neonly:
Bro's I even told her d Bible say love yur husband has you love him
Just imagine she just got home now since 7am to 5,05pm not even a greet just straight to her room as it nothing is happing
Well Anger don dey build up now make I just waka go my friends place

Text her to say you both really need to talk. Even if say you both step outside when the Kids are sleeping, you need to tall. Avoidance can only last for so long.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

You don't have to kill yourself for nothing

Do the ones you can do and the ones you can't do, leave it for God

Worst case, you send her back to her father's house, if you know that you can do without her, then you take care of the children

Kobojunkie:

So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here.

Nice article.
Beautiful theory.
Let me ask, are you married?

If you answer yes.
Then honestly I applaud you, because that simply means you are speaking from experience and mostly what you do too.
But if you are not, bros forget it all these you wrote is beautiful only on paper.

Yes I agree, you and your wife are solely responsible for the success of your marriage. But if woman ever show you their true color sorry is your case.

Even if you are rich so to say and you settle all the bills to the last Kobo,but for one reason or the other you can't afford something as little as N500, woman can make you look like you are highly irresponsible and not fit to be a husband. Only GRACE will help you not to be depressed.
This is coming from a man with about 12 years marriage experience. Yet we still never understand what exactly those breeds called "women" want.


Op come here let's talk.
For me come rain come shine
I have decided never to be moved. No retreat,no surrender.
I always tell her, we both signed up for better for worse so no one is going nowhere.
Hahahahahahahaha.
I make it work.

So what am I saying, do what you can do to make that marriage work.
Do what makes you happy in the marriage.

I dey the same compound with one couple , I admire the wife so much, so respectful and all. But the day I hear say she dey show her husband pepper any time they have a misunderstanding, na to enter the kitchen carry knife flash am for husband. The oga go just run enter him room lock door,na till the next day oga go show face.
Is yours this bad?

Another couple in the same compound, I hear say oga's wife no sabi cook soup , so na only indomie she dey serve oga chidi.
So to avoid wahala and too much shout every day, oga Chidi go branch bar and some nice kitchen , settle himself before he enter house.
If madam serve am the normal indomie he go just use style eat small unto say he is not too hungry.

So is your wife an indomie wife too?

See, every marriage has its own perculiar challenges.
You will never know what's happening in the other family until it degenerates so much to the point where both party will begin to shalaye for the whole to hear and know how bad the other partner is.

Boss,my advice is this:
Hold your ground .
Be the man.
Take it to God in prayers.
Be determined the marriage will work, hence you have the responsibility to make it work.
And lastly, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY as an individual. But don't sin against God in the process.
Even if it means staying back late at work, coming in late.
Taking vacations and all that to make yourself happy.
Whatever you can do, please do.

Like you rightly asked, what will be the fate of those kids?
Don't expose them to lion and leopard of this world.
Sacrifice for their sake.

The only ground I would suggest you divorce is the same ground for which the bible permits it - infidelity.
I will also add this, DIVORCE her if and only if your life is threatened.
Anything outside this, baba na for better for worse oh.

Peace.

[quote author=neonly post=106214002]Am not good writer please trying to make it short


What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children
how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together
But my children what will be their fate


@OP: You are asking Nairalanders these 5 questions all in one post? Haba, "na only you waka come?". Or "you were not informed too" that there are two partners in a marriage? Help us o! Go and search for appropriate solutions to your marital problems by talking to your wife directly, in the way a husband would do! Be the man in your marriage and stop complaining.

ahnie:

Hahahahahahahaha...not you again nau
Many thanks!
Are you on WhatsApp?

Lol! No mind me jare.

Yeah, I'm on WA.

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

Here are my two cents on your matter. Run now while you can!

AnI77:
Here are my two cents on your matter. Run now while you can!

Why you tell am that? Anyone force am to live with that? Abeg, no spoil market for the girlfriend.

Kobojunkie:
I just saw that too, and trying to understand what reasons she gave for this to OP.

That's the issue...
We read one story shared by a man fron ghana that said his wife was earning more wages than him, she was even buildng a lovely house for her dad, meanwhile she didnt contribute a dime in the house, he even took loans to buy her a car. We all read that story here...

Its saddening for a wife to be this heartless... For God sake if u r not ready for marriage, stay on ur lane.

okoroemeka:
when I told my father that I want to marry,he laughed and sat me down and asked me if I have seen him and my mother fight,I said no,he asked again if I have ever seen people come to settle dispute for them,I said no,he told me so long I have decided to get married I will be responsible for whatever happens,that I will never call him if we have problems obviously he will not come ,that it is me that will settle the dispute, asking strangers on nnairaland what you will do in your marriage is wrong,take the bull by the horns,talk to your wife,allow her to vent her anger so you might understand what went wrong,she is a woman,you can easily control her if you know how.

The writer needs help. He is not able to cope alone. Give advice

hopexter:


She just dey use you keep up but if you like her and think she would change then go ahead and settle down with her, you should know hungry girls like that no deserve husband. Know what you want and deserve bro

thanks bro

theamazonguru:
I dey the same compound with one couple , I admire the wife so much, so respectful and all. But the day I hear say she dey show her husband pepper any time they have a misunderstanding, na to enter the kitchen carry knife flash am for husband. The oga go just run enter him room lock door,na till the next day oga go show face.
Is yours this bad?

Another couple in the same compound, I hear say oga's wife no sabi cook soup , so na only indomie she dey serve oga chidi.
So to avoid wahala and too much shout every day, oga Chidi go branch bar and some nice kitchen , settle himself before he enter house.
If madam serve am the normal indomie he go just use style eat small unto say he is not too hungry.

So is your wife an indomie wife too?

See, every marriage has its own perculiar challenges.
You will never know what's happening in the other family until it degenerates so much to the point where both party will begin to shalaye for the whole to hear and know how bad the other partner is.

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.

Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here.

If your wife can't cook, you do the cooking. You walk into marriage with your pride first, you will eventually exit the same way.

Kobojunkie:

So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here.

Do you ever advise ladies?

Your pattern reveals so much about you.

cassyrooy:
Lol! No mind me jare.

Yeah, I'm on WA.

Ok

poiZon:

That's the issue...
We read one story shared by a man fron ghana that said his wife was earning more wages than him, she was even buildng a lovely house for her dad, meanwhile she didnt contribute a dime in the house, he even took loans to buy her a car. We all read that story here...

Its saddening for a wife to be this heartless... For God sake if u r not ready for marriage, stay on ur lane.

There is more to this story than just that. According to the OP, they are both orphans, so the money she is supposedly hoarding, no be her children go get am eventually?
Op needs to communicate with his wife to really learn what the issue is.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

Whats the matter oga.... Marriage not enjoyable again abi

duality:



Do you ever advise ladies?

Your pattern reveals so much about you.

Lol. Leave that guy.
I can infer 100 things about him already.

We know their types.
They think marriage is theory and hence they can easily sit behind their keyboard and dish out advice. Awon chief adviser of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Hahahahaha.

Nonsense and Buhari.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house


I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

Don't divorce her ok u are the man in charge, u are the man of the house don't allow church destroyed ur home. We understand fully well that women are quickly decieved especially in the church system. But bro with love and respect put her in control. That's why every husband must be a proficient teacher of the word of God. Because women when they don't get such from their husband they tend to get it outside probably from their pastors And the rest.

Be the man, the husband, the father and the friend u are born to be to ur wife and kids.

And above all put everything in prayers the Lord will direct u.

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

What's that. Is she an orphan

neonly:


Bro's how much do think they pay in private school not much I have four of them in different school like dat and I can tell you every term I spend nothing less than 550k just school fees alone no books dat one is optional because they have to choose d books they want
So to tell her to share expenditure 50/50 Na impossible mission bi dat

I don't mean financial is 50/50. Some women get angry inside when they see the man just dishing the cash out, maybe you unconsciously used to say it out thst you pay for "this this that that those" when she asked you for more in those days....which is normal at times. So it drives them craz.y. But the funny thing is that, let the woman who boasted and promised herself to work and not rely on her husband starts earning huge, she will still not want to put in her money to assist. Well, maybe few out of them. Well, the way the society has made the man the alpha and the omega of the house in Nigeria, is the same way the woman has been made to let the man do everything. After all, the man is the "god" at home. So, they just concentrate on their siblings who arent part of the nuclear home... esp when the wife is the first born, hahahhaha..that is when her little bro puts it in her head to buy house for dem papa and mama. Meanwhile, the husband is struggling hard. It is the society we are in sir. But you guys can come together 50 - 50.

I meant that the activities of the house should be 50/50 stylishly. You make it look 50/50 even it may not be. You guys should sit down and arrange it well. It is a way to say that you assist her. While she is cooking, you take care of the kids not to frustrate her in the kitchen. And you may even enter the kitchen to assist her. Also, you may be the one to buy some petty things at home if she will be late. All you guys just do is to talk it all. Now that you have experienced what she was carrying in those days, you can relate, and you can help better. You know things she can combine, and things that are stressful. Both of you can even shop together in the market. It doesnt mean you follow her around to all the stores. You pack the car somewhere, and hang out there, while she goes inside to shop. She calls aboki to take them inside you car, and you drive home. You face the traffic together. That's partnership. You get so tired in the traffic that you just branch at one eatery and that is it for the day. But your wife goes to market, you dont know what she faces, and then, she must cook by fire by force for you at night..if she didnt cook, it is war. So, she developed the thought that she would show you pepper soon. And she is really showing pepper now. This is what I mean by 50/50.

Another example. You may get out of office and pick the children if she has a very good excuse. That's it. You need to even talk to her and look at her career. You may even get involved and help her climb higher. I do not know what she does, so, I'm telling you that try 50/50. It is mutual understanding. It doesnt mean that you share everything 50 - 50 like finance or even the house chores. Show serious concern and help her. Provide alternatives when she is hooked. Deliberately go out of your way to make it easy for her most times. Bro, Sunday can be a day to eat out for the whole family. If you are a Christian, just carry them out to eatery on Sundays, and eat there instead of at home. And find take away too. So that she doesnt enter kitchen on Sundays. Or you can even arrange for food to be prepared for your family instead of eating junks out. There are people who render services like that..

Bro, I have settled so many issues for couples. Things that stress women in Nigeria are things that dont exist abroad.

1. Clothes Hand washing: (they will wash and wash. Children's clothes, bla bla bla. Now, there are people who come home to do it. Even that is stressful. Just save and buy washing machine. Simple. That's the solution.

2. Dish washing. Oga, if you love yourself and you want a peaceful home, run and buy dish washer. No man will want to wash dishes, and that activities can mess up the brain when it's getting cumbersome.

3. Cooking: This is the worst. My advise is that there should be a day off for every woman to stay away from the kitchen. Either you eat out, or you get someone to prepare it. See, you can have someone who cooks even at home and your wife supervises while she is doing it so they dont go put rubbish in your food. Oga, learn how to get plastics packs ooo. Let the person come maybe once a week. And the person prepares the soup, stew, and maybe roasted beef, chicken, turkey, etc. And store in the fridge and freezer in different plastics packs (big, medium and small sizes). Use gradually for the week. Use a part to mix stew, and then when its half week, use the other part to mix the rest. So it will still be fresh. You can take vegetable in the first half of the week, and then take drawing soup into the second half. So, you make the drawing soup on Wed. Mind you, all the ingredients and chicken or beef are already prepared the last Sat. So, it is sharp sharp thing. Its cooperation.


Sir, I learned well from the womb that brought me to this world. My father was strict then, but my mother in those days was a foot mat everyone walked on. But thank God sha. It paid off. She had properties even more than my papa despite my papa was earning more. And I can tell you that she used to spend her money seriously. One day, all the children even sat down, we also tried to estimate how much we (children) used to take from papa and mama....you know what we did? I planned it. I used sense to collect the last list of prices of the foodstuff she bought for the month. She used to write list of monthly expenses. I got it, and we marked out the ones my father paid for, and the ones she paid for. Alsp, We added all our school fees and house bills (we took out NEPA bills ...then no one really pays for water). As in we used style to ask her all the things my father was paying for, and we compared with hers. Sir, my mama own pass. Cos all the "little little" expenses are crazy. I used to follow her to market regularly in those days sir. So, I used to hear all her lament how things was going up constantly, and she couldn't even tell her husband at home cos it would be world war. Lol. See, responsible women dey try. But there are ones that are demons too. But it made my mama to be a better money manager. She send me abroad. Also, she sent my bro too. The rest my papa paid for theirs in Naija...and see all those fine boy money pass school fees oooo. Wetin concern my papa? Na mama. And she kon dey place where she pushed all of us to UNILAG. Cos we all passed through the school before I japa then. This was a very long time ago ooo. A no be small person ooo. Se you can imagine in a family, all the children ....UNILAG..hahahha.. No one single private university im those days ooo. A beg, make a no talk too much. Is it those days she would come carry us from our granny place everytime I returned from school? Cos when the thing hooked her, she had to move us to a school near her mom's house. I was angry then cos I went to a less expensive school...as in the ones before me went to a better. I didnt finish there, I was withdrawn. But it was after 25 years I understood it. And I had to hug her. Mehn! I carried that thing inside for long that why? But I didnt know that she would have dropped dead of she didnt do it. It was wahala. See, my mama na gold oooo. Forget. Till date, hmmmmm....my papa still says it......my woman, my rock.

So, sit down and talk to yourself first. And call her after you have put sense inside you.

Kobojunkie:
Why you tell am that? Anyone force am to live with that? Abeg, no spoil market for the girlfriend.

I am hoping that my advice will prevent his situation from eventually resulting in stories that touch - especially since this SIMPing season started in 9ja. ;

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

Homeboiy:
The worst of it all be say the children go first buy their mama motor if they grow

Your own go be schnapps

No go kill your self o

Not in all cases. We bought car for our dad first before Mum

Sonnobax15:

Na wa oh......May thunder never forget to fire anybody wey say marriage institution no hard pass normal higher institution

Op,calm down first....In fact take a chili pill . It's definitely gonna be alright.......

Sometimes when I come across stories like this,I begin to wonder what really compels people to change after getting so close to each other...... People who are supposed to be the better halves of each other now becoming a bone in one partner's throat....No be so e suppose be na

Op,be a gentle man....Call her and sit her down.....Na you be the chairman of that family . No dey mumu around simply because say your Banny get better hustling ground pass you . Ginger up,be a man here bro . Clear her all her fvck up and if she try jump up jump up,make sure say you treat her fvck up accordingly

well said though!

bjcole:


There is nothing like 50/50. Marriage is God's laid down procedures, and we must follow his procedures for it to be successful. The husband is the head of the home, he dictates the tunes the wife supports and follows suit, the woman can bring advice too, but it's still subject to the man final approval. Responsible men always give some of these controlling roles to their wives, willingly and guides her if she falling out and it helps their family in a great deal.

I quite understand this was the home you came from. You father is/was the "alpha and the omega". Hahaha. Fortunately for him, the society suppressed your mother, and she was over used. No wahala. The same mentality, you have. Do not worry.

Unfortunately for you now, women have woken up. Oga, congrats. Please, do not change. I need you do exactly like your papa. Continue. And be the "Lord Luggard" of your house...and say...oh well, she can bring advice too. Lol. I have nothing to say to you.

One thing I am sure of. You will spend your old age alone. Take it. You will definitely be a lonely man. Dont worry. Continue. And let me tell you another issue...you will definitely have children with many women. You will be FFK. You see how that man is living a reckless life? A man who should concentrate on his first set of daughters and be their rock is busy holding fixing to a set of triplets diapers. Lol. That is exactly how your life will soon be. Dont worry.

Continue. Be the alpha and the omega of your home. And keep saying it that it is the way God made it. Na the woman who sees you and didnt notice it go suffer am. But mark my words, you will pay times 10.

Now , let us talk about the way God made it in the garden of Eden. God is not wicked. He gave them food in the garden. He did not give the woman a work. Just to comfort the man. It is not good for a man to be alone is what the Bible says. She is a companion first before being a helper. The woman no dey wash clothes in the garden. Abi she dey wash? The woman no dey hustle round hine things. In fact, Adam was taking care of the home, and the business. God did not give Eve a job to do. He gave it to Adam. And God did not say Eve should be a dummie to Adam. Cos if she was a dummie, she wouldn't talk to the serpent. She made decision also. So, oga, you can see that God's way was freedom. He didn't say the man is alpha and the omega. I dont know where you saw that in your Bible. But you guys twisted the Bible. And I dont blame you. You saw it in your papa, and you automatically think it is the right way. This is exactly your father. I think you need to visit a psychiatric to help you.

Goodluck!

AutoChick4U:
His wife is a career lady and she chose d career to her home. I see how u didnt comprehend his post cos what's employment through marriage got to do with anything

CAREER doesn't stop her from performing her conjugal & supportive roles.
I study 8hrs everyday, on the average.
I get home from work, clean up the cabinet, wash the bathroom as well as other things.
When you attach sensitive values to yourself, people around will gravitate towards you.

His WIFE is not a more career person than I am.
I crave for sound knowledge especially new ones.
She should better brace up.
The world is moving & no one waits 4u.

In a nutshell, I detest LAZINESS and excuses.
IF his WIFE isn't a HELP MATE, what then is she?

neonly:



Bro's I even told her d Bible say love yur husband has you love him
Just imagine she just got home now since 7am to 5,05pm not even a greet just straight to her room as it nothing is happing
Well Anger don dey build up now make I just waka go my friends place

after you got married, how were the first few years of the marriage? was she also going straight into her room after work in the first 3 years of the marriage?

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

Oga collect house help but put camera for ur house..
Manage yourself till your children are grown..then you can move on. A broken home affects children mentally for life.

Is this an issue? Young man if u tired just say it. Daz not an issue, y wont d both of u talk abt it. let her no that a good woman makes her home, it is her responsibility to keep her home in order & it’s understanding btw partners also. If she is d one bringing d bulk money home then u shld also understand d situation of things with her. She can get a house helper that comes to wk for u if u dont want a live in.

bjcole:

There is nothing like 50/50. Marriage is God's laid down procedures, and we must follow his procedures for it to be successful. The husband is the head of the home, he dictates the tunes the wife supports and follows suit, the woman can bring advice too, but it's still subject to the man final approval. Responsible men always give some of these controlling roles to their wives, willingly and guides her if she falling out and it helps their family in a great deal.

The claim in bold is the result of a curse God placed on marriage - Genesis 3 vs 16 - a curse, which Jesus Christ came to redeem all of those who chose to submit to Him from.

So if you are still bowing to that curse instead of to Jesus Christ, the one who God who redeem you from the curse, then you should look inwards to what is wrong with you.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

you should have this at back of your mind that no matter what you're the man of this house, you married her with your money. Call her and sit her down talk to her in a calmly manner and point out the thing or area she needs to adjust and the need for that.

Most career women always tired and lazy interms of house chores, you on other hands do the ones you can and leave others I believe she won't ask why you didn't do them.

Don't even think of divorce there is no perfect woman out there, you have lived with her for 15 good years and I believe you have mastered her character.

Try over look some of her behavior it will help in setting peace back because if you keep complaining there would be problem everyday.

MALIGNANTGuest:

I don't have issues with my WIFE cheating at all but if she must do it, that has to be from her Father's compound & not mine, since I'm the one who brought her into my coffers.

I can't divorce my MOM.
I can't divorce my DAD
I can't divorce my SISTERS. However,
...the word Divorce is reserved for only WIVES.

Lol! That means you have issues with your wife cheating. If you don’t have issues with your wife cheating, then she should be able to to cheat anywhere, be it in your home or her father’s house. Most guys can’t take 20% of what they dish to others smh

PeaceJoyLove:

I don't mean financial is 50/50. Some women get angry inside when they see the man just dishing the cash out, maybe you unconsciously used to say it out thst you pay for "this this that that those" when she asked you for more in those days....which is normal at times. So it drives them craz.y. But the funny thing is that, let the woman who boasted and promised herself to work and not rely on her husband starts earning huge, she will still not want to put in her money to assist. Well, maybe few out of them. Well, the way the society has made the man the alpha and the omega of the house in Nigeria, is the same way the woman has been made to let the man do everything. After all, the man is the "god" at home. So, they just concentrate on their siblings who arent part of the nuclear home... esp when the wife is the first born, hahahhaha..that is when her little bro puts it in her head to buy house for dem papa and mama. Meanwhile, the husband is struggling hard. It is the society we are in sir. But you guys can come together 50 - 50.

I meant that the activities of the house should be 50/50 stylishly. You make it look 50/50 even it may not be. You guys should sit down and arrange it well. It is a way to say that you assist her. While she is cooking, you take care of the kids not to frustrate her in the kitchen. And you may even enter the kitchen to assist her. Also, you may be the one to buy some petty things at home if she will be late. All you guys just do is to talk it all. Now that you have experienced what she was carrying in those days, you can relate, and you can help better. You know things she can combine, and things that are stressful. Both of you can even shop together in the market. It doesnt mean you follow her around to all the stores. You pack the car somewhere, and hang out there, while she goes inside to shop. She calls aboki to take them inside you car, and you drive home. You face the traffic together. That's partnership. You get so tired in the traffic that you just branch at one eatery and that is it for the day. But your wife goes to market, you dont know what she faces, and then, she must cook by fire by force for you at night..if she didnt cook, it is war. So, she developed the thought that she would show you pepper soon. And she is really showing pepper now. This is what I mean by 50/50.

Another example. You may get out of office and pick the children if she has a very good excuse. That's it. You need to even talk to her and look at her career. You may even get involved and help her climb higher. I do not know what she does, so, I'm telling you that try 50/50. It is mutual understanding. It doesnt mean that you share everything 50 - 50 like finance or even the house chores. Show serious concern and help her. Provide alternatives when she is hooked. Deliberately go out of your way to make it easy for her most times. Bro, Sunday can be a day to eat out for the whole family. If you are a Christian, just carry them out to eatery on Sundays, and eat there instead of at home. And find take away too. So that she doesnt enter kitchen on Sundays. Or you can even arrange for food to be prepared for your family instead of eating junks out. There are people who render services like that..

Bro, I have settled so many issues for couples. Things that stress women in Nigeria are things that dont exist abroad.

1. Clothes Hand washing: (they will wash and wash. Children's clothes, bla bla bla. Now, there are people who come home to do it. Even that is stressful. Just save and buy washing machine. Simple. That's the solution.

2. Dish washing. Oga, if you love yourself and you want a peaceful home, run and buy dish washer. No man will want to wash dishes, and that activities can mess up the brain when it's getting cumbersome.

3. Cooking: This is the worst. My advise is that there should be a day off for every woman to stay away from the kitchen. Either you eat out, or you get someone to prepare it. See, you can have someone who cooks even at home and your wife supervises while she is doing it so they dont go put rubbish in your food. Oga, learn how to get plastics packs ooo. Let the person come maybe once a week. And the person prepares the soup, stew, and maybe roasted beef, chicken, turkey, etc. And store in the fridge and freezer in different plastics packs (big, medium and small sizes). Use gradually for the week. Use a part to mix stew, and then when its half week, use the other part to mix the rest. So it will still be fresh. You can take vegetable in the first half of the week, and then take drawing soup into the second half. So, you make the drawing soup on Wed. Mind you, all the ingredients and chicken or beef are already prepared the last Sat. So, it is sharp sharp thing. Its cooperation.


Sir, I learned well from the womb that brought me to this world. My father was strict then, but my mother in those days was a foot mat everyone walked on. But thank God sha. It paid off. She had properties even more than my papa despite my papa was earning more. And I can tell you that she used to spend her money seriously. One day, all the children even sat down, we also tried to estimate how much we (children) used to take from papa and mama....you know what we did? I planned it. I used sense to collect the last list of prices of the foodstuff she bought for the month. She used to write list of monthly expenses. I got it, and we marked out the ones my father paid for, and the ones she paid for. Alsp, We added all our school fees and house bills (we took out NEPA bills ...then no one really pays for water). As in we used style to ask her all the things my father was paying for, and we compared with hers. Sir, my mama own pass. Cos all the "little little" expenses are crazy. I used to follow her to market regularly in those days sir. So, I used to hear all her lament how things was going up constantly, and she couldn't even tell her husband at home cos it would be world war. Lol. See, responsible women dey try. But there are ones that are demons too. But it made my mama to be a better money manager. She send me abroad. Also, she sent my bro too. The rest my papa paid for theirs in Naija...and see all those fine boy money pass school fees oooo. Wetin concern my papa? Na mama. And she kon dey place where she pushed all of us to UNILAG. Cos we all passed through the school before I japa then. This was a very long time ago ooo. A no be small person ooo. Se you can imagine in a family, all the children ....UNILAG..hahahha.. No one single private university im those days ooo. A beg, make a no talk too much. Is it those days she would come carry us from our granny place everytime I returned from school? Cos when the thing hooked her, she had to move us to a school near her mom's house. I was angry then cos I went to a less expensive school...as in the ones before me went to a better. I didnt finish there, I was withdrawn. But it was after 25 years I understood it. And I had to hug her. Mehn! I carried that thing inside for long that why? But I didnt know that she would have dropped dead of she didnt do it. It was wahala. See, my mama na gold oooo. Forget. Till date, hmmmmm....my papa still says it......my woman, my rock.

So, sit down and talk to yourself first. And call her after you have put sense inside you.

U know most of the things u type I do from onset like buying food stuff in bulk from mile12 so dat incase we need to buy food d burden wouldn't be too much and less expensive
Honestly dis behavior didn't start in a day which I know from people commets
Your own kind of mum are rear and belief me it was inbuilt in her yur father just had to discover it
But it totally different now in our society
Der some secret I can't say out if I do u will weep for
Eg der was a time I didn't have a kobo with and I was called to come for a job at ikoyi I told my wife to give a 1000 naira she said no money I ended up selling my generator coil for malam and raise 10k which I drop 5k before going out
Next day I was cleaning d house went to her carried one box up I swear 20k 1000 naira note poured on my body I wanted to run thought it was ritual money confronted her she said her freind gave her to keep those were some of d red flag but I over look it bro's I have seen a lots just don't want to pour every out on social media