Even if the woman had been bad before, life and experiences might have changed that.
The truth is you had absolutly no reason to keep the child from her and the child will always lack this love of a mother.
Remember you might have moved on but your child has not. ..
I pray you have the grace to do the right thing.

Going back to school after two kids is a great venture and indeed to be admired. However everyone will have to pay the price for it. You the kid`s and your husband.
You need to understand that. Your husband might also have fears that it would expose you to things that might affect the home.
The fact that your husband is not talking to you and not eatin your food, is not because you want to go back to school but more likely because of the way you are going about it. You need to give him time and convince him, pet him and assure him. If you are making your request in a dominant way, he will only suspect you might get even more dominant as you proceed with school.
Do you want to give up your marriage for school? If the answer i no then go about your request wisely. Plead with him and convince him that you would always remain a dedicated wife.

it is better for the child to cry than the mother to cry.
Physical abuse is however a sign that reasoning and other methods have failed and is a sign of defeat on the side of the parent.
Flogging is also the easy way out and certainly fast and you can let out your frustration.
Howver the child is now motivated by fear and not by reason! What happens later in life? Would the child that becomes a manget flogged at work to perform?
You can achieve better results with talking and being consequent but it certainly takes time and patience.
Lastly we have to understand that children have to make mistakes and get up to mischief... that is why they have parents. It is very important to nib each problem at the bud. When you allow something to becomea habit it is hard to change it.
However sometimes as humans we raise our hands on our kids or threaten them. It works but does the end justify the means?

A hard price to pay. But i have seem many such cases. When you get there remain focused and try to get them over as soon as possible. Some women start having kid`s abroad and just leave the others in Nigeria and that would be bad. I wosh you all the best. As long as they are withyour mum they are in good hands.

Enjoy this time you have with her they have so many years of school ahead of them. There is really no hurry when there is no need for it. The most important thing is to bond and feel loved at that age.
Most children do not talk at the age of 18 months. It is normal. It also does not say much about the intelligence. Some children absorb everything but hardly talk at that age. You need not be worried about that. The most important thing as a parent is also to realise that every child deserves to be loved as it is and everyone has a different IQ. If you start now comparing and putting yourself under pressure how would it be when the notes start flying in and the nieghbours child has a 1. We can only heelp to bring out the best the children have in them. It is a hard facxt to accept but it would help you and the child a long way along the journey. Having older kids I have learnt to understand that it is not even the most intelligent ones that achieve the most. Allot depends too on the ambition and determination of a child.

You can never pray enough and yet. Different people have different ways of showing God reverence. Some with good deeds others with prayers. This question is difficult to answer.

PLEASE WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO CONTACT THIS LADY AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME!

The is still a baby. NO NEED FOR THE RUSH. when the time is right e will learn it easily. i tought all my kids how to read and write. Despite the fact that they go to good schools and nursery schools. Parents at this stage can make a great impact. Get the kid colouring pencils and crayons. The most important thing is to kindle his interest and make it look like fun. motivate and encourage the child. LEt him at this age just scribble and derive fun... THIS IDEA OF TEACHING KINDS TOO YOUNG IS JUST CRAZY. At the end the kids are not smarter and do not even have a better handwritting because that is not taught in NIGERIA.

that is the right and proper thing to do. After a period of time the lady should give the signal either marriage nothing. For how long do you men want to chop awoof!!!!!! lol

you are justified to think about divorce...meaning you see this as a big problem and indeed it is.
when you love someone you do not bring shame on the person and you do not break bonds the person shares with family and loved ones. you can keep distance without being rude. This woman is egoistic because and acs to your detriment.

just hope that he does not go somewhere else for those kids. The urge for a child s very difficult to cub.

It is painful and hard to work as a driver after getting a degree! But there is nothing as dignifying as earning your money honestly. Let him continue while praying to God to help him get a better job. Sucess is sweeter when one started at the bottom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5mh_sUsWN8

yes that is true. Trying to encourage my son..

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=475830632510610&set=a.475830129177327.1073741832.134391599987850&type=3&theater
Please help me support my very good friends daughter make her dream come true. Melissa is a very pretty girl. Very humble and well brought up. Just click the like button if you give her your support.

I am looking for an old car to buy. Preferably as old as the 50`s or 60`s or maybe even 70`s depending on the car or condition.. Also interested in vw beatle that is in good condition. Please post if you have one.

Just love the first two answers. It is so encouraging to see that we are tolerant and respect diversity and the right to differ.
Regardless of how we feel personally we do not have a right to discriminate or deprive others of the respect we owe them

when the situation can no longer be saved it is time to part ways-
This is a very difficult and traumatic but sometimes the best option.
Sometimes when I see the calamities that happen in marriage, like even one partner murdering the other in cold blood, i wonder if they could not have just saved the situation by putting an end to it.
I also think it is devastating for kids to grow up in a hostile or aggressive environment.
God is not against divorce and there is proof of that in various religions.

TELEPHONE TERROR!!!

The single men here are wicked
Please we need some marriage proposals here so we that this kind^of thread cam be avoided.

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[quote author=Ujujoan]

What about the man who lied about his marital status, who broke his vows to his wife and disrespected his family?
How come he's suddenly the victim here
So single girls are now charged with the responsibility of finding out if any man that approaches them is married or not?
I guess what they say is true . . . it's really a man's world!

Yes indeed single girls are charged to find out as much as possible about a man that approached them IF they do not intend to dismiss the approach.
Anything other than that would be cheap.

Well Ujujoan, sometimes we can be fooled but in most cases if we look hard enough we find out that the man is married before we get involved.

Just wondering how a married man can disturb a single woman
A man finding you attractive is a compliment. The woman can gracefully thank him for that and reject the offer!
From reading the post it is clear that you must have entangled yourself with that married man before the wife threatened you!
Now this !leave me alone I do not want" or "he was the one after me" excuse. is very old.
Whenever a man gets very pushy in his request the woman has in most cases given him the go ahead.
A decent firm woman knows how to put advances to an end before they get to the stage of being a nuisance.
Quite honestly as much as married men go after single women, many single women target them too because they are more likely to invest financially.

Indeed good things come to those who believe and have faith!!!!

Why because most women are desperate to get married. they think of nothing else and the older they get the more obsessed they get with it.
This "We don`t need it" stage is the stage at which they almost begin to loose hope. Like one wanting to loose weight not succeeding and then going on to tell the world how comfortable they are with it.
This stage follows the "anyone so far I answer Mrs." stage.
Women when they get married even discriminate against and avoid single women.
We can tell ourselves the truth.

Statistics should also be done about how happy the marriages that exist are and how traumatised the partners that are holding out in there are.
It is terrible and traumatising for a woman to put in so much love and care and then be confronted with an abusive and aggressive husband.
However most of the problems that exist in the marriage are due to lack of respect on both sides.
A man should always respect his wife as she has been entrusted into his care by God and man. She is a sensitive and fragile being despite all the strength she radiates.
Women also often have it all wrong. You can be strong an achiever and yet be kind, gentle and submissive to your husband. You may have varying opinions but you do not have to jump out of your role to bulldoze your opinions across.

My dear most of the time it is the young couple that keep running to their parents. If they would only live in peace and stop coming to complain who would bother going to intervene.
Sometimes young couples should mind what they tell their parents about their partner in the heat because even when things cool down, the parents don`t forget.

It is the parents responsibility and achievement but most of all it is the mercy and goodness of God.
It is the duty of the parent to provide the financial aspect as well as they can but what about the training and raising of the child. Teaching the child values and leading the child on the right part.
What about consoling the child when it has disappointments and giving the child the courage to move on?
What about wanting nothing more than to see the child grow up healthy and happy?
What about the endless prayers and sleepless nights the parents had?
There is so much involved in being a parent. So much joy but also so much pain.

Even with financial support and even when the child has brains sometimes other distractions can prevent the child from moving on to go and study or get a meaningful trade.

When at the end of the day you have performed your never ending responsibilities and all ends well it is indeed an achievement and a great blessing from God,!

onegig lack of respect has not only ruined marriages but also made many marriages aggressive and violent arenas. Especially as a lady I would hate for myself and especially for my kids to be subjected to such an abusive environment. Such an ill tempered woman also gets her stuff back if not from husband then from siblings and others she is attacking. So one is exposed to not just her actions but also reactions from her actions.
What kind of home is that and how should any lady encourage such ill tempered and ill mannered behavior.
I do not think the man does not have his faults but then that is not the way to go about it and would a woman be attacking the whole world because she is not satisfied in her marriage?
Besides in this modern age children have to be groomed from home - team work, social competence etc are key words gaining emphasis and these are not qualities a woman of such nature can teach her kids.
Children have a fundamental right to grow up in a peaceful environment even if their parents have issues among-st themselves.
Unfortunately some have grown up in such homes and have learnt such behavior from our homes and they need to be corrected.

Certainly you can go ahead. That is no longer a barrier. My husband and I come from different tribes and have different religions but it has never been much of an issue.
Good luck.