I was around 6 or 7 then...was at dad's shop...he stepped out to buy something,spent more than the time I thought should be enough...naso I start dey cry o...leave shop go another street dey fyn my father...no place I no Waka dat day...my father had gone back to the shop too nd started looking for me...I was later found in another street crying my heart out

I was bragging about dealing with a class mate(girl). After school hours I went straight to her and immediately we started fighting. Omo ehn, this girl lifted me up and gave me a wicked smackdown. My elder brother's friend had to separate us before the girl kee me . I was in Jss1 then. I became a tool of mockery throughout that week

realestate99:
After school every day, we used to play football making my uniform dirty, my father usually ask if I usually roll in the mud during school hours but I usually lied that it was due to the rigorous work on the school farm.

Then a day came, the okada man my dad assigned to be transporting me failed to come but he has contacted my dad earlier in the day that he would not be available. My dad came to the school but most students were already out but he spotted a group of students playing ball near the school field.

I was enjoying the match when the ball went outside for a throw in, I was about picking the ball when I saw a figure that looked like my father, I just stopped suddenly, I couldn't move a nerve, the boys were shouting Wale !!! go and pick the ball,time is going. I did not even acknowledge their protests, I finally wake up from my slumber, my father was looking at me like an hyena ready to pounce on a rabbit.

I was looking for my school bag for almost a minute, little did I know that my bag was used as a marker for goal post, I carried the bag and the boys were shouting, wale!!! where are you going? we do not have another bag for making post!!! I did not even utter a word, later they saw me and my father moving towards the gate, I could hear their voices from the background saying, Wale don die today!!! so na him father dey look us all this while.

Omoo I wan laugh die

There is one night they woke me up to go and sleep inside the bedroom as I have slept off watching tv in the living room, I just went to the kitchen pack all the used plates, wash them, went to the bathroom and bath and dress up for school, it was when I went back to ask for my pocket money to eat at school that everyone sitting and watching tv start laughing loud seeing me already in school uniform. I still don't understand the reason behind the laugh until several minutes of looking like dummy and it occurred to me that they can not be watching movie in the morning. I can never forget that day.

mine was, mumcy dey sell kulikuli, when she was going out, she said, "if you like finish the kulikuli before i come back" oboy! see mouching of kulikuli even dash friends self, say mumcy say make i finish am before she come back, when she came, see floging. flog rubbish comot for my body, since then, i get sense

Almost give person pikin bele as per mama and Papa play.. Omo are age 11 I cum inside my landlord daughter piking as per mama and Papa play..

How she no carry belle still dey suprise me

Mine was when me and my brother saw a very fine girl pass and some older people around said she was becoming more beautiful because she was bleaching.... Omo me and my bro go house come carry JIK based on na bleach come carry am de baff... I go tell my bro say I go fair pass am... He go won fair pass me.... Na so we finish one full JIK.... MY MOM COME BACK, EVERYWHERE WAS SMELLING JIK JIK..... SHE TREATED US LIKE TALIBAN DAT DAY

This happened when I was 9. Woke up one evening bt thought it was morning. Saw mom, dad, brodas and sistas in d sitting room and greeted them "Gd morning, ma, gd morning, sir. I then went 2 d bathroom & afta bathing, i com wear my skul uniform and carry my bag go tanda for my papa & mama front in d sitting room. Everybody just open mouth dey look me like a strayed goat...

One of the funny moment i can remember .we went on third term holiday for like 7wks ,nah the day we resume me ah just dey wash my uniform maale caught me nd report to p.man if u see the kain beating wey i chop no fit go school throughout that week swears

Omo see as memories full ground. I've got loads of child hood memories too, now looking back at them made me realize how funny those years were, tbh its hard to pick the funniest but i will try to narrate at least my top 3
1. I remember back then during my primary school day, i use to attend one extra lesson then, and the lesson fee was #100 per month, i just didn't knw what came over me, i took a months lesson fee and deposited it at a play station center, i opened a master league there and i would always go there instead of the lesson. I didnt knw who snitched on me then, one day like that,i just saw my mum and my lesson teacher staring at me from the entrance, with g.pad in my hand, that day eh, i knew what it meant to be skinned alive
2. I once caught a baby squirell and i tried to raise it as my personal pet, it bit my fingers, i killed it in annoyance
3. I was once chased by an angry dog during raining season, i ran on a wetland, as in it was mad, my friends actually told me,but i didnt believe them

It was on a saturday, I was about 11yrs then. My mum was on her way to the shop with my elder sister and asked me to warm the newly cooked egusi soup in the afternoon.

I served the soup that afternoon and ate eba with my friend but didn't warm it cos I was in a hurry to continue with our video game. It was later in the evening I remembered and had to rush to the kitchen to warm it but it has gotten soured......I thought of disaster management but what came to my mind was to put sugar in the soup to restore the taste.

To cut a long story short, my mumsy almost beat my spirit comot from my body that evening after testing the soup.

I never had a childhood.

Just like Adam, I became an adult at birth.

fourboys:
One girl like that beat the hell out of me the next day in class I started bragging how I nearly killed the girl the girl just dey one side dey look me cos she is a quiet type.. one idiot classmate brought an idea that we should fight again in front of everyone Omo before 5seconds the girl knocked me out again

D;

E chok
1. Them dey bury my young uncle ( RIP)
Everybody dey cry .... I come dey complain
Say food never reach me ...if u see beating �
2.i dey sick ..mumsy rush me go hospital, doctor na our family member .. doctor say I get internal injuries...na so my mumsy come dey tell doctor say I too dey play football..na the football cause am ...
Mumu me , na so I take para ..tell doctor say na lie ..say na too much beating wey I dey receive cause am ...
Na so everybody come dey look my mumsy like wicked woman..lol
..
As we reach house..na so I turn to Benjamin Mendy lol...Dem burst my ball ..I no see ball play till I travel go leave with my aunty
3..
I be class perfect for primary 4.. I be dey like one girl but she leave me follow the nigga wey get new school uniform..lol
One fateful day our class teacher say make I write names of noise makers..I dey always target the babe ...babe no gree make noise.. noise makers go crack Joke everybody go laugh..bebe no go laugh.. thunder come fire her she leave her sit go the boy sit ...na so I turn flash write her name put x3 ..
Teach even shoke because the babe no dey talk for class..lol :
..
4..I once reported my senior bro to my mumsy
...I tell am say my bro won use am do ritual
... because he beat me �

ifytrik:
you are a typical excample of GENERAL MUHAMADU BUHARI

Hahaha

1. There was a day I offended my mom, when she was flogging me it felt as if she doesn't want to stop so I pretended to faint na so this woman no shake give me another stroke, I still pretend as a wise guyman. When she whipped me another one even my village people couldn't hold my body from moving.

2. When I was in SS1, I wrote a letter to my crush that year and my parent saw it, told them it was an assignment and they pretended to agree, small boy like me think say I don outsmart my parent.
Na now as I remember am I come remember how foolish I was to come up with this cheap lie. �

Had to go nd play ps wit my guys frim 12pm to 4pm

Dem don de search for me tire....i con de tink of lie to talk say ii go buy water

Omo dat nite frim 2am to 5am intensive beating

Once upon a time, I attended Islamic school and our uniform was a cap wearing type where we wore uniform that resembled full Muslim Imam. I set out for school and I was sawn a new uniform my Mom warned me about my cap that I shouldn't come back home without the cap. Unfortunately for me, I don't know how comes after closing hour, I just touched my head to my greatest surprise the isn't on my head again even though I was very cautious about the because of the warnings I received before setting on for school. Kai it was trebuchet and the most memorable experience of my life how my mom use engine belt and wire me up! I still have this moment in my head may Allah continue to forgive my Mum!

Mine is, i am from Enugu, bounded with igalla people, fighting dey hungry us, we come decide say, make we go igalla go find them trouble, we were only 5, when we started the trouble, they shouted iriiriiriririooo in call of their people, we did nt know that the whole village would come out to face us, the fight was on, and i being the youngest was picking our shoes, i was mixed up with the igallas while my other 4 people are fighting and running back, when i noticed, i tried to run to them, one of them they called iGowon, thats gowon footballed me and i fell, yet, no shoe was lost, i did nt know that i picked their own o,we used bush to run back to enugu land. They later sent msg that we should send them their shoes or...juju

fourboys:
One girl like that beat the hell out of me the next day in class I started bragging how I nearly killed the girl the girl just dey one side dey look me cos she is a quiet type.. one idiot classmate brought an idea that we should fight again in front of everyone Omo before 5seconds the girl knocked me out again

i almost died with laughter on this.. Chei... This is hilarious

Mrkumareze:
Sipping honey my mom bought that year. I usually take very little(thinking d litter I sip won't be noticed) before I know e don go half. One day mom needed to make use of it, kasala burst

I used to do this too,

Mine was at 5am in the morning when the fowl crow I will answer ma!!!!! Even when am sleeping, these happen not once not twice but countless times! Kukuruku.................... Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Aforxzy:
My brother once told my mum that he had finished all the jollof rice in the cooler meanwhile he didn't. My mother was angry cos she wanted to eat the rice..but she let it go. I was in the kitchen listening to his lies. I opened the cooler saw the remaining jollof rice and ate it.. When he went later to eat the rice there was nothing left in the cooler. He couldn't cry because he had already told my mum he's eaten it. Neither could he beat me cos I will tell her the truth.


He was grumpy throughout that day but I care less.

. . Damn.. Never laughed so hard

When I was young I follow one masquerade by 2pm when the time reach 11pm I was afraid to go home not knowing that they have start looking for me by 1 am I show up in front of them that day na broom my mother use to beat me she beat me to the existence that they are picking broken broom from my body

Then am very stubborn that all the neighbor don't want me to play with there children

bigcee:
I was bragging about dealing with a class mate(girl). After school hours I went straight to her and immediately we started fighting. Omo ehn, this girl lifted me up and gave me a wicked smackdown. My elder brother's friend had to separate us before the girl kee me . I was in Jss1 then. I became a tool of mockery throughout that week

A girl broke my nose too with blood oozing out during my primary school.

Ochelyko1:
Mine was at 5am in the morning when the fowl crow I will answer ma!!!!! Even when am sleeping, these happen not once not twice but countless times! Kukuruku.................... Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Maybe that was meant to be your nickname

Offpoint1:
When I follow my mama go burial go lose guard eat food like pikin mama never feed for years...
I just dey eat, lick plate with tongue, carry other people plate lick too.... My mama wan kee me for house, she beat me till I no get strength cry again... I just sleep off till the next day.

Omo this got me rolling on the floor
Baba loose guard
I experience this kind beating but no be burial sha. My mama send me message she come comort, omo i forget go play ball from evening till night lost money. I find money i no see am, that night ehn i no sleep ooo.

I was 9yrs old. My sister's friend narrated how they played their father April fool on 1st april and the family laughed over it.... I decided I 'll play my father April fool not knowing he was owing the landlord for almost 2 years. Immediately i said " dad, the landlord is downstairs looking for you, the fear in my dad's face didn't allow me shout April fool again ......I 've to sneak under the bed while waiting for the unimaginable and praying to God to take my soul. My father exhibited all his kamaru usman style on me that all my siblings began to cry and pleaded with him that it was only a joke.... maybe, that's why am gentle and playful with my kids ..

debbydams:
lemme just keep mute

For wat? Aunty talk something jor. U think we are here to be entertaining u.

Udodiri01:
Mine was when me and my brother saw a very fine girl pass and some older people around said she was becoming more beautiful because she was bleaching.... Omo me and my bro go house come carry JIK based on na bleach come carry am de baff... I go tell my bro say I go fair pass am... He go won fair pass me.... Na so we finish one full JIK.... MY MOM COME BACK, EVERYWHERE WAS SMELLING JIK JIK..... SHE TREATED US LIKE TALIBAN DAT DAY

Hahahahahahaha Taliban
Omo una no go kill person ooo

teflondoppez:
Maybe that was meant to be your nickname

Lolzzzzz