Thanks everybody; onegig, GHojes, mama tea roses, Bukatyne, aameyah and others.

If I want the issue swept under the carpet I won't be here asking for suggestion on how to tackle it. From the little i know, its not as if she is investing into something but just attending to some family needs. Even at that its not suppose to be me she will ask, its shameful.

I can't ask her what is draining her finances cos from the little I know she seems to be carrying the bulk load of the family as her husband is a missionary.

The whole ish self tire me, thanks everybody.

Guitarlife:
2 things..

1. NEVER tell her son. Its called being discreet and having the maturity to handle tough situations alone.

Dont even tell anyone. Just turn her down politely.

2. A repeat of 1, dont tell anybody cos you are go8ng to be married into that family and she is going to be ur mother-in-law for life so show her some respect by not telling any other person.

Wisdom wisdom wisdom.

Thanks a lot.

Kimoni:


Hmnnnn, this is a difficult one oo

How well do you think your fiancé will handle this issue without it escalating or coming back to haunt you? Some men would find a matured way to handle it, cuz really, the issue should be between mother and son but not everyone is matured enough to hold that kind of discussion with their mom while still putting you into consideration.

Most will get so pissed and in the process of speaking to their mom, will aggravate the issue and cause enmity between you and her. It's an ego thing for a lot of guys and I really do not blame them.

If you think your fiancé is matured enough, in a gentle and loving manner, bring up the issue with him and let him realize the way he handles the issue could make or mar the relationship between yourself and his mom and in turn could affect the relationship between you and him. But whatever the case, pls don't mention the money she borrowed from your mom, that is too shameful and a deal-breaker anytime.

But if you think he can't handle it, pls don't tell him. The issue will spill itself out one day and you will explain to him you didn't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. And concerning your MIL, say no to her nine times out of ten and give her occasionally only when you can afford it.

To discourage her, you could also tell her you are considering telling your fiancé (her son) to increase the money he gives to her as you can see that she is constantly in need of more money. Tell her you cannot hold the sight of her asking for money every time (it breaks your heart sef) and you think her son should know about it. Make the discussion about her and how you just want to improve her life with the discussion. She will either say no and minimize how she begs you for money or tell you to go ahead and you can use the opportunity to lovingly and gently tell your fiancé about it.

Coldgate, lamdec, dahaz, oluwanoni, andergirl and others thanks a lot for your inputs, am very grateful.

Madam kimoni.
You stated my fears, he loves his mum and they are quiet close. I feel this may affect the relationship between us because he is a very responsible person and will not be happy that his mum will do such thing.

He handles issues maturely but this is kind of different from other issues. Maybe I should just keep quiet for now hoping it won't happen again or continue to tell her no since we are not even married. Thanks ma'am.

I have never given her money, its the one she borrowed from my mum she didn't return.

Thanks everybody, really appreciate your inputs.

Sihom. Thanks a lot but seems the only thing that caught your attention is my job status, I won't be so foolish to marry without a job or a solid financial security. Thanks for the time.

sihom:


On a very different note, I seriously hope you plan on finding meaningful work to do with a stable source of income before saying I do to this man.

I hope you get something out of this long epistle.

Thanks for your input. By the way am not idle neither am I depending on my parents even in my jobless situation.

Are you saying this is not an issue and I should just pretend its not happening. Am actually much more concerned about my need for a good and stable job than this and I know neither me nor fiancé will have cause to turn to our parents for help as the Lord liveth.

Thanks ma'am.

Thanks everybody.
Sambarry. My parents are civil servants too but they don't and will never do this. Thanks for your input.

Whocarex. You just spoke out my fears, so that at the end of it all it won't be like back stabbed her. She is not trying to use me to get money o, she wants me to borrow her and I'll never do such. She loves and treat me like her daughter but this habit is a big problem to me.

Marvellousgod. Thanks dear, how do I sit him down and start telling him is my problem. Won't he pour the anger on his mum?

thorpido:
Okay,call your fiance and ask him about his mum's financial status.Tell him you spoke with his mum and she was complaining about lack of funds.From his response,you will be able to deduce some things that will help you know how to proceed with the issue.

OK. I'll let him know but don't want to ask him over the phone, maybe when we see. Thanks.

zaynie:
Hi....

You are going to be very tactful when you tell the son. No name calling, dont let the disgust show on your face.
Simply tell him that mommy is always calling you to borrow money from you and you dont know how to tell her you dont have.
When she accuses you of telling her son, explain to her that he caught you on the phone when you were talking to her.

OR
you may decide not to involve the son and keep telling her you dont have until she gets the message and leaves you alone. Dont ever give her cash. Buy foodstuff, clothes or whatever and give her if you wanna give her sth cos before you know it, she will tag you as being stingy. Buy what she cant hide from the world and if and when you do get a job, know that you must not do overshow o....

Best of luck.

Thanks sis.
Funny enough before asking me she will ask if am the only one where I am. Would have told him since but I don't just know how he will take it.

Overdo ke? Nothing like that cos am not trying to buy her over.

Acidosis:


Okay

If truly she needs money, find a way to extract money from her son. Call her on phone and tell her the source of the money (her son) and the fact that you made a promise to make a refund to him (her son) in 2 weeks.

If she refuses to pay back to you as agreed, she has indirectly robbed her own son. Talk to your boo and make him understand you're still expecting some money from his mom. You have to do this kindly and intelligently.

Don't think there is any way of extracting money o, he sent money to her last week and also to his siblings. Not sure I can Starr asking him for money without telling him the whole ish.

Acidosis:
Is she from Osun state or any of those states finding it difficult to pay salaries?

Not osun o but one of those states sha.

teeboo:
Dis is a very serious one,u can't keep dis to ursef for long,let her son knw what his mother is doing,dont forget u're marrying her son,let him deal with d issue so u'll have rest of mind wen u marry him.

When he confronts her won't it look like I back stabbed her? Cos she is always saying I should tell him o. I just need wisdom. Thanks.

harbeordune:
It's a serious issue, u need to inform the Son nd he also confronts d situation with Wisdom. The good part is dat ur mum already lent her some cash which she's yet to return, therefore, she can't ask ur mum for Anoda, nd u also did inform her dat u ain't working. U need to b very careful with the Situation.

Thanks sis,
Its so annoying cos I kept telling my mum not to borrow her to avoid unnecessary familiarity. I had to use 'ogboju' to stop my mum from calling them shameless people.

thorpido:
Really bad and shameless behaviour your MIL-to-be has.
Let me ask about your fiance's background.Is she a widow?Is our fiance the only child?

You will have to let your fiance know but apply tact.Ask him about MIL2be's finances,how much income she makes and how she takes care of her expenditure.In what way do the children augment her income?

You have to put a stop to this.You're not working yet she demands.What happens when you start to work?She's got a bad habit and is probably biting more than she can chew.I guess she must be into an aso-ebi and owambe lifestyle.

Thanks bro.
She is not a widow, she is teacher in a goverment school. she has 5 children just two are working now and fiance is the only son.

I dont know because she is not even the asoebi and owanbe type at all. Telling him is the problem because I know this will break him down as he tries his best for his mum and siblings.

Father-in-law to be is a missionary but all the same its not an excuse for this, I can't even tell my mum about this issue. Thanks.

Good morning,

I've been in this relationship and all has been exceptionally beautiful but for my mother-in-law to be. She has this habit of asking me to borrow her money even though she knows am not working yet and then tell me not to tell her son that its a deal between me and her.

This issue is bothering me and I don't know how to stop it. She is a civil servant just like my parents and the two families kind of know each other but not close.

Sometimes 2013 she called my mum to borrow her a certain amount, when my mum told me I immediately told her not to 'cos its a very bad and shameless attitude. Mum felt doing it will be a good thing, after all said she didn't return the money up till date and never called to talk about it. I really felt bad because my mum kept on telling me everyday that she is shameless. I wanted to tell my fiance but I know he will feel so bad.

Last year she called me again that I need to borrow her a certain amount and her son should not know but I told her I don't have. This morning again she called me that she needs to travel urgently and needs money, she said she can't tell her son because he sent money not quiet long and I should not tell him, I just told her immediately that I don't have cos am not working and she said no problem

I don't know if I should call my fiancee attention to this, it is a very bad habit and to me it should not be heard of self, but I know he will feel so bad and confront her. What should I do? She is so nice except for this money ish

Please advice, sorry for the long post.

Cc: Tearoses, kimoni, Bukatyne, Zaynie greatgod2012, Thorpido. Please advice a sister.