Kobojunkiee:
1. This is the Op wrote

2. As for the second portion in bold, which of my posts did I suggest he not seek a solution to a problem which he is obviously complaining is real for him?

Kobojunkiee:
Look, according to you, she hasn't changed since you married her, so she is not the problem here but your expectations of her is. These things aren't magical in nature.

So, what you should be asking yourself is how do you continue to live with things as they have always been. You claim it is deteriorating but your own words say what has been deteriorating is instead your patience.

Richy4:
So u said that he should live with things the way it was, what does that mean?

Gobdddd:
Time without number.
She doesn't even know what she desires or likes about sex.

If found out that there's pre marital sex, my Church will cancel the marriage and make it look very dishonorable.
So,I can't risk that.

From the first day, she was afraid of it.

Never showed any interest afterwards, despite spending our honeymoon at Obudu cattle ranch.

Our last babe is 2. We have closed childbearing.

We are supposed to be catching fun.

Kobojunkiee:
He is sexually frustrated it seems and already taking it out on his wife rather than seeking a resolution to the problem without ruining his marriage which he describes as good - minus the problem in bed of course.

Richy4:


Oh!!! so that's how you understand it...Then I have one last question for you before I sign off.... Why did you think OP opened this thread

<<< A) To seek for solution?
<<<<<B) To vent out anger and frustration? or
<<<<<<C) To seek for validation on how to leave his wife or cheat on him...

what is your pick?

Kobojunkiee:
For most? I disagree!

Kobojunkiee:
Again, read the Op to learn his side of this. Op concluded his marriage was already dwindling when according to his own account that isn't the case at at all. Instead, he is sexually frustrated.

You have to learn how to read between the lines buddy.. everything must not be written in black and white... It's safe to say that you didn't do literature in high school...Yes he may have said that his marriage was dwindling. So in order to save it, he came here to seek for solutions. That was why the thread was opened.

Richy4:

You have to learn how to read between the lines buddy.. everything must not be written in black and white... It's safe to say that you didn't do literature in high school...Yes he may have said that his marriage was dwindling. So in order to save it, he came here to seek for solutions. That was why the thread was opened.

kkins25:
You do know that sex drive is ultimately influenced by hormones right? If the woman is healthy, not old or aproaching menopause, has recently given birth, what would you say is responsible for the low sex drive

freakydaddy:


No fear my guy lollll

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

Kobojunkiee:
I wouldn't send them for sex therapy but maybe to a psychologist or psychiatrist instead.

Sledgehammer20:
Pastor, I want to tell you that, this is one of the miseries in marriage that will be unfolded in marriage, especially for those of us who are Christians and believe in the doctrine of NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.

Before marriage my expectations was very high about sex with my wife,even though we had talked extensively about it before marriage and I already knew that my wife had no interest as much as I do because of the rape attack she had when she was much younger. Even though I had the believe that all shall be well when we get married, I planed to take my time to tutor her in various way and material I could lay my hands on, which I did after our marriage. I really tried but it yielded nothing much compare to my expectation.

At a point I got frustrated and began to have the same feeling as you mentioned, I wouldn't know who exactly to talk to, because I wouldn't want my wife or myself to be ridicule. The truth is that everyone has their own marital issues and some person might not know how to manage the issue for you but rather complicate it. So I began to talk to God directly the way I was feeling at that time. I was basically asking for GRACE everyday from God, initially it was not easy for me at all ,because all those fantasies and dreams of my sex life in marriage never come through. But, later on I found grace to maintain myself and carry my cross. You also can ask for grace from God and God will give you. There are graces, you will only access if you can ask for it.

Now my testimony is that my wife is better even though not exactly what I expected.

I will like to mention this, most of us men don't know how to make love at all. pre-intimacy is key, you must make her enjoy whatever you are doing with her even without you penetrating her. Make her enjoy it first, be patient with her ,women are slow in picking up in getting aroused and when they are cut off it could be frustrated because, it will be a journey of begin again Make her climax or reach Orgasm and see if she will not change or be asking for it. Know her interest and then you will be getting along gradually

Check out her daily activities if it is tiring kind of daily activities (Stress).

Pastor, I have to stop here. There are many factors responsible. Above all, there is nothing prayer can not do. Talk to God about it. But first do you best and shower love on your wife and you will see a change in Jesus name.



All the best.

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

benqo01:


Don't talk that way,if you re in the same situation u wouldn't be talking like this yes let's get that straight.

Atleast she can state what the issue is to the husband and both of them can work towards it.

Try to always create a balance

Lollittaa:

there, you're wrong. How am I moralising with his life? Is he a child? I'm telling you that Christians, real Christians abstain from fornication. You're an atheist. On the opposite end of the spectrum. How do you expect not to be disgusted by what I say when you don't even believe in God?
There's no correlation here between my thought pattern and yours. We'll never agree. Let's leave it at that.

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

ayomilore:
Bro. Don't spoil your marriage because of what you can fix. I heard there are some recipes that improve libido, try it, you can watch some adult films together too, try serious romance prior to your lovemaking, I believe there should be improvement...
But your wife will be good for all these abroad hustlers ooo that are scared of all these local predators..

PlanktonX:
There is this very popular Nigeria female pastor, she preaches under the tutelage of her husband church and she teaches sound doctrines concerning the roles of women in taking care of her homes and satisfying her husband. I encourage them to pay her a visit for biblical Counseling on sex in marriage.

Sex in marriage is a very important part of marriage that both party must understand, and it is a factor that God put in place to solidify the oat of marriage. Above all it is created to be enjoy by the couple.

cooooooks:
Stop extrapolating your feelings to me.

I'm not disgusted by anything. If you want to be disgusted, do it with your full chest. Do not extrapolate it to me. Do not out words in other people's mouths.

I think OP should take advise from people who are married and have gone through this. Not from people who have no clue.

Kobojunkiee:
1. What exactly are you confused about ? What is it that you really expect your wife to do in this case?

2. You claim the marriage is dwindling but from your explanation, the problem is not the marriage but your sudden expectations that is the issue...

3. You claim you are a pastor but it seems you are suddenly letting your body pull the strings as far as your decision making. You married a virgin and it turns out she is not as enthused about sex as you are, what do you want? For her to turn into a porn star in bed after 9 years and 4 kids?

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.

Gobdddd:
Strickly for the married

Good evening tweeps, my marriage is jerking. Needs a quick solution.

We married 9years ago.
She was a virgin in my Church. I am a pastor too.
Though we were not in the same state.
She was the first woman I had sex with after our marriage.
But I noticed that she has no interest in anything called sex.
She will not deny me sex, but I do not enjoy it because she's not enthused to it.

I have tried all I could to make her love sex, but all to no avail.
If you do not demand for sex, she'll not show any interest, even if you stay one year without talking about it.
And I am 100% sure that she's not seeing any man anywhere.

I took my time to educate her from the little research I made, but she wouldn't pay any serious attention.

I querried myself as to wether I do not satisfy her, on another point, sometimes, I'd last for 10-15 mins which, according to research is not bad.

Last night, I got angry at her attitude towards it. To me, she just try to open legs for me to satisfy myself and get down.

This has affected my psyche towards her.
But apart from her low libido, she is a very wonderful and good woman to be with.

So, last night, I opened up to her once again and told her she's making me to think twice and that am not happy at her actions.

Since today, our relationship has dwindled.

Alot of things have been going through my mind.

I don't know what to do. Am confused.
I can't go to another woman and leave such a good woman that have given me 4 kids.

Pls is there any known solution?

I need help.