Hello everyone
I’m having an issue that’s bothering me so much
I don’t know how to say no to people whenever they ask things or money from me most times and this is killing me big time.. Anytime they ask me for something , even if it’s the last that’s with me I’ll still give out to them and it’s affecting me. To make matters worse, I don’t know how to ask people for things or money even asking from my family, I don’t do that.. Today now, one of my guy asks me for money, I sent him the last 1k with me fully knowing well that I don’t have any money on me again or any hope to see money, I still went ahead to give me. Now I don’t have any money on me, I’m using freebasics sef here on nairaland. How can I stop this ?

Nothing is wrong with u bro, u re just meek in nature and that's cool.

From the origin of things u re a giver not a taker, and if u try to change that it won't work for u.

One of the things u have to do is to master how to navigate ur gift for important reasons so that people won't take advantage of u.


I believe you will still get head's up here.

Takers don't stop taking. People always talk about teaching others how to fish, but lots of people wants you to give them fish unto perpetuity, because learning how to fish (making money and carrying your own weight) is hard, and requires internal restructuring such as hardwork, killing procrastination, consistency, and being responsible etc. Begging is just easier.

So don't think that when you give, they will just stop asking, it's a lie. You just position yourself as a go-to person when problem arises, either true or manufactured. I won't tell you not to give, but don't give when it affects you. It's It's ancient principle that you must take care of yourself first before others. It's not being selfish, it's common sense. It is their responsibility to take care of themselves, and yours to yourself.

If you continue like this, you'll reach a place where you'll have nothing, and the people you've helped a lot will even blame you for your predicament even if it was because you're helping them you couldn't help yourself.

I'm having the same issue.... I even created a thread on it. It's a disease if you ask me. And I haven't even find a cure to mine.

You want us to teach you how to be stingy? Sorry but I can’t. You might not know the blessing you’re getting for all these good deeds you do everyday.

Doradorwa:
I'm having the same issue.... I even created a thread on it. It's a disease if you ask me. And I haven't even find a cure to mine.

Seriously it’s disheartening sometimes

Capalot66:


Seriously it’s disheartening sometimes

https://www.nairaland.com/6698989/experience-retail-store-today#104716689

Some of the advice on the thread can help out... They've been helping me but I'm not totally cured

SenecaTheYonger:
You want us to teach you how to be stingy? Sorry but I can’t. You might not know the blessing you’re getting for all these good deeds you do everyday.

OP take note of the bolded

Good luck

You are a NICE GUY, more like a PEOPLE PLEASER. You must always remember to put yourself FIRST in all thy dealings with people. Once folks spot you as someone that gives without applying wisdom, then they will constantly milk you. And the irony of this whole bullshit is that in your times of need they won't lift any finger of assistance.

Be wise.

Doradorwa:
I'm having the same issue.... I even created a thread on it. It's a disease if you ask me. And I haven't even find a cure to mine.

Na so.

It's now a disease.

was once in ur that state, but wen hunger go deal with u and u no see who go help u, ur brain go dey for automatic no when all same peepz turn u down, #peace

Robnectar:
was once in ur that state, but wen hunger go deal with u and u no see who go help u, ur brain go dey for automatic no when all same peepz turn u down, #peace

Aswear.

To go broke is the best remedy.

Doradorwa:
I'm having the same issue.... I even created a thread on it. It's a disease if you ask me. And I haven't even find a cure to mine.

gimme your heart, will you?

Hmmmm.... dis kind of ur case choke!!!
You need to learn to be selfish... first u need to apply d rule of “me, myself and I “ in every situation u find ur sef. Naturally every human instinct is to be selfish and care for only oneself but at some point we(humans) are social creatures so we have a tendency of lending hand to people but u have to unleash ur true human nature of (survival instinct)
Anytime someone needs ur help, u first ask ur sef if helping d person be detrimental to my own well being or what do I stand to gain from helping dem apart from getting a thank u. If in a situation where extreme generosity is going to affect u negatively den imagine d situation as though u would commit suicide for helping
And also learn to ask from people u know u can also return d FAVOUR,dat way u help people who can also help u back.

Davash222:

Na so.

It's now a disease.

My dear sir, the thing nah correct heart ailment. Very hard to cure.

SarutobiEky:
gimme your heart, will you?

heart?... Then I'll die nah... No ooo... I enjoy being a living being.

Doradorwa:
My dear sir, the thing nah correct heart ailment. Very hard to cure.

We are not My dear sir, We are simply We.













*In the voice of vulturebbqgrills.*

Move away from friends and family atleast it will reduce a bit.

It happens to me as well,like am not selfish but selfless,i don't think about myself first but about my neighbor or my friend first and it's killing me as well.

SenecaTheYonger:
You want us to teach you how to be stingy? Sorry but I can’t. You might not know the blessing you’re getting for all these good deeds you do everyday.

This is the rubbish someone you say that will make someone like the OP to go broke and the most painful path is that none of those he claim he's helping wont be willing to help him when the need arises.

Capalot66:
Hello everyone
I’m having an issue that’s bothering me so much
I don’t know how to say no to people whenever they ask things or money from me most times and this is killing me big time.. Anytime they ask me for something , even if it’s the last that’s with me I’ll still give out to them and it’s affecting me. To make matters worse, I don’t know how to ask people for things or money even asking from my family, I don’t do that.. Today now, one of my guy asks me for money, I sent him the last 1k with me fully knowing well that I don’t have any money on me again or any hope to see money, I still went ahead to give me. Now I don’t have any money on me, I’m using freebasics sef here on nairaland. How can I stop this ?

Say no it’s simple
You’re scared of what people will say
Not that your character is bad but in this part of our world it is

Goldenrod1:

and the most painful path is that none of those he claim he's helping will be willing to help him when the need arises.

Not always the case. We also should learn to help people without expecting anything in return. Helping is not an investment. When you’re broke the people you helped may also still be broke. Do you expect them to automatically have money once you’re broke?

SenecaTheYonger:


Not always the case. We also should learn to help people without expecting anything in return. Helping is not an investment. When you’re broke the people you helped may also still be broke. Do you expect them to automatically have money once you’re broke?

Try to understand what I mean, that's no longer an help when it's already hurting or affecting you.

Help is when you give freely with feeling any hurt

Goldenrod1:


Try to understand what I mean, that's no longer an help when it's already hurting or affecting you.

Help is when you give freely with feeling any hurt

I was specifically replying to the part where you said that no one will help him when he needs help

Davash222:
Aswear.
To go broke is the best remedy.

mehn brokenness no b joke aje

Capalot66:
Hello everyone
I’m having an issue that’s bothering me so much
I don’t know how to say no to people whenever they ask things or money from me most times and this is killing me big time.. Anytime they ask me for something , even if it’s the last that’s with me I’ll still give out to them and it’s affecting me. To make matters worse, I don’t know how to ask people for things or money even asking from my family, I don’t do that.. Today now, one of my guy asks me for money, I sent him the last 1k with me fully knowing well that I don’t have any money on me again or any hope to see money, I still went ahead to give me. Now I don’t have any money on me, I’m using freebasics sef here on nairaland. How can I stop this ?

Don't stop!!! The day u stop, that's the day u will start experiencing poverty. My advice 4 u is that, if u are a christian, always pay ur tithe the moment ur salary comes. If u do so, u won't av to ask people 4 money, they will be the one giving u when the need comes. So, Don't stop.

Doradorwa:
heart?... Then I'll die nah... No ooo... I enjoy being a living being.

Lol. Figuratively, not literally.. I would be sinister to ask you of that, ma'am. Chuckles, can you manage that?

Blessed is a man with good heart for he shall be made a fool of. Think it through and reconsider your stand in being a nice guy. I've been there myself.

Truvelisback:
Don't stop!!! The day u stop, that's the day u will start experiencing poverty. My advice 4 u is that, if u are a christian, always pay ur tithe the moment ur salary comes. If u do so, u won't av to ask people 4 money, they will be the one giving u when the need comes. So, Don't stop.

Another religious jargon.

Doradorwa:

https://www.nairaland.com/6698989/experience-retail-store-today#104716689

Some of the advice on the thread can help out... They've been helping me but I'm not totally cured

Oga go pack well. You're a stingy man by default. No de claim giver. You're just gradually finding yourself.

Baba said he's not totally cured.

Ocholu:


Oga go pack well. You're a stingy man by default. No de claim giver. You're just gradually finding yourself.

Baba said he's not totally cured.

excuse me

Don't feel bad that you are always the giver. At least, thank God that you are always been of help to them. When you don't have, don't kill yourself, but when you have, give freely. Giving is not a habit but an attitude, people that gives do that not because they have in abundance, but because they are altruistic in nature. You are blessed. May God fill your life with wealth for you to continue to be of help to others.