G

look @ ur username

12543675:
I just want to get over this internalized misogyny and fit in with other women. I am fed up with feeling bitter towards my own gender and being friendless for years (7 years to be exact).

I am curious to know why you want to "fit in with other women"...what is at the core of this desire of yours?

What do you hope to gain from achieving this and why do you believe it is why?

Why do you hate men?

I want to fit in because it's lonely to always be by my myself, and it's also hurtful and irritating to always be excluded when I do nothing wrong. That's why.

To me it's weird for me to hate all women and choose not to be friends with them when I am a woman myself at the end of the day.

Even if it was true or not, I would rather people not be envious of me when really my life is nothing to be envious of.
Why is it a crime for me to want to fit in be friends with people of my own gender? Nobody wants to feel like or be an outcast and a loner. I always watch youtube videos of women traveling and hanging out with their friends and it reminds me of how boring my life is.

Do you attach your self worth to your looks? As in, do you think people will like you more if you looked different?

Have you tried seeing a counselor? If your family dismisses the issue, you need to talk to someone who can listen and help you offload

12543675:
I want to fit in because it's lonely to always be by my myself, and it's also hurtful and irritating to always be excluded when I do nothing wrong. That's why.

To me it's weird for me to hate all women and choose not to be friends with them when I am a woman myself at the end of the day.

Even if it was true or not, I would rather people not be envious of me when really my life is nothing to be envious of.
Why is it a crime for me to want to fit in be friends with people of my own gender? Nobody wants to feel like or be an outcast and a loner. I always watch youtube videos of women traveling and hanging out with their friends and it reminds me of how boring my life is.

Why do you personally believe you are "excluded" ?

Do you believe you have a healthy sense of self?

Are you comfortable in who you are as am individual or do you feel you are lacking in certain areas?

Believing people are always envious is a sure sign of denial so forget what you have been fed by your family.

Have you considered receiving counseling to help you dig deeper into why it is you are not fitting in, as you say?

Have you considered meetups with groups you share similar interests with as a way of maybe meeting others who may be having similar experience and say building friendship from there?

Jealous is it.They are envious of u..Kip making them jealous/with rage.Be sweet and make the devil get mad

Your concern should be about getting over being bullied because that's the underlying issue. Once you can do that, any misogyny you think you have for other women will dissipate.

I wanted to be the girl that everyone liked

This is your problem. Instead of trying to be the girl everyone likes, why don't you be yourself?
You want to be friends with women who natural hate themselves?
You can't please everyone so be yourself and live your life the way you want.

Kobojunkie:
Why do you personally believe you are "excluded" ?

Do you believe you have a healthy sense of self?

Are you comfortable in who you are as am individual or do you feel you are lacking in certain areas?

Believing people are always envious is a sure sign of denial so forget what you have been fed by your family.

Have you considered receiving counseling to help you dig deeper into why it is you are not fitting in, as you say?

Have you considered meetups with groups you share similar interests with as a way of maybe meeting others who may be having similar experience and say building friendship from there?

To answer all you questions, I don’t even think I want to fit in anymore. The only thing I want to do is auctioning for a clip to network. I also just want to stop reveling in internalized misogyny at this point because as shitty as some women are, not all of them are out to get me.

I even clearly said that I’m doubting that all these people are “jealous” because that’s impossible. I only said that because I wish my family would stop enabling my poor attitude towards other women. Not all of them were jealous. Some of them were just plain assholes for the sake of it. I can actually tell of people are envious or just being mean for the sake of it.

I’ll reiterate: internalized misogyny is weird and it’s unhealthy as women hating men.

12543675:

To answer all you questions, I don’t even think I want to fit in anymore. The only thing I want to do is auctioning for a clip to network. I also just want to stop reveling in internalized misogyny at this point because as shitty as some women are, not all of them are out to get me.

I even clearly said that I’m doubting that all these people are “jealous” because that’s impossible. I only said that because I wish my family would stop enabling my poor attitude towards other women. Not all of them were jealous. Some of them were just plain assholes for the sake of it. I can actually tell of people are envious or just being mean for the sake of it.

I’ll reiterate: internalized misogyny is weird and it’s unhealthy as women hating men.

Why do you seem to care so much about other women and what you think of them? Have you considered refocusing that energy instead on realizing who you are and learning your own strengths and weaknesses?

Do you think you have a healthy sense of self? If yes, please. I would like to hear more about how you see yourself now. What do you spend your days and time doing? What goals do you have as an individual and maybe a female?

1

12543675:
I no longer want to talk to you because all you seem to do is just turn this convo in circles. You’re not really helping by invalidating my feelings and asking too many questions. I

Invalidate? Far from it, I am trying to get you to reveal to us where the real root of this issue lies.

By asking you questions, I am simply trying to get a better understanding of who you are as a person so I can better proffer solutions.... humans are not built exactly the same nor do we have the same experiences as far as life is concerned. .

12543675:
Since you love to ask too many questions here’s one: are you going to keep invalidating my feelings or are you going to understand them. Also, what’s wrong with me wanting to be positive and uplifting towards my own gender? Also, Why is it okay for women to forgive men to be horrible towards them but to hate other women forever for their actions?

To answer one of your questions: I care because I would rather not be hated so much whenHe just finished jss3 and they have this long holidays so he is resuming SS1 by September. I do nothing bad to others. It’s irritating and why should I have to feel like I’m in high school when I’m almost 30? I would rather be the person everyone likes because I’m fed up with getting so much hate.

You said you are dealing there with internalized misogyny... asking you questions has nothing to do with invalidating that claim of yours. Simply trying to get you away from focusing on others so you can focus on what matters here which is you...the source of it all. My hope is by focusing more on you and your feelings, you can maybe reveal to it were this problem really comes from.

The response in bold is why I keep trying to draw you back to just you and you and you alone with the questions.

Kobojunkie:
Invalidate? Far from it, I am trying to get you to reveal to us where the real root of this issue lies.

By asking you questions, I am simply trying to get a better understanding of who you are as a person so I can better proffer solutions.... humans are not built exactly the same nor do we have the same experiences as far as life is concerned. .

Oh sorry if I came up as harsh. PS: Asking too many questions can get annoying even though you mean well.

To answer one of your questions: I care because I would rather not be hated so much when I do nothing bad to others. It’s irritating and why should I have to feel like I’m in high school when I’m almost 30? I would rather be the person everyone likes because I’m fed up with getting so much hate.

This is why I ended up being the envious person myself because there are people who never had issues with making friends and they seem happier than I am. My family thinks I'm crazy because they think that just because I have two degrees I should automatically be happy. Honestly I would rather be dumb and happy than intelligent and miserable.

12543675:
Oh sorry if I came up as harsh. PS: Asking too many questions can get annoying even though you mean well.

To answer one of your questions: I care because I would rather not be hated so much when I do nothing bad to others. It’s irritating and why should I have to feel like I’m in high school when I’m almost 30? I would rather be the person everyone likes because I’m fed up with getting so much hate.

This is why I ended up being the envious person myself because there are people who never had issues with making friends and they seem happier than I am. My family thinks I'm crazy because they think that just because I have two degrees I should automatically be happy.

It does indeed get annoying but there are tremendous benefits to asking those very annoying questions of oneself...

You will seriously benefit a lot from sitting with and talking to a counselor about this struggle of yours as there seems a depth to this problem that you either have refused to or are afraid to even dive into. I recommend you consider counseling and you honestly invest in opening up about what it is that had led you here so you can , at 30, become more accepting of you and your own company...being alone is not as bad as you make it and if people don't like you, it is OK too.

Don't be the girl that wants to be liked by everyone.... Just be yourself.... You can't satisfy everyone... I am a very loving person to be with but my gender always feel intimidated by me... I used to crave friendships but now I realize I am better being alone....

12543675:
Let me start off by saying that I always had self confidence until I entered middle school. I wanted to be the girl that everyone liked. However, I didn't know how to do that, and I ended up being the girl everyone hated in a toxic way instead. Girls were really cruel to me by excluding me and bullying me. I even got a nosebleed from one of them. Guys bullied me and even assaulted me for being ugly. High school was the same, minus the constant assaults.

Flash forward to my 20s and things haven't really changed. The only thing that changed is that men have stopped bullying and hating me and they are friendlier. Other women, on the other hand, have continued being cruel to me. I have had terrible female friends in the past who took advantage of my naivety, bullied, and humiliated me in real life and sometimes social media.

I used to think that I was an easy target of bullying by other women because of me being socially awkward and frumpy looking, so I decided to take better care of my looks and carry myself better. Turns out this made a couple of them hate me even more and they would cyber bully me by screen-shotting my photos on snapchat and sending my pictures to people on Instagram.

I tried talking to my family members about my issues with other women, but they invalidate my issues too much. They talk about how those women are "just envious" and that "they just want to be like you." They don't even find it disturbing nor weird how I don't like a lot of women my age, yet they found it disturbing how I hated men. Sadly, I'm starting to think my family is enabling me when it comes to my hate of other women.

I am fully aware that not all women are assholes and I was just unlucky to constantly run into terrible women, but my patience has already wore thin. I am almost 30 and it's a shame that I feel this way.

I just want to get over this internalized misogyny and fit in with other women. I am fed up with feeling bitter towards my own gender and being friendless for years (7 years to be exact).

@bold:
1. Pre-middle school, did everyone like you/did you feel liked by everyone?

If yes, what changed in middle school that you were no longer sure of people's likeness and started to want it?

If no to question 1, why did you suddenly want /care about been liked?

2. Why do you think the girls hated/bullied you? In your pursuit of likeability, did you do something wrong (real/imagined to them?) Something changed the dynamics from liked/ignored to bullying & hatred.

I am not asking for the boys because you said they bullied you because you were ugly.

3. Do you like being a woman?

4. Did you school in Nigeria? If yes, were you a minority where you schooled? Different tribe, race, religion, family system etc.

5. Have you tried to make female friends and your hand of friendship is rejected? Or you assume they are not interested in being friendly with you because they don't approach you?


No vex with the questions, it is from your answers we can determine the problem & solutions.

I can't relate because I'm a loner.

People can sense weakness and the assholes amongst us will naturally be drawn to that, like sharks to blood so when you come off as weak, you become their prey.

Hmmm

12543675:


I want to fit in because it's lonely to always be by my myself, and it's also hurtful and irritating to always be excluded when I do nothing wrong. That's why.

To me it's weird for me to hate all women and choose not to be friends with them when I am a woman myself at the end of the day.

Even if it was true or not, I would rather people not be envious of me when really my life is boring and nothing to be envious of.

Why is it a crime for me to want to fit in be friends with people of my own gender? Nobody wants to feel like or be an outcast and a loner. I always watch youtube videos of women traveling and hanging out with their friends and it reminds me of how boring my life is.

I am of the opinion your years of bullying from females have focused your attention more on those who bully you than on those who compliment you. It's nearly impossible to be hated by all women. There has to exist a few who like you, anyways. Everyone in the world can't hate you; you just need to find those who like you. Start with looking for areas where you can find those with common interests, and probably quit looking for validation on social media? If you play tennis, search for a tennis club and you will find the people with common interests who are more likely to like you for your tennis than for how you look or how you talk. If you like to dance, look for a dance club. I think there's one at Twinwaters Lagos. If you don't like to dance, how about picking it up? In the end, you owe just yourself your happiness. Don't go looking for it in the approval of others, regardless of who they are, male or female.

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Guontey:

I am of the opinion your years of bullying from females have focused your attention more on those who bully you than on those who compliment you. It's nearly impossible to be hated by all women. There has to exist a few who like you, anyways. Everyone in the world can't hate you; you just need to find those who like you. Start with looking for areas where you can find those with common interests, and probably quit looking for validation on social media? If you play tennis, search for a tennis club and you will find the people with common interests who are more likely to like you for your tennis than for how you look or how you talk. If you like to dance, look for a dance club. I think there's one at Twinwaters Lagos. If you don't like to dance, how about picking it up? In the end, you owe just yourself your happiness. Don't go looking for it in the approval of others, regardless of who they are, male or female.

Got it. Appreciate this.

I don't know why some women and girls choose to be assholes and bitches to each other. The world is already hard on women so why make it harder for yourselves? What is so difficult to understand about this?
I was severely bullied and taken advantage of in both secondary and uni because I had low self esteem. I remember one case in particular because this lady took me on as a project and did everything to turn others against me and constantly insulted and humiliated me in public for reasons I don't know till today, anytime she does stupid shit, the others would not correct her but either join her or pretend they cannot see anything and personally my self esteem was in the gutter back then and I didn't have the confidence to defend myself. I don't know why she did all this, maybe because she thought I was too quiet and had no friends so she wanted to practice her satanic wickedness with a harmless victim.

All of this really traumatized me and I started keeping females at arms length. I know the good ones exist but I can't even be bothered at this point, although I am trying to change that and make friends.

nahzyla:
I don't know why some women and girls choose to be assholes and bitches to each other. The world is already hard on women so why make it harder for yourselves? What is so difficult to understand about this?
I was severely bullied and taken advantage of in both secondary and uni because I had low self esteem. I remember one case in particular because this lady took me on as a project and did everything to turn others against me and constantly insulted and humiliated me in public for reasons I don't know till today, anytime she does stupid shit, the others would not correct her but either join her or pretend they cannot see anything and personally my self esteem was in the gutter back then and I didn't have the confidence to defend myself. I don't know why she did all this, maybe because she thought I was too quiet and had no friends so she wanted to practice her satanic wickedness with a harmless victim.

All of this really traumatized me and I started keeping females at arms length. I know the good ones exist but I can't even be bothered at this point, although I am trying to change that and make friends.

This story is terrible. Narcissists are usually the devil incarnate. This is why it’s important to stand up for yourself. I understand the whole “staying away from people” defense mechanism.

I was so disliked by many people from high school and college to the point that I had to even edit my privacy settings on two social media platforms (while abandoning the other ones) to keep nosy people away.

Lamanii22:
Don't be the girl that wants to be liked by everyone.... Just be yourself.... You can't satisfy everyone... I am a very loving person to be with but my gender always feel intimidated by me... I used to crave friendships but now I realize I am better being alone....

I really can’t stand some of the people who are liked by everybody anyway because they are annoying and they think they are so special.

12543675:


I really can’t stand some of the people who are liked by everybody anyway because they are annoying and they think they are so special.

I used to be like that too ..

Lamanii22:


I used to be like that too ..

Used to be like what?

I don’t think that I’m better than others either. Just letting you know.

The sad thing is that a lot of people don’t know that I secretly hate myself because I don’t fit in and make friends to save my life.

I swear in a few years, I’m going to look back at these posts and ask myself “damn, who hurt you?” Lol smh.

ValCon888:

You want to be friends with women who natural hate themselves?

I only said it because genuine people are so difficult to find to the point I’ve lost all hope and patience (even though I do have plans).