Adversity as defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary is: a difficult situation or condition; misfortune or tragedy.

People’s reaction in times of adversity always tends to be negative. Some will doubt if God really exist, some will doubt his love, some will fall into a life of seclusion and self-pity refusing to seek for help and hold grudges, becoming weighed down with the burden of their sorrows.

But should this be our reaction? Can't we find beauty in times of adversity? I believe we can.

I believe we can bring out something positive in times of adversity.

The first thing to know is that there are series of lessons to learn in life and life teaches with adverse times. The time of adversity helps us to identify and work on our weakness. I see adversity as a university where one can obtain a degree in maturity from.

Also, adversity helps us to discover the strength in us. Life does not test one above his/her inner strength; the severity of the time of adversity is equal to our capacity to solve it. This may require us to seek for help, lean and trust in God and the people around us; but one thing that is sure is that with courage, we can come out of times of adversity as a better person.

One gets buried in times of adversity not because it is too much to bear but because one decides to be a victim. We fade away in adversity if we believe that there is no way out. This is why we need to learn from people who have passed through difficult times and have come out better. Their story will inspire and strengthen us. There is really no new thing under the heaven and what we are going through is not peculiar to us alone.

There are millions of people who have turned adversity into something beautiful. In fact, the passage into success is failure. A successful person is someone who has learned from past failures. Instead of giving up, why not give it one last push, or even many more? It may even require you to use a new method and sometimes, resilience is what is needed, but we should never give in to adversity.

Perhaps this is what God is trying to teach us through nature- the life of a seed. A seed is buried in the ground, enclosed by darkness but a time comes when it springs up into life and bears many fruits.

The times of adversity is designed to bring out the best in you.

Stay Positive.

www.thepositivestory.info

Every marriage faces hardship. It’s a given. This list covers most of the common troubles, but your situation is unique. The key point here is to face the difficulty – whatever kind of struggle it is – together with your wife.

Do you remember your marriage vows?

“For better, for worse…”

“In sickness and in health…”

“For richer, for poorer…”

These promises presuppose tough times. We went into our marriage with our eyes open, so there’s really no excuse for not bringing everything we have to the table when things – once in a while – get dicey.

Here are 10 marital hardships and how to overcome them:

1. Financial Struggle:
The stress associated with money problems can be overwhelming. But in the end, it’s only money. And money has no power over your commitment to your relationship.
Commit to a plan
Live simply
Never keep financial secrets from your wife
2. Challenging Children:
Even the best behaved children in the world present challenges, and the number one casualty is always the relationship between mom and dad. So remember this: The marriage comes first. Not the kids, but the marriage. Nurture your relationship with your wife and you will be better equipped to deal with whatever the kids dish out. For single dads, it’s increasingly important to stay connected with your child’s mother as hard as that might be.

3. Immaturity:
Great relationships are supposed to mature over time. If you still relate to one another the same way you did when you first married, then it’s past time for the marriage to grow up. Get involved in a couples group at your faith community. Love one another “out loud.” Invest in the marriage as if your life depends on it – because it does.

4. Unfaithfulness:
Marriages run into this hardship often. We may not sleep with other women, but we’re all guilty of being unfaithful when it comes to time, attention, priorities, the way we use our resources, and so much more. One way to deal with this is to recommit yourself to your wife. Woo her all over again. Make it clear where your priorities steer your time and attention.

5. Moving:
It’s a fact. Most Americans change careers several times. That often means moving across the state or across the world. Moving is a huge stress. Regardless if it’s because of your job or if it’s hers, make the decision to be 100% supportive and flat out refuse to whine. Do what it takes to get invested in the new community quickly. Find a church. Get involved. Live forward.

6. Sickness:
We forget how much we rely on one another until someone breaks down physically. If you’re the one still standing, do everything in your power to be a servant to your spouse. Sure it’s tough to do everything, but your attempt with an obvious willing spirit is going to make all the difference.

7. Depression:
Everyone goes through “the blues” at times in their lives. Here again, it’s about having the heart of a servant, about going the extra mile, and about putting the needs of your wife ahead of your own. Look to God for your source of happiness. Be a conduit of that joy to your spouse. And seek medical attention if necessary.

8. Disinterest:
Sometimes it happens the first year. Sometimes it takes a decade or so. Regardless of where we are on the time spectrum, disinterest or boredom can easily set in. Not feeling special about the relationship is a hardship for everyone, but it doesn’t have to be. Our job is to be intentional about the relationship. She didn’t fall for you in the first place without any effort on your part – so why stop now?
When was the last time you took her out on a date?
Have you told her lately how stunning she looks?
What about a day off devoted to her?
9. Career:
We have already talked about moving, but career issues can cause hardship without a change of location. Keep her in the loop. Ask her opinion about what you’re up to. Do everything in your power to protect family time and to promote a work culture that respects family values.

10. Empty Nest:
We invest a lot in the kids. If we’re not careful, our relationship with our spouse gets neglected. Guard against that day by investing in your wife now. Rather than mourn the children after they leave, try celebrating the freedom you now have to invest more time and interest in your marriage. Again, it’s all about being intentional.

Source: http://www.thepositivestory.info/2017/02/10-hardship-in-marriage-and-how-to.html

Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His mother in the house, who was looking out the window, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go.

A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved.

The newspaper reporter, who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. Not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle. He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they were made.

Source: http://www.thepositivestory.info

An inspirational story of a kindergarten teacher who decided to let her class play a game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates. So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.

So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes, some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry the potatoes in the plastic bag with them wherever they go for 1 week.

Days after days passed, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended.

The teacher asked: “How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?” The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they went.

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: “This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime?”

Source: The Positive Story - http://www.thepositivestory.info

If you Love some one because you think that he/she is really gorgeous- Then it’s not love it’s”Infatuation”.. .

If you love some one because you think that you shouldn’t leave him because others think that you shouldn’t…Then it’s not love,, it’s“compromise”…

If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out his touch…Then it’s not love, it’s”lust”…

If you love some one because you have been kissed by him… Then it’s not love,, it’s“inferiority complex”…

If you love some one because you can’t leave him thinking that it would hurt his feeling…..Then it’s not love, it’s”charity”…

If you love some one because you share every thing with him… Then it’s not love, it’s”friendship”…

If you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he/she is stable and you cry for him…..That’s”LOVE”

If you get attracted to other people but stay with him/her without any regrets……That’s”LOVE”

If you let him/her go knowing that he/she has to go but he/she doesn’t want to……That’s “LOVE”..

From The Positive Story - http://www.thepositivestory.info/2017/02/what-love-means.html

It seemed like a usual nursing home with usual patients. However, in that dull space somewhere there was a man who was beautifully scripting about his life during his last days in a form of heart-touching poem. Mak Filiser, 86, died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home and since he had no visitors, the nurses believed that he left nothing behind of any real value.

But the day a nurse came to clean out Mak’s room after he passed on, everything changed. One of the nurses noticed something. It was a poem that Mak had written. She proceeded to read it and was so floored by his words that she ended up making copies of it and sharing with every employee at the nursing home.

In today’s world when children are leaving their parents at old age homes, this should be an eye opener. Our parents and grandparents raise us, care for us, and love us and then one day we forget all about them. The poem is entitled; “Cranky Old Man” and it no doubt give us some very valuable lessons. Take a look…

CRANKY OLD MAN BY MAK FILISER

What do you see nurses? What do you see?
What are you thinking…when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man…not very wise,
Uncertain of habit…with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food…and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice…I do wish you’d try!’
Who seems not to notice…the things that you do.
And forever is losing…A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not…lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding…The long day to fill?
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse…you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding…as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of Ten…with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters…who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen…with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now…a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty…my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows…that I promised to keep
At Twenty-Five, now…I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide…And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty…My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other…With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons…have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me…to see I don’t mourn.
At Fifty, once more…Babies play ’round my knee,
Again, we know children…My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me…My wife is now dead.
I look at the future…I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing…young of their own.
And I think of the years…And the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old man…and nature is cruel.
It’s jest to make old age…look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles…grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone…where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young man still dwells,
And now and again…my battered heart swells
I remember the joys…I remember the pain.
And I’m loving and living…life over again.
I think of the years, all too few…gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact…that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people…open and see.
Not a cranky old man.
Look closer…see…ME!!

www.thepositivestory.info

I am seldom considered, though I do more to influence everything about you than virtually any one thing in your life. I often control the time you get up in the morning, the time you go to sleep, what you eat and drink and the very thought that runs through your head. I can make you either happy or sad, loving or hateful, cheerful or remorseful, congenial or spiteful and in doing so, control the very capacity that you have for success.

No, you don’t often think of me instead you BLAME the problem I create on the shortcoming of others, or the state of the economy, or your family or a million other reasons. Often at times unable to find anyone else to BLAME you look for shortcomings within yourself on which to lay the BLAME.

When my impact on your life fully is considered in your every thought and action, when you are mindful of my awesome power, when you nurture and groom me for positive use in your life, I can become more contagious than the most prolific disease ever witnessed by man. My influence will spread to every person you come in contact with.

Groomed and nurtured in a positive manner there will be no person or obstacle that can stand in the way of my success or fail to be impacted for the better. I am YOUR ATTITUDE

http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/who-am-i_21.html

Below is a list of 3 teenagers who are changing the World.

1. SHUBHAM BANERJEE, 14
While most of us were just trying to navigate middle school at this age, Banerjee founded Braigo Labs, an affordable Braille printer that helps those who have vision impairments. His latest version utilizes Wi-Fi and Bluetooth to print text from anywhere on the web and automatically translate it into Braille.

2. MIHIR GARIMELLA, 17
The founder of Firefly - a low-cost, intelligent drone for first-responders that can enter and explore dangerous environments to find people trapped in emergency situations - hopes to continue to use robotics and computer science to help people in need. For his work, the young inventor even won the 13–14 Age Category Award and the Google Computer Science Award at the Google Global Science Fair.

3. MALALA YOUSAFZAI, 19
One can’t have a list of trailblazing young adults without mentioning Yousafzai. After she was shot by the Taliban for advocating women’s education rights in 2012, the Pakistan-born advocate became the youngest Nobel laureate ever. She also helped found the Malala Fund, an organization that provides girls with a minimum of 12 years of premium education.

Source: http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/3-teenagers-who-are-changing-world.html

One day many years ago shortly after my husband passed away I sat on a bench near his grave in solitude and was remembering the wonderful life we had. Tears were in my eyes and on my face.

A young woman came near to visit the grave of a friend of hers and saw me. When she turned to leave she asked me if I was OK. I said I was, and she said to me..,

"you look like you could use a hug" at which time she approached me and gave me a big hug. It really restored my faith in human kindness. I will never forget that young woman or that incident.

From: The Positive Story - http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/what-i-would-never-forget.html

I was meeting up a guy chosen by my parents, a proposed suitor, before our marriage was arranged. It's a normal practice among Indian parents to choose spouses, who they deem fit for their children. I was nervous about the entire episode. This was something I never did before. I failed to understand how one could ascertain that the other person is their soul-mate, just over a cup of coffee. None the less I was meeting him up. Families were already happy with the arrangement and just wanted a final yes from us. Oh did I forget to tell you that if we liked each other, we were to be engaged the next day!

However, he came and we met. Initially, I was a bit reluctant in being myself completely. I suppose he sensed it and thereafter made sure that not only was I comfortable with him but also that I had fun and enjoyed myself. While I was busy falling in love with him and losing the track of time, we got a call from our parents, telling us that we were no more getting engaged the next day, as astrologically the time wasn't ripe. (Something, that I completely fail to understand.) I was heart-broken because all of a sudden the guy I was running away from became the guy I was head over heels for. I suspected that something must have gone wrong and our parents most definitely would have called off the arrangement. With tears streaming down my face and words failing me, all I did was look into his eyes and say nothing. Suddenly my entire fairy tale was crumbling down. Though he said the engagement was just postponed and not called off, I was anyhow too heartbroken to chalk out sense.

On our way back, I said nothing the entire time. Despite that he kept making efforts to cheer me up. Suddenly he stopped the car with a screech. I was flabbergasted and then looked at him, wondering what he intended to do. He took out an Éclairs from his pocket and ate it while looking out on the street. On enquiring what was going on in his mind, he turned his head towards me, shushed me and took my left hand and asked me to show my ring finger. I was confused still I followed his instructions. To my pleasant surprise he rolled the Éclair wrapper like a ribbon and tied it to my Ring Finger as an Engagement Ring. He smiled and looked into my eyes and said, " I promise to put a real ring soon enough, till then can u please do with this?" I was left speechless. That was the best reassurance any girl would ever want to hear. His action spoke way louder than his words.
That was the moment I knew he was my "The One."
We kissed, hugged and drove off.
Today I am lucky to be his wife!

Source: The Positive Story http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/the-engagement-ring.html

Financial loss can be heartbreaking. Here are some tips on how to recover from it.

1. Acceptance
Accept the fact that this loss has really happened to you. If you find yourself thinking, “Once the stock market comes back, everything will be fine” or “Even though this new job pays half of what I made at my old job, we can still live the same way we did before,” you are in denial. It’s time to intentionally assess your situation and accept its reality. Honor your own grief about what you have lost. This really is a loss – be careful not to minimize it.

Don’t resist. This does not mean to give up. But it does mean to acknowledge both your emotions about your financial loss rather than fight against them. Going with the river current is much easier than fighting to swim against the current.

2. Build and use your support system
Find people you trust: friends, family, spiritual leaders. Gather your support team around you just as you would if you had lost a loved one.

Talk. You don’t have to talk about the specifics of the loss, just your feelings about it. This is an important way for you to process your grief and not get stuck in it.

Take your power back. By talking about your feelings related to the financial loss, you take the power away from the “deep, dark secret” and shine the light of day on it.

3. Get a different perspective
Remember that you have made it through past challenges. When you’re faced with a loss, it can seem like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And it might be. But remember that you have experienced many difficulties in your life and you have made your way through them.

Stay in the moment. Rather than ruminating about past events or fretting about the future, try to stay with what is happening right now. Life is happening in front of your eyes, not in the past or some time up ahead.

4. See what you can learn.
There’s a lesson in everything. Maybe you did make some poor financial decisions. Learn from your mistakes. Maybe your value system was overly focused on material things. Learn the joys of simpler living.

Maybe your kids didn’t really understand what it meant to pull together as a family until now. Help them learn this lesson during these tough times.

5. Find the gifts.
The sand that irritates the oyster eventually makes a pearl. The economic loss you are experiencing now may be the very thing you need to learn to thrive into new opportunities opening before you.

One woman I spoke to who had lost her job was doing surprisingly well emotionally. When I asked her how she maintained her good attitude, she said, “I decided to expand rather than contract.” She took action to learn new skills, enjoy new experiences, and take a different path in life. Perhaps you are being given an opportunity to expand your life as well.

There are gifts to be found everywhere, even in the darkest of times. Getting your bounce back after financial loss may not mean getting your money or assets replaced, but it does mean learning to survive – and thrive – in the most difficult times.

Will you take this as an opportunity or a defeat?

From: The Positive Story - http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/how-to-recover-from-financial-loss.html

When you're feeling anxious or stressed, these strategies will help you cope:

Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your head.

Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Do keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand.

Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks.
Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.

Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Check out the fitness tips below.
Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly.

Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary.

Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn't possible, be proud of however close you get.

Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?

Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way.

Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.

Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school, or something else you can identify?

Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, and look for a pattern.

Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you. Talk to a physician or therapist for professional help.

http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/how-to-manage-stress-and-anxiety.html

Being able to say you're sorry has a lot of power: it can maintain healthy relationships, inspire self-reflection, and motivate a person to positively change their approach in the future. A good apology is about looking inward, carefully considering how your actions affect others, and thinking about how you can prevent such occurrences from happening later on. Like any skill we practice, there’s an art to an I’m sorry:

1. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
Apologizing is great when your intent is to genuinely own up to your mistakes and make a change. Really take in what is being said and examine why the person was offended. Put yourselves in their position and then consider how you can actively change your behavior moving forward. The first step is to listen carefully and spark an internal conversation. The second step is to find a solution.

2. HAVE THE RIGHT INTENTIONS
Apologize after you’ve looked at the dispute with a clear head and are ready to take responsibility. You're not trying to get the other person to forgive you. Forgiveness is a bonus, not the end goal (and might not always be achievable). The aim is to take accountability and restore your integrity. Think about it; actions speak louder than words, right? Prove to yourself and others that you deserve their trust again by acting like the person you’re striving to be.

3. CONSIDER TIMING
It’s okay to feel hurt or upset during a confrontation, so give yourself some time to process the situation. It will lead to more of an authentic conversation. The heat of the moment is not the time to start making amends and keep in mind that everyone has their own cooling down process. Make sure you’re able to set aside hard feelings and see the situation from their point of view.

4. STAY POSITIVE
This is where timing comes into play. After enough time has passed for you to examine a different point of view, remember to stay positive when you approach someone with an apology. Acknowledge the incident without extending blame. All mistakes are grounds for learning opportunities and paving the way to move forward.

5. PRACTICE FORGIVENESS
It’s just as important to forgive others, as it is to forgive yourself. As long as you’re learning from the experience, acknowledging any hurt feelings, and finding a solution, you’re doing everything you can to amend the situation. Remember to be kind and practice understanding towards yourself as well.

Courtesy: http://www.thepositivestory.info/

We asked our top child-development experts what children need most from their moms and dads. Their answers may surprise you.

Create Family Rituals:

Having special little customs gives you and your child an opportunity to connect, no matter what else is going on.

Cooking a simple meal together, reading a story every night, planting a garden, playing a favorite board game -- these are the kinds of rituals that kids love. Be creative: One father I know got into the habit of "shaving" with his 5-year-old son every morning, giving him foam and a toy razor. Another gets up early every Friday to take his daughter out to breakfast before they head off to work and school.

It doesn't really matter what your ritual is, as long as it's something you and your child both enjoy. It's important that you continue doing it, even when you're frustrated with your child. This isn't a privilege that you take away as a punishment. It's something sacred that you do, every night or every week or every month, as a way to connect.


Know Your Child's Personality:

The essence of being a great mom or dad is to really know your child's temperament and to tailor your parenting style to take that into account. Every kid is different -- even in the same family. If you understand each child's individual personality, and deal with that child in the way that suits him best, you'll minimize conflict.

Two simple examples: If you have a very active child, you should avoid roughhousing with him in the evenings, which makes bedtime difficult. Instead, have him do a quiet activity to help him calm down. Or maybe you have a child who has a difficult time with transitions. If so, you need to understand that giving her an advance warning when it's time to leave the playground will make the shift easier for her. The better you adapt to your child, the less conflict there will be.

*Stanley Turecki, M.D., psychiatrist and author of The Difficult Child

Be A Good Role Model:

Every night, parents should ask themselves, "If my child had only my behavior to learn from today, what would I have taught him?" Probably the most common mistake moms and dads make is that we say one thing and do another. We give our children lectures on self-control and patience, and then explode when we get caught in traffic. We tell them not to gossip, and then turn around and do just that. We urge them to be honest, then let an 11-year-old order from a menu for kids under 10.

That's not to say parents have to be perfect. But when we fall down on the job, we need kids to learn from our mistakes. If you lash out at your child when you're feeling stressed out, for example, you should go back later and say, "I was wrong for yelling at you that way. I should have stayed calmer. I'm sorry." By doing so, you're teaching your child the importance of respect and forgiveness. If you're dealing with a challenging situation, you need to let your child see you're doing your best to cope. When you acknowledge the difficulty ("We're all worried because Daddy has lost his job, but everything will be okay", you're showing your child that you can manage tough times -- and that will help him learn to do the same.

*Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Don't Give Me That Attitude!

Encourage Exploration:

Kids love to explore; it's an essential part of how they learn. When parents constantly say "Don't do that" or "Stay away from this," children learn to be timid and fearful of the unknown. Children who get lots of positive feedback from their parents as they explore new things will go on to grab life by the horns.

The most important thing you can do is to make sure your child's world is conducive to exploration. First, childproof your home so that she can roam around without getting hurt. Then you need to pay attention to your daily routine, and make sure there's always new stuff for her to explore. Let her bang pots and spoons in the kitchen, and play with blankets made of different fabrics in the linen closet. Introduce her to a variety of foods. Take her to libraries, parks, zoos, and art museums. If you encourage your child to be an active explorer as a baby and toddler, she will embrace learning throughout life.

*Craig T. Ramey, Ph.D., director of the Georgetown University Center on Health and Education and coauthor of Right From Birth: Building Your Child's Foundation for Life

Set Clear Limits:

Children thrive when they grow up in a home that has structure, limits, and rules. But many parents make the mistake of projecting their own feelings about rules onto their kids. As adults, we don't like people telling us what to do, and we think our children will react negatively to rules. But kids need parents who can impose limits -- and not back down from them.

I'm not saying to make rules just to prove you're the boss. It's important to set limits for a good reason and to explain them to your kids in a loving and caring way. But studies show that having rules and structure makes a child feel safe and secure and teaches self-control and self-reliance.

*Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., author of The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting

Be Your Child's Biggest Booster:

The single most important thing you can do for your children is to let them know you're absolutely crazy about them. Tell them often that they are terrific. Say, "You are the best thing in my life." Research shows that these kinds of messages make kids resilient and help them deal with disappointment, rejection, and the other unpleasant stuff that life routinely hands out. Surprisingly, a lot of children don't know how much their moms and dads appreciate them, and that's because parents aren't getting the message across. Make a conscious effort to be positive -- even when you're setting limits. Instead of criticizing a kid for fighting with a sibling, for example, say something like, "I know that's not your best effort. I'm sure you love your brother a lot more than you're showing him now." That lets your child know you have faith in him, that you believe in him -- and what can beat that?

*Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and School of Medicine, and author of Me, Myself, and I: How Children Build Their Sense of Self

Make Family Time a Priority:

In recent years, there has been a lot of emphasis on keeping kids challenged -- and busy. When children are as young as 3 or 4, we sign them up for gym classes, music lessons, sports teams, and more. We're afraid that our children will fall behind if they don't participate in what everyone else is doing. So we've become servants to our kids -- driving them here and there, scheduling our lives around their activities.

I think it's far more important to make family time your biggest priority than to cater to everybody's individual activities all the time. Eat dinner as a family, even if it means your child won't be able to make a soccer practice. Kids should carve out time for grandparents and other relatives too. Children also need lots of downtime when you can all just relax and be together as a family. Family bonds are an anchor for kids: Their activities will come and go, but family relationships will last a lifetime.

*William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of family and social science at the University of Minnesota, in St. Paul, and author of Take Back Your Kids

From http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/these-secrets-will-make-you-great-parent.html

Gratitude: An intentional appreciation of what and who you have; an acceptance and explicit acknowledgment of what life brings you.

Maybe you don’t need any, but it turns out there's good scientific evidence that practicing gratitude is good for our emotional and physical health. It’s my favorite prescription this time of year. I’ve listed below five compelling health reasons (with associated research citations) to work on your gratitude practice. Gratitude, it turns out, can be taught and learned, and studied. And it works.

1. Gratitude reduces depression.

In eight different studies, gratitude was shown to reduce feelings of depression. It worked best when people chose to think optimistically and re-frame events and situations in a positive way.

2. Gratitude can help you feel peaceful.

It lessens anxiety, and can be helpful for those suffering from severe conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

3. Gratitude can help improves sleep.

It improves sleep, which in turn has a positive impact on mood. And anxiety. And just about everything.

4. Gratitude is great for your heart.

It improves overall cardiac health, both indirectly through improving mood and attention to positive health behaviors like fitness and nutrition, as well as directly through reduction in inflammation.

5. Gratitude is a brain booster.

It strengthens memory. For elderly adults, practicing gratitude was shown to improve their overall sense of well-being and quality of life.

Why wait?

http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/12/5-reasons-why-gratitude-is-good-for.html

In the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you and your partner pretty much can't think of anything but each other. You communicate your affection, and all feels perfect. Inevitably though, things cool off and reality sets in. And you by now that ups and downs will naturally occur in your relationship or marriage.

However, happiness scientists have studied the impact of spousal relationships on our happiness and discovered that there are simple, practical things you can do on a daily basis to spice up your relationship and feel more loved and appreciated by your partner.

So, what can you do to be happier in your relationship?

Make Date Night a Priority

One study found that couples who spend time alone together at least once a week are 3.5 times more likely to report “being happy” in their marriages. And get this: they’re also 3.5 times more “sexually satisfied” in their marriage than couples who don’t make time for each other. So take a hint from happy couples and schedule time for date night—not only does it let you spend time with each other without distractions—it's also an opportunity to be generous with your partner, and there's a good chance they'll do the same.

Inspire Thanks by Responding to Each Other's Needs

In a recent study, scientists evaluated how gratitude can increase positive behavior towards a spouse over time. In the study, they found that we feel thankful for our partner when they're responsive towards our needs, which in turn, motivates us to respond by attending to their needs, producing a feel-good cycle of gratitude. But someone's got to set it in motion (and it might as well be you)!

Step Into Their Shoes

Not literally, but figuratively. Oftentimes, we jump to conclusions about our partner's behavior before we truly make an effort to get into their head. For example, if your husband snaps at you when you ask him to lower the volume on the TV, you may immediately feel hurt or unloved, and assume that he's angry with you for something you did. Instead, scientists suggest practicing perspective-taking—stepping into our partners' shoes and trying to understand their thoughts and actions. Could he have had a disappointing meeting, or gotten yelled at by his boss that day? Could his migraines be acting up again? Taking the time to take your partner's perspective can help you both in the long run.

From: The Positive Story. http://www.thepositivestory.info/

In a general way, most people think of love as living in the heart. And why not, when being with a person you love causes your heart to beat faster, and breaking up with a person you love makes your chest hurt? Science, however, tells us that love lives not in the heart but in the brain. And when I say brain, I do, in fact, mean the blood-and-guts organ between our ears. In fact, thanks to functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) techniques, we even know where in the brain this wonderful emotion resides.

One neuro-biological study of people who said they were "intensely in love" compared test subjects' brain activity as they viewed photos of their beloved interspersed with photos of familiar but not beloved individuals, to see how the brain reacts to love versus a neutral stimulus. Later, other scholars replicated that study, but they did so with pornographic imagery tossed into the mix. This research was done in an attempt to separate physical attraction (sexual arousal) from romantic connection (love). Taken together, these studies give three primary findings:
1. Sexual attraction/arousal consistently activates the dopamine-rich nucleus accumbens, which is sometimes referred to as the brain's "pleasure center."

2. Intense feelings of love also consistently activate the nucleus accumbens, creating a sensation of pleasure.

3. In addition to the brain's pleasure center, intense feelings of love activate regions of the brain that "give value" to life-sustaining activities (to make sure we continue to engage in them). Sexual attraction/arousal without love does not activate these other parts of the brain.

This means that our brains view love not only as pleasurable but also as a life-sustaining necessity, while sexual arousal merely gives us pleasure. As such, people who are strongly in love feel a powerful desire to be with their beloved because it gives them pleasure and because their brains are actually telling them this is part of the human survival process. This is also why we can feel real, physical pain after a breakup with someone we truly love. Basically, the "value" parts of our brain cause our bodies to react to the loss of love in a way that reminds us how important it is.

So, how can we accurately define love? Perhaps we could state that love is a pleasurable feeling that our brain values more than most other pleasurable feelings. For instance, eating chocolate gives us pleasure, but our chests don't ache when the treat is gone because our brain doesn't place the same value on chocolate as on love. So perhaps the 1970s rock band Sweet got it right when they sang, "Love is like oxygen." As with oxygen, without love we ultimately can't survive.

From: The Positive Story - http://www.thepositivestory.info/

It was back in the early 1980s that Mr Gardner, then aged 27, and his toddler son were homeless for a year in San Francisco, they enrolled on a low-paid trainee scheme at a stock brokerage, he didn't have enough money to raise the deposit to rent an apartment. Mr Gardner, who was estranged from his partner, and Chris Jr would instead sleep wherever they could. In addition to the toilet at a railway station, they'd bed down in parks, at a church shelter, or under his desk at work after everyone else had gone home. They ate in soup kitchens, and what little money he had was spent on putting his son in day nursery so he could go to work.

Despite this adversity, Mr Gardner thrived in his job. A natural at selling stocks and shares, at the end of his training period his firm, Dean Witter Reynolds (DWR), made him a full employee. Finally able to rent a home for himself and his son, his career then rapidly ascended into the stratosphere, and in 1987 he opened his own investment firm, Gardner Rich. Today Mr Gardner, 62, is worth an estimated $60m (£48m), travels the world as a motivational speaker, and sponsors a number of homeless charities and organisations that combat violence against women.

Mr Gardner had a very troubled childhood, and served time in prison immediately before the internship at DWR, and you can understand why Hollywood came calling when he was writing his best-selling autobiography The Pursuit of Happyness (the misspelling is deliberate). The movie of the same name was released in 2006, and Will Smith was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of Mr Gardner. Looking back on his life, Mr Gardner tells the BBC that he "wouldn't change anything". I went through pain as a child so my children wouldn't have to," he says. "I made a decision as a five-year-old boy that my kids will know who their father is. The rest of my destiny came forward because I made the right choices."

Born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Mr Gardner never knew his real father. Rather, he was brought up in poverty by his mother Bettye Jean and a physically abusive, alcoholic stepfather. There was also a period spent in a foster home after his mother, in a fit of despair, tried to kill her partner. Despite the woes of his childhood, Mr Gardner says his mum was an inspiration. "I have one of those old-fashioned mothers who told me every single day, 'Son, you can do or be anything that you want to do or be' And I believed it, I bought into it 100%." He adds that one day as a child he was watching a college basketball game on TV when he commented that one of the players would make a million dollars. "My mum said, 'Son, one day it will be you who'll make a million dollars.' Until she said those words the thought had never entered my mind."

The million dollars didn't arrive immediately however, and after graduating from high school he spent four years in the US Navy. After an honourable discharge in 1974 Mr Gardner moved to San Francisco where he started selling medical equipment. His life then changed completely when he saw a man parking his red Ferrari one day, and Mr Gardner asked him what he did for a living. The man was a stockbroker called Bob Bridges, and after the two got talking, Mr Gardner expressed an interest in joining the industry. They met again, and Mr Bridges helped Mr Gardner secure an interview for an internship.

However, in the days before the interview at DWR Mr Gardner was arrested and jailed for non-payment of parking tickets. He was ultimately able to make the interview, but only in the clothes he was wearing when he was arrested, which included trainers and a vest. Despite the scruffy attire, his sense of drive and enthusiasm was enough to get him the job.


Six years after the release of the movie, Mr Gardner's life changed again in 2012 when his wife died from cancer aged just 55. It made him re-evaluate what he wanted to do for a living, and after three highly successful decades in finance he decided on a complete career change. "Some of the last conversations [my wife and I] had were her saying to me, 'Now that we can see how truly short life can be, what will you do with the rest of your life?' When you have that conversation, that changes everything. I've said that if you're not doing something that you're passionate about, you're compromising yourself every single day." So realising that he didn't want to work in investment banking any longer, he reinvented himself as a motivational speaker and author.

He now spends 200 days a year travelling the world speaking to packed audiences in more than 50 countries. Scott Burns, a director at US investment firm Morningstar, says that Mr Gardner "is just an amazing testament of fortitude". He adds: "You can be down and out, but only as down as you let yourself be." Mr Gardner believes he disproves the theory that we are all products of our childhood environment. "According to that school of thought I should have become another alcoholic, wife-beating, child-abusing, illiterate loser." Instead he says he made his own positive choices thanks to the love of his mother and support from other people. "I chose light, from my mother, and from others with whom I don't share a single drop of blood, and I embraced it."

Source: The Positive Story http://www.thepositivestory.info/

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” ~Epictetus

About nine years back I was at the lowest point of my life. We had been trying to start a family for close to four years by that point. The forty-plus consecutive months of “not pregnant” verdict were starting to take their toll on me. That second line on the pregnancy test strip seemed like it would never appear. Life felt like it was a never-ending cycle of false hope that was always crushed in the end. I wouldn’t wish that kind of despair on my worst enemy.

I am a huge believer in the power of gratitude. I tried hard to look at all that we did have and find contentment in where we were. But anywhere I turned, it seemed like all I could see was pregnant women, or moms with children. And instantly, it would pull my thoughts back to this one thing that was lacking in our life.

I sincerely believe that “thanks” is one of the most powerful words in any spoken vocabulary. And that gratitude is one of the best antidotes to many of the problems we face. In this situation, though, where I was hanging by a thin frayed strand that threatened to snap any minute, there was another word that helped me more in keeping it together. And that’s the simple word “yet.”

Day after day. Month after month. Year after year. I reminded myself:

I’m not pregnant yet.

It’s not our time yet.

Even as I eventually started to make peace with the fact that we would not have kids naturally, I hung on to that one word.

There’s no need to despair yet.

It’s not time to give up yet.

We just haven’t found out a workable option to start our family yet.

It is perhaps the simplest, most under-rated word in the English language. But the power it can have on transforming our outlook is immense.

“Yet” makes things less final.

Whether it is a battle with infertility, a project that isn’t going the way we expected, or a relationship that’s constantly devolving, the simple word “yet” can transform the negative thoughts in our mind into something that feels less final.

And that opens up the space to breathe. To live. To look for alternatives. To look for solutions. Or simply to get through another day.

“I failed [at something]” is so final. It feels suffocating. It leaves very little room for us to maneuver.

“I haven’t succeeded yet” transforms the exact same event into something that has hope. Something with a better future. Something we can change. Something in our control.

“Yet” makes learning easier.

After the four-year struggle with infertility, we were finally blessed with a beautiful daughter.

You would think that after the experience we had, we would have treated her like a princess and lived happily ever after.

Things didn’t quite work out like that for us.

I was at that time in a very stressful job. My daughter had amply inherited the stubbornness genes from both sides of the family tree. I used to be a bit of a control freak.

Apparently, those things don’t mix well.

Before I even knew it, my daughter and I were butting heads on a regular basis and we were stuck in daily tantrums and power struggles.

I used to perpetually feel like a lousy mom.

Until one day I had the epiphany: I’m not a bad mom. I just haven’t figured out this parenting thing yet.

Adding that one simple word to the way I thought about the situation opened the doors to learning and to keep trying until we were back on track again. It paved the way for what has been a three-year journey of discovering and embracing the positive parenting philosophy.

My daughter has blossomed right before my eyes. Our relationship has improved by leaps and bounds.

All because I now see myself as someone who has yet to learn things, instead of flogging myself when I fail (and fail I do… parenting a strong willed child is not for the weak of heart!)

“Yet” makes dealing with others easier.

Over the course of time, yet has become the default lens through with I see others around me as well.

When my daughter is being difficult I remind myself: She is not trying to get to me. She simply hasn’t learnt how to manage her emotions and behavior yet.

When a friend makes what I think is a poor choice, I tell myself: It’s not my place to change her. She hasn’t experienced her share of what life has in store for her yet.

When I’m having a rough time working with someone, I say to myself: She’s new to this. She hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet.

Just as with difficult situations, the simple word “yet” makes it easier to deal with difficult people as well.

And discovering this has been a great blessing for all my relationships.

Beware, though. Watch out for this caveat.

I would be remiss if I just focused on the positive effects of the power of “yet” and not talked about its negative impact.

Unlike some other power words like “thanks,” “yet” is not a stand-alone, but rather an amplifier of what we think.

When used in a negative context, “yet” can make things orders of magnitude worse.

For instance, when we get stuck thinking poorly of ourselves, even a success might make us think: My regular clumsiness (or ill-luck) hasn’t caught up with me yet.

We need to watch out for these, and strip them of the power of “yet” as soon as possible.

The other day my daughter and I were happily coloring together in a parent-child journal I created. She was doing a great job, so I complimented her on it.

She sat back, looked at it and said with a smile: “It does look good, doesn’t it? It just means I haven’t messed it up yet.”

She probably meant it as a self-deprecating joke, but I couldn’t let it pass.

So I replied back with a smile, “No honey. It means you’ve done a great job coloring today!”

Sometimes, there’s just no place for the word “yet.”

So now, a question for you: What is the one situation in your life right now that can be transformed by the power of “yet”?

Source: The Positive Story. http://www.thepositivestory.info/

1. “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.” - Honore de Balzac

2. “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one” - C.S. Lewis

3. “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” - Thomas Merton

4. “When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.” - Victor Hugo

5. “We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” - Joyce Meyer

6. “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” - Anthony Robbins

7. “The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most.” - Dale Carnegie


8. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” - Oprah Winfrey

9. “A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.” - Leo F. Buscaglia

10. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” - Donald Miller

11. “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” - Carl W. Buechner

12. “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” - Joseph F. Newton Men

13. “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.” - Albert Schweitzer

14. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie

15. “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” - Mahatma Gandhi

16. “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” - Henry Winkler

17. “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” - Henry James

18. “An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” - Mahatma Gandhi.

19. “Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.” - William Arthur Ward

20. “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” - Confucius

21. “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” - Ernest Hemingway

22. “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” - Donna Roberts

23. “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” - Paul Boose

24. “If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” - Winnie the Pooh

25. “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” - Marcel Proust

Source: The Positive Story. www.thepositivestory.info

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” ~Anaïs Nin

I loved my partner, but we often seemed to argue about nothing in particular. This was bewildering to me. I really couldn’t understand what had gone wrong! I began thinking about all this because it was frustrating to get into a shouting match but not be able to remember what had kicked it all off, only to realize, at the end of it, that we could both have used that time in many more enjoyable or productive ways. One challenging exercise was to take a step back from reacting when things got heated between us so that I could see more clearly what was actually going on, what I was doing to fan the flames, and some ways I could change. I understood how, because of my history, including the strained relationship I’d had with my parents when I was a child, I found it hard to accept love, even from the person I was closest to. This was hurtful and frustrating for her, and it was making me miserable.

In a strange kind of twist, I was nervous about being happy, even though it was what I wanted, because that meant the risk of being hurt and disappointed, as I’d been in my childhood. The only antidote to these fears seemed to be to learn to love and accept myself for who I was, and not depend on getting approval from anyone else. My partner has been very supportive with this, and paradoxically, this sense of greater emotional independence has made it possible for me to risk being, and feeling, closer and more loving with her.

After reflecting more on the roots of conflict in our relationship, I identified our three main types of communication that led to an argument, which was nothing more than two people with different perspectives each pointlessly trying to convince the other that they were right—a futile pattern that were both keen to avoid.

1. Arguing with emotions.

These are statements of fact about the experience of the person sharing them—i.e.: “I feel nervous when you drive that fast”—so there’s no point in disagreeing with them.

My mistake was to respond to this kind of statement as if it were my partner’s opinion, and then disagree with it.

Or, I’d respond to personal statements, such as “I feel like you don’t listen to me,” or “You don’t prioritize spending time with me” with a rebuttal, such as “What do you mean, of course I do,” or defensiveness, i.e.: “You’re always criticizing me!”

Denying her reality like this was a sure way of dis-empowering and upsetting her. Instead, I’m learning to be more tuned in to how she’s feeling, and to respond in ways that validate this and show that it’s important to me.

So now I might respond with, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Can you explain more?” or “Is there anything that I could do differently to change this?” Then I’ll try to act on any response she has given me.

This listening and hearing builds a bridge of trust between us, rather than the wall I used to put up, and makes it much easier for us to find compromises and solutions. It changes from being a zero sum conversation to a win- win.

If you ever deny your partner’s feelings, take a step back before responding and get curious instead of defensive. It’s not easy, but validating each other’s emotions creates an atmosphere of love, care, and understanding.

2. Stating opinions as facts.

The trouble was, we both used to express opinions as if they were facts, the underlying assumption being that one of us was right, and therefore, anyone with a different point of view was wrong. Now, I appreciate and accept that my partner and I can have different perspectives on anything, and neither of us is necessarily more right. I can accept and enjoy our differences rather than being threatened by them.

Formerly, my partner would express opinions like “You’re being selfish,” or even “You work too much!” to me as if they were facts. It was hard for me not to feel judged and criticized.

If she insisted, this led to angry denials. In a perfect world, she would always recognize that these are opinions. But it’s a fact of life that I can’t control what she does, only how I respond to her. So now I try to understand where she’s coming from and why, rather than just reacting, and if I can’t, I ask for an explanation.

Try to recognize when you are stating opinions as fact, or trying to make your partner “wrong.” Communication goes a lot more smoothly when neither person feels judged or criticized.

3. Blaming each other for our own feelings.

I sometimes blamed my partner for my feelings, saying things like, “You’ve made me angry,” or “You’re so insensitive.” Thanks to her patient refusal to take these kinds of accusations on board, I came to see that these statements revealed more about me than her!

With a new awareness of how these dynamics operate between us, I’m able to take responsibility for my own negative feelings, which gives me a much better ability to do something about them, if that’s needed or possible. This also allows me to nurture more mutual trust and intimacy with my partner.

When you’re about to blame your partner for how you feel, step back and ask yourself, “How would I respond if I took responsibility for my feelings instead?” You can still acknowledge how their actions affected you, but you will be doing so from a place of owning your own experience and responses.

—

Reflecting honestly on this process has been painful and challenging. If you’re at all like me, you may avoid doing any of this work for that very reason. It’s completely natural; we all instinctively avoid pain. All I can say is that, in my experience, it’s more than worth it.

By being clearer about what we are trying to communicate, and more conscious about how we share and listen to each other’s feelings, we can avoid the pitfalls of misunderstanding that could sabotage our relationships. And that will leave a lot more time and energy for what we really want to be doing: sharing love and being happy!

Source: The Positive Story www.thepositivestory.info

When I was a little girl there was this belief floating around in my head that there was only one person. One person who was my soul mate. One person who could love me. I think the belief was formed by some concoction of Disney movies, religion, and American culture. What’s worse than this belief is that I somehow found myself afraid that I wouldn’t even have one person. I was afraid I would be alone. Forever. I don’t know when I adopted the belief that I wasn’t enough, that I might not find someone, that I was unlovable. My mom did her best to reassure me, but it didn’t quite do the trick. Self-love is the work we have to do ourselves. No one else can give us that gift, no matter how young we happen to be.

At some later point I met a man. I liked him, but there were some red flags. He was a bit flaky, and he lacked the ability to communicate maturely. I was about to walk away, and then suddenly everything changed. The red flags turned green, and we pranced off into the moonlight. That red lack-of-communication flag never really turned green. Nothing had actually changed. He just hid who he really was until he felt suffocated and invisible. After almost a year of living like this he left me with no warning.

For a long time I felt so much pain that my entire being melted into sorrow. I fell into a deep depression and reached out to a spiritual teacher who wrote me this:

Please do not indulge any thought that attacks yourself or even your ex-boyfriend. Grief is healthy and it is healing.

I wrote back to this teacher that I wasn’t indulging in negative thoughts, that the pain was so overwhelming that I felt no anger, just the deepest sadness I’d ever felt.

I spent a lot of time in bed feeling my pain, crying, and thinking. This was a man who I was building a life with. This was a man I opened my whole heart to. This man showed me love and support like I’d never experienced before. And then he swiftly took it all away. As I lay in bed for days with a churning mind the stories began to surface in whispers:

See, I am unlovable. He didn’t think I was worth loving. I’m not enough.

And the stories grew louder.

The stories we tell ourselves that deny the essence of who we are may be so deeply rooted that we’re unconscious of their presence. I was attacking myself. Each time I allowed these beliefs to hold an ounce of truth, I was attacking myself.

So I worked on loving myself instead. I worked on seeing the truth of who I was in each moment. The truth I found was this: I am worth loving. I am enough. I am lovable. I am beautiful. I am whole. All of this is true right now, in every single moment I am living.

A few months into my grief, the anger began to surface, and I started to vilify him. I was tired of feeling the pain, so my mind created stories about him to make me feel better. I told myself he was incapable of loving me, that he couldn’t allow me to be fully me. I thought about how he was a selfish person for treating me the way he did.

My teacher was right. Those stories didn’t do my ex justice. They didn’t honour the time we shared together. And they didn’t actually serve me. They were a weak tool to help me avoid my pain.

The truth is simply that he wasn’t my person anymore. And that didn’t make him wrong. It didn’t make him bad. I didn’t have to turn him into a villain to heal my wounds. I didn’t have to diminish my pain or justify his actions. I could simply allow for the pain and allow for the healing.

That breakup took me down, down, down. It made me forget who I am so I could find myself again. It was the greatest gift I have been given in a very long time, and it took me many months to recognize the gift at all. Grief is healthy and it is healing. I didn’t need to make up stories to ease my pain because the more I hid from it the more it had a hold on me. Instead, I chose to let the pain wash over me. I allowed it to teach me. That’s how grief can become a gift.

We don’t need to hold on to old lovers, torturing ourselves with “what-ifs” that don’t serve us. We don’t need to condemn ourselves for being imperfect, for being too much, for not doing all the right things. And we don’t need to denigrate the people we have loved because they hurt us.

I have never been more confident that I will have an incredible partner in life one day. You can too. But first you have to let go of that story, whether you’ve adopted it as a child or created it to feel less pain as an adult. Allow for the grief so you can begin to truly heal. Through healing you will grow more fully into yourself, and from that place you will discover the truth. Release the burdens of storytelling. You don’t actual need them. You are strong enough to heal on your own.

Source: The Positive Story. www.thepositivestory.info

Too many people think of happiness as the ultimate goal of life. But, if you’re waiting for happiness to arrive then it’s likely that it never will! You convince yourself that life will be happy when you’re married. When the mortgage is paid off. When you have children. When the weekend arrives. Next summer. Whatever particular dream you have, you’re sure that when you reach it you’ll finally be happy.

Unfortunately, this way of thinking is a trap. You’re always wanting something more, always looking forward to a time when you’ll be “happy”. And, if you fall into this trap, you’ll never reach that goal. When you get married, you might wish your partner was more affectionate or more proactive. When you have children, you might find their young age restrictive and long for them to grow up too quickly. When you’ve paid off that mortgage you might long for a better house, a better neighborhood, a better car. Life will pass you by with that goal of happiness forever in sight but never quite in reach.

Happiness should not be your life’s goal, it should be your life! The only time to be happy is right now! It’s state of mind, not a set of accomplishments or the accumulation of material things. There is no time to achieve happiness other than right now. You must accept that life will always have challenges and things will not always go your way and make the decision to be happy right now.

Instead of feeling disappointed when things don’t work out the way you’d hoped, feel grateful for the experience. Instead of dreaming of a brighter, happier, richer tomorrow, make today as wonderful as you can. Treasure each moment that you have air in your lungs and treasure the people you share those moments with.

Alfred D. Souza put this perfectly when he said, “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

His perspective helped me to see that happiness is a conscious decision and that I can make it right now. He’s not saying that having dreams, goals and ambitions is a bad thing. Thinking of the future and having aspirations is essential to leading a happy and fulfilled life. The trick is not to let thoughts of the future overshadow your enjoyment of the present and the appreciation of the things and people you have in your life right now!

There is no way to happiness: happiness is the way!
Stop waiting to meet your soulmate, to get married, to have children, to pay off your mortgage. For Friday night, for payday, for the summer time. Stop waiting for happiness to arrive and simply decide to be happy! It’s not some great goal or destination, it’s a journey and a way of life. Why not try it out today?

Work like you don’t need money.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

And dance like no one’s watching!

Source: The Positive Story - www.thepositivestory.info

Abasiama Idaresit, who was born in Calabar, Nigeria, studied Information Systems & Management at the London School of Economics and bagged an MBA from the Manchester Business School. After this, he returned to Nigeria with the intention of helping companies grow their revenue through creative digital advertising.

Abasiama started a digital marketing firm in 2008 and after several months, with countless rejection from potential clients, he was unable to make an income until when he stumbled upon ‘Baby M’, a small business located in Ikoyi, Lagos State, which catered for the needs of new mothers and their babies. Their operational model was built around having agents who would go through the city looking for customers. They had an average monthly revenue of about $1,000 at the time.

Abasiama saw this as an opportunity. He offered to help them grow their revenue and also acquire more customers at the lowest cost possible, using the internet. He also offered a 100% money-back guarantee if he failed to do what he had promised. From then on, the business grew within 3 months. What used to be $1,000 average revenue per month grew to about $100,000. In addition, the business had a countless number of orders they could not fulfill.

Following this success, Abasiama incorporated Wild Fusion as a duly registered Nigerian company. It
currently operates in Nigeria, Ghana, & Kenya, and is reported to be worth at least $6 million.

Source: The Positive Story - http://www.thepositivestory.info/2016/11/the-inspiring-story-of-nigerian.html

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