Foodqueen:
And am very sure, u once dated a homely girl.

But when she was doing those things her mother taught her to do diligently, you took it for desperation and u abandoned her.

Seeing the way good girls are abandoned to marry all these other type of girls ehn!

umehaam:


Maybe you should read and point out where I got it wrong.

umehaam:
I will be concise and as straight to the point as possible and will appreciate people’s advice or suggestions especially married folks.
I got married first week of August this year. This is just three months of marriage.
We didn’t have long courtship because she’s based in a different location and hardly visits.
Now we are married, I’ve started seeing things I don’t really like and is giving me concern. I’ve called her to have a close heart to heart talk but each time I do that it normally ends in quarrels.

These are the issues, I’m a neat person and even before marriage I do my chores myself. I hardly eat outside because I cook all type of food and store in deep freezer and I’m the type that likes things to be neat and environment tidy.
But my wife is the opposite. My wife hardly wash dishes. If she does it she will be feeling like she has done one big job or so. For the past three months we got married I have been the one washing dishes most of the time. Plates will fill the sink she will ignore it until I wash and clean everywhere. Hardly will you see her sweep the room or even mob. I do cleaning of the room and the last time it was mob I was the one.
I made sure I got her stuffs she needs to be comfortable. I got her a washing machine but I will still be the one to load clothes in the washer and even when she does that, she will keep them for me to go downstairs and hang after washing and still bring them back when completely dried.
I do those things without complaining but recently it has turned to be my duty that even when I’m not around and she wash, she will keep them for me to come home and hang them downstairs.
For three weeks our room has not been swept. Just this night I felt really bad seeing many plates in the kitchen sink and she just ignored all.

Not as if she’s working. We are planning on securing a shop for her because she is a business person and still does business online currently and most of her reason according to her why she doesn’t do most chores is because she said she’s always talking to customers on chat. I’ve asked her what of people that manages several business so they don’t have time for their family? I’m just being skeptical starting up a business for her because since she’s doing this way when she has not started a full blown business, how will she do when she’s now managing big business.

I do cook well and most often she relegate cooking to me. Is either she cook one and beg me to cook the other. I’ve been so down and that’s not what I bargained for.

I complained bitterly about her action this night and she’s threatening me with divorce. We are just married for three months and the way it is going now I don’t think I can’t bear this going forward.
She got angry this evening because I told her that the way she keeps house untidy that just very soon my coming back here will be to just come home and sleep and leave the next morning because I’m tired. She got angry and started moving her things from our room to the visitors room with a threat of divorce. I don’t know what to do.

Foodqueen:
And am very sure, u once dated a homely girl.

But when she was doing those things her mother taught her to do diligently, you took it for desperation and u abandoned her.

Seeing the way good girls are abandoned to marry all these other type of girls ehn!

Lush100:
Ma'am

U will be surprised until u hear it from a man's mouth(but men will hardly tell). Because women can do such just to prove a point.

Foodqueen:
And am very sure, u once dated a homely girl.

But when she was doing those things her mother taught her to do diligently, you took it for desperation and u abandoned her.

Seeing the way good girls are abandoned to marry all these other type of girls ehn!

Klass99:


The matter don reach to divorce abeg!

Not only is she a dirty and untidy person, she refuses to take corrections and make amends. Lazy, dirty and unjustifiably stubborn is not a good combination.

Three months isn't far gone to reverse a mistake abeg, before she gets pregnant. With children, reversing the mistake will become even harder.

@ Umehaam, from your narrative you haven't done anything wrong (in my opinion) I cannot stand a messy/dirty environment or a messy/dirty person - it's a deal breaker for me.

Let her have the divorce she is threatening you with, she dey ment ni? Imagine what your life and house will be like when the children come! No offence meant but your wife comes across as the sort of woman who will finish a maid with house work.

Maids will come and go, frequently, because they cannot cope with the level of filth and work in your house. Some maids are actually clean and neat people, who will not take on the kind of challenge in your house for long, two weeks and they will quit

And Izzou, for better for worse means in good times or bad times (financially/economically) it does not mean condoning nonsense behaviour like this for the rest of your married life.

izzou:
You better calm down and fix your marriage.

When you said for better for worse, this was what you swore to bear.

You now know the true picture of the woman you married. I wouldn't say you carried out due diligence or not, but you have to find a way to manage the situation.

What actually made you love her? Dwell more on that.

Instead of shouting and threatening, find a way to make her a neat person in love. Teach her how to be neat. Be patient through the process

The matter never reach to divorce

umehaam:


I didn’t beg her to marry me. I do dishes because I felt she will appreciate my support even in the kitchen but she has pushed that to me. If she has a lot of plate in the sink she will leave it for me

umehaam:


She has talked about maid. I even tried getting one but not yet successful. I’m
Also afraid that having maid she will leave even cooking to maid and everything in the house.

umehaam:
I will be concise and as straight to the point as possible and will appreciate people’s advice or suggestions especially married folks.
I got married first week of August this year. This is just three months of marriage.
We didn’t have long courtship because she’s based in a different location and hardly visits.
Now we are married, I’ve started seeing things I don’t really like and is giving me concern. I’ve called her to have a close heart to heart talk but each time I do that it normally ends in quarrels.

These are the issues, I’m a neat person and even before marriage I do my chores myself. I hardly eat outside because I cook all type of food and store in deep freezer and I’m the type that likes things to be neat and environment tidy.
But my wife is the opposite. My wife hardly wash dishes. If she does it she will be feeling like she has done one big job or so. For the past three months we got married I have been the one washing dishes most of the time. Plates will fill the sink she will ignore it until I wash and clean everywhere. Hardly will you see her sweep the room or even mob. I do cleaning of the room and the last time it was mob I was the one.
I made sure I got her stuffs she needs to be comfortable. I got her a washing machine but I will still be the one to load clothes in the washer and even when she does that, she will keep them for me to go downstairs and hang after washing and still bring them back when completely dried.
I do those things without complaining but recently it has turned to be my duty that even when I’m not around and she wash, she will keep them for me to come home and hang them downstairs.
For three weeks our room has not been swept. Just this night I felt really bad seeing many plates in the kitchen sink and she just ignored all.

Not as if she’s working. We are planning on securing a shop for her because she is a business person and still does business online currently and most of her reason according to her why she doesn’t do most chores is because she said she’s always talking to customers on chat. I’ve asked her what of people that manages several business so they don’t have time for their family? I’m just being skeptical starting up a business for her because since she’s doing this way when she has not started a full blown business, how will she do when she’s now managing big business.

I do cook well and most often she relegate cooking to me. Is either she cook one and beg me to cook the other. I’ve been so down and that’s not what I bargained for.

I complained bitterly about her action this night and she’s threatening me with divorce. We are just married for three months and the way it is going now I don’t think I can’t bear this going forward.
She got angry this evening because I told her that the way she keeps house untidy that just very soon my coming back here will be to just come home and sleep and leave the next morning because I’m tired. She got angry and started moving her things from our room to the visitors room with a threat of divorce. I don’t know what to do.

Klass99:


The matter don reach to divorce abeg!

for better for worse means in good times or bad times (financially/economically) it does not mean condoning nonsense behaviour like this for the rest of your married life.

GboyegaD:
Teach her to do stuffs the way you want it in love. Learn not to nag her and watch her grow.

dahmie2013:
Wow... If this is true, you are definitely my kind of man. I love neat men. I am extremely neat. To the matter, please just accept her for who she is so peace can reign in your home.

Justbehave:
Can you accept a dirty man who is unwilling to change for peace to reign? As you sef love neat men.

dahmie2013:
Wow... If this is true, you are definitely my kind of man. I love neat men. I am extremely neat. To the matter, please just accept her for who she is so peace can reign in your home.

dahmie2013:

The challenge is, he didn't do his due diligence before getting married. For me after the God factor, that is the next I must check.
I won't support divorce on this grounds.

Justbehave:
Let's assume you found yourself in such situation. Will you accommodate such even as he has refused to understand and make amends ?

dahmie2013:

Fine, to be honest, I am a religious person. I will just accept my fate.