eaglez:
Words can never ever work on her again she has been brainwashed completely by the man, I have exactly same thing happening in my family and the worse is this same sister of mine sees everything good in her husband's foolishness, baba pray that we don't come in contact with devil in human form.

She was massively brainwashed beyond words. Her memory verse then was that the man would take her to Obodo oyinbo .. that was what aggravate my dad to beat her then. My dad was asking her if she's normal for a deportee who had spent half of his productive years in a foreign land and was deported with nothing. She doesn't even know what happened that made him got deported.

She was really brainwashed beyond comprehension. Chai some men will not make heaven o. Marrying with deciet

Neddyogu:


Oga stop making excuses for the op. Three grown ass men can't fund a trip to ph at least for one fellow? So u wanna tell me that if the op or his brother gets an interview invitation in Ph, he would decline for lack of tfare? Excuses can be made for just about anything until there's something of value, then u will give it ur all Eve if it means borrowing. U want to tell me cos they are poor, they can't borrow too? The way we treat things depends on where they rank on our scale of preference. The said sister ranks not so high.

Only one person can't go sir. My dad will not accept that. Two persons will go for safety or whataview. God will see us through that i know

Thanks for your input so far!

igbowoman:


Ok.
Do you mind dropping your detail?

0142245483 Gtbank

Thanks and God bless!

emmyN:


Maybe you didn't follow up properly with the thread. The OP did say the Father rejected the man as a suitor even when he came begging and professing love for their daughter. Like he got her pregnant and didn't abscond; he came to see the family and they had him arrested. Who does that?

There is no evidence she doesn't have a phone as they have not seen her in a while. She may have one but doesn't want to have a personal contact with her family. She would rather they go through her husband.

The man came begging to have access to my sister and kids as his neighbours were laughing at him that his so called wife has left him

He never for once come with his family for anything marital rite. The few times he comes begging was solely him alone

Please where is the commitment that he has shown to prove that he wants to come do the marital rite?

We ain't even begging for any marital rite by the way. We only want to correct all the wrong the man has made by isolating my sister away from family and friends. Who doesn't have a phone in this generation please?

She's living her life for that man which must be corrected

nnamdiosu:
She got pregnant. Una beat her. Lock her man up.
Then the same una dey complain say she no dey flow or call una. I don't get it.

Anyways, no matter the age of a lady, once she gets pregnant, SHE AUTOMATICALLY BECOMES A WOMAN. the talk you guys should have instead talked to her is what would have at least put some send into her.
There is time for beating and time for talking.


Anyways, that being said, truth is, there is nothing you guys can do. Your parents messed up big time, it's now left for.you guys to do the mending of fences.

My advise,
Call them both to a small get together/family meeting. Apologise for wrongs done in the past. TRUST ME, THEY BOTH HABOUR GRIEVANCES AGAINST YOU ALL, ESPECIALLY THE MAN.

2. YOU ARE SAYING, THEY DIDNT CALL OR SHOW CONCERN DURING THE TRAGIC DEATHS IN THE FAMILY. ARE YOU GUYS ALSO BOTHERED ABOUT HOW THEY LIVE? HOE THEY FEED? THE BABY AND ALL. HAVE YOU GUYS SENT ANY MONEY FOR THEM OR THE BABY?

3. If indeed you guys want her back, swallow pride and beg them. If not, her children you neices and nephews will join the list of forgotten family members.

Wish you best of luck

When she was in Lagos my parents was very much close to her. My mum younger brother bought her a phone then.

She said the phone they bought for her got spoilt just a year after they moved to PH

They've spent 8 years in PH now and she has not been using a phone since then

Even though she was stupid, it's not possible for her to have a phone and purposely hide it away from us

Even the husband too confirmed it

igbowoman:


How much will it cost for you to go to PH and return.
Good idea not to sleep in his house please.

Thanks for your kind gesture ma. God will reward you bountifully

A friend who got mobilised for her NYSC around July this year said she paid 10k from Lagos to PH. I pressure coming will be within the same range also

20k will take me to and fro. Thanks and God bless

NoToPile:


If you guys know the hometown do you know his family/ compound he comes from. If yes have you guys tried to at least contact some of his people?

We only know his home town. We don't know his compound

Yes we know some of his siblings, but they all based in the east

When my dad called him three days ago, he said he'd be travelling and he doesn't have money to buy his wife a small phone to keep in touch with her and her family

igbowoman:


I dont know what tribe you are but I say shame on that Igbo man.
He knows by Igbo culture it is a shameful thing to take a woman without a bride price and he is doing it.
I suspect your sister is being abused by this man hence the isolation from her family.
If you know where she is, take a trip down there to PH and find her to see her with your 2 eyes and talk with her.
If you need transport money to get down there,I will gladly help you

I'm a Yoruba while the man is an igbo man from Imo state

I would be grateful if you can support us with the transport fare. I and my elder brother will go see her and hopefully sleep over in the church before coming back to Lagos because i don't think my dad would want us to sleep under the man's roof for now

Thanks

DOptical:
Your sister sef. Na wa for her.

As much as the guy is to be blamed, she's to be blamed too. Some people sha. Dem go dey say dey love whereas na stupidity dey do them.

That being said, I think your sister is trapped. I mean she's got no money, no phone nor anything to reach out. She's trapped under the guy due to the fact that she can only depend him. She shouldn't have eloped with him to a far place in the first place. That's why I said some people are stupid!

Yes I'm not putting all the blame on her. I know she has her fault too

She deserves to be called even more than stupid

ziondaughter247:
So you mean your parents and 4 able bodied men could not help your sister out in paying her school fees to study Law in a school like Unilag? Your sister seems like an intelligent and ambitious person and I just feel that your family contributed to killing the dreams of their only girl and making her what she is today. Your parents and family seemed very non-challant towards her education and she saw the handwriting on the wall that she will not receive any form of support from her family. Does your family have a bias against sending girls to school? She is the only girl and daughter and all of you failed her when she needed you the most. All this would have been prevented if she was in school.

She is probably still resentful and avoiding you all now. Hope it is not because of money you people now what to keep in touch with her?

She was the first child and the rest of us were much younger then. Only my parents can support her then financially but fortunately they got short of finances. My dad love female child even more than the male. She got carried away i guess. After all her friend whose parents were like ours never got pregnant at the wrong time. She went to school with the little support from her parents

The man deceived her and she did fell for it

TheGoodJoe:


The OP has to tell us. From the look of things, she was still in their custody when she discovered she was pregnant. They knew she was pregnant. She did not hide it.

These are the things that need clarifications.

Did they propose for her to terminate the pregnancy and she refused? Did they chase her out?

She was with them and ended in the hands of the man. How did it happen? Did she run away?

We never cut her off

My dad propose she cut off with the man totally, have the child and move on with her life

But she insisted claiming she loved the msn, that the man would take her to abroad or something and my dad got angry to beat her up for her to be this foolish not to know that the man is deceiving her

galantjoe:
It is your dad that cause all these brouhaha. Why on earth he got his potential inlaws arrested for impregnating adult child. Not satisfied he beat his daughter mercilessly when she was still pregnant.

Your dad made big mistakes and you people are reaping the fruit of his mistake.

My advice, let your dad, summon your sister and her husband and tender his sincere apology to them. With I hope she will turn a new leaf

LOL, my dad should tender an apology

Thanks for your input

numericalguy:
NPTJ,

Look here NPTJ, let me give you a very valuable advice.

Don't try to attack the man. If you are lucky, you will only get arrested for assault because if he should die from your attack, you would be arrested for murder.

No sir, we aren't planning violence whatsoever. Violence doesn't ressolve issues but aggravate it the more

Thanks for your advice

Franklyspeakin:
My Gee go and find out first if she is still living. Come at her with compassion if your a Christian/Moslem you can add prayer. But go and show her you still love her as a sister then you can win her over. Has your family forgiven her?

we've forgiven her long time ago that she knows herself.

My dad initially kicked against her dicision moving to pourtharcourt with the man become of the way and manner he took his daughter and others

As if the old man forsee all these happening

Franklyspeakin:
The family is also un serious full stop. Okay how do they know he didn't give her a phone??
Have they gone to see her?? See family is family we all should learn that. If Mohammad refuses to go to the mountain, the mountain should go to Mohammad. If they buy yam and plantain carry or send family members nearby to check on her and give her, then you can start from there to know if she is being beaten or maltreated.

She did confirmed it that she doesn't have a phone. The man as well confirmed it himself. My mum late younger brother bought a phone for her when she was still living in Lagos. Ever since they moved to pourtharcourt she stopped using phone

TWoods:


And? How is that your problem? She's a grown woman who has a right to live her life as she pleases. This is one of the major reasons Nigerian families fragment once the kids are old enough to leave the home. No love, no care, just rules, anger, and demands.

It's my problem because that isn't how my dad got married to my mum. It's my problem because same blood flows through our vains. Its my problem because that's the only sister we had and we never wish even our enemy to live such a life

She was loved from day one of her life according to my parents

She went astray ever since she left home to go stay with the granny due to the distance to her work place. Even at that my dad wasn't please with that decision to go stay with his mum claiming the woman is old and won't be able to look after her or something

But what would the poor man do, when he wasn't favour financially

TWoods:


I'm confused... Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

What part of the above is unclear? I don't see anywhere in that verse where a brother has a right to "see his sister" if neither she nor the husband are interested.

A man who doesn't marry a woman in the right way or what?

madjune:
Sad. I can tell your family is Ibo. I can relate on that.
The man is supposed to perform the necessary marriage rites before taking your sister.
This is particularly sensitive, with your sister's place as the only girl and first daughter of her mother.
She's supposed to be close to your mother into her grey years, or else your mom will be heartbroken sooner or later.

Now, the man isn't diabolical.
I'm sure he's irresponsible. A well bred man would be in touch with your family, broke or not.
He will face his karma soon.
He only took advantage of your sister's economic status. She's poor.
Equally, he's taking advantage of your family, knowing you guys are poor and can't do nothing.
He won't try this rubbish with a well to do family. No.

The way forward is, your father and his kins should trace this man's roots. Go there and summon his village elders to a meeting. Table the matter.

I'm sure his village elders would intervene.

Exactly what my brother said at bolded

Thanks for your input

grandstar:


My thoughts exactly.

She's being isolated which gives the abuser control. I urge them to get in contact with her any means possible. The first contact may open her eyes to things the way they are not just from the abusers lens. A meeting will rekindle hope. The more she sees them, the greater the hope. She would realize that her situation isn't hopeless and she'll start seeking freedom.

That's my 2cents.i hope I'm right

Thanks for your advice bro

PeaceJoyLove:


Your sister refused to visit you while she was in the university, and now you expect her to visit you. Was it the man who stopped her from visiting you then?

You are angry and want to beat the man cos he eloped with her and didnt pay her bride price. How much were you expecting will reach your pocket from the bride price? You head dey pain you.

Your papa arrested the man and beat him up cos your sister opened her legs willingly. Ok ooo. Do you think he still stupid to still pay you millions you tslk as if you sell your daughters? And do you think your sister doesnt want joy for herself too? Ibo and culture. Hmmmm. So, you plan on your sister getting married to sponsor you and your family. Mainwhile the girl lost the opportunity cos your parents could not do what they were to do. The next plan is to sell the in ocent girl and use the cash for uplifting your family. You boys are useless ooooo. She is the only girl, and you are the fourth or so. What about your other brothers? She has no right in your fathers house according to the ibo culture, and you people are shameless for trying to sell her. Very useless family.

All your worry is about your pocket. Lol. Your papa do gragra and arrested him, and even paid the police to beat him up, and you expect him to still come and give you broda price. You are a shameless goat for even saying it confidently. If I slap you, you will understand you are a man who should hustle. You are depending on the bride brice of your sister. Are you OK? Are you well?

Shameless goat.

So, igs only your sister who should carry the responsibility og your parents. You are ma.d. You arent thinking of getting job to help and make yourself useful to your parents, but it's your sister who must do it.

I am sure you all used her like the rag when you were small. The girl ran away from you all. She cooked and did everything all cooked, wash plates, clean the house for you lazy goats who called yourselves boys.

Your papa has boys na which is what he is proud of. Go and take care of your father and mother. Shameless goat. Just imagine the boldness to say her sister is the one who should take care of them. So, you are not to. The girl is meant to do the housekeeping till she dies while you go out and live a fulfilled life. On top expecting to use her bride price. You are an idioota. Confirmed

Please kindly pinpoint where we are begging her to come shoulder our family responsibility?

Or you meant where i said when she lost her immediate younger brother and grandparents she never showed up? Please how is that a yardstick to claimed we are bestowing it on her to shoulder our family responsibility?

Please where did i affirmed that I'm going to beat the man up?

Thanks anyway for your input

TheGreatOne90:

My brother is quite a pity. Your sister might have taken a decision by herself, to move on with her life, probably because of what has transpired between her and your parents. The only thing you can do, is to try and investigate and see if she is hale and hearty and in her right senses. If she is, then you guys have to move on. Learn to move on, when people stop caring. Is not easy, but you just have to do it. Strive very hard, to make it in life.

Bend down and learn a very valuable skill. Invest in crypro(invest don't trade) and hope for the best.

Thanks for the advice

sisisioge:


It's ok for you to generalize as you deem fit....you are solely responsible for your own understanding.

Back to this case, education isnt only formal. When they couldn't afford the university education and it was agreed that she worked, they shouldn't have allowed her to leave home as that would surely expose her even more.

Since she left home, they should have continued with the parental guidance.

Since she managed to get pregnant, they shouldnt have become violent to the extent that she ran off to live with the guy. Now it's been several years, they havent attempted to teach our to her, share with other family members that could, etc. They took accepted her abandonment without a struggle. Babe didnt call after the grand parents she lived with died and that was ok with them? They people are estranged and you've only heard a side of the story!


Although she was an adult when the matter bursted, how come the others were able to go to school or stayed at home until they were fully formed before launching? Also, when a girl child gets to the boyfriend seeking age and she gets herself a much older bf, who do you think shes trying to replicate in her life? Her father.

Essentially, girls with daddies problems are usually the ones looking for daddy figures in bf. This is ofcourse different for runs girls

My dad did kicked against that to be sincere. But the distance was much. Moreso, my mum said what if there was money to process her admission then, would she still remain under my parents roof or something

Thanks for your input

Trojan8:


She didn't call you when you were in school. Why didn't you call her being the younger sibling?

Ofcourse i attempted that thrice. Luckily the man was around once and i did talked with her and her kids

I stopped calling ever since the man stopped picking my calls after several attempts. I wouldn't want him to start nurturing the thought in his head that I'm expecting or stylishly begging him for money having known that I'm in school

NoToPile:


Which elders ?which village? Do they even know the village he is from apart from the state IMO
Do they even know the elders? At least if he came for bride price payment sebi people would have followed him and they will be able to point to some people that these are his people
Have they gone for any of their family functions?

That is the main issue from my own perspective, its the woman that knows the mans people ( thats even if she goes to his village) and can tell them who and who to meet.

I would want to be anonymous with regards to the man hometown as some Nigerians could be tribal biggot taking everything too personal you know

Mom007:
Hum... I didnt hear one mention of the child she bore out of the pregnancy. Bia, you people are sitting down there with your entitlement mentality instead of sending a delegate consisting of at least 2 or 3 peaceful members of your family to go and look for your sister and make sure she is alive and OK. Do this asap first then come back for advice.

Please kindly pinpoint the entitled mentality in my writeup?

Oh you meant where i said the man didn't pay her bride price or something

Maybe you also meant where i said when her immediate brother died and grandparents she never showed up

or where i said throughout my days in school she never called to check up on me for once

Please do showcase our entitlement syndrome here. Thanks

placeofallure:


Don't mind all these people here insinuating and being conclusive over an issue they don't know the real details.

Which father will be happy to keep his daughter, and a man from nowhere would bring his phallus to impregnate her? As if that's not enough woe to befall a man, your sister decided to shut off the family. When you said your parents needed her, I know it wasn't for financial anything but to feel her, to hear her talk to them, touch them. Ara lo n ta won!

I've been married for a decade so I'm not a small girl but I'm still my parents' lil girl. My dad especially calls me averagely three times a week. Every of my birthdays till tomorrow, he's always the one to first send birthday wishes and prayers. When I graduated from the university, he had a gift waiting for me. He gave me out in marriage bearing about 80% of the cost. That is every father's dream. Not you having a daughter rudely snatched from you and the ingrate of a daughter not caring about her parents, her siblings, Haba!

Why isn't she with a phone? As poor as her husband is, he has a phone! Why can't she? Why not her with the phone? Is she alive? If yes, what condition is she in? Is she still sane?

See OP, I don't suffer fools gladly. In your present financial condition, you won't have money for 3 to go look for her. But for humanity sake, let 1 person go look for her, it might mean all of you contributing Tfare for that 1 person. Not to go and cause trouble but to just check on her if she's ok. Once you have ascertained that she's fine, leave her alone. That's the life she has chosen for herself. Forget diabolism, she gave up herself to be hypnotised.

Then, you and your other siblings, concentrate on your lives and make your parents happy. Imagine her dead in your life so you can move on. To her, you've all been dead a long time ago. Good luck trying.

Thanks alot for this. I do appreciate your input

xangerar:
You erred when you heaped the blame on the man. About your "going to treat his Bleep up", just hope he is not aware of his legal rights and also pray he doesn't have brothers too who love him as you love your sister, who will come to pay back as you did.


There is no law against living with a woman who is an adult without paying bride pride. Those are cultural and religious only, so I will advice you to prevail on him rather subtly until you succeed. Your sister being an adult makes it difficult for you to go hard on the man without being at fault. I have witnessed personally scenarios like this overtime and can tell you, you will lose if you try. Just follow peace with them and see if you make a headway and if not, let it. You cannot win here. Water crossed the bridge from the moment the young woman went into financial difficulties and succumbed to the man. You can't blame her, you cannot blame your parents and you cannot blame anybody. Life just happened, and too bad!

I never said i intend beating up the man or something. Someone only suggested that. It's a mere suggestion which doesn't implies sticking to it or not

TripleOh7:
Weird.

First off, how was your family able to send you to school but not your sister?

Second, how did you know that the man attended his own family functions if you've been out of touch with your sister?

Third, you can't force your sister to do whatever she doesn't want to do. But you can look for her and make sure she isn't being held against her will by the man.

Dazall.

We all see ourselves through school, though wasn't easy.

Whenever my mum tried reaching her through him. at times, he's not always around. He'd claimed he travelled home for either burial, marriage or whataview

frozen70:


Your sister may be a Virgin as at the time of meeting the man and having slept with the man, she believe that, the man is the best thing that has ever comes her way, considering the fact that she got admission and her parents made her to loose the admission

Now, reporting the said ma to hjs kins men along with your family and kinsmen, is one of the best way to approach this embarrassing situation

Your father must a matter of fact, involve his kings men into this matter let them all join heads to visit the man family

No matter how your gaohide this issue, people are already aware that your sister eloped with another man

The man did confirm the bolded though

Thanks for your input

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...what a shame. Shes an adult and living her life as she seemed fit....please let her be. Time will teach her the importance of staying in touch with her own family.


As for your parents, they failed her in so many ways and she's probably disowned them. Just leave her alone so long as you're not suspecting shes in danger. Good luck.

please do you mind elucidating how our parents failed her?

Your input also implies that all poor parents failed their wards and as such they can't get a good life for themselves in a legal means?

Moreso, you meant our parents also failed the rest of us because they couldn't see us through school to the brim?


Maybe you should tell me what i don't know then

lereinter:

Wetin you want gangan?

But

How did she lose the admission to study law due to finance and you graduated, did you win scholarship?

Na the painful part be dis for me, it shows the girl was brilliant but due to lack of parental care and guidance she lost it

I worked for some years, saved and pushed up to the uni. Got a scholarship then in school which aided my finances, got some few friends who also helped me in their little ways et al. Except my younger brother who's being supported by my immediate elder bro

JoeSoapy:
Are you guys sure she is still alive?

honestly she's very much alive. My dad still spoke with her 3 days ago luckily the man was around to give her his phone

She was just a living dead. This saddened my parents heart seriously