Okija sorry too late but you can have my daughter for as a wife or DIL

Some men cannot function without a good nights sleep. This man may move out of the room but I am sure the wife can ask for help when she cannot cope or at weekends.
I left the room for my husband because even if he gets up to carry the baby I cannot sleep with the baby crying or not sleeping, so we both end up being tired in the morning. When he feel he is up to it he does join me. i do this out of consideration for him because he s my first baby
Besides you can train babies to sleep at night or at least not to cry right from the very start. Even when the baby needs to feed it falls asleep soon afterwards.
Golden rules-
No lights on - if need be very deem.
No standing or rocking, no singing or talking.
Remain absolutely calm when the baby cries because they sense your agitation.
You just need to feed,wind and change diapers, without much movement. That way the baby can adjust within the first week or two.

Does are things you need to agree on. If she does not want you answering her cellphone let it be.
Marriage is based on trust not control.
One major reason I have never cheated on my husband is because he never did the same to me, as far as I am aware and because he trusts me.
a smart person may beat controls but an ass betrays trust.

I stumbled on this and felt I should also post it on the family section because domestic violence is a real problem that can escalate like in this sad case.

My dear friends,

I come before you humble,with my head bowed and on bended knees. Today,my heart is heavy and my anguish is unimaginable.Like the biblical Rachael weeping for the death of her children, i have refused to be consoled.
On Monday, i receive a call from Nigeria from a friend about Ms Nkechi Ngene[maiden name].Ms Ngene was 8 months pregnant, an unemployed mother of two minor children, and the wife of a man,that is known to his friends as Chuks/Chukky.Both resides in Enugu GRA, and are from Akwuke Autonomous Community [Nkanu] in Enugu South LGA of Enugu State.On January 31 2012, she confronted her husband about his incessant infidelity, and he responded by beating the crap out her.Ms Ngene sustained various bruises, but worst was that she began to bleed profusely and uncontrollably.The unkindest cut of all was that her husband left her to die.
Abandoned on the cold floor helpless, in the full glare of their children, and life slowly but painfully slipping away from her, with her last breath she called a friend.She was rushed to the nearest hospital, and after two days of spirited medical help, she died as well as her unborn child.
Like most cowards, her husband has since gone into hiding, abandoning their minor children to the mercy of friends and family.The matter has since been reported to the police and the National Human Rights Commission of Nigeria[NHRCN]-Enugu Office.However, i have been also informed that some so called big shots from Akwuke community and Enugu South LGA Chairman's Office are bringing pressure to bear on the Police and NHRCH -Enugu to drop their investigation,so that the issue [double homicide]will be handle as a family affair.
It is against this background that i have come to you for assistance:Please re-post this message;contact the Nigeria Bar Association;Association of Women Lawyers.any relevant Non-Governmental-Organization,the Commissioner of Police-Enugu State[Nigeria],National Human Rights Commission of Nigeria and/or any other assistance you can offer in this matter.Ms Nkechi Ngene and her unborn child must not have died in vain.Let us make a difference in another persons' life by breaking this CULTURE OF SILENCE.Many women have died in silence.Domestic Violence is now a silent killer in our homes and lives.This is the time to take a stand and proclaim:NEVER AGAIN! Let us honor Nkechi Ngene and her unborn child by our actions, and we must not allow members of the Akwueke Community nor those at the Enugu South LGA to sweep this matter under the rug.Double homicide is not a family affair, rather a crime.
It is my fervent wish that this matter will be given the urgency that it deserves.When evil men/women conspire,good men/women MUST congregate.The time for action is now,for the die is cast!
Now that this appeal has been made, the mercy of sleep which has long been denied me, can now be restored.That is my wish;that is my strength, and this is my consolation!

ALUTA CONTINUA!!

This so coooool
I can relate to it

My dear friends,

I come before you humble,with my head bowed and on bended knees. Today,my heart is heavy and my anguish is unimaginable.Like the biblical Rachael weeping for the death of her children, i have refused to be consoled.
On Monday, i receive a call from Nigeria from a friend about Ms Nkechi Ngene[maiden name].Ms Ngene was 8 months pregnant, an unemployed mother of two minor children, and the wife of a man,that is known to his friends as Chuks/Chukky.Both resides in Enugu GRA, and are from Akwuke Autonomous Community [Nkanu] in Enugu South LGA of Enugu State.On January 31 2012, she confronted her husband about his incessant infidelity, and he responded by beating the crap out her.Ms Ngene sustained various bruises, but worst was that she began to bleed profusely and uncontrollably.The unkindest cut of all was that her husband left her to die.
Abandoned on the cold floor helpless, in the full glare of their children, and life slowly but painfully slipping away from her, with her last breath she called a friend.She was rushed to the nearest hospital, and after two days of spirited medical help, she died as well as her unborn child.
Like most cowards, her husband has since gone into hiding, abandoning their minor children to the mercy of friends and family.The matter has since been reported to the police and the National Human Rights Commission of Nigeria[NHRCN]-Enugu Office.However, i have been also informed that some so called big shots from Akwuke community and Enugu South LGA Chairman's Office are bringing pressure to bear on the Police and NHRCH -Enugu to drop their investigation,so that the issue [double homicide]will be handle as a family affair.
It is against this background that i have come to you for assistance:Please re-post this message;contact the Nigeria Bar Association;Association of Women Lawyers.any relevant Non-Governmental-Organization,the Commissioner of Police-Enugu State[Nigeria],National Human Rights Commission of Nigeria and/or any other  assistance you can offer  in this matter.Ms Nkechi Ngene and her unborn child must not have died in vain.Let us make a difference in another persons' life by breaking this CULTURE OF SILENCE.Many women have died in silence.Domestic Violence is now a silent killer in our homes and lives.This is the time to take a stand and proclaim:NEVER AGAIN! Let us honor Nkechi Ngene and her unborn child by our actions, and we must not allow members of the Akwueke Community nor those at the Enugu South LGA to sweep this matter under the rug.Double homicide is not a family affair, rather a crime.
It is my fervent wish that this matter will be given the urgency that it deserves.When evil men/women conspire,good men/women MUST congregate.The time for action is now,for the die is cast!
Now that this appeal has been made, the mercy of sleep which has long been denied me, can now be restored.That is my wish;that is my strength, and this is my consolation!

ALUTA CONTINUA!!



I stumbled on this and felt obliged to post it here.

In- laws are free to come and stay as long as they wish to visit. For longer stays the stay has to be meaningful and beneficial to them too. For instance in the example with the undergraduate - it makes more sense staying in the hostel. In our home there are too many restrictions because I have kids who i do not want to get exposed to certain things.
i had this agreement with my husband before we got married that we will never make our in laws feel unwelcome. I do not need my in laws or my family helping me in my chores but I certainly do care if you make unnecessary mess. No need to clean my bathroom but for heavens sake don`t leave the floor with a pool of water.
The main problem with in laws is because the couple do not set the boundaries. We do that politely. Anyone that crosses them in a grievous manner like being rude will be sent packing the next day. For my in-laws it is done by my husband, i simply tell him to get them out. I do not have a NIL or FIL because with them or older persons I will certainly be more tolerant.
There are diplomatic ways of letting your family know how to respect your partner. Simple tricks that work. For instance none of my family or visitors are allowed to sit on my husbands seat at the dinning, not even their kids. Anyone can go to my pot and take food, but my husbands food has to be taken out there first and when he s at home they have to wait for him to take his food first or to tell us to go ahead he is not ready.  Such simple strategies quickly get people alerted on the situation. And I make it clear to hem that my husband is no go as long as they want to be comfortable. My husband also has his way of getting the message across and advises them to feel at home but not cross my path. Once relations and friends became aware on how the rules in your house function , they will already step in with the right attitude.

It is better for the child to cry than for the mother to cry- proverb

One of the things that should be abolished is the cast and Osu system but I fear laws alone cannot achieve that.
the harsh treatment of widows on loss of their husband, female circumcision, male circumcision should be optional.

That is one of the reasons I pray God to maintain my father for me

I am not being wicked but the kids see it as being wicked. You can imagine for instance how wicked I apear to my 15 year old because I do not let him hang out or stay out late. I am also wicked because they have to spend time every day with their school books.

Home is the right place to go if go you must.
When I got married my grandfather advised me on this issue. Do not kill yourself or suffer unduly, always remember you have a home to come back to.

I had one baby that came out with the cord around the neck. The only noticed it as he came out. ^î guess î was lucky that all went well.

A mother should be able to enforce rues- at least most of the time. But kids still break rules.
I certainly get my husband involved and all serious issues are discussed with him.
The crazy thing is that I am the wicked parent because my husband mostly talks calmly to the kids and hardly applies sanctions. Yet they kids know that he is the last instance.
I guess it is because they see that even this witch of a mother respects dad , so dad must have more authority than her.
However no matter how hard a woman tries kids especially boys still need their dad as a role model.
Especially with my boys î have developed serious complex- Even the 12 year old is almost a head taller.

Legal advise -You can divorce him from where you are. All you need to do is give the court his last known address and they will take it up from there. Some judges might go through the American embassy in Nigeria, who would then try to effect the service in Nigeria.
You do not NEED a lawyer for a divorce. The exception might be if property in Nigeria is involved.
It is not your responsibility to serve the documents, neither do you need to crack your head about how the court intends to do so. The divorce is also valid when he has no notice of it.
However be aware that in the event that you want to remarry a Nigerian, the problem of getting the divorce endorsed in a Nigerian court will arise.

Chauley, so sorry to hear about your loss.
What you had is called a "missed abortion". The heart just stops beating and yet there are no signs that something is amiss. The best thing is to have a d and c done because eventually after some weeks the heavy bleeding and cramps come and you end up having to get one done.
There is nothing you did wrong and neither could you have prevented it.
I have had three consecutive missed abortions in the past it is traumatic but I still went on to have healthy babies without complications.
God is your strength. Take care of yourself.

Just checked my timetable.
Every first saturday of the month 20.00 -20.15. After that comes my movie on T.V

congratulations
one never really knows what to expect but all is well that ends well.

When i re - married I had kids and the marriage has worked out quite well. Initially it was hard for my oldest son to accept another man in my life but the younger once adjusted pretty fast.
However I did tell my husband that we must always also with our mutual kids confront the kids with one voice. With time i became easy because i could already know how my husband would react on an issue and vice versa.
I think my husband was just awesome.
He did not make an exaggerated effort to be a father but simply gave the kids the time they needed to get to know him and reach out to him. Sometimes trying too hard can be just as bad as trying too little.
He was nice to the kids but he did not demand to b a art of it all. Somewhere along the line the kids started calling him daddy on their own (except my oldest) who talks about him as his dad but would not directly call him dad.
It was also difficult for me to have someone taking decisions about my kids. I really had to work on myself. No two people have the same views when it comes to raising the child. I also had to make it clear to my kids that i loved them over everything but that this was my husband and they had to respect that.
The problem with kids is that you can try all you want but sometimes the kid does not want to accept you? How would you react over the years?
my husband is very conservative and extremely, disciplined. as such he expected allot from the kids. Now over the years with our mutual kids he has come to understand that kids are that way sometimes.
When it is not your kid you tend to be very sensitive and read meaning into things. You might find it hard to let go.
You might get hurt or irritated if you think that your husband is investing too much emotion, time and money in those kids. You might find yourself comparing.
Your husband too may not help matters. Is he the kind of man that would stand to you or would he have private "talks" with his kids.

l

OKIJA JUJU, it is obvious that you haven`t buried the hatchets. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to mine, so there is no use getting rude and abusive.

apocalypse, your mother is not perfect and neither are you but as I stated earlier there is a communication problem in your family.
As regards paying back the money:

who lent you the money ? Your sister!
So you had no right to give the money to your mother, without consulting your sister. The right person to return the money to your sister is you.
Maybe your intentions were good but you caused this mix - up by not consulting with your sister before giving the money to your mum. You are a part of the family and you know about the family issues.

apocalypse
If that is the case, I can only say:
DEAP FAMILY SECRET.
n such cases i have seen there was always a family secret behind it. You need to get to the root of it.

Funny.
Reminds me of the wolf, wolf story.
i hoe when you really go into labour that you are not left alone

My dear that was just a hint. I forgot to mention, you could advertise at shops that have costumers in your target group.
My advise if you are planning to stay long term is to open a day care or Kindergarten.
In Nigeria you can afford to dream big and realise those dreams.
You might think of entering a kind of partnership, if finances are the problem.

Well obviously you must be doing well, if you were able to give your mother the money.

What exactly do you want from your mother? You wrote your mother LIKES your brother more.
Don`t you see you have some serious problems? The word here is LOVE.

It is wrong to expect equal financial assistance. Your mother will help according to the needs of the children and according to how she can afford it at the moment.
Maybe when giving your elder brother that money she was hoping that he will be able to assist you but that did not work out.

As a mother of grown children  I can also assure you that some kids are very good at making their demands. it is love that makes a mothers heart soft and sometimes in her bid to please one she displeases the other.

If she already has to take the money from you that way it shows that she is scared of asking you directly to help your brother.
When there is love in a family, it is not about who gets what but about being there for another.  That is why blood is thicker than water. If you and your sister are doing well, help your brother.
The basic problem i see in your family is lack of honest communication. You can talk to your mother about your fears . Be honest about your feelings and show her the sympathy a child should show his mother. That way she will open up to you and you would understand her better.
Do not forget parents are not without fault and they make mistakes and can be illogical like every other person walking the street.

ATLgal you are safe

I`ve seen that man in you tube on t.V he is a great inspiration.
Does anyone know about the financial situations of the parents and how to contact them.
I would love to help her in memory of a dear friend that came from Bauchi.

You just needed to make that clear because it would have been discriminatory.
Glad you clarified this.
I wish you luck in your project.
Have you tried advertising in the British and American schools? There are also international companies based in Abuja where you might wish to advertise. I have the impression that there are few ex b-ats based in Abuja on this forum.

All your friends?
Then maybe something is wrong with you? maybe you have changed:
You know it is hard to keep a conversation going on a topic you have no interest in. Could it be you talk only about baby and marriage?
I have children but sometimes it gets really irritating when I see the way mothers go on about their baby. You know how the can show you hundred pictures and all taken on the same day and with almost the same pose. But to a new mother each picture is so special because "here she is waving the left hand and here the right."
You just need to select what topics to discuss with whom. It does get hard though because when one has kids that is the center of ones life.
Real friends you get to know when times are bad and not when times are good. They may still love you just as much but they may be giving you time to adjust to your new role.
I stay away from friends that are newly married to give the couple time to bond and adjust.

I think it is silly to have just married friends because one is married. Do you go back to those single friends when they are married and tell them the friendship can resume?
Important is only that friends do not have a negative impact on the marriage.

No but my kids also have no interest in toy guns.

The age of the child is irrelevant. my kids can pick their cloths but the know what to buy and what to wear when. I simply do not tolerate girls dressing "cheap". Cloths also have to be practical. Certainly they can dress trendy and modern but decent. I find it so ridiculous when kids have make-up, high heel etc on. î can´t stand my kids wearing just what everyone is wearing . One has to have the confidence to express his/her personality in the cloths they wear.