The advise I will give you won't be about your parents but about your tomorrow, so you won't make same mistakes as your parent.
Marry early, be responbile (you are already) and don't have more than a kid.

chinasaekpere:
Trust me, I have tried.
My parents have the mentality that they have tried their best and I should take up some responsibilities from here. We have had serious rifts on this issue.

Change your phone # until you have your sh*t together or else na problem you go jus dey Collect without moving forward in life

You all need Jesus

Your dad maybe church goer, try to find a day to call family meetings and preach the word of God for them to rededicate their life back to Christ.

Afterthen, find a day in a month or week to pray together as a family for you to be set free of the bondage.

But wait! Did you have Christ?

If you say you want to cut them off, God will raise a helper or any of your brother to take over of your duties or your parent might place a curse on you.

I have mentioned your solution earlier, the Lord will be with you

Shalom

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

Use your pops for money rituals and cather for the rest of the family


Just remember to thank me later

Its a good thing you have a goal you want to accomplish. Your dad never had a successful business yet you joined him in the fish business without knowing the hole had dug for himself. That's why I always say keep your family and business completely separated. Your brothers are grown men, the best they need from u is credible advice. I don't basically mean word 2 word, I'm talking your footsteps to follow, game plan cus they're watching. You're being a nice guy and nice guys don't think long term, they are emotional and prefer immediate gratification. These people might praise you now but you'll only have yourself when you're in real trouble, without finances, goals, network. Don't be like your dad, don't be a church Muppet.

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

I feel ur pain bro
As a first child too , I know how it feels

kingphilip:
And that is why it is good to marry early, bear all your children early too so that before retirement, they should at least be all off school.

I won't tell you to cut them off completely but like I do tell me, have a budget before your salary comes, immediately you get the salary, implement your budget and the cash left over you can use it to render help or borrow others as you can but you know you've settled most key expenses of yours.

This is just lack of proper planning, it has nothing to do with early or late marriage! kids need money to grow & school too..not young parents.


People just think they will work forever without retirement despite d place they are working ain't theirs until reality hits...I know a man who married very late but I have never seen him having any money problem, he retired at d peak of his carrier with several business bringing in cash flows.

Cutting them off completely isn't the best option but you can do it this way..
Every month send them an allowance that you propose within yourself, thereafter just ignore every other requests cos you'll never cross over to financial freedom with this your current style of handling matters.

kingphilip:
And that is why it is good to marry early, bear all your children early too so that before retirement, they should at least be all off school.

I won't tell you to cut them off completely but like I do tell me, have a budget before your salary comes, immediately you get the salary, implement your budget and the cash left over you can use it to render help or borrow others as you can but you know you've settled most key expenses of yours.

. What if you marry early and kids don't come early?

Op pls don't hesitate to cut off your papa but never abandon your mother I repeat NEVER abandon your mother
If given the chance I know those stingy old men would abandon us on a bridge....I just pity my old man cause he thinks he has someone that would feed him when he's old the way I go shock am my elder bro has hammered and left him to paddle his canoe.
All the treatment he gave us when we were young he go meet am for front

Just calm down and continue helping out. The others should grow up and help out too...

Retirement from the civil service is often a bummer, most don't have life skills, they probably spent the last 40 years of their lives getting paid for just showing up to work.... The ability to adjust once that dries up is a mitigating factor for survival....

Sit everyone down and discuss how to move on. Your plans for your future and the stipend that u can give them. Every one has to make sacrifices.

Workch:
It's not easy o, but some parents can kill the children destinies Sha.
You make the children and then put them in tight corner

This right here is the bane of struggling parents who "invest" in their children. They see it as an investment and feel they need to reap when its time. I really dont blame them. The man has to stand at this point and be a little bit heartless. Otherwise he won't be able to help out when he is dragged down.

Great idea I still think it will be better if he cuts off one of them instead of both obviously the man should be first choice to get the axe

BarrElChapo:
Cut them off completely isn't the best option but you can do it this way.. Every month send them an allowance that you propose within yourself and send it.. thereafter just ignore every other requests cos you'll never cross over to financial freedom with this your current style of handling matters.

chinasaekpere:
Trust me, I have tried.
My parents have the mentality that they have tried their best and I should take up some responsibilities from here. We have had serious rifts on this issue.

as if i knew when i made this post below.

njelrapheal:

This right here is the bane of struggling parents who "invest" in their children. They see it as an investment and feel they need to reap when its time. I really dont blame them. The man has to stand at this point and be a little bit heartless. Otherwise he won't be able to help out when he is dragged down.

mariahAngel:
Instead of outrightly cutting them off, why don't you first try opening up to your parents, your father especially, about how you feel, the challenges you've been going through, and how it hasn't been easy for you, and won't be easy to start your own family if things continue the way they're going?
Give yourself and them that benefit at least.
I believe you're yet to have that adult discussion with them.

believe me, this wont work. what he needs to do is to stop all the pressure coming from them. there is nothing he wants to discuss that they dont know. he is the one that will stop!!!! once they ask for money AND YOU DON'T HAVE , just pray that God will provide and DO NOT PICK THEIR CALLS AGAIN!!! wait like 3 weeks then call them. i assure u they would have sorted themselves out. YOU will then greet them. dont even ask how far with the problem. continue calling and telling them you just want to hear their voice, once they ask for money again and u cant afford it, pray that God will provide for them and dont pick their calls again. Do this for like a year and see if the pressure will not reduce. They see u as d first point of call cos u always respond and they wont believe when u say u dont have. So it is either u bury them or they bury u if u continue like this. and where i come from, it is a normal prayer that children will bury their parents not the other way round!!! SHALOM!!!!!

It's the same with many of us. I'll advise, pls don't cut them off. If u do, u'll live with guilt all your life.
In my own case, I save money in our cooperative society and I can't access it easily. Recently I had some money, I immediately put it in a fix deposit before they'll come up with another problem.
Just try to make your savings not easily accessible, so whenever they come up with money issues, tell them u don't have. But time to time help them with feeding money that's all.

Tell your father to sell the uncompleted house or take a loan from a bank to complete it, while using the house as a collateral.

gen2lpat:
You are the first of 4 and obviously the opara. Your problem is your mentality.

From the story, the only place your dad faulted was the fish farming investment. Others are responsibility you mentally referred to as lend, borrow.

I'm the first son, I started a business for my mum when I was 29 and now building a house for my parents @ 32. Have spent millions but I am guided with the mentality that these are my responsibilities.

Any assistance you render to your siblings or parents are responsibilities. How can you even say you borrowed your mum money to start business when I expect you to say you assisted her with finance to start up a business.

Fix your reasoning.

If you want to cut off your parents, then please relinquish your rights as first son. No come dey chuk eye for family properties of you can't shoulder responsibility and be calm about it.

Ndewo

He is not saying it is not his responsibility, you also need to know all fingers are not equal, you quoting millions and all you did for your parent is because you can afford it, I also know of a person who built storey buildings for each of his children, and there are some that depend on their children even if the children know it is their responsibility but life throws us different things...

it's like all the parents born around Nigeria's independence have that mentality...
same thing is applicable in my family and the families of some of my friends...
extended family members also bring their financial burdens...
simply have a monthly contribution to your family and do not exceed the amount except if there is an emergency...
you have to start planning on building your own life...
because even if u give them all your earnings, it still will not be enough...

@chinasaekpere

No do pass yourself cause if you break down or God forbid are no more it would be difficult for them seeing as they are dependent on you.

Even if you're the first child and your family needs help, try and find a way to relieve yourself of the mounting pressure.

•Try and open a business which you're sure your parents would be able to manage so they can save up some money.
• learn to say NO sometimes

• if possible put them on monthly allowance and let them know that that's all the help you can give them in a month, same for your siblings. Make sure you remember yourself In all these.

• it's not easy being a first child. I'm actually in a similar situation. I pay rent, I pay school fees, electricity bill, buy food, clothes ... While letting go of my needs till I fell seriously sick and no one removed a Kobo to help with my hospital bills. E pain me Sha.

• don't stop helping. But the only person you should put above yourself is God

Remag666:
Op pls don't hesitate to cut off your papa but never abandon your mother I repeat NEVER abandon your mother
If given the chance I know those stingy old men would abandon us on a bridge....I just pity my old man cause he thinks he has someone that would feed him when he's old the way I go shock am my elder bro has hammered and left him to paddle his canoe.
All the treatment he gave us when we were young he go meet am for front

Even at that, do you understand that your case and that of OP are not the same in totality, even if I can relate, his case and my case are also not the same, even if I have the close to the same thought as you, my case and your case is not still the same... But in all we all should learn that religious leaders won't solve financial problems rather they will complicate it...

Guy, if you want ROI within 3 months plant corn, if you want ROI in 1 year I advice u plant yam but if you want ROI of a lifetime "invest in people (your younger once)... For that of your parents I advice you study what the bible says in the book of Psalms 91 v 7,

Do not cast me away when I am old, do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

StennyB:
@chinasaekpere

No do pass yourself cause if you break down or God forbid are no more it would be difficult for them seeing as they are dependent on you.

Even if you're the first child and your family needs help, try and find a way to relieve yourself of the mounting pressure.

•Try and open a business which you're sure your parents would be able to manage so they can save up some money.
• learn to say NO sometimes

• if possible put them on monthly allowance and let them know that that's all the help you can give them in a month, same for your siblings. Make sure you remember yourself In all these.

• it's not easy being a first child. I'm actually in a similar situation. I pay rent, I pay school fees, electricity bill, buy food, clothes ... While letting go of my needs till I fell seriously sick and no one removed a Kobo to help with my hospital bills. E pain me Sha.

• don't stop helping. But the only person you should put above yourself is God

Please explain the last part of putting God above himself as per Finance or money as been discussed here... Because to the best of my knowledge God does not need our money as we were made to believe...

Cutting them off will not solve the problem that your facing as an African man but it can even put you to shame or may even cause you a greater pain and distress. Do you know why garter snakes always look new and neat; it is because it shades off it's skin.

So my brother I suggest that you shades off your skin, minimize some expenses and set everybody free. That's the only way out.

1: Bring the family together and avoid extra cost of rent.
2: you can advice your father to sell the propose building projects or you will rent it out completely Anyhow.
3: change the school of your younger siblings to the ones more affordable and make them to be doing a part time job.
4: set your mums business kicking and find something for your daddy to be doing so that he won't incall more debt.
5: then you can be given them little cash so that you can plan for your future. Don't rush into Marriage because you will regret it. Maximize your efforts and create another business to support your daily earning.

Evii:
Guy, if you want ROI within 3 months plant corn, if you want ROI in 1 year I advice u plant yam but if you want ROI of a lifetime "invest in people (your younger once)... For that of your parents I advice you study what the bible says in the book of Psalms 91 v 7,

Do not cast me away when I am old, do not forsake me when my strength is gone.

In all these, you have failed to address the real koko of the matter, which is his own mental health, as a result of debt incurred and not having enough to even meet his own basic needs...
And investing in one's younger siblings is not an investment but a help you render according to your capability with no expectation in return. Don't let many of us talk about our experience in that aspect, it's mostly disappointment.

cayorday89:
Please explain the last part of putting God above himself as per Finance or money as been discussed here... Because to the best of my knowledge God does not need our money as we were made to believe...

I never said he should give his money to God.

If my comment offends you. Sorry

LEARN HOW TO SAY NO AND BE FIRM ABOUT IT, YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR THEM. YOU ARE REALLY SOUNDING LIKE A CHILD OR ARE YOUR PARENTS USING JUJU FOR YOU, WITH THE WAY THINGS IS GOING NOW EHN YOU PARENTS WILL END UP SENDING YOU TO AN EARLY GRAVE WHILE THEY CONTINUE THEIR LIFE WHILE YOU ARE GONE,

Ginaz:
You have a problem with saying “NO” to their requests and that has landed you in this huge mess.

You’re a young man about to start life, you can’t move forward or have anything meaningful if you ain’t focus on your finances.

Whenever they call to request for money, kindly and respectfully refuse to help . Have a goal to upgrade your finances, save and put your money in accounts you won’t have free access into.

You have tried for you family to your capacity, you are not financially strong to take more responsibility without wreaking your future.

Let “your no means no” sometimes.

Well said

chinasaekpere:
I am thinking of staying away for a while to get myself together.
I have a girl friend who works with a federal university, she’s smart and ideal for me but whenever I think about all these, I get scared of taking up marital responsibilities.
I think I have to stay away for awhile to focus on myself and making a family. What do you think?

The best thing you will do for yourself now is to focus on yourself for now.

StennyB:



I never said he should give his money to God.

If my comment offends you. Sorry

At all it did not offend me, reason why I said you should explain what it means, I only buttress my point with that because taht is what many of us has been made to believe, and that is the biggest issue with many parents, they would rather prefer to make donations to church rather than meeting most of the needs of the children with hope that the children will benefit God's endless blessings in future... But we all know the best investment is on your children while doing the little you can to support God's work and people around you if you are capable...

Bro, kneel and ask God for wisdom, because you lack it, No matter what, your father is a responsible man, is just that the environment he found himself is not helping matters, a man who saw you through school is now irritating you, your mother whose face is now wrinkle because of daily struggle to provide for you and your siblings is now a burden, let me tell you something you don't know; The Day you loose your parent you will begin to regrets all you are saying, you don't know especially your father being alive is like a shield for you, youand siblings. You shouldn't be complaining you don't know how your parents have suffered just to provide for you and your siblings, how many times he collected loan just to provide for you All, and you're suppose to be grateful to God that you can provide for yourself and even invest into your family business, let me tell you something your father has the best interest for you guys wallahi, he even started a house project going in Ogun state, if he completes he's house in the village if He die his family will collect the house from you guys and Chase your mother away, stop complaining, stop lamenting try and encourage him, he's not just anybody to you, your parent are part of your life, The only real people in your life any other is counterfeit, try all you can to provide for them with the little you have, so that they can bless you and you will prosper in all your endeavours. Don't mind all the miscreants here telling you to cut off your parents, because if you do nothing will work well for you, try your best you are still a young man, don't rush to get marry.
And it shall be well with you, I am talking from experience, I paid for my waec twice, I supported my younger one's through school, I paid all my fees while at the University, despite that nothing will make me cut my family out, nothing, and by the grace of God I am doing absolutely well in life, because their prayers is paving way for me, and I am proud of them.
Contact me for more advice. Facebook Joseph ilemona/08126837189.