Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

Are you yourself rich?
If you are, you won't bother asking this question.

Most rich couples you see today started small. They worked hard to get there. So stop thinking every one must be ready-made before they can get married.

Marrying from a middle class family doesn't guarantee a successful or happy marriage. Don't let your mum make such lifetime choices for you because you might live to regret it.

Marry the woman you love and rub minds with her as regards her familys liability placed on you and try to see how she can assist to relieve you of some of their burdens.

Finally, it's not a crime If God uses you to lift a family. However if it's telling badly on your finances, I'll advise you discuss with your sweet heart. She'll know how to stylishly tell her family to free you. Na normal thing. Her family will understand and adjust.

Love no easy to find o.

Why don't you empower her and make sure she's capable of taking care of her family financially through her income, it will go a long way and you won't have to be involved directly in her family condition. To be poor is not a crime and never their wish,since she's hardworking all you need do is to empower her.Don't break her heart because of a situation that is redeemable,you both have come a long way.

Mercychen:
Are you yourself rich?
If you are, you won't bother asking this question.

Most rich couples you see today started small. They worked hard to get there. So stop thinking every one must be ready-made before they can get married.

Trash

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

Bro jst pray to your God for Grace
Marriage is not as easy as it seems
So many responsibilities

And you have been dating her for eight years and you didn't complain about her poor background when you are eating mama thankioo........... and you thought people of class didn't see her then and she stick to you abi?......

My friend follow your heart and build your dreams with her in your capacity please

You and your parents were not aware of their financial situation all though the time you were dating? Did they not accompany you to pay her bride price? The deed has been done, you have already married her and you have no choice but to manage the situation. You know her people are low income people, they will always look up to you for financial support. You need to know where to draw the line so they won't milk you dry and run you in debt.

PS. Who made it a rule that it's the duty of the first born to train his/younger siblings? African parents needs to do away with this mentality of birthing children to carry financial responsibilities in future. It's totally unfair

It's not advisable to marry the 1st daughter from a poor home talk more of when she has many younger siblings and her family is overly demanding omo na die.. If you're capable carry go captain

It is not your responsibility to take care of her siblings, you just wan put leg for wetin no concern you. Na wife you marry not the family.

Assist with the little you have, invest in your wife. If she wants she can use all her capital and profit to help her people.

The question I have for you is will Chioma marry you if the tables were turned?


Don't let anyone guilt trip you. Love fades and reality sets in after a few years and by that time it will be too late because you will be bothering with middle age crises. Whatever choice you make will be your responsibility and not "village people"


The truth is bitter but it sets you free.

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

Be a man at this point

She has passed all the qualities you want in a woman remaining education

She can get education if you are willing to put her through its never too late

She has not done anything wrong to warrant you dropping the marriage

You already know that she is from a poor home and you were willing to help

Someone must hold the lather for someone to climb to the top

You may marry that educated woman that will put you in a hot seat for life yet you will regret why you dropped her

Build chioma to the taste of what you want from her

She can be trained as auxiliary nurse

She can be trained in other areas of women life

She is not a disabled woman so she is capable of doing what you guys desire

Her star could help brighten your light

That you are a Doc doesn't mean she has no value

But if you want to follow the advice of your mum, go ahead but when it's time to regret you alone will feel the pains not your mother

She is a treasure hold her tight because she loves you and has remained loyal to you

If you are rich help the poor, as simple as that

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

So y did you accept to carry such weight when you know it ain't easy? Never out do yourself in this life. The chioma can be brushed up to become independent and assist her family, any of her siblings can blow tomorrow.

Chioma


Davido

Baby mama

This I see

OB7Foreva:
It's not advisable to marry the 1st daughter from a poor home talk more of when she has many younger siblings and her family is overly demanding omo na die.. If you're capable carry go captain

Its not written anywhere that first will financially bear d burden of d younger ones. Younger ones can grow richer than d older ones sef

frozen70:


Be a man at this point

She has passed all the qualities you want in a woman remaining education

She can get education if you are willing to put her through its never too late

She has not done anything wrong to warrant you dropping the marriage

You already know that she is from a poor home and you were willing to help

Someone must hold the lather for someone to climb to the top

You may marry that educated woman that will put you in a hot seat for life yet you will regret why you dropped her

Build chioma to the taste of what you want from her

She can be trained as auxiliary nurse

She can be trained in other areas of women life

She is not a disabled woman so she is capable of doing what you guys desire

Her star could help brighten your light

That you are a Doc doesn't mean she has no value

But if you want to follow the advice of your mum, go ahead but when it's time to regret you alone will feel the pains not your mother

She is a treasure hold her tight because she loves you and has remained loyal to you

If you are rich help the poor, as simple as that

Will a rich woman even associate with a poor man?
Na only man God take dey uplift family?

Bro just do what's best for you, always put yourself first in everything.

Now the all big question is; can you stoop so low to ask ur younger sibling who's 15yrs younger 4 hlp??

AutoChick4U:
Its not written anywhere that first will financially bear d burden of d younger ones. Younger ones can grow richer than d older ones sef

OB7Foreva:
Now the all big question is; can you stoop so low to ask ur younger sibling who's 15yrs younger 4 hlp??

If he's in d position to help, definitely. Its not stooping low,its family helping family.

yomi007k:
The question I have for you is will Chioma marry you if the tables were turned?


Don't let anyone guilt trip you. Love fades and reality sets in after a few years and by that time it will be too late because you will be bothering with middle age crises. Whatever choice you make will be your responsibility and not "village people"


The truth is bitter but it sets you free.

100% correct

theForth:


Will a rich woman even associate with a poor man?
Na only man God take dey uplift family?

Bro just do what's best for you, always put yourself first in everything.

If a poor man will have the confidence to approach a rich woman for marriage

He already knows that he will humble himself

Or do you expect him to be poor and have pride

I

theForth:


Will a rich woman even associate with a poor man?
Na only man God take dey uplift family?

Bro just do what's best for you, always put yourself first in everything.

Most inexperienced men are afraid of rich women because they bruises their ego

Only the ones that are free minded that walks up to rich women

frozen70:
I

Most inexperienced men are afraid of rich women because they bruises their ego

Only the ones that are free minded that walks up to rich women

Na so, my dear rich women will go for richer men unless she's unattractive.

I would have advised the op to move on but dating for eight good years and just realising that she's from a poor home is dumb, why wait that much?

As for me poor women are a no no. Forget about character, beauty and hustling spirit, a lot of rich girls have these too.

theForth:


Na so, my dear rich women will go for richer men unless she's unattractive.

I would have advised the op to move on but dating for eight good years and just realising that she's from a poor home is dumb, why wait that much?

As for me poor women are a no no. Forget about character, beauty and hustling spirit, a lot of rich girls have these too.

That's it

Since you already committed to carrying your family and hers plus her education (I’m assuming she would want more?), please, please do not start birthing children until your financial situation improves significantly.

If there’s no improvement and you want to have kids, then make sure you are setting aside enough for your kids so that they don’t suffer as a result of your philanthropy and yes, that means you would need to maintain strict control over what you give family members. Sometimes, you just have to choose.

Ahah so nobody has advised him to build a house so his wife's mom and 6 kids can move in without his consent while he labours 24/7 from one maternity ward to another at FMC?
Reality will always swallow assumptions. Sad that you're just facing your reality after 8 years. Look, nobody will advise you to abandon her and her family after 8 years of dating. Moreover, you've paid her bride price.

I just hope you don't completely abandon your own family and make your (own) offspring suffer the consequences of your decision. I'm sure you do not earn more than 250k at FMC right now. 8 years ago, that amount can comfortably buy 14 bags of beans. Today, you can only buy 2.5 bags at N100k each (a bag used to be 15k 8 years ago pre-Bubu era).

You have just 35 years (in civil service). About 5 is already gone. When you wan turn consultant? My advise is for you to build yourself while you're developing others. This is the best decision you'll ever take.

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.
My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

Op, you will just kill yourself before your time.

You want to uplift two families from poverty at the same time?

Your mum has every reason to be bothered.

She's hardworking, she's supportive, she's this, she's that.

When a guy comes in that same package, they'll drop him like hot potato.

Op, you messed up too, after 8 years it's only now you realized she's from a poor background.

I find it discomforting when people talk about calling of wedding after bride price has been paid, is bride pricr payment not marriage rite. You are married already uncle.

That said, she never pretended or portrayed another thing to you. You and your family know how they are , you knew for 8 years now after paying bride price you are speaking grammer fear God nau, you think some other suitors wouldn't have come around those 8 years?

You didn't make a decision all this time, its after you have married her traditionally you and your people are realizing she doesn't have a degree and that they are poor.

Being poor is not a crime please.

Anyway you are married already, find a way yo manage your in-laws and your people. God be with you.

Guy notice how all the people supporting the marriage are all women. That's hypergamy speaking. Ask yourself this if you were uneducated and poor would any female doctor be willing to marry you.

Guy give yourself brain o. Doctors in Nigeria don't earn well and the responsibilities she will bring both from her and her family members will stall your dreams. I don't know if you are a resident planning to become a consultant or even writing foreign exams to japa but whichever route you take will require serious financial resources and concentration. Once you marry her now, prepare for her parents to ship at least two of her siblings to you. Don't say you don't care bla bla bla. This is Africa o. A cup of beans is 700 naira now. A cup of rice is 500. Food is expensive. Even on a salary of 500k as a doctor which you need to be senior resident to earn you will live hand to mouth. Better give yourself a working brain before you do what will you will regret for the rest of your life.

Funny when poor people don’t want to marry other poor people.
Abeg who will marry us if our fellow poor folks think they are too good for us?

Indeed. Shows lack of thought on their part

NoToPile:
I find it discomforting when people talk about calling of wedding after bride price has been paid, is bride pricr payment not marriage rite. You are married already uncle.

That said, she never pretended or portrayed another thing to you. You and your family know how they are , you knew for 8 years now after paying bride price you are speaking grammer fear God nau, you think some other suitors wouldn't have come around those 8 years?

You didn't make a decision all this time, its after you have married her traditionally you and your people are realizing she doesn't have a degree and that they are poor.

Being poor is not a crime please.

Anyway you are married already, find a way yo manage your in-laws and your people. God be with you.

8 years?

For 8 years he didn't know she was poor, but now at the end of a long time dent in her life, he and his family have realized she's illiterate and poor.

The things ladies go through. How can you even be serious with a man who doesn't marry you after 1 year?

OP needs a conscience.

She's better off starting afresh with someone who will agree to marry her in 6 months. 8 whole years of promising to marry her only to come to up with issues before it happens. At this rate he will drag it on while avoiding marrying her.

cococandy:
Funny when poor people don’t want to marry other poor people.
Abeg who will marry us if our fellow poor folks think they are too good for us?

Madam, there are levels to this shit.

Poor Chioma + Mum---fine

Poor Chioma + Mum + a sibling---still fine

Poor Chioma + Mum + two siblings---maybe manageable (assuming the Op doesn't have any responsibilities from his side)

But Poor Chioma + Mum + 6 other siblings + Op's Mum + Op's siblings? Haba!

I would have expected you came up with something else than emotional guilt-tripping.

Most ladies that have commented so far have probably put themselves in Chioma's shoes and gone ahead to say "Marry her na."

In the same vein, they should put themselves in the position of the Op's mother or perhaps a sister that might need his financial assistance and see if they'll advise such.

It is only logical for the Op to reconsider his marriage plans with the said lady. I only blame him for tagging her along for good eight years: perhaps he lacked foresight.