This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spent a million plus. I work with ministry of health.

My wife has been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune.

Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop (Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she asks me money to buy tailor materials which I give.

Now within a space of 7 months my wife now has 14 apprentices. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my wife to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and I don't really care about her money.

But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she does not have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money.

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbors, that am a useless husband, I feel insulted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.

I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

This matter has not gotten to the point of sending her away. Do you have a marriage sponsor? It's time to get them involved. Also you need to call a meeting among the elders to iron out house keeping and management. It is usually a male ego thing as well as a societal responsibility forced on men but at this age, it's not out of place for a woman to contribute to the needs of the family.

It's imperative that she contributes to the family welfare or at least she takes care of herself alone this should include her clothing, needs and paying for her shop. If she cant afford to pay for herself it spells she doesn't know what she doing and the shop should be closed.

About her insulting you, she should be warned in the strictest manner possible that a repeat cannot be tolerated.

On a final note, It's obvious you didn't know what you were getting into. Her asking about your salary and demanding for a shop should have raised red flags. But I can guess you got carried away.

It's not wise to spend so lavishly on a wedding when you could have had her choose between wedding and a shop.
Your wife is a selfish woman.

I hope the elders from both family can resolve this matter. Your marriage is too young for such misunderstanding

Huh?

Maybe she has swallowed the red pill too.

Redpiller-couple.

You need to sit her down and talk to her.
If it continues after talking, then leave. Marriage is not a do or die

This is so deep, you saw the red lines but you ignored it. If you have told her to choose either to use money for the wedding or shop Why spent that much on a day or two days wedding when you still have many things to use money for You need to tell her siblings or parents how everything thsat happened, if she doesn't want to be submissive or abide with your earning, then let her go and learn more lessons from her parents house she should be able to afford the rent na!!!! Must wives put heavy loads on their husbands She shouldn't have shouted, she can do daily or weekly contributions to pay for the rent Please don't ever argue nor fight with her, just pick one of your dresses and find a place to cool your head. It's too early to have hypertension jare

Your wife is simply a miser

daddytime:
Huh?

Maybe she too has swallowed the red pill too.

Redpiller-couple.

He is upset. He married a selfish wife

Serious case


Op pls don't over work your emotions on this matter so it won't affect your productivity at your workplace.


Have you had a heart to heart conversation with her about how both of you will handle finances in your home. This would have saved you a lot before you sign the dotted lines.


As of now try as much as possible to speak with someone your wife respect soo much and lay your grievances and complain to him so he can talk some sense to her.....

Marriages is all about helping each other in carrying out responsibilities, it is a joint venture. Two have to agree to walk the race.


Abusing you is a no for me.... I don't condole it since i guess you haven't done that to her.
I preach do to me what i do to you


But don't place the burden on her so it won't ruin the young business.

if she has not given birth, for the sake of ur sanity just leave home for her and live elsewhere give urself some peace

in the meantime stop buying food at home let both parties take care of themselves

Ishilove:

He is upset. He married a selfish wife

I'm certain her selfishness cum entitled feeling to her money stemmed from his initial refusal to set a shop up for her until her family did so.

If he had refused to swallow the red pill and cut down on the wedding expenses to set a shop up for her and she still turned out this selfish, my submission here would definitely had been different.

igwebest23:
This is too much for me. I have had enough. I got married to my wife last year October 2020. I did both traditional wedding and white wedding, spend a million plus. I work with ministry of health. My wife have been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never, I just told her that am earning 100+. Before I met my wife, she already learn Fashion designing. Then while was rushing around, preparing for wedding, she was pestering me to open shop for her. I specifically told her that d money I have now is Solly for wedding and traditional rite, which cost me fortune. Then after much pressure, her people contributed money and paid for d shop(Remember I have paid her bride price then). I have swallowed red pill. How can I open shop for a girl I have not finished marrying. Then when she opened d shop, I equally supporting her with other things like buying protector and chairs. Every day she is going to shop, I drop pocket of 1k. Some times she ask me money to buy tailor materials.which I give. Now within a space of 7 month my wife now have 14 apprentice. She collected like 30k from them. Then all the money she made in her shop, she put all in her account, she doesn't contribute anything at home. Infact decided not to apply for ATM card. Some time, I may go to. ATM to get money and d tell me no network, if I come to my to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and u don't really care about her money. But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me, she said d guy needed d money to treat her father in d hospital. I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she dies have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop. That she can do whatever she wants with her money. This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbor s, that am a useless husband,I feel insurted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her. She said her shop rent has expired that I should give her d money but she have enough money in her account to pay it. While is asking me. Am d one that pays for house rent, I buy food stuff, I give her transport every day.
I have had enough. I will call her mum to come over and carry her daughter. I can never beat her. The last night I shouted at her she fainted not to talk of beating.

what do you want us to do now....

No vex una no date before u married her?

This Red pill you people are swallowing, I hope you know the side effects?

People spend so much time during courtship or dating doing irrelevant things like having sex and galavanting all over the place, leaving aside important things that should be discussed like Finances, number of children, splitting of bills and chores, child care, faith, goals and ambitions, etc.

Your wife is earning enough to pay her own rent and as a fellow tailor, there is a maths to how much you charge customers which includes materials, operations cost and profit.

If you know you can't handle the financial burden on marriage, you should have discussed splitting bills with her, how much to save for projects etc.

You didn't discuss it, now she feels it's your right to pay rent for her shop while she pockets her profits and still claims you don't support her.

First error is not letting her know your salary. The positives of a woman knowing your salary outweighs the negatives if you shined your eyes and married a prudent woman.

A woman can better plan her life if she knows how much you earn factoring in your yearly rent, monthly feeding allowance, child care, savings and upkeep for both of you. You earn 100k but refused to tell her. She prolly thinks you earn over 500k and she prolly even earns more than you but since you're both not open about your finances, you're playing the blame game.

Una never know wetin marriage be, if not, you'd both be open about your finances. It's not about having joint account or she submitting her profits to you, it's about planning the little you both earn to benefit your family.

Make adjustments sir.

If person nor gree marry , family and people go de worry u upandan

If u con mistake marry , naa another wahala for house



Some women are mad pretenders, when u are dating them , the pretend to be normal

But immediately u put ring in/on their finger , naa there u go know say Devil de use them normally before

Financial compatibility is now a big issue in marriage much bigger than even cheating....

My ex dumped me cuz of that..i was in very dire need in my huzle..which is very glaring, after all friends have failed to bail me out.she did..nd angrily quitted the relationship cuz according to her its a man dat would giv a lady not the other way round.....

The biz later picked up vry good and earns me 6digits now..

Too many unsupportive girls everywhere..according to them supoort is only in prayers.....

Do not surrender your dignity to a woman.

But also know that pride is like a foundation pouring out sin, and whoever persists in it will be full of wickedness.

A bitter wife brings nothing but sorrow to her husband.
In all you do be wise to avoid bitterness in your marriage as it will end up breaking your home.
Peace

Bola146:
This is so deep, you saw the red lines but you ignored it. If you have told her to choose either to use money for the wedding or shop Why spent that much on a day or two days wedding when you still have many things to use money for You need to tell her siblings or parents how everything thsat happened, if she doesn't want to be submissive or abide with your earning, then let her go and learn more lessons from her parents house she should be able to afford the rent na!!!! Must wives put heavy loads on their husbands She shouldn't have shouted, she can do daily or weekly contributions to pay for the rent Please don't ever argue nor fight with her, just pick one of your dresses and find a place to cool your head. It's too early to have hypertension jare

The issue now is that she have enough money in her account to pay for d rent. I have seen her account balance. Why is asking me d money. I have told her am not a Yahoo guy. Am a salary earner. She was busy telling me that is d husband that supposed to pay for d wife shop rent that other people are doing it for their wife. I equally told her wife too I helping their husband. Like my sister bought Jeep for her hubby and d contributed money to build house

Dear oga,

You are your own problem.

1. It isn't a must to do a wedding with ₦1m if you aren't worth it. People should learn to avoid pleasing onlookers by feeding 6000 people. The wedding is supposed to be a day of joy for you both, not for people's stomachs.


2. I noticed you have a thingy with gender roles. You are a man. Your wife is still your responsibility. You refused declaring your salary to her but is quite inquisitive on what she earns. How na baba?


Your wife probably thinks you earn ₦600k when you earn a few thousands.

Coming to the part of she sending money to a male friend, I understand you are hurt because it's a male attached.

But have you tried to understand her?

Are you always seeing yourself as right?


What's the big deal if you pay the shop rent, then, you guys build your communication thingy well?


The communication flow is broken.

Marriage is not a football match you play for halftime and retire, or you get a small injury and decide to walk out because you feel you are the chief captain.


It's a forever course...and the moment you realize this, the better for you.


I see a good wife you have there trying to stand on her feet without your support!


Treat your wife well so she'll be more opened to you.


When you start keeping secrets, trust don yapa. Some men who don't want to disclose their actual salary still tell their wives sth.

If I have a fiancee I had already paid for her dowry, I wouldn't have minded setting up the shop for her.

Afterall, she is going to be my wife.

You let her family support her when she needed you.

You mah no know say any money you spend for wedding don go? You for small invest for her business na. People wey don chop plenti plenti food that day don shit your money finish.


To think your marriage isn't up to a year is quite disheartening too.

Build your beautiful marriage, bro.

Ignore these frustrated sets tagged as redpillers here trying to project their failed lives to you.


Marriage is a gift from God.


PS: if I didn't respond your insults, take heart, I don't owe you an explanation.

This is too early bro. 7 months marriage is still pretty young for all this rancor. You can both sit down and iron thing out .

The major problem I see here is that your wife spends her money on other men.

Sincerely from experience, she loves other men more than you, for reasons best known to her.

Honestly she can't change from that because that's who she is.

If you know you can't tolerate what you're seeing in her now, for your best interest, kindly lose her and let her go and stay with the others.

Remember marriage is a practical thing, NOT FOR MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS.

Finally, don't take my advise, modify it to suit your need.

My pastor warned me during counseling to be careful when ever I have issue with my wife, that if I go to her mum(I.e my Wife mum to warn her daughter, most parents will always side their daughter, d may not see any thing wrong with what their daughter is doing. Then if I go back to my parents, d will support me and conclude I married a Jezebel and for me to send her home. I need to go and report her to my pastors if she doesn't change, then I will have no option than to do d needful

how can you see those red flags and still went ahead to marry her. is she the only woman in Nigeria? i wonder why men prefer to suffer in the name of marriage . if a woman is not willing to support you likewise then dump her ass and move on .life is too too short for all these dramas . this is how my uncle is suffering now . after marrying a liability that called her self a wife. now that he has lost his job . his eyes have open . the woman no longer respect him . she insults him even go to the extent of calling him a lazy fool . brothers there is nothing like for better for worse. its either for BETTER or you lose her . may God help us

Hmmm Nawah, Did u date this lady at all...
I'm sure u saw some of the signs buh u still chose to marry her...

igwebest23:


The issue now is that she have enough money in her account to pay for d rent. I have seen her account balance. Why is asking me d money. I have told her am not a Yahoo guy. Am a salary earner. She was busy telling me that is d husband that supposed to pay for d wife shop rent that other people are doing it for their wife. I equally told her wife too I helping their husband. Like my sister bought Jeep for her hubby and d contributed money to build house

Your wife is too selfish and ingrate! I know she can't buy common birthday gifts for you nor the kids. What if you are financially handicap, would she not help you out Na her type no dey buy common #20 buscuit unless the father pay You know what next to do to avoid embarrassment in future. It's better to curb it now!!!! Please

igwebest23:
My wife have been insisting that I disclose my salary to her from day 1 but I never,

I must commend you for this.
This shows you not a weak man like most men that dances azonto, galala and kerewa to the tune of these entitled self centered and dumb women unfortunately brainwashed by society and their bitter feminist role model....
Bro u see. You cannot suffer in a woman hand. It happens because this is life and if you do the right thing you will have peace of mind again

igwebest23:

if I come to my to ask her for ordinary 1k, she will say she doesn't have it. I never asked her to help in our home finances before, and u don't really care about her money. But now found out through her Facebook chat that she sent her male school friends 7k. She hid it from me,

Okay are you guys with kids?
Its pathetic most modern women are self centered. my money is my money. Your money is our money kinda mindset. . .
Have you ever tried to let her know her flaws? If you had done that in the past and she still doesn't change I wanna believe you should know what to do next for your peace of mind.
Men die early because of these kinda emotions trouble from their family menbers/friends/society most especially from their wife whom is suppose to give them peace instead they give fire and brimstone

igwebest23:

I was shock. Cos my wife always complained she dies have money. Now she is complaining that I don't support her in her shop.

Females manipulations.
A man has to understand the art of female manipulations to see through them. It's is in their blood. They can't help it

igwebest23:

This morning, she was raising her voice to the hearing our flat neighbor s, that am a useless husband,I feel insurted. Am embarrased. That I don't support her.

It is time to divorce that bittch for good. If you care about your own peace of mind. She is not worth it.

Send her away. I don't know why you couldn't do that without disturbing us on nairaland.

@igwebest23
How did you even get to marry her at the first place. How did you guys meet? Why are surprised about her current behavior? Have you not seen any of this before?
That I see is a foundation, for her to suddenly turn out like this towards this moment and for you to not even feel confident to be transparent about your salary. It is clear you guys started on a shaky foundation.

For the main time take your attention away from the Money wahala and focus on the real thing. Giving her that money does not explain why she has to degenerate to calling you names. You and her have foundational problems.

This situation is just a way of understanding who she likely is. You have a lot to learn.

For the main time you can call her mom and discuss with her. Not in a way of reporting but to point out the surprises you encounter and maybe she could possibly have some explanation about her daughter. You have a lot to learn about your wife.

Telling her to leave may not be the ultimate solution for the moment rather it is just a cheap easy way of doing things which at the end may not be as good as you think . You need more knowledge of about your wife to know the best decision to pick, had it been you did this homework before now, you would not be surprised by any of her behavior

igwebest23:
My pastor warned me during counseling to be careful when ever I have issue with my wife, that if I go to her mum(I.e my Wife mum to warn her daughter, most parents will always side their daughter, d may not see any thing wrong with what their daughter is doing. Then if I go back to my parents, d will support me and conclude I married a Jezebel and for me to send her home. I need to go and report her to my pastors if she doesn't change, then I will have no option than to do d needful

No please, let her parents know, pastors will tell you to keep praying till one spouse is affected, either emotionally drained or killed. Most pastors don't believe in divorce, they will be doing holy holy while they can't take any shits from their wives, yes! But they will tell you to continue enduring You can tell her pastor too, just know the answers in your mind already unless you are just ranting in vain here! Stand on your words! Act like a man and the head of the family! This is when you need to re construct your mumu foundation on spending and other corrections from your mistakes if she doesn't yield, let her go and learn more lessons from her parents house

wahala for who marry naija girl

chatinent:
Dear oga,

You are your own problem.

1. It isn't a must to do a wedding with ₦1m if you aren't worth it. People should learn to avoid pleasing onlookers by feeding 6000 people. The wedding is supposed to be a day of joy for you both, not for people's stomachs.


2. I noticed you have a thingy with gender roles. You are a man. Your wife is still your responsibility. You refused declaring your salary to her but is quite inquisitive on what she earns. How na baba?

Coming to the part of she sending money to a male friend, I understand you are hurt because it's a male attached.

But have you tried to understand her?

Are you always seeing yourself as right?


What's the big deal if you pay the shop rent, then, you guys build your communication thingy well?


The communication flow is broken.

Marriage is not a football match you play for halftime and retire, or you get a small injury and decide to walk out because you feel you are the chief captain.


It's a forever course...and the moment you realize this, the better for you.


I see a good wife you have there trying to stand on her feet without your support!


Treat your wife well so she'll be more opened to you.


When you start keeping secrets, trust don yapa. Some men who don't want to disclose their actual salary still tell their wives sth.

If I have a fiancee I had already paid for her dowry, I wouldn't have minded setting up the shop for her.

Afterall, she is going to be my wife.

You let her family support her when she needed you.

You mah no know say any money you spend for wedding don go? You for small invest for her business na. People wey don chop plenti plenti food that day don shit your money finish.


To think your marriage isn't up to a year is quite disheartening too.

Build your beautiful marriage, bro.

Ignore these frustrated sets tagged as redpillers here trying to project their failed lives to you.


Marriage is a gift from God.

My brother I know my wife is my responsibility. But d issue now is that she is making money. She has like 250k saving In her account. Her shop rent is just 90k. And she wants me to pay it. D money she is making, is it ordinary paper. The issue is that ladies of this generation is different from our mum. I live in well furnished two bedroom apartment, paid by me. People are passing my wife shop seeing d level of customer going in and out, d think she is contributing to d family. Is better I marry a girl that is not doing anything that will be submissive to me. I noticed d little money she is making is entering her head.