If your sister walked around huddles to assist you she would be expecting the same from you. Just remember it`s not your future but that of your child. On the other hand the child's future has been enhanced through the help of your sister.
At the end of the day do that which is right.
One question however for those who might know better?
Especially since the child is a US citizen, can the sister not claim tax benefits if the mother gives her a written document that she is financing the child's upkeep in Nigeria?

Talk of cutting your nose to spite your face
Some men abandon their wife and kids because they cannot cope with children that need special care. This man is standing to you. But he also wants to stand to his family. You have to know that a good man is good to everyone.
Please invest your energy in positive things that yield, positive results.

When my first son was about 7 I gave him a lecture about ,"what a man can do, a woman can do, " I was driving on a not too busy road. He just listened and suddenly he said "mummy stop the car". I stopped and he got down opened his zip and "watered" the nearby shrubs. There were passerby's but it didn`t bother him. He got back into the car smiled at me and said, " okay mummy since a woman can do what a man can do go and do the same". I had to correct myself. He was right. "okay a woman can do most things a man can do and vice versa"
This really happened and I still laugh about it till today.

What difference does it make if the kid was intentional or not? The child is there and has all rights and benefits as his child.
My dear a man that has a kid needs to have contact and communicate with the kids mother for the well being of the child. If he loves his child he would help the mother in her need because a mothers condition affects her relationship to her child.
What you should do is wait for God to bless you with your own kids. Thank God you have a man that knows the value of a child.
Remember that children are always innocent. Show this child love and care and God will bless you with wonderful kids you can be proud of.

Kadava lease go ahead and do whatever you please. You can be as rude as you want to your MIL and you can tell your husband all the stories you like. You can also keep using your kids as his weak point but I can assure you, This is a battle you will never win. All you will achieve is ruining your marriage.
I saw right through you from the start and it was only a question of time before you exposed your true self to the rest of the world. I am sure you MIL distanced herself from the kids because she knew what you were skimming and that if anything happened to your kids you would blame her. All that is left is for you to write that she is responsible for your sons condition
i have grown children too and I can tell you any woman that thinks she can stand between me and my son has failed woefully. My God will never let her know peace. After all the suffering I went to all the sacrifices to make that child what he has become. No child can progress without his mothers blessing.
You are up to some mischief and are silly enough to believe that your husband would abandon and hurt his mother because of you, your days are numbered.

Why do some women use kids as weapons

deal-ordea,
one of the major roles of a parent is listening to what they did wrong and what they could have done better from their kids.
That being said you are absolutely right.
My parents were always rendering help outside but we felt they had so little left for us. i remember once my dad went as father christmas to share gifts to a widows children. He had never done that for us. Well later I came to realise he fancied the woman
Today I find my kids and husband complaining about me. Father christmas, Welfare office etc. They do not like the idea that I invest so much time money and funds outside but they have gotten used to it and i tell them that it is showing gratitude to God for his blessings.
Parents need to show their children love, attention and make them feel they are the best. They need to learn how to say sorry. The sins of omission are sometimes the most terrible once.
I try to watch out but being human one keeps making mistakes. Sometimes we need to learn how to communicate what we feel to the children. Every now and them I call one kid or the other and tell then how proud we are of them and how much we love them. Yesterday I hugged my seven year old daughter and told her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her and how grateful that she was such a darling. Then I asked her if i deserved to have such a wonderful child. She looked at me , shocked and confused. I asked her again if I was a good enough mother to her or if she wished she had another mother. She just nodded but for the first time too I got her thinking that parents do no have ownership over their kids but that they are given to us in custody and we have to deserve this role.
The best way to heal is to do it better with your kids.

Smilenw, I have had kids that come 4 weeks earlier and it was no problem at all.

mpm, thanks for drumming some truth here but this lady is only open to answers she wants to hear.
Just one ,more thing to add. Your husband in suggesting that his mother will only stay 2 weeks is not supporting you but only pacifying you. Wait for the next time.
Since your own family has abandoned you cling on to what you have. Reach out to her and it will all be better. Next time issues that disturb you try and clear them with her and not your husband. I can assure you that your husband is not getting the message across to you. Take the instance of taking care of the kids. You could have knocked on the door, " Mama please I am about o go now, can I bring the kids in to you, are you feeling okay?"

IFY THANK GOD. You are a darling.
I am glad a solution can be found whereby the mother is not separated from the child.

Happy birthday Mama.
You are a lucky debrief.

Ifyalways the idea of going to welfare is the right one. That way all parties are protected in case of eventualities. My friend is capable and I am sure she will be of great help. I personally am willing to assist.
Please give Chioma a hug and assure her there are people who care. She is a brave girl.

Idi amin- you brought u the issue of the language and cloths. It was never an issue for me.
In fairness to you as a kid I hated it when visitors come to the house and ask if i speak ibo and i was "forced" to speak only for them to laugh at my accent. My father never spoke ibo to us because he grew up in lagos and spoke perfect yoruba  my mother spent years in Nigeria and i have to give it to my dad, he protected her from such or other embarrassment or discomforts . He would make it clear he was married to a foreigner with no family in Nigeria and it was his duty to protect her.
However I did notice that my mother had another method of relating to her fellow  "whites" quite different to the way she handled blacks. I think her relationship to my grandmother would have been much better if she had been a bit more patient and understanding. On both sides it was a fluctuating relationship. However ironically, when she became hospitalized at the end it was my mother and not her daughters that wanted to take her in, unfortunately she died in the hospital.
I am not against the woman for being a foreigner, I admire her guts!!

andyanders I am certain you are married to a brilliant woman with a big heart. My respects and compliments to you both

when a woman opts to punish herself carrying heavy bags and the kids Was she expecting the MIL to offer after she has made it clear she had no intention of leaving the kids with her anyway. Is the old woman a fool. Looking after kids is a delicate issue. If anything happens she will blame the woman. It is clear she did not allow the MIL relate freely with the kids. That is why the kids were not free with their grandmother, what a shame really.
Besides how can anyone be so mean as to leave a guest without food until lunchtime without making food available or asking her to feel free to cook. I am sure the poor woman was hungry and just made food for herself because she felt the DIL will get offended if she cooked a big meal and maybe the might even refuse to eat it.
I do not have a MIL but when my SIL of my BIL`s wife`s come to visit. I give them free hand in my kitchen. In fact I hand it over to them and they are so happy. We get lovely meals cooked with love.

CC fostering and adoption are always the last option. But they need to be mentioned to avoid any harm out of desperation.
Certainly the family has to be involved. If the family or chioma are able then maybe the finance issue can be solved.

Do not blame anyone for being skeptic today babies are being sold

Just hugging my tree week old son and shedding tears
It is so sad thinking that somewhere out there there are babies denied of love because of the circumstances of their birth.
Every mother has a natural instinct to love it is the world around that is sometimes so harsh.

onyeocha,
i am not being harsh but she needs to stop this self pity thing.
When I want to cook something new. I use the internet or call friends etc. You show interest.
î can cook everything my husband can cook and vice versa even though we come from different countries. That is because when you stand in the kitchen you watch and ask questions and it comes automatically. Even my kids just by popping in and out of the kitchen can cook some of the dishes.

This woman was not maltreated. Besides these conflicts are even worse in same race marriage.

IDI AMIN i hope you are no one of those black men with complex that marry a "white woman" and only too soon forget their roots.
I was born an inter racial marriage and my mother could cook nigerian food. Learning about the culture and tradition of your partner is essential and shows you love and resect your partner. That does not mean that you have to change who you are. Most people that are educated and liberal do this. Anyway it is the colonial traits that leaves you believing that the white man is superior.
Abeg I have seen many of your kind. In old age thy go and marry some primitive girl from their village and try to look for a foothold back home.Are you not out there lining like a white man is that not primitive.
Anyway we can donate here for your parents generator.

Contact made I shall be mailing you Ifyalways. My friend has agreed to help,I could only talk to her briefly because she is in a meeting.

I shall get back to you as soon as I contact her.
I hope that happens fast.

There certainly is the option of fostering. What a pity I am not in Nigeria I would have offered to take care of the baby till a solution is found.

Ifyalways I have a friend in Lagos a lawyer who could have a solution to this problem. She has helped so many kids in the past, securing temporary fostering and also adoption/ international adoption. She is very reputable.

I think there are solutions, I prefer the option of open adoption so that mother and child can still have contact.

This coming from a turkish woman surprises me.
My dear let the truth this tradition of supporting the family and even building houses at home is very common in Turkey. Furthermore parents and in laws are treated with reverence and great respect. I do not see any turkish grandmothers playing with their children. They have a similar relationship with them as nigerian grandparents. The grandchildren even kiss their hands bow and place the grandparents hand on their forehead.
Allow the poor woman to enjoy the fruit of her labour above all respect!!!!
You paid for her eye test!! Big deal you would have done the same and more for your mother,
The issue at departure. I would have expected you to hug her and kiss her goodbye and then give her time to say her final goodbye to her son alone. Do you know what must have been going through both their heads? They might have been wondering if they would see themselves again or how long it will take. At such an emotional time they need that privacy.
How could you be expecting your MIL to turn into your cook? If you had the right intention you could have pleaded with her to teach you how to cook nigerian food. Besides how can you be married with two kids and not know how to cook even the basic nigerian food. I pity your husbands stomach.
finally when you married your husband did you not know that he would have to cater for his family? Now you want their existence to be threatened. What is the big deal about your husband working full time and you only part time with two kids? Is it not normal?

Chioma no one condemns you here, we are all carrying our own bundle of guilt and mistakes.
At the end of the day you have to realise however that in life you can do what you like but you also have to live with the consequences. Somethings end up hunting us even to our grave.
A child is involved here and the interest of the child is of paramount importance. Your will/ desire to take care of the child alone does not suffice. You also must be in a position to do so materially and in materially.
Maybe CC and Ifyalways can look into the matter some more. Now you have us all worried I am sure many of us will want to see this child really secured.
Please CC and Ifyalways would that be possible?

God bless you for helping.
Dear Chioma maybe you need to let some time pass before taking any decision.  Don`t take any hasty decision.
Maybe you might consider an international adoption.

big bumper, Thanks I needed to read what you wrote. Whenever the memories come u again i will focus on your words.

Sometimes it is better to leave things that happened in the past unsaid.

Difficult to put in words, but it was simply wonderful. I kept waiting for that terrible pain but it never came because I was always expecting it to get worse after hearing so many scary tales. I was blessed with a fast and uncomplicated labour which I thank God for.
However the same feeling I had with my first child I had with all my kids. I even think that with the last one´s the feeling was more intense because over the years you come to appreciate that giving birth to a healthy baby with major complications is not to be taken for granted. We have to give thanks to God,

try the health section it is more helpful. You also need to calm down because when you get too desperate it affects your circle and could make it irregular. How long have you been trying to get pregnant?

dassparrow no need repaying wrong with wrong because it only continues the viscous circle and you might end up carrying that over to your kids. I know my father had this weakness that he could not stand failures and once thing were not moving according to his standards you were down below. It is very important that my kids see the love, respect and attention I show my father and siblings because that is how the will learn to treat me and their siblings one day. Despite everything that happened I never turned my back on my dad, I never abused him and I never held anything against him.