No wahala... nowhere did I imply nor have previous posters implied that IVF is cheap... myself and others have mentioned IVF as well as other fertility treatments as a way of educating you that their are so many options for those facing fertility challenges ... and fertility challenges do not/ should not disqualify someone from marriage....

Are you not the one that used Banky W and his wife as an example to try and discredit their marriage because they do not have children? Adesua knew what challenges she and Banky W would face as a result of his health issues and she married him anyway... because why should she or anyone deprive themselves of marrying a good man or woman whom they love because of a particular health challenge, when there are treatment options available? Please wake up to the 21st Century.

For you we understand that the sole purpose of marriage is only to have children ... nothing more and nothing less so hence your advise ... and that’s fine... each to their own.

If God forbid you were involved in a car accident ... became a crippled... lost your limbs and was now confined to a wheelchair... should women look at you and think yuck... should that illness/challenge that you have no control over disqualify you for marriage?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic - this man is a motivational speaker... a woman married him as he was/is despite the health challenges he faces...

Your thread implies that children are the sole purpose of marriage and if that is your belief then I wish you god speed in your quest to impregnate a young naive lady... By the Grace of God you will not demote her to single mother/baby mama’s club once the deed has been done as is often the case.

I bow out of this thread and wish you all the best. May God give you all the children your hearts so desires in Jesus Name. Amen.

Scientists:


We are in Africa not West.

God forbid, if i can't get her pregnant, i will simply threat myself first b4 marriage. Women never speaks out and say truth.

Evil women

What is this one saying. If you do not know Nigeria has one of the best reputations in terms of their IVF success rates and treatments... I used the West as an example to differentiate between Western mentality and African mentality ...

Anyway not having any further discussion with a simple person like yourself.

Remain blessed.

So if you find that you cannot impregnate a woman due to for example low sperm count... no one should marry you, because infertility disqualifies you from marriage? You should be a spinster for life abi? Each to their own.

You do know infertility is diagnosed after one year of trying to conceive ... someone like you would sleep with the poor girl for one month and deem her infertile if she didn’t get pregnant for you in that one month. Rubbish.

Asking to understand ooo... anyway in the West - developed countries... a lot of couples who struggle with infertility still marry themselves knowing that one has infertility issues .... and guess what... just to enlighten your brain... They can opt for IVF services amongst others services....

Rubbish and nonsense post....

Scientists:


Don't mind them, Chosen ministry has not allowed me sleep for a week now. Always combatting spiritual husband and wife causing childlessness.

Instead of testing the woman to make sure she can perform her ultimate duty and if she can't, then Dump her for the next mugu. Them no go hear now

I don’t understand this? Please clarify. A woman has a son who she gave birth to. Met a guy and the guy expects her to abandon her son once she is married to him.

I am sorry but her son comes first before a stranger. Any man that cannot love and accept her son as his own should please park and leave the women and her son alone. Her son is used to having his mum alone to himself - now he has to get used to this new man who is a stranger. He has to adjust- he is only six years old and it will take him a while. For a long time it has been only this six year old and his mum.

The guy is being so ridiculous and unrealistic. Do people actually dump their children away because they are getting married to someone that is not the child’s father? What a foolish request for him to make. It shouldn’t even cause fight. The lady should have walked away as soon as he made the foolish request. When he met her he knew she had a child so ....

cyprus000:
In all my life, I've never seen vapidity, stupidity and insipidity so boorishly consummated in imbecility like these ignominious clowns have made possible.

To point the economy as reason for this wanton jejune display, is tantamount to giving a dog a bad name to hang hit. I mean; this is a crying testament of botched upbringing encumbered in labyrinth of sybaritic leeching.

It will be futile trying to force a spark of intellect in these execrable heap of otiosity

- what on earth?

XhosaNostra:


Too long, I didn't read

That’s fine sweetie- whether you read it or not does not negate what I wrote. It was not for you it was for the OP who presented the problem. Everything written on this thread is for her- not for yourself or myself.

Remain blessed sweetie. �

pchukwudi:
You are not getting the point.

The man would have no say if the woman decides to deny that he's the father. In fact the Act you quoted has a provisions for anyone (including non-biological parents) to obtain the guardianship right. In this case, if the woman can prove that she has another man (most likely her own dad, close friend or relative) who can provide the needed male/father figure support for the child, the so called unmarried biological father would have no chance let alone right to the child.

If you get such rights by merely sleeping with a woman then marriage would no longer be a legal necessity.

https://www.lawhelpmn.org/self-help-library/booklet/rights-and-responsibilities-unmarried-parents

This is what happens where I live. Maybe where she lives the laws are different. No point going round in circles with the girl ... from everyone’s comments to her she is in the minority. She is only trying to worry the OP unnecessarily. OP pls rest well. You will be fine.

https://m.dw.com/en/germanys-highest-court-strengthens-unmarried-fathers-rights/a-5862670

This above link - applies to German laws although it is old.

XhosaNostra:


Shit happens. Oh well.

Exactly... and he should also except the pooo that happens once baby is born as a consequence of his actions. Just like he has made his decisions, the lady is entitled to make hers.

The man has every right to see his child ... not on his terms though...it will be on her terms, until they go to court. If she says that she doesn’t want him to be in the labour room- you think they will allow him enter? While she is in hospital post delivery if she says she does not want him to enter and see the baby - you think they will allow him? If he turns up at her door banging and banging and she calls the police - you think they won’t escort him off her property? In fact until they get to court he won’t see that child if the lady decides he can’t. He will just be begging and begging. At her mercy...

She has a lot of power - especially with a newborn infant - no court will separate a newborn infant from the mother unless there is a sound reason. A sound reason has to be something as serious as child neglect or she is a serious danger to the child.

Abeg OP you don’t have any problem. The problem you really have is wether you still want to marry this man after he has shown you what he and his family are capable off. That is your real delimma.

pchukwudi:
That's nonsense. He has ZERO right to the child of a woman he was NOT legally married to. In fact, in my place, some families won't accept the bride price if they discover that their daughter is pregnant. And if the man chooses to pay the dowry after the woman's child birth, he'd be reminded that though he's allowed custody of the child (through his wife), the baby belongs to his father in-law - not him. Though some people may not want to enforce this tradition after the bride price is paid, you cannot claim the fatherhood of your woman's baby without paying her dowry.

There's a reason why marriage is called a legal contract.

In fact in the UK - if a man and woman are not married - and they want to register the baby’s birth for the birth certificate- the father has to accompany the mother for his name to be put on the birth certificate ooo. If the mother does not agree his name won’t be on that birth certificate. If they are married only one has to go and register the child - providing they have their marriage certificate as proof of their union. If single both have to go. It also protects the rights of the man -because once a name is on the birth certificate he is liable for any child support payments.

XhosaNostra:


He's doubtful, so there's also that or did you miss that part?

The problem is why did he become doubtful when she got to the 7th month of pregnancy. She told him the news he was excited. Month 1 went by, month 2 went by, month 3, month 4, month 5, month 6 and then got to month 7 and now he is expressing doubts. Why did he not express those doubts from the moment she told him of the pregnancy? She would have gotten rid of it had he done that, rather than convince her, only to back out later. What all of a sudden triggered his doubts? With just 2 months left to go before the baby is born. He was happy and supportive prior. (Please note I am not an advocate of abortion) From her story... I feel this is one of the things angering her the most.

I don’t want to say he did 419 on her- she should also shoulder responsibility in this. Just like he doubts her now. She too should have doubted his infertility and used contraception. I am a Qualified Midwife- if you know how many women lie to men that they can’t have children or that they are on contraception when they are not - it’s shockingly shocking. If women can do it. Then men can do it too.

He must have hoped there was a slight chance he would get this lady pregnant, hence going for deliverance up and down and the unprotected sex. And now she is... 7 months down the line he just remembered he is 90% infertile.

Also everyone is assuming this man is white. I do not know many white men that go for deliverance up and down. A White man would go the medical route before going on his knees to the altar. This man may be a Nigerian man- who is simply a German citizen. White men look after children that are not theirs all the time ... Nigerian men don’t. I may be wrong ooo and OP if I am please correct me.

ashjay001:


I believe it's possible to get a DNA test done, even in the womb?

I get ur pain, he should be able to stand with u at this trying time, especially since he claims to love u. Goes to show u, love is relative

It is possible to get a DNA test with the fetus in the womb only it has its risk - the main one being a risk of fetal loss. She is better off waiting till after the child is born.

ghettochild4u:

Full custody my foot... Which court will grant that for a baby not even toddler.. Use ur brain jor ok I guess u forgot say na abroad dem dey.. Even naija sef.. Which court will do it when d mother is sane n healthy

Exactly this. He cannot get full custody at all unless the mother is deemed totally unfit to care for the child and even that will be after a series of assessments by social services and mental health services. In the West children are not taking away from the mothers anyhow. This is the West not Nigeria. Mothers usually get sole custody without issues - at most they can apply for joint custody if it gets to that.

I totally feel sorry for you. It’s annoying. Who knows if he even tricked you and lied about his so - called infertility. Did he tell you on what medical grounds he was infertile or was it just a means for him to be having unprotected sex with you? He claims he is 90% infertile so has he forgotten the other 10% that can father a child? Or has he suddenly become 100% infertile as the pregnancy progresses.

It’s annoying because you didn’t even want to carry the pregnancy in the first place, but he begged you and now you are stuck with something you didn’t want to begin with, while the person who wanted it has now backed out. That itself is enough to anger you.

It’s a pity - when the child is born and he is proven to be the father he will now start playing the role of dutiful father along with his family that have treated you like poo during the pregnancy. You don’t have to be with him - as he has shown you what type of human being he is. He does not trust you. However, the innocent child deserves both parents as they did not ask to be born. You can easily co-parent without marrying him.

I am sorry this happened to you, but in the same vein you should be happy and thankful to God. Sometimes man's/woman's rejection is God's protection. Love should never be based on what one has or what one can do for someone, those things are just benefits of the relationship. Hence marital vows state for 'Better or for Worse' and 'in sickness and in health'. Nobody knows tomorrow, but she has shown you if a time comes and your tomorrow is sour she will leave you. Today you have a job, tomorrow one can be made redundant. Today someone has two legs and is walking about able-bodied, tomorrow that same person may be involved in a car accident and loose their two legs, paralysed and stuck to a wheel chair for life... Just know that she would have left you. It is not bad for her to want to marry a super rich man ... she is allowed to want what she wants ... but she should not put someone else down in the process. She has show you her true colours. What you do with what she has shown you is your prerogative.

Please thank God for what he has released you from. Find somebody that loves you not because of what you have, but simply because of who you are. In the mean time just work on yourself. As people have said the best consolation to yourself is working hard and becoming a man of substance. I just pray when you do and she comes back begging you don't take her back as you have done in the past.

She never loved you. No situation is permenant unless you make it that way. You had funds before... so far you continue to work hard and hustle the funds will come .... don't let this girl get to you. Words are powerful, for every negative thing she has said... just reject it and speak positive things into your life...

Unfortunatley her greed may get her into the wrong hands....She will soon find that people go for character over beauty ...hence why many beautiful girls are very much single, whilst the so called 'ugly' girls are very much married... Just let her be.

.... You too in future learn from this mistake to be paying for school fees of girlfriend up and down is just silly - I mean where are her parents/family members. You have better use of the money...like siblings, parents you could have invested the money in... business ventures... I mean you bought her 1 phone, then went to buy her another phone... till she now collected phone from another guy... and you feel you can marry someone like that?What is she collecting all the phones for ?

Aside from beauty - did she add anything to your life - aside from her vagina - what else did she add to you? The relationship seems from your account as though it was one-sided. You give she takes. You are lamenting over someone who insulted your parents - so if she was going to marry you she has insulted her potential in-laws? Abeg. Chin up and keep it moving. Soldier on...

Please let her go and be thankful to God from what he has brought you out off. She is someone else headache now. Your days of taking paracetamol are since over. Abeg...

Take care of yourself

It is not an STD. It can easily be treated with antibiotics.

"Staph infections can be treated with antibiotics. We don't consider staphylococcus aureus to be a sexually transmitted infection but at the same time it is something that is passed from skin to skin contact. .."

Find a credible Doctor/hospital and get antibiotics.

wetdick:


he didnt ask for those gifts, she manipulated him because she knew he is 23, she took advantage of his young age. this is exploitation very common among desperate women who want marriage

But the question is why did he not simply decline those gifts? Even at 23 years old - he must know that nothing goes for nothing in this life. He is only 23 he has his life ahead of himself to become financially independent and establish himself.

His situation is similar to the young lady who posted - that she is unsure if she should marry the boyfriend who has sponsored her throughout her education-her question was does she have to- because what if God has said no? Why is it after they have gained from the man or woman that they now start evaluating if they can settle with them. My brain just does not understand it oooo.

Well I guess in this OP’s case they were both desperate- the woman desperate to settle down and he desperate for cash - only everyone looses as a result of their desperation. The woman more so - she will definitely swear of men after this - before she trusts a guy again maybe she will be venturing into her 40s.

Reiko:


Yea she has...she open a shop for me spending about 500k in the process ,she gives me money for upkeep and I'm really in a tight corner now,I don't want to hurt her...she sees me as her last bus stop...

You see why I said all I said in my previous posts that we addressed to the ladies by an OP. Nothing like having independence for both a man and a woman. It saves all this nonsense. Boyfriend and Girlfriend spending lavishly on someone they are not married too, (but let me keep quiet ). May I ask why you accepted such a gift (500,000k shop), knowing you didn’t have plans to marry this lady or you were not sure? She invested in you thinking she was investing in her future - unbeknownst to her - there may not even be a future. You are 23. She is in her mid 30’s - at that age obviously she must be thinking of marriage - not exactly sure what you were expecting from her as the end result. That she even went for a 23 year old is something in itself (no offence to you).

Now you feel indebted to her confused if you should marry someone whom you cannot even present to your family. Why can you not present her to your family- is it due to the age gap? Maybe use style to speak to your mum or dad and say you have a ‘friend who xyz’ and see what their reaction is ...

You refer to her as your sugar mummy - that in itself speaks volumes - not even GF. I feel sorry for the lady. Everybody looses. You dump her you loose - she will surely take her shop back - which is her right to. On her part - she will be hurt and most likely feel used - but what can you do. It is what it is. Better to hurt her now in the courtship and free her for someone who loves her unconditionally- not for what she has but for who she is - Than marry her if you do not sincerely love her and you both are miserable. She will thank you for it later. You are not her last bus stop. Don’t marry her out of pity.

You can’t tell your family about her? Please where do they think you got the shop from? Their 23 year old son - just finished service and is now a shop owner- they didn’t ask you questions? In all sincerity I do feel bad for you - because you are in a tight corner - but it is not as tight as you think. Be honest, open and transparent with her. If you are not ready for marriage please don’t enter into it for your sake and hers. Just tell her your thoughts and feelings and take it from there.

I wish you all the best. It is well with you and her.

I am single because I love my solitude, privacy and peace of mind. I don’t like stress and wahala at all, at all. Also, I am not in a haste to get married that’s an additional factor - and when I encounter guys that are in a haste and are trying to rush me - fear grips me and I run - because if you rush into marriage you cannot rush out.

Saffi:
And to the lady on the first page @ omoge87 that was busy driving her boyfriends around and declining their help when they offered, did any of them marry you? The men here are busy hailing you, but deep inside they would never choose/marry a babe like you in real life. It’s good to be independent, but when you are unable to receive help due to this miss independent attitude, it’s gross and it only drives men away from you in the long run. It’s also very masculine. Ahbeg any rich/stable man who wants to sponsor my life, I will open my hands with a welcoming heart, despite me having my own. Life is too short to be forming strong head

Each to their own my dear sister. Being independent is not gross - it’s a life skill every man and woman should learn. It does not mean you cannot accept or receive help - there is also a thing of being too independent for example like Genevieve and Linda (not a bad thing for them - but before women like that will be able to settle down with a man - it would take a lot).

The independence/Self - suffiency - I am talking about is one that does not require you to sit down and cross leg - and do nothing with your life because well you are waiting for Dangote’s son to
come to your aid.

To encourage a guy that has not married you to sponsor you up and down is for me a no no - but each to their own. One of my now ex’s offered to pay for my MSc for me - I said no. He was hustling as was I - before I met him, before I knew of his existance I knew I wanted to study - so I saved for it - simple as that. Why should a boyfriend be carrying my heavy financial burden - when he isn’t my husband. It’s not about miss independence attitude for me it’s about basic principles.

If the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship breaks down are you going to pay him back the thousands of money back? My conscious won’t allow me rest - but each to their own.

I did not marry them and they did not marry me for reasons known to myself and them - mainly spiritual incompatibility + the issue of sex before marriage). 1st one didn’t drive - second one did (both relationships were 50/50 - we assisted each other). They could ask me for reasonable things and vice versa - but for a boyfriend to say I want to buy you a car- I will say no because if we break up how does it work? Do I return the car? Do I return the school fees? One benefits whilst one looses.

Please go and read the post of the girl who had her fees paid and is now asking on this forum does she have to marry the guy - the poor guy did it because he thought he was investing in their future- not knowing that there was no future for them in the girls mind - very unfair on that man.

To conclude a lady cannot just sit down cross her legs and rely solely on a rich man to come and assist her in life. Then she will just be taking, taking and taking and giving nothing back in return but sex - eventually the guy gets fed up- because let’s face it he can get sex from anywhere. That’s why on this forum - all you see are guys everywhere insulting women that all they have to offer is sex and nothing else, which is unfortunate.

However, each to their own. May God grant us all our hearts desires that are in line for His will for us. May we all fulfill destiny and purpose in Jesus Name. Amen.

I bow out of this forum as it seems this nairaland can become addictive if care is not taken ooo. It has been an interesting discussion. Thank you OP for the topic.

funmisticqueen:
this is toxic femninity at its peak. Bob the builder type of woman. I hail you.

Like I said in my post... I am not a feminist...you can be independent and self- sufficient as a woman without being a feminist. Is a lady supposed to sit down on her butt till her husband arrives to provide for her - her knight and shining armour.
One should be developing themselves whilst waiting on the person God has for them ... so yes I will continue to be Bob the builder with God being the main architect of my life till he brings the person I can build with and he and I can build together. We will take what he has built and what I have built and put it together.

I have a friend that does not work and relies on her husband for even just the basics. This man beats her up like there is no tomorrow. She endures because if she leaves him she won’t be able to survive financially. He is her source of income literally for her and her immediate family also. Why does he abuse her- because he feels she is a liability and he knows without him my friend will not be able to ‘survive’. When I see her I wonder ‘can this really be life?’. What drove her to this - is exactly what the original posted about - does he have money? Does he have car? If she had her own she wouldn’t have bypassed the person that didn’t have a car or 30 billion in his account - but had character and was God fearing - because her focus would have gone beyond materialistic thinking.

I hate to use this example- but it’s like DavidO and his GF - she has remained with her boyfriend that has fathered two children by two different women in the course of their relationship- my brain can’t comprehend why she has stayed (husband I can understand as marriage is till death do us part - but boyfriend?) However, I can only deduce that is simply because of his status (I may be wrong as I don’t really follow their gist) If she was self- sufficient would she have remained in such? (I don’t know - maybe yes, maybe no.) -However I know being independent comes with some kind of self - respect and self-esteem for a lady and vice versa for a man.

So my dear sister my post has nothing to do with feminism, but everything to do with as a woman just have your own independence- doesn’t mean you can’t respect or submit to your boyfriend or husband -

Remain blessed.

ghettochild:

simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me.
What kinda mentality u been exhibiting?
No wonder u are not yet married...
Just continue doing things for you self n pushing men away from you by declining their help....
Maybe d degree dey winch or d fact u feel financially comfortable..
U go buy husband las las

Yes I will continue being self-sufficient until God brings my husband my way and even then I will still be self- sufficient - but in a different way. I shouldn’t have to be disturbing my husband for money to buy pant and bra or for aso ebi money for my friends wedding. What’s his own with my friends wedding abi? If I want to waste £150 on my friends aso ebi - why should I be disturbing my husband for such things. Did he send me? If I am working and earn my own salary I can take from it and use it to buy the material - rather than disturb him. And that is what I meant when I speak about independence as a woman. I don’t wish to be a liability on my husband and vice versa.

Things like bills, family holidays, school fees, maybe he has an urgent need or I have an urgent need yes that is different - I can ask him for such things.

The Proverbs 31 wife is the yardstick that they tell use for us women - she was a credit to her husband. She was an asset.

My declining financial help from a boyfriend is personal to me - on this forum a girl having accepted assistance from a guy who has paid her tuition for her education- she has now graduated and is now asking should she marry him even if God has not said just because he helped her ? As in.... and for this very reason is why I will not. If I know I cannot marry a man or I am not sure about him - why then allow him to spend money on me lavishly- invest his time and energy- deprive himself of things for my sake - knowing I may not even marry him. If that is not wickedness then I don’t know what is. Also she may now feel indebted to marry someone she doesn’t want to because he helped her with her education. It is unfair for both of them.

Hence why if you read clearly I said my husband I can accept financial assistance from but Boyfriend I will not. I am not talking about let’s say he wants to help me fuel my car or we go out and he pays for the meal ... that’s fine - I am talking of big financial assistance like him buying me a car, school fees that’s a no no for me- husband yes ... boyfriend no etc....

In reference to your comment about me buying a husband - I don’t know which market they sell husband - but I won’t be going there. My not being married is simply because I am not in a haste. You can rush into marriage but you cannot rush out. Better take your time because divorce costs more than the wedding day ...

Peace out and remain blessed.

The child is going to have some serious genetic abnormalities if born.

Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

OP you are the one here that appears naive. If you already have your mind made up of what you think why did you come on this forum and post and ask a question you feel you already know the answer to? Everyone that gives you an answer telling you the girl may just want privacy you oppose and prefer the view the girl is hiding the relationship because she is cheating or something negative. You are the one that has a one sided view.

Like some have said and I agree - as long as close friends and family know that’s all the matters. Is social media going to contribute to the wedding costs or is she going to invite all the people on Facebook that she follows or that follow her to the wedding- most likely no. Is it not the people she will invite to the wedding that really need to know she is engaged? Why must the whole world know?

There are people in this life that just prefer a quiet and simple life. I don’t know why that is hard for you to understand. They have not committed any crime. Not everyone wants to announce their relationship business online - Did we not hear of Simi and Adekunle Gold’s wedding at the time they were set to Wed, before then it was kept quiet, including their engagement. Please go and ask them why? Have you seen any pictures of their wedding since online? Nope. Have they committed crime? There are individuals that are just private, whilst there are individuals that want the world to know every little thing that occurs in their life (Like Tiwa and her ex husband)- none is a crime. Each to their own. We should respect everyone’s individuality so far it is not causing any harm.

Your friend clearly is immature if his girlfriend simply not wanting to post pics of engagement online is making him have headache. If he does not trust her why is he even marrying her in the first place I wonder.

People can post engagement photos pictures online, pre-wedding photo pictures online and still cheat on their partners.

In a nutshell- I do not really see any problem here - as long as she has informed family and close friends.

Remain blessed.

Hi all. I joined this forum because as a Qualified Midwife I can say that the Poster is a bit misinformed and I just had to say my bit. Having Fibroids does not mean she will not be able to have children. I have seen and cared for many clients that conceived with ease and they have fibroids. In most cases Fibroids shrinks in pregnancy as it gets starved of oxygen so it cannot grow. The women just have regular scans to assess throughout the pregnancy. Some have normal delivery, whilst some end up with c-section- it just depends where the Fibroid/Fibroids are.

Personally I don’t agree that she should get pregnant for you before marriage. I don’t think you are ready to marry her anyway. The fact is whoever you marry it is for better for worse. Your marriage appears to come with conditions and nobody knows their tomorrow. We only walk in Faith that our tomorrow will be ok. If you leave her today because of what you think she can or cannot do, what goes to say the ‘healthy’ woman you marry will be able to conceive. What if you may eventually be the problem? I have heard of many couples who have had unexplained infertility and these couples have remained together through it all. What if tomorrow you developed a medical condition- does it mean your girlfriend should also give you similar conditions ?

You don’t have sex with someone on Monday and expect them to get pregnant on Tuesday. Infertility is diagnosed after one year of a couple trying - before then they won’t even qualify for IVF.

If she does the surgery and they spoil her womb - will you marry her after that? Are you aware that even after surgery - Fibroids can grow back? Her choice to do the surgery or not and it is your choice to remain with her or not. Everything is a choice - but all choices have their consequences - good and bad.

Even if you choose to not marry your girlfriend- my advice to you for the future is you don’t just write someone off - you don’t know what your own situation is going to be like tomorrow.

My advice free her and let her go. Marriage is for better for worse - and right now she is in her worst and you appear to not be able to handle what may follow. Let her go.