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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? (3909 Views)
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Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by cayorday89(m): 6:49am On Sep 01, 2021 |
JovialJune:register 05, I won't advice him to relax even if it's the reality she feels like it's just two of them, you never can tell she might still hold same view even with children in the family, as the dynamics can be complicated if the family of the wife don't see things that way and they could have a stronghold on her and even blackmail her emotionally afterwards.. Op all you have to do is you either seriously or jokingly (you know her better and the better option for you) tell your wife your mind and chip in that if children is involved will she be able to bear it all as it will be too big a burden for you both to bear... But she can help with a substantial amount in a month. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by cayorday89(m): 6:58am On Sep 01, 2021 |
boldx:Experiences taught me that it's not a ladies thing but what they experience and see over time it's a societal and sometimes the kind of family one comes from, her father will also benefit from her, and brothers will also benefit from her, and they are suppose to know better that the wife will need to contribute to her family but the kinda orientation she got from them will make her think it's right.. Some men are like that too, my parents had to settle a young family just four days ago, the husband was always more of family than the home front and funny enough it was same with my father and my mother had to let the woman know and adviced the man that it's not a venture that will favour him in the long run... |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by cayorday89(m): 7:05am On Sep 01, 2021 |
InTheCloudySky:Kudos to you for this, @register505,now is the time for you to act, she might never change (not because she does not want to but because she has grown comfortable doing that without issues and since her family see no wrong in that, it's okay by her) even after childbirth and then it will even be much more difficult by then, act now so her decisions can help you plan better on your part if it is to declare lower income. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Nobody: 7:15am On Sep 01, 2021 |
Idaytesj29: You are the confused one here. So her immediate family is her only family here? By the way, where's the immediate "family" here?? Only the husband?? Mind you, the marriage is still new and hasn't produced any child yet. It's just him and the wife. When the children start coming, she'll naturally withdraw from her family and they too will naturally adjust. So, for now, there isn't really any tangible family needs for you to be freting as if the whole word is crashing down on him Now you want her to focus on the financial needs of a man who's financially capable of taking care of himself and abandon her family that comprises the aged parents who are vulnerable and the siblings who are prolly still in school and can't fend themselves? Did you reason before coming to type this trash? Stop being sentimental about this issue and try to be logical in your reasoning. 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Idaytesj29(m): 7:55am On Sep 01, 2021 |
Mercychen: Take a dose of Valium5, sleep very well, wake up, take a warm bath, eat breakfast and read your two comments again. And honestly tell me how you feel about what you have posted. Pls, don't take up marriage counselling or be a man or woman of God in the future. Cos your partiality is abysmal. 3 Likes |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Nobody: 7:58am On Sep 01, 2021 |
Idaytesj29: There's nothing like partiality anywhere. Just stating the obvious. Ok? 1 Like |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Nonexisting1: 8:11am On Sep 01, 2021 |
You won't say you didn't notice this selfish attitude when you were dating her. You have two choices. It's either you keep tolerating it and bear the burden for the rest of your life or you put a stop to the nonsense now. Your wife is either a selfish being or a family toy but I will go with the former than the latter. 1 Like |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by gfon(m): 8:57am On Sep 01, 2021 |
mariahAngel:you are simply naive,if it's the man doing all these spending on his own folks without him channeling his finances to the homefront like fueling the gen when there isn't light,taking his wife on dinner dates and so on,you would have brought the roof down with your nagging complaining that he chooses his family over you.There's nothing like jealousy here,let's learn to be logical and not sentimental in issues like this 2 Likes |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Bluewitch(f): 9:03am On Sep 01, 2021 |
register505: There's nothing wrong with her sending her family morning... What's wrong is when she abandons her marriage where she should help out and then focus on her family.... It's best you both discuss about it very well and then know how to sought it out ...you can ask your dad how he handled his situation... But don't involve family fully.... She's your partner so talk to her |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by NoToPile: 9:22am On Sep 01, 2021 |
excellence44: Just googled the act and it talks about violence @bolded.seriously? |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by AutoChick4U(f): 10:09am On Sep 01, 2021 |
Marriage is a partnership. Your home is your kingdom and you both need to make it work but too bad your wife is starting off wrong. Her mom has built her kingdom and should allow her daughter build hers. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by AutoChick4U(f): 10:12am On Sep 01, 2021 |
Nonexisting1:She's probably too beautiful and fooled him into thinking she's supportive. Most men can easily be deceived when it comes to financial support |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by bukatyne(f): 11:19am On Sep 01, 2021 |
AutoChick4U: Beauty makes men think women are financially supportive? New month new thing |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by mariahAngel(f): 11:24am On Sep 01, 2021 |
bukatyne: Hehehehehehehehehehehe |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by bukatyne(f): 11:24am On Sep 01, 2021 |
RightToReject: Sometimes it is cruise catching jare. The bolded of your post was very apt and it reminded me of this 'ndi woke' generation that hap about happiness as if someone told them that happiness is a newly discovered or coined word. It also reminded me of a local proverb: it is happiness/too happiness that makes someone misbehave |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by bukatyne(f): 11:25am On Sep 01, 2021 |
mariahAngel: September 2021 lesson. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by mariahAngel(f): 11:27am On Sep 01, 2021 |
AutoChick4U: Marriage is not a partnership. Marriage is a union where there’s a head. The man. Otherwise, children in the marriage could bear their mother’s maiden name. 1 Like |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by AutoChick4U(f): 12:32pm On Sep 01, 2021 |
mariahAngel:By partnership I actually meant union. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by emmanuelbrown26: 10:00pm On Sep 01, 2021 |
JovialJune:Don't listen to this daughter of eve |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by JovialJune(f): 10:05pm On Sep 01, 2021 |
emmanuelbrown26: Is this "daughter of eve" banter you guys spew here suppose to be an insult? Or what is the logic behind it exactly? 3 Likes |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by emmanuelbrown26: 10:08pm On Sep 01, 2021 |
register505:Baba leave all this simps and children alone. I understand your feelings, she is not getting it right. Secondly, maybe u didn't psych her during courtship. Just man up cook up a story that you are in a financial mess and watch how she will behave or react to it |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Donpenny(m): 10:24pm On Sep 01, 2021 |
Marriage self, you married a working class woman she might turn out to become selfish, cooperate prostitutes and not supportive , you married non working class woman she becomes a liability. Son of man just confuse |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by YACAA(f): 6:48am On Sep 02, 2021 |
My dear, I understand how you feel- you want your wife to show the same kind of love and care/ even more towards her matrimonial home, as she does her family.It can be very painful, but take heart; she has known her family all her life, and that attachment and sense of dedication to them is naturally very very strong. Her attachment to you and your home is now forming. If you want to have a discussion with her, please please please do not bring up her family. Your main objective is to help her see the need to think about her own household and contribute to it emotionally and financially. Sit down as a family in a loving way and discuss financial and emotional obligations towards the home- agree on each person's responsibilities and set out expectations for each person. Who takes care of what (contribution to joint savings account/emergency money for the family, family projects, house bills, grocery money, transportation costs, rent etc. Start by emphasizing your responsibilities including money you give her to spend on herself (this makes every woman feel special- even if she also has other responsibilities alloted to her, it is awesome to feel that your husband will cater to you each month- this allows you to keep your gaze on him thus breaking the attachment with family). After discussing what you will be responsible for including taking care of her needs, ask her if she is okay taking care of A, B, C in a very loving way (results oriented conversation remember). I emphasize- Do not bring up her family in this matter please; once she has contributed to the home, whatever is left she can do whatever she deems fit. Even if it is just one thing she agrees to, that is fine - when kids come, there will be so many other things she will pick up without being told so. Also ensure that, every quarter or so, or whenever the dynamics in your home change, you guys sit down and review these obligations, as a change in circumstances requires a change in strategy. Do all these in LOVE please. Going about it this way will ensure that she contributes to the home, but doesnt feel like she is being suppressed with respect to helping your household or helping/not helping her family (that decision should be one she concludes on after much reflection on her own part). I wish you all the best. May God's wisdom, love, joy, and peace continue to fill your home. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Magnoliaa(f): 9:11pm On Sep 02, 2021 |
JovialJune: I fit vex write a book/article/dissertation/novel on top am gan. That phrase dey give me ideas like mad. And I'm damn sure it'd be a banger! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Ishilove: 10:06pm On Sep 02, 2021 |
register505:Na small pikin dey worry her. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by idahme(m): 10:49pm On Sep 02, 2021 |
excellence44: This question won't be answered the same way she responded when the scenario was the initial condition. her view only suits her gender and they shout gender equality every day. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by idahme(m): 10:49pm On Sep 02, 2021 |
excellence44: This question won't be answered the same way she responded when the scenario was the initial condition. her view only suits her gender and they say gender equality every day. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by idahme(m): 10:51pm On Sep 02, 2021 |
crackhaus: Don't expect them to say that, you might wait for years for that to happen. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by Magnoliaa(f): 11:32pm On Sep 02, 2021 |
VTJN: You get time dey waste words. Mtcheeeeww. Godspeed sha. |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by crackhaus: 6:03pm On Sep 03, 2021 |
idahme:I wasn't holding my breath... 1 Like |
Re: Do I Have Any Reason To Be Worried? by PumpumPrince: 4:56pm On Jul 15, 2022 |
perfectcrown: helo. please describe yor sef please? |
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