Ethnic Tension: Their Minions Are Also Victims

There seems to be a method to the madness that is Nigerian politics, often employing the divide-and-rule strategy. This technique proves highly effective, with politicians utilizing it and their foot soldiers (aka minions) executing it skillfully. Of course, dividing a people requires targeting the 'weakest links,' which, unfortunately, are not in short supply.

In my previous newsletter, I acknowledged Nigerian politicians' remarkable ability to undermine the nation's fragile unity using this tool. At that time, Hilda Bassey had achieved a record-breaking milestone, and Nigerians from all walks of life came together to show their support.

Here's what I said, "Under the changing climatic conditions, they stood. They danced, cheered, chanted, and feasted. They all shared in the unity that has continued to be tested. For 100 hours, she cooked, and Nigerians watched on. It didn't matter who she was at that point, support poured in uninhibited.

"That fabric of unity only starts to deteriorate when some self-indulgent politicians chip at it during their election leagues (they are leagues, and the game's an extreme sport). They use that unity as a base point of attack."

That fabric of unity is under serious test, even beyond the election period when this strategy is commonly employed. It comes as no surprise, as divisive narratives persistently emerge as a distraction from the most important conversations necessary to benefit all Nigerians... to read more: https://fourthgaze.substack.com/p/ethnic-tension-their-minions-are

There seems to be a method to the madness that is Nigerian politics, often employing the divide-and-rule strategy. This technique proves highly effective, with politicians utilizing it and their foot soldiers (aka minions) executing it skillfully. Of course, dividing a people requires targeting the 'weakest links,' which, unfortunately, are not in short supply.

In my previous newsletter, I acknowledged Nigerian politicians' remarkable ability to undermine the nation's fragile unity using this tool. At that time, Hilda Bassey had achieved a record-breaking milestone, and Nigerians from all walks of life came together to show their support.

Here's what I said, "Under the changing climatic conditions, they stood. They danced, cheered, chanted, and feasted. They all shared in the unity that has continued to be tested. For 100 hours, she cooked, and Nigerians watched on. It didn't matter who she was at that point, support poured in uninhibited.

"That fabric of unity only starts to deteriorate when some self-indulgent politicians chip at it during their election leagues (they are leagues, and the game's an extreme sport). They use that unity as a base point of attack."

That fabric of unity is under serious test, even beyond the election period when this strategy is commonly employed. It comes as no surprise, as divisive narratives persistently emerge as a distraction from the most important conversations necessary to benefit all Nigerians...to read more ... https://fourthgaze.substack.com/p/ethnic-tension-their-minions-are

Nigerian lecturers say that the first-class that students seek in universities are not theirs and that they should be grateful that some of them even get to graduate with passes.

Speaking with Corporate Tumble, a retired lecturer, who would like to stay anonymous and die peacefully, said that Nigerian students complain too much about lecturers failing them when they have not worked hard enough to earn the marks.

He also added that learning in Nigeria was not designed to be fun in any way, and that if students need a fun learning environment, they should leave the country for "suffer heads".

The unnamed retired lecturer said that there is no joy that comes from learning in a Nigerian institution, and that the ancestors would roll in their graves if lecturers were nice to students.

To read more, visit here: http://www.corporatetumble.com/first-class-is-for-lecturers-not-students-nigerian-lecturer/

Note: News stories and articles on this platform only serve to provide humor and should not be taken as seriously as the serious news publications out there. It is fake news.

A Malawian has sought the trouble of Nigerians who are battling with their existential sociopolitical crisis, asking for a Twitter war with Nigerians.

Malawi has a population of 18.63 million, according to Google, from a 2019 count.

While, Nigeria, on the other hand, has a population that can consume Malawi and the surrounding countries, yet yanga wan wake trouble, as Nigerians say.

The Twitter user was advised by other well-meaning denizens of the platform, dissuading the user from starting a fire that would consume his people.

Nationals of countries who have been on the receiving end of the Twitter war violence against Nigerians also had some things to say to the user.

See tweets here: http://www.corporatetumble.com/malawian-warned-against-starting-twitter-war-with-nigerians/

A woman, whose identity we'll reveal shortly, disclosed that her moment of self-pleasure - masturbation - was interrupted by a tired vibrator.

She said that following her vibrator's decision to not participate in her masturbatory pleasures, she decided to go 'cavewoman' style - using her hand.

The narrator shared her frustrations with the global, interconnected world of social media - Twitter.

She explained that her desire to climax was discouraged after the thought of going about it acoustically did not seem appealing.

"I'm so mad I don't even want a nut anymore goodnight," she shared.

Helpful social media users in the comments sections suggested some things she could try.

To see more, visit: http://www.corporatetumble.com/woman-switches-from-electronic-to-acoustic-masturbation/

There are so many things that are potential harm to our lives in this country, but what are the things that could potentially save you while in Nigeria? That is what we will be looking into in this piece: how to survive in Nigeria.

"Nigeria is out to kill you," someone once tweeted, and the things we see on a daily basis offer no contention to that statement.

Everything from Nigerians themselves to the laws that are enacted by our ogas at the top and so forth.

Every day, we swerve out of the way of these things because if you don't swerve out of their way, they will surely take you down.

Talking too much already, what are the things you would need to survive in Nigeria? Check the list below.

Here are the six things you need to survive in Nigeria.

Plan Your Abroad Trip

This is one way to ensure that you live for as long as you can while in this country.

Even if you do not have money to afford a trip abroad, just be planning it in your head.

Arrange clothes inside a bag. Tell yourself you'll get a passport. Check out the country you want to go to and see the beautiful sights there and inhale the sanity through your phone.

Read more here: http://www.corporatetumble.com/6-ways-to-survive-in-nigeria/


Note: News stories and articles on this platform only serve to provide humor and should not be taken as seriously as the serious news publications out there.

Sometimes when we are caught at that moment of sleep, when we are tired of all the activities of this world, we lie that we are participating in activities that do not reflect the truth.

Big English, yes, but at least you understand the point.

Sometimes, when people catch us napping, we start to tell unnecessary lies.

These lies are what we will be discussing in this piece of lies people tell when they are caught sleeping.

This world is hard enough for us to go through, and that sleep might just be the thing that keeps us sane; the thing that keeps us from running extra mad.

Here are some lies that people tell when they are caught lala-ing

I Am Meditating

Well done, Buddha. Meditating on what? On what your life could have been or what it should be looking like? Do you even need to lie? Except you're sleeping at work, then the lie is necessary. You cannot come and kill yourself on top of another person's hustle.

Read more here: https://www.corporatetumble.com/lies-we-tell-when-we-are-caught-sleeping/

If you check social media, who are we kidding, social media these days is just Twitter; so, if you check Twitter, two trending topics are based on leaving this country, and a majority of Nigerian escapees are moving to Canada that is why we have come to tell you why you as a Nigerian shouldn't leave this country to Canada.

You hear the usual complaints of how Nigeria is a hell hole and that no good comes from being associated with this country but let us tell you something, you are right.

Nigerians have come a long ways from the days of $1-N1 and now, grown to the giant that we are to $1-N480, causing mental instability in the country among citizens that has inspired their decision to leave.

Yet, there is a problem with that idea that many Nigerians are aware of but we at Corporate Tumble decided to reiterate and that is the things you will find when you go abroad.

In the abroad, in this case, Canada, things are far different from what you see here in your beloved(?) nation.

And those differences are what we will highlighting to help you, probably, reconsider your decision.

Here are the reasons why Nigerians shouldn't go to Canada. To read more, visit: https://www.corporatetumble.com/

The National Broadcasting Commission (NBC) has been christened by a dutiful Nigerian who gave the commission the new name of 'Nothing But Cruise'.

This new name follows the commission's ban of the song 'Thunder Fire You' by singer Ric Hassani.

In the song, the artist bears the contents of his crushed soul in words that, in a polite setting, wouldn't be easily swallowed, but damning civility Hassani belted out his curses: Thunder fire you for all the lies you told me, he sang.

The contents of the song drew the attention of the NBC to ban the song, as the commission... You can read more here: http://www.corporatetumble.com/nigerias-nbc-gets-new-name/ and share your opinions

A global agency that pioneered the exchange program between countries to allow for cultural exchange has excluded Nigeria from the list of countries that will benefit from the program.

According to the agency, that chose to remain anonymous, Nigerians are notorious for abandoning their citizenship once they cross international borders.

The agency also noted that some other African nations known for their immigration problems were exempted, but Nigerians are premium offenders.

Read more here: http://www.corporatetumble.com/nigeria-excluded-from-global-exchange-program/

On the fateful Tuesday afternoon, a man of God experienced mortal arousal from a source that was in a state of divine impurity.

In a bid to cleanse himself of the subconscious pleasure, he took the case to a court that fined the 67-year-old erection-whisperer an undisclosed fine.

According to the clerk of the court, who was also tight-lipped on the amount, the case was closed off to the media and no representative of Corporate Tumble was unable to sit in for the trial.

After the proceedings, Corporate Tumble’s correspondent asked the woman how she was able to achieve the immoral feat, to which she explained that her large back...Read full story here: https://www.corporatetumble.com/

The year 2020 was filled with events that could lead to the breakdown of History students. In that year, some names became quite popular and we will be sharing them with you.

According to a comprehensive study conducted by Corporate Tumble, seven names reigned on the lips of people in Nigeria last year.

These names have resonated with the times and people that dared to procreate in the heat of the pandemic have adopted the names for their offspring to match the era.

Below are the seven most popular names of 2020:

Buhari

Sex: Male

You couldn't have missed this. This name is an annual list topper. Inspired by the ruler of a supposedly-great African nation. The name has been given not only to children but even to dogs, did not end well for the dog owner.

To read more visit: https://www.corporatetumble.com/

Yesterday, sometimes-shit-stirrer Zikoko decided to stir the Gen Z vs Millennials shit, and this was the result.

While the battle happened between two generations that were fighting for who was saner, we, at Corporate Tumble, were busy enjoying the gbas gbos that was without any casualty but plenty collateral damages – *eyes Ezra Olubi*.

There were many key takeaways:

Gen Z-ers are definitely into the horoscope.
Millennials really do have a legion of Gen Z-ers waiting to sting in the ass, not like they haven’t already begun.
The border between Millennials and Gen Z-ers rapidly expanded and contracted yesterday.
Nigerians can actually banter without adding APC and some mind-numbing Nigerian prevalent crises.

Here are some other things you may have missed: to read more, visit https://www.corporatetumble.com/

You know when someone offers you a free ride, there are some things those of us with good home training do that reflect our deep gratitude: we stay humble while in the vehicle.

It could be your neighbor’s car or even a danfo – sometimes danfo drivers and conductors can be nice.

Without too much talking, let us get into it.

Here are 8 acceptable things to do when you get a free ride.

Greet Everyone

Once you enter the car or danfo, greet everyone inside, or else you would give the driver cause to wonder why you are ungrateful. Ensure everyone in the vehicle knows that you are respectful and grateful.

Don’t take up too much space

At this point, you don’t need comfort, all that should be in your mind is gratitude. Even if you are given a slice of space in the vehicle and you’re asked to “dress”, you better dress for them.

To see more, visit: https://www.corporatetumble.com/

One can only assume that the bearers of these names did not grow up being bullied because their parents decided to not put any effort into naming their child.

How is it okay to bear "bleeps"? Isn't it already obvious that that activity is the source of the spawn?

That particular player has really been given some "bleeps" to carry as a heritage.

Well, without any much further ado, here are 7 footballers names that make you look twice.

Danny Drinkwater

This is a reminder to this young man from his parents to always remember to drink some water.

Argelico bleeps

This...this is just unfair putting those who are brave enough to keep that name as their last name in harm's way...Read more here: http://www.corporatetumble.com/7-footballer-player-names-that-will-make-you-sympathize/

A seminarian has fallen into trouble with the heads of his seminarian school over his new-found sensation: the #silhouettechallenge.

A tub of Vaseline meant to be used by occupants of the room of Brother John has been found to have finished in a matter of hours.

Curious to fish out the diminisher of the communal petroleum jelly product, a roommate discovered that his fellow brethren had been oiling up his little fellow while intensely staring at his phone that blinked into a warm red hue.

Out of obligation, the curious brother reported the matter to the seminary school’s authority, and upon further investigation, it had been discovered that a trending hashtag on social media: #silhouettechallenge had sucked brother John, the Vaseline utiliser into the vortex of sin.

If you want to smile or laugh, visit https://www.corporatetumble.com

Nationals of both countries are always butting heads about skin colors but forget that they are more than that. Have you heard the Nigerian pidgin and the Ghanaian pidgin?

The difference is loud.

Bias is making us tilt to the Nigerian pidgin. Ease of construction. Less processing time. Less grammatical complications.

Both countries like to compare things, even the dick sizes of men from both countries. Well, we will be looking at the Nigerian Pidgin English Vs Ghanaian Pidgin English.

Let us see the similarities in the differences.

Nigerian Pidgin: The laptop dey on top bed.

Ghanaian Pidgin: The laptop dey the bed top.

Nigerian Pidgin: Wetin you tink say you dey do?

Ghanaian Pidgin: Wetin you figa say you dey do?

If you want to smile or laugh, visit https://www.corporatetumble.com/nigerian-pidgin-vs-ghanaian-pidgin/

Many think that pleasing Nigerian men is hard, but it isn’t. All You need is to stroke their egos and dicks, and you are miles away from the hurdle. Now, Buying valentine gifts for Nigerian men can be a little tricky, but we will help out.

There are so many things you can get a Nigerian man for valentine’s, but you need to be careful. You need to make sure that suits his personality.

Pro Tip: Sometimes those personalities cut across ethnicities and tribes. A Nigerian man has the Nigerian man’s gene. Complex yet meh.

If you have been racking your brain on what valentine gifts for Nigerian men look like, here are a few helpful suggestions.

6 Valentine Gifts For Nigerian Men

1. A Job

This economy is not easy. They have banned naira deposits for cryptocurrency traders, our oga Emefiele’s handiwork. How many times have you seen hard currency in your guy’s hand?

He’s more constant on his cryptocurrency trading platform than the CEO of the platform.

If you know somebody that knows somebody, please, reach out. Next year, you people can celebrate the kind of Valentine’s Day you want with his salary.

2. intimacy gadget

If you are not around to stroke his dick, the intimacy gadget will. It is even better if it’s a designer one. If you want to even help him further, buy him a Love Machine, it is about time they start finding that prostrate that they say men have.

3. Book for baby names

February 14 knacking will reveal itself sometime later this year. It is best both of you start to choose a name down so that family will not come and name the child Valentinechukwu. God no go shame us.

If you need to smile or laugh, visit corporatetumble.com