So there are different pregnancy symptoms which include cramps, morning sickness, nausea etc… All of which are obvious only to people who make close observations. So I got thinking: what if one of the symptoms includes constant farting. At least that’s something that even very busy people who don’t notice such things as pregnancy symptoms would be able to pick up easily especially because of the bad odour that results from such emissions.

Well, the irony about it is that we may not really be able to tell between a regular fart by someone who is not pregnant and one who is, except there is a smell that characterizes that off the latter. In that case, permit me to opine that the smell would be a lot more unpleasant and offensive to every living cell in the nasal cavity. In fact, it might be diagnosed that such an emission, depending on proximity and duration of exposure, could damage one’s cells.

If this is the case then I’d advise pregnant women to opt for this wonderful creation by Stanx. It keeps your pollution from harming innocent civilians. See what I mean in this video…
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And that’s where I draw the curtain; I think it’s better this symptom is not in the equation because it would have been different shades of weird and annoying.

Till next time, think weird, laugh and be happy!

Source: http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-farting-is-the-number-one-pregnancy-symptom/

Football happens to be a sport I am very much interested in, and although I have a club I support I also appreciate good football whenever I see it. Leicester City, unexpectedly, turned out to be one of the teams that caught my attention last season with their amazing displays on the field of play…heck they got everybody’s attention. It was a shock indeed to see a ‘low-level’ club achieve such a feat. As they say, there is always a story behind every success; with that in mind, I searched for one and discovered few helpful ideas that you and I can benefit from.

The following ideas are culled from an interview with Claudio Ranieri.

Work-life balance

“My boys are training a lot, but not too many times. In England the game is always high intensity and wipes people out. They need more time to recover.”

…“Tuesday is hard training, Wednesday absolute rest. Thursday another hard work out Friday is preparation for the match, Saturday another game. I make sure the players have at least two days off from football each week.”

Ranieri recognizes the importance of having a balance between work and leisure; that in itself keeps the body in shape for productivity. Some people don’t appreciate the need for this symbiotic relationship and so they end up trying to bite more than they can chew without considering the repercussions. And I’m quite certain that some other Premier League clubs were guilty of this, which inevitably resulted in fatigue and a sluggish display on the pitch, which eventually affects results. It is therefore advisable to strike a balance between work and life in other to achieve results.

Read more @ http://www.nerveng.com/leicester-citys-success-story/

Quality customer service can benefit your business in countless ways and by observing the importance of customer service you can take measures to provide your consumers with a positive experience.

Here is a quick look at some of the many benefits your business can reap by taking good care of customers’ satisfaction and providing them quality customer service:

Significant business growth

You get to retain your customers as they, overtime, become loyalists. This encourages repeat business. So don’t just offer a quality product, offer quality service.

Employee motivation

A satisfied customer base is good for the business environment and employees. There is little or no pressure from customers which encourages efficiency from the workforce.

Read more @ http://www.nerveng.com/top-5-reasons-why-you-should-deliver-excellent-service/

Last week, I had the strangest experience. I entered a bus going to the other side of town to see one of my lovelies. Everything seemed pretty much normal until an elderly woman began to preach or should I say, throw tantrums at me. Every sentence and every example she used to buttress her point typified my escapades and even what I was going to do that day.

Her theme was centered on relationships and the evil that is perpetrated under that term. She talked about jumping from one relationship to another, having multiple sex partners, and even lying to your girlfriend about where you’re going. As soon as she said that I was shocked because I had lied to my girlfriend about where I was going. But I just waved it off as a mere coincidence. Well, not until she hit the nail on the head.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/the-strangest-experience/

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.

Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown on holiday I heard the good news about his death so I quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he is truly dead before applying.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/weird-application-letter/

So you walk into a church which happens to be a deliverance cum miracle ministry and the next thing you hear is the pastor reeling out price tags for different categories of miracles. I don’t expect you to be really shocked…okay maybe a bit, but we both know that such business transactions happen, only that they are kept under wraps. Now what if this miracle business is made public? What if you could actually buy a miracle for as low as N1000?

Last I checked this business is very lucrative. Going public would only triple the returns for those providing the service. All those people who claim to be atheists would flock into the churches like their life depends on it; If not for God, at least for what they stand to get out of it.

If miracles are sold in church, this is what I think the price tag for the following issues would be:

Read more @ www.jokesmannia.com

If everyone owns a car traffic jams would be the other of the day. Do you currently eat appetizers in traffic just to keep hunger away until yout home? Trust me, you’d probably be eating a 3-course meal in the kind of traffic that I foresee. Well, that’s if nothing is done to make the roads accommodate these cars.

If everyone owns a car, only then would every Nigerian understand what it means to buy fuel at N145.

One the one hand, a bucket list refers to a set of goals one plans to achieve before one’s death and on the hand; a financial bucket list specifically deals with monetary goals and dreams. Everyone who has need for money or engages in one activity or another for money should have a financial bucket list. Here are some options you should consider on your bucket list:

Personal business

Unless you’re planning to work for the rest of your life it is best practice to have a personal business that you can fall back on in case of unexpected or tragic situations. It also affords you the option to not just rely on pension after retirement.

Kid’s education

It’s also important you secure the future of your children in terms of education, and even otherwise. There are agencies out there that have programs tailored towards this, use their services and ensure your children get the best even when you’re gone.

Read more @ http://www.nerveng.com/what-is-on-your-financial-bucket-list/

The priest keeps chickens on the church premises and one cock goes missing one day. Then on one sunday at service, the priest asked the congregation, “who has a cock with them?”

All the men stood up.

Then he asked again, “who has seen a cock?”

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/have-you-seen-the-priests-cock/

Top businesses are notable for having standards, habits that elevate and set them apart from other businesses, especially close competitors. Such enterprises succeed in getting their employees to adapt until it becomes a tradition. Although, changes tend to take time but with discipline and commitment, it will, and the benefits of such would come to bear. Here are some adaptable habits of effectively managed businesses.

Organization

Every business that intends to thrive and operate without friction should have a working organizational structure. This goes beyond having hierarchies to a clear-cut specification in regards to who does what and who should be responsible for what. This makes accountability seamless and achievable.

Read more @ http://www.nerveng.com/habits-of-effectively-managed-businesses/

According to D Banj, the ladies’ man, love is a beautiful thing. There is no doubt about this but as life has already determined not everyone would eventually experience this beautiful thing. Now, I’m not talking about a fling or crush that someone had on you that lasted for a while, I’m talking about love that has survived against all odds. That kinda love is not for everyone.

It is common amongst ladies to dream about their love experience with some special guy later in life; they hold this so dear that it appears so real. Well, what if that special relationship does not come along? I advise such people to just be content with being alone. To be candid, it’s no use to force yourself on other people because you want to force love. If there is no love then stay on your own for love’s sake! Marriage is not compulsory and love is certainly not, too.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-nobody-falls-in-love-with-you/

We have virtually lived all our lives with different speculations about our purpose on earth – some widely speculative and others strangely tenacious owing to certain beliefs one has aligned with. No matter how we all look at it, no one can boldly claim to know it all and to prove that to us beyond every reasonable doubt. Personally, I have chosen to speculate about the nature of our habitat, and I won’t be surprised if we are actually residing in one great cell.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-earth-is-one-big-prison/

Report reaching Jokesmannia.com from SocialSpy NG is that Nigeria’s No 1 Blogger “Linda Ikeji” is pregnant!!!

According to an insider who disclosed this to SocialSpy NG:

“Linda has been seeing Dan Foster for quite sometime and she is trying her best to keep it away from the media. She visited her family doctor for a couple of time last month (June) and it is 100% confirmed that she is pregnant”

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/breaking-news-nigerias-foremost-blogger-linda-ikeji-is-pregnant/

kpos has been bed-wetting since he was a little boy. It was not a big deal then but now it is, so he opts to see a psychiatrist.

Therapist: Does a dream usually precede your bed-wetting? Tell me how it happens.

Akpos: A little demon appears to me in my sleep and says, “Oya, let us pee”. Then, I wake up to see the bed wet with my urine.

Therapist: This is what you must do. If the demon comes tonight and tells you “let us pee”, just reply him that you have already peed.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/akpos-sees-a-therapist/

A policeman searched Akpos in a nightclub toilet last night and found a small bag of drugs.

“It’s not my fault,” Akpos said, “every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again!”

“Do you really expect me to believe that?” Said the policeman as he laughed.

Akpos replied, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!”

“Go on then.” The policeman said as he smiled. Handing Akpos the bag.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/akpos-the-bad-sharp-guy/

After sky-rocketing a penalty kick which saw the Argentinian team lose yet another trophy by a hair’s breadth, Lionel Messi openly resorted to a fit of uncontrolled tears. At first, it seemed like a rational way to show remorse for his shortcomings but when it climaxed with him ending his national career, Adolf Hitler turned in his grave.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/breaking-news-messi-commits-suicide-following-argentinas-cup-final-defeat/

It is one thing to dream and it is certainly another to get that dream to become reality. It is a leap from step 1 to 2. Sadly, not many people eventually make this leap; they just remain creative with their dreams and never really execute it. This is a setback that anyone intending to build a successful career should be weary of. In this post, I explain what you need to do to take your dreams to the next level – the execution.

Understand innovation

Innovation comprises idea creation and execution. Idea creation according to Thomas Eddyson is 1% while the other 99% is the actual execution. With this in mind, it is definitely not time to start rejoicing after developing a $1,000,000 idea; the time to rejoice is when the plan is being executed. For instance, the idea of an airplane would have died with the Wright brothers if they didn’t move on from being creative.

Read more @ http://www.nerveng.com/executing-innovation/

There are many different animals in the world today, all having different forms and statures; this is one of the factors that make them distinguishable. Supposing all animals were round that would automatically remove form as a peculiar trait. Asides that, it would also mean that a whole lot of other things would be different – the way animals relate, the way they walk, hunt, eat, etc. As always, I have taken it upon myself to explore some of these. Read on.

If alligators were round, there is a high chance that they wouldn’t be able to operate under water, so they would float on the surface and hunt their prey. But then, their size and shape would make it increasingly difficult to do that effectively. See what I mean in the image below.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-animals-were-round/

It is not news that almost everyone has been talking about Olajumoke Orisaguna and why wouldn’t they? This fine young lady has given us all a reason to, but even much more than that: she has given us a drive to hope even in the most difficult situations. Fact is, if she could advance from the rungs then anyone can too.

In case you did not get the full gist of her rise from grass to grace, it is pretty simple and you could almost call it fate. Jumoke was hawking bread when she accidentally walked into a photo session where TY Bello was, and that was it. A single photo of her was enough to ignite her future.

Read more @ http://www.nerveng.com/from-obscurity-to-limelight-olajumoke-orisaguna/

There are many bible stories in the bible, most of which are interesting and insightful. These stories are designed to teach Christian faithfuls certain principles that mere words cannot. For instance, in other to drive home his point on different occasions, Jesus had to tell parables; his disciples would then appreciate the logic more. Now what if like those parables all bible stories are not true? What if they never happened? What if they are products of people just trying to be artistic?

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-bible-stories-are-not-true/

Since the invention of cars, a lot of improvements have been made to make it even more attractive and appreciable. Currently, there are cars that have been equipped to do crazy things – things that anybody from the 20th century would have argued against. Inasmuch as there has been astounding improvements, we all know that man’s wants are insatiable so the journey continues. In view of this, how can I be surprised if cars that fly are manufactured? In fact, I can already see them flying in my mind; or are there already cars that fly? I haven’t seen one so I’d assume there ain’t any.

If cars could fly then the rush to buy a car would be more intense. It is pretty much like owning an airplane. But the irony about it is that only a few would be able to acquire it and you know why – because it would be damn expensive! Once again, the divide between the rich and the poor would be extended. In fact, the rich who drive or rather fly cars would over time become like gods looking down on their subjects. Peasants who have dreams would look up and see themselves flying a car someday but those who don’t would just be concerned about nodding their heads in admiration. It is definitely not a good trait to be poor and then to be poor mentally; I hope you are not.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-cars-could-fly/

Nigerian senator, Ben Murray Bruce aka the common sense crooner has been reported to be in a huge debt. Mr. Bruce had previously taken a loan of 11 billion and has since failed to pay back. AMCON, the suing party has been granted a court order to take control of the properties which he used the loan to acquire. This news has come as a shock to Nigerians especially because the defendant in question is expected to have put his common sense to use.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/common-sense-bruce-in-debt/

Three friends went to China for a vacation. They lodged in a five star hotel. They ended up being on the sixtieth floor. The policy of the hotel was that, at midnight, the elevator is always shut down. The next day, they rented a car and explored the city. After having a nice time, they returned to the hotel fifteen minutes after midnight. The elevators had been shut down. There was no other way to get to their room except to take the stairs all the way to the sixtieth floor.

The first friend said, “For the first twenty floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going.”

Pointing to the second friend, “You’ll tell jokes for the next twenty floors.”

Pointing to third friend, he said, “And you will also do the same for the last mile of the climb”

They started the climb. After laughing hysterically, they finally got to the last floor. When they reached the front of their room, the third friend said, “I have one final joke to tell, I forgot the key of the room in the car.”

What do you think will happen to him?

Courtesy: www.jokesmannia.com

Leonardo Da Vinci is widely known for being one of the smartest and diversely talented individuals to have walked the earth, and this assertion is not unfounded. His inventions, paintings, conceptualizations, ruminations amongst other things in relation to disciplines such as literature, science, anatomy etc, all point to his astounding ingenuity. In consideration of his exploits and contributions to the world as we know it, I have been forced to think about what would have been if this guy’s brain never had the chance to function. So what if Da Vinci was not born?

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-da-vinci-was-not-born/

Identity thieves are everywhere and they are out to get you…yes you! And what do they do with people’s identity? Same thing that every sharp pick pocket does when they borrow your wallet without your knowing it: drain it! By draining I mean a variety of exploitative actions which may leave you completely high and dry. Now join me as I explore scenarios in which your identity is stolen with or without your consent…like that’s a thing.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-someone-steals-your-identity/

I do know that not all my readers are Christian faithfuls or even affiliated to any religious association, like my fellow atheists (not that I am one); but I’d like to assume that y’all are…Christians. Now, it has become a cliche for people to say that Jesus is coming back again. That phrase has been said over a billion times even before I was born and is still being said. I’m sure you must have thought about the reality of such an occurrence, or perhaps not; well I have, and this is the product of my misguided musings. What if Jesus decides to come today? What if he’s coming back is not a myth after all?

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-jesus-comes-today/

For a long time Akpos has been battling with a leak in his roof. One night there was a very heavy down pour, he had to move from one corner of his house to the other to avoid drops from his roof. This made him have sleepless night.

The next morning he decided to fix his roof, after scouting for ladder in his neighbourhood, he tried to climb to the roof. Climbing wasn’t easy, he panted and sweated but successfully climbed to the roof, as he was about to fix the damage, he heard a knock on his door. He yelled from the top of his voice; “who is that?” A tattered looking beggar showed up at the ground and said, “excuse me, can I see u?” Akpos asked “what is it you want to tell me?” The beggar said,”just spare me one minute”.

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/akpos-fools-around-again/

I fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but don’t have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a native doctor popularly called “Baba”. All he demanded from me was 1-month internet data subscription money which I paid and he gave me a ring called ‘Touch and Follow’.

He said, “All I need to do is touch her with this ring and she will follow.”

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/the-digital-native-doctor/

Muhammad Ali recently caved in to Parkinson disease and is gone like the rest of Hollywood stars to some place someone called heavan. It got me thinking: is it that there is actually a place called heavan where celebrities go to after they die? Well, just so you know, the daddy himself, Snoop Dogg is responsible for the statement that Ali has gone to heavan; and since he is an authority in the field, I just could not let this one pass. So what if Muhammad Ali is in heavan?

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-muhammad-ali-is-in-heavan/

Muhammad Ali recently caved in to Parkinson disease and is gone like the rest of Hollywood stars to some place someone called heavan. It got me thinking: is it that there is actually a place called heavan where celebrities go to after they die? Well, just so you know, the daddy himself, Snoop Dogg is responsible for the statement that Ali has gone to heavan; and since he is an authority in the field, I just could not let this one pass. So what if Muhammad Ali is in heavan?

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/what-if-muhammad-ali-is-in-heavan/

A girl walks into a doctor’s office. The doctor was awed by her beauty and all his professionalism goes right out the window.

He tells her to sit. Then he starts to rub her thighs. He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”

Read more @ http://www.jokesmannia.com/doctor-gets-romantically-involved-with-patient/