Ex-ats as in expatriates
I hope that`s not what you mean.
- i am taking a deep breath to lash out.

Certainly one might be tempted to think that that a woman at that age can just give up her child for adoption without involving anyone else but them:
after deliver  woman may not take rational decisions because of her state of mind, post natal depression etc.
What about the father of the child, does he no longer have a right to accept his child. in this case as far as I am concerned if there is a betrothed, how on earth did she come about wanting to give the child for adoption. It would have been very easy for the man to take the baby to his family.
in this case too because the mother has been irrational from the unset (not meant as critic) It would be far to assume that one should not go into any arrangements with her alone.
As far as the issue of school fees is concerned the parents have not yet declined to pay for the fees.

Chioma you might wish to open up to us and let us know what really is going on, and how on earth can you be betrothed to a man who is not in any way involved in this issue?

Heirs to non existent kingdoms
Moremi you made my day. I want to se this one to yap my husband today.

Congratulations and wishing you and your son the best. I can imagine that you are overwhelmed

Years back i served in Buachi. I was moved by the medical care the children there needed. This case is really tragic especially when there are no facilities to give this child a life with some sort of dignity,

My just turned five year old came back on friday from Kindergarten.
"mama is it true that when people marry they have a child?" I answered yes.
-Why did you and papa marry so many times.

Pray to God for healthy and god fearing children. The sex of a child can never give you as much pain as a sick child or a child who brings home problems.
We sometimes go through life placing the wrong priorities.
Its a boy then what?
Besides this is not your last chance you can still go on to have more.
My father was disappointed that i was born a girl but over the years he said he was so happy because  gave him more attention and  love that a boy could have.
If you are already crying and rejecting a child before it`s birth, when it is totally innocent what do you expect that child to do when the tables are turned. I mean when you are old and grey and the child has seen your weaknesses and fault.
you need to love your child unconditionally.
My dear i am not trying to blame you it is understandable but be grateful to God for the blessing he has given you. Children are a gift from God.

i am glad that some other posters here are being explicit about this.
This is what I meant about help simply enabling a crime. The child is of utmost priority .
Sure the parents are strict but when the issue is tabled before them properly they will endure it. One day with the sweet baby and their anger will reduce. This is not the first time. Single girls have been having babies even as far back as in your mothers time. That is the only help that makes sense in this case.

Is she yours, she is simply , those eyes a beauty. Abeg when can I come and pay dowery.

baby Destiny - I tip on Edo it all adds up. But why use an ibo name as nick

freecola is that the future miss world?

queensmith The girls parents are obviously capable of taking care of the baby financially and chioma herself said that she would inform them when the time comes -being in six months.
Now any woman that loves her baby would humble herself and go begging her parents for help and forgiveness. She would do that in the interest of her child.
That brings me to another question? What was she planning to do if one day it skipped out to her parents and she could not give account of the whereabouts of the baby?
And another question: How can you claim that your parents would make it difficult for the university and staff for concealing your pregnancy and at the same time expect private people in helping you conceal a child or even get it adopted without your parents consent?
A pregnancy going unnoticed in a convent school? I bet that pregnancy is one f the major things these matrons are on the look out for. Haba in Nigeria!! Those old mamas that will even look at your and tell you you are pregnant even before you know it yourself.

God have mercy, was this from medication taken in the pregnancy. So sad.

Freecola I just need some answers, for more questions to come
I watch "Conan the detective " with my kids

There is need to over analyse as you say.
I for one have children and dependants. I need to know when offering help that the help is genuinely needed. I cannot afford to donate for someones "indian hair".
Moremi if she was on a convent school and needed permission etc then the pregnancy and current absence will certainly be noticed.
Which brings me to another question. How is it possible that someone could web so many people into a plan to conceal her pregnancy and yet have made no lans for the baby. Just took of to lagos with what plan? What was she planning to do with the baby. You cannot tell me the idea of adoption just entered her head there in hospital. At age 24!!!

Maclatunji please explain how a room mate or friend will get into trouble for exposing the pregnancy.
okay question: she must have attended lecture and walked around the school remises and no one saw her?
If she is so scared now of being missed after a short absence, the conclusion is that she could not have hidden herself in her hostel room for so long.
If her father is so influential as she claims to make that kind of trouble someone would have brought it to the notice of her parents.

question: Do students not go home for holidays and do parents not visit their children? Does she not have siblings and cousins and no one noticed a 9 months pregnancy?

question: Why is it no problem for Chioma to let her parents know about the pregnancy in six months time? She might as well tell them now because this is her final year. A rational person would let them know about it and cool down till the six months when I finally come home.
What stops the father from making the trouble after she has finished school? What difference does it make if someone looses his job now or in six months time. Do you mean that the people that supposedly helped her did not know the implication. Is pregnancy or a baby something you take a risk to help someone hide. Do you believe someone will jeopardize her job because of a young girls mistake.

Even here in Europe there is a new trend of young nigerian girls  that are heavily regnant using their plight to claim funds from the government and organizations. Most of them claim they do not know the father of the child. some even go to another country when heavily pregnant as such receiving funds from two countries. i was just confronted with one of such cases last week. The one thing these girls have in common is that the present themselves very naive. They do not know the name surname of the father where he lives and even how old the pegnancy is etc.  

Okay,  am going to confirm from one of the reverends how these universities work.

My dear Chioma very nice explanations but so much does not add up or make sense

Chiomamb:

OMG!!! I am so sorry and i feel guilty for all the tantrums here and there.Honestly,i feel like i am the one who caused it.I have a lot to explain here but i can't tell it all and blow my own cover.I will start with how i got here and the reasons i am keeping this from my parents and how my school fee got involved.

It's exactly a week today and i named her Destiny(Thanks @Idowuogbo).No ceremony but i am just celebrating her and the love i have received from all the wonderful people here.I am really grateful.

So i was in the room in the Doctor's BQ feeling suicidal because i don't know what to do next and i was receiving calls from school that i am missing too much.The Doctor came in with his cousin to do his routine check and he saw me crying as usual.I told him i need to get back to school and nowhere to keep the baby.He said he can't help because he has no idea.His cousin brought his laptop and told me to Google "Giving up a Baby Adoption in Nigeria" i did and Nairaland was among the four first websites that came up.(Anyone can try this) I clicked on a topic and it took me to this section.I realized  one cannot post anonymously here so i had to register.That's how i got here

My Email was in my profile when i posted the very first time.Aunty Kemi was the very first person to contact me.She wanted to know everything about me and initially,i had trust issues but i just have to trust someone and she didn't let me down. @Chaircover was next because she dropped her Email and Aunty Ify right after.(I'm willing to give my password to someone appointed by everybody here to verify and confirm).I removed my Email address because i got the contacts i needed.I removed it after Aunty Ify gave me Rev Mrs George's number and Aunty Kemi advised me to.I modified most things because someone here advised me to, saying i appear "heartless".

I was reluctant to call Rev Mrs George because she follows protocol and it involves alerting my parents.I didn't want to contact Aunty Ify because of that but Chaircover and Aunty Kemi convinced me to and said i must trust her if i must get anywhere and she gave me her words that my parents won't know without my consent. Initially,i thought Aunty Kemi,Aunty Ify and Chaircover are people working together and aware of everything the other is doing.I was baffled when she was asking questions about her and i don't want to appear ungrateful,so i just said things i told her just to get back to Aunty kemi if she's ok with me revealing her identity because she wants to remain anonymous.(I hope Aunty Ify is clear with the account info i was asking about now).She was going to send me money and it is because i trust Aunty ify i asked for her help.My intention was good.(I'm sorry i caused all this and i apologize).

My Parents are very strict and it's not because i don't want them to know but i am going to get a whole lot of people into trouble.The Hostel Mistress,My roommates and some other people too.I am still not sure my Dad will keep numb even after i am out of school.They put their jobs and future on the line for me.Alerting anyone in my family is too risky.Some people will never forgive me if they get sacked or suspended in their final year.I'll let them know when the time is right and it is not for my selfish reasons that i am keeping this from them.My Dad might even go as far as taking it up with the school.

I am divulging now but i have to but not as much as everyone wants because someone can easily figure me out.My parents pay my school fee every semester and it is paid into my private account for me to now transfer to ETranzact(i can't say more). The 1st Doctor i went to charged me 40k but couldn't get the job done.I had to come to this one and he charged 65k.I took them all from my fees.I was making demands with hope of paying back as soon as possible.I am sorry if i was rude and unethical.


I want a temporary home for the baby and i'll pick her up when i am done with school in 6months.I plan to go see her every week and every other week during exams.

I don't want to appear ungrateful for all the help i have received so far and it is painful that i cut across as a scam.I am sorry for all the stress that i have caused and i hope i made things clear.

I am grateful for all your efforts and concern.I am highly indebted to Aunty Kemi,even if you're far away,Ur presence is felt everyday. Aunty Ify and Chaircover too for all your wahala and care on me.To everyone here too.I will forever remain grateful

.

The part marked blue is simply very odd. You are in final year university and 24, what does your father have to take up with the school and who is to loose their jobs. I m
sure more persons who have studied can throw light on this. In my time as a student at the university it would have been ridiculous for a father to have any issues with the school if his of age daughter got pregnant.

Secondly what could the first doctor that took 40T naira from you not do? You need to explain this to make this story authentic? I wonder what it was that a doctor could not do for a pregnant woman.

Finally I cannot imagine that you did not know of the communication issue between the kindhearted ladies that wanted to help you. Also if you talk to a doctor about adoption in a private clinic, he would probably call the welfare or police and not get you to surf in the internet thus abating a probable crime which could have great implications for him regarding the stories and issues with adoption today.
And still one more- since when do doctors attend to patients in the presence of an outsider?
You may need hepl but there is alot of jelly in your narrations.

Chaircover i have to be more specific.
My partial disagreement was not against anything done so far. I just felt in this particular case anyone wanting to help futher should get in touch with you ifyalways  or the NL charity. This is because of the nature of this particular case.
Remember that if money sent later facilitates in committing a crime, innocent people get involved. Imagine someone opts to assist in private fostering and something happens to the child?

Please let us not deviate from the main issue.
The original post made it clear that the baby was in need of help. Why are we now on fees
Let us solve the problem first. Do we not have single mothers in nigeria.
The child well being is priority here and in this case money alone cannot guarantee it.
Neither should anyone take in this baby without informing the welfare an or her relations.

Chaircover,
I beg to disagree partially.
this mix-up is either out of lack of trust or while aiming to maximize results - on the mothers side.
Any help you give her informally will be enabling her and not necessarily for the better.
For the safety of the child the parents have to be informed or at least the authorities.
What about the father of the child? Does he not have a right to know? , Under the circumstances.
Furthermore the mother has also( through erasing her first post ), brought rooms for doubts and even suspicion of fraud on innocent members.
When you seek help you also have to play a certain role and assist and cooperate so that the help can be given.
So many have sacrificed so much and done so much not just here and I am totally impressed. However lack of transparency will affect their credibility. If we start a policy of donating without roper control we might soon be bombarded here with lot`s of funny appeals.  
Agreed she needs help but she has to convince us that that child is safe. I mean she has already made an indication that she did not want the baby. The child remains priority. Please let us apply caution.

And I have been confronted with the following fears,
1. All black american men do and deal in drugs.
2.End u or have been in jail
3.are violent
4.abandon their kids,

See what I am trying to get across!!!!!
It is all crap that intelligent people know how to deal with.
Let go and enjoy your marriage and do not make a big deal about the papers. Many marriages fall apart it is always a risk.

Jennykadry i still have and always have had a close relationship with my DIL and I always did protect her and stand by her but when the chips are down I have to stand to my son. Every mother would stand by her son when the chips are down asking anything otherwise from a mother is being unrealistic. Perhaps when you only have had the emotions of a wife and not a mother of a grown child you will not understand what I mean. My son always and still does feel that I stand to her more than to him. However when my son is in need of help I have to be there for him, this help was never detrimental to my DIL. I have a conscience and I know the burden a woman has to carry so i would never want to see a woman in pain especially not the mother of my grandchild. Till this day I speak to them to reconsider going back together, neither of them took my advise when I pleaded with them not to separate.
I wonder who is really "helping" kadava here?
As hard as my words may seem i am telling her the truth. She herself knows in her heart that she is not telling the whole truth here and that she is twisting things.
If you wish to believe that a grown yoruba man when asked by his mother to buy things would not reply but give the phone to his wife then go ahead and believe that.
And what sense does it make that someone who has just been on a visit gets back and asks for a camcorder.
This call also came just as we were debating here and she felt she needed to bring more proof to convince everyone of her MIL`s greed.
Sometimes one needs to stop getting carried away by sentiments.
Now take the instance of the autistic child. When she realized that there were some opinions that the mother could not be blamed because yorubas have this attitude towards autistic children, she suddenly got a phone call that the child was not autistic. How come you intelligent ladies did not analyse that issue. I wish someone from the field would confirm to us the probability of a child being falsely diagnosed as autistic and then having absolutely nothing just being stubborn.
As for poking in my kids marriage, I have told my kids that as they are packing their suitcase i am packing my own mentally, they only regrets I have about my sons marriage is that I did not put my foot down, did not poke nose.IT SHALL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN

woman that cannot ask her MIL to take care of the kids is a straight shooter. How contradictory.
My sides are aching, this web of l--- is beginning to choke you.

There are different islamic schools and views. The divorce by a man can be by mere pronouncation and without witnesses

I BELIEVE I CAN FLY

Welcome to fantasyland where fairy tales come true

A man can divorce his wife by pronouncing the divorce, mere words. He however cannot pronounce divorce while she is menstruating and must wait for 3 periods before sending her away.If she is pregnant he has to wait for her delivery before sending her away. He can also take her back without any formality. This he can do twice. The third time he pronounces divorce he cannot go back to her unless she marries someone else and divorces. This new marriage and divorce should not be planned so as to return to the wife. A wife however needs to go to court.

Your home shall be filled with the laughter of your children.
Just learn to be happy and contented. Remember it is for you to make sure that all the kids grow up to love each other.

Maclatunji, it is personal I feel so much for my DIL, we see almost everyday. I see her pain and her fears and struggles raising my granddaughter while my son hardly lost out on much. I advised her then so often as a daughter but she did not listen. Gave up so much for issues that could have been settled.
I am pissed at Kadava for wanting to give up a good man, because she seems not to realize that she has a huge burden and will stand there all alone. Not even her family is there for her.

.

You are not selfish. you are being human.
Being a virgin also does have some disadvantages. You need to learn how to excite your husband and make him desire you afresh every day. If you just keep waiting for the right time to lie there like a log and conceive, the poor guy will quickly loose interest. Many young wife`s seem to forget that. Men are complex they love virgin /whores. You have to work on yourself as far as that aspect is concerned. learn how to arouse your man i am sure loads of young women here can give you tips. It already starts from the way you say goodbye when he goes to work. The calls you make while he is at work, the food, the way you dress, your facial expression and body language, then the art of making love.
There is no classroom you need to educate yourself.

maclatunji, I get to vex OH
She cares, she certainly does care,  TO KEEP THE MAN FOR HERSELF.
Reminds me of the day my son came with his then wife (half-turkish) to confront me. The woman had been to a fortune teller and he had told her to beware of her MIL. She told claimed that she told the fortune teller that I was good to her but he replied that when the chips are down I would stick to my son. I was mad I told her that she did not need the fortune teller to tell her what I could have told her myself. I would certainly stick to my son because he is my blood, just as I expect her mother to stick to her. In all my life even in Nigeria I had never tried anything so diabolical. Now this young girl ,
My biggest fear was actually what else  she could be up to if she can go that far at such a young age,
We are best of friends today but that marriage no longer holds.

amen