~~~FIFTY~FOUR~~~
I walked back into the show and sat down watching artist sing rubbish in the name of songs. I would have stand up and left there but heck I was on a supposed manager duties so I couldn't leave if my artist doesn't leave.

Well that was not the main reason though... No be like say them go pay me anything but I observed one girl that sang, babe tight die and using my influence to get to the back stage, I knew I could atleast get her number after the show.


I met the girl I was admiring speaking to my artist after the show, I noticed that the new girl was searching around for someone and trying to make calls so I waited till she was through.


"Hello bae... Nice voice." I complimented her.

She turned and looked at me like a piece of trash, I was about cutting my loss and slipping away when my artist made introductions.


"That's my manager, if you want a collabo with me, he'll set us up." My artist explained.


Like magic, the look on the girl's face lightened. She immediately started smiling and gave me a warm hug.


"Your artist is good, I've been a big fan of her. I wish my manager was here, I'll have liked you to meet her, I don't know where she disappeared to, and she isn't picking her calls."


"And who is your manager?"




"One Miss Anna..."



"Anna" I shouted....

"Do you know her?"


"Maybe, maybe not. But the name sounds familiar though. Well you can give me your number, I'll set up a meeting."


As she left, I pack hand put for head. So Anna sef na artiste manager. How I wan take chyke babe when she don nab me, and the babe come dey vex with Me join, I realised that if she finds out, my probability of getting her artiste was minus Zero...


Time was of the essence. So I called the girl the next morning, called my artist also to update her about their meeting. I invited both of them to my house but at different times, make I see whether person go fit run package before matter cast.




I don set everywhere in expectation only to be stunned by the presence of Anna and her artiste at the door.


I don't know who was more surprise, Anna or I, her artiste managed to snap Anna out of her trance, my eyes were Instantly red like pepper.

While Anna's trance was because of shock, mine was of pure rage and disappointment, why would this yeye girl carry her manager along. She's mad Sha....



I walked them in and entertained them, then called my artiste to come meet us immediately, the babe wasn't glad to be hurried ahead of time...

I let them do their thing as I brood around in my room. Anna presence jolted me off my bed as she walked into my room.


"So tell me, how did I go from knowing you in your parents house to living with Collins and managing an artiste?" She said sitting next to me...



"Very long story ma'am, how's life?" I asked her.



"I'm okay. But seriously when did you start to smoke? You used to be a good guy."



"You happened to me..." I cut in...., "I might have been a better person if we're still together."





"Uduak, don't go there. I have a serious boyfriend. Our past is past, and by the way you're smoking now, even if I'll take you back, I can't start with trying to cure you of an addiction.

Let's just kill this topic, infact lemme check the girls." Anna said and walked out before I'll say anything else, I could see that she was emotional already....








I found myself trying her number numerous times that night for reasons best known to me.

Anna didn't pick any of my calls to add to my misery....



I found myself scrolling through my phone contacts, I just wanted to hear one babe voice, any babe would do, but you know devil eh, naso I dey scroll until I entered letter 'G'



I smiled as I saw the number that I hadn't called in ages.....

I quickly dialled the number without thinking..... I deleted all her numbers when we broke up but then I still managed to have her GLO line, I remembered why it was there.....





I was still thinking when the lovely calm enticing voice answered the call....



"Hello Good Afternoon...."




I bursted into laughter..........

Thanks for the update.

Keep Rocking bro

See suspense sha


And thanks for the update, I know it's not easy

Grace

Is it Aunty Grace you called? ...

Thanks for the update bro!

Reading through the lines, aswear I just the picture you in my mind's eye like the WWW DROCK character. Guy your face show your shoe shine.

Oga boss, how are you?

~~~FIFTY~FIVE~~~
"What's funny?" Grace asked after my continous laughter.


"Well, it's been awhile. I don't know why I laughed though."


"Uduak-obong?"



"Na me oh. Longest time."




"Uduak? What? Are you for real? Like where have you been?" Grace screamed as excitement clouded her voice.


"Lots of places..."



"So what's your latest location?"


"I still dey where we dated oh, I went round some states and came back. What about you?"


"I dey Kaduna now..."



"Working or Married?"


"Hahahaha, am I that old? Well I'm still single though, I work with a modelling agency, we went to Kaduna for a Beauty contest....."



"Nice one, I'm sure you're a big girl now. Maybe with your ride and crib..." I teased her...





"Abegi.... You are the guy with unlimited hustles, I thought you'll be out of the country by now?" She replied.


"Out of country keh? Ifa hear."


"So where do you work now?" Grace asked me.


"Stay at home industries."



"Where is that located?" She asked confused.

I bursted into laughter and told her I was joking. One talk led to another talk until my airtime finished....


We had spent roughly 40 minutes catching up... Suddenly my day brightened up as I stepped out to go jollificate small....



Before I slept, I called Grace again. Like she was expecting my call, we continued speaking till I ran out of airtime again...


I repeated the same procedure in the morning, each time I was the one that called and if my airtime finished, that's all, she doesn't call me back.....

By the second day, when we were speaking, she made a strange observation.

"Hmm, Uduak you're a big boy, see how much airtime you're burning everyday. How come you haven't sent mine?"




"Ah, Ah, you na big girl na. How you go dey ask me for airtime again?" I exclaimed....




"Well I'm asking you now. Would you do it or not?"



"Eh, I'll try...."



"See, I load minimum of #500 airtime, please don't send anything less......"




"Grace who is that?" A voice in the background cut Grace amazing speech short.


"It's my former boyfriend." Grace answered the person....



"Tell am to send my own airtime too with yours since he wan come back for you." The female voice encouraged Grace.





"Ehen, Former boyfriend, my friend said you should send for her also, and since you are sending like #500 own for her, my own most be more, cause na me ask first..."





"No problem Ma... I dey una back.... We go talk later ..... Take care"



"You too... I dey wait for the airtime ooo" she replied as I cut the call.
















































Legend has it that she's been waiting for that airtime till 2023... I blacklisted and deleted the number as soon as I dropped that call.

Nonsense and ingredients.....




All I needed was someone to talk to not someone that would task me despite telling her that I'm jobless, that shows no connections whatsoever from yesteryears...


I gently pack my clothes and jumped off that 'ship' cause some ships are best left in the past....




We mueeveeeeeeeeeee

Thank you. You too much.

You face show

Damnnnn!!! Such savagery.

Carterj007:
Oga boss, how are you?

I am fine

Carterj007:
Thank you. You too much.

i see you man...

Hungerbadoo:
You face show

My face shine....

Silentgroper:
Damnnnn!!! Such savagery.

My joyometer is reading zero...

Therock5555:

My joyometer is reading zero...

Omoh... Dat kind level no be here oo.

~~~FIFTY~SIX~~~
By midweek in church, we were told the not too sad news of our youth pastor father's death.

It was more like a celebration because the man was already 97 years old, so I wasn't expecting anybody to shared a tear.

Wetin sweet my ears be say the burial na for village and free vehicle go dey. Me wey be explorer, atleast I go enter a new location that day and then I knew that food go dey because my youth pastor wife na my Sunday school head, and I be her favourite pet.


And to juice it more, the man na politician so mens them wey go enter that village that day go loud... Enough spraying of cash go dey....

Collins was game too, I met him when I arrived that morning with a side bag, he was wearing a side bag too. I smile, he smiled too.


We found ourselves at the back of our former Sunday school teacher's car. Her husband was driving, so we put up at the back with two of their kids.



That woman mended the living shit out of our lives when we were kidding, I was eyeing her eldest son and licking my lips waiting for him to grow alittle more make I mend the karma shit outta his ass.

When I raised my eyes to look at Collins, he was staring at the other little girl and licking his lips, as he caught my stare, he grinned widely and gave me the thumbs up, no words were spoken but we perfectly understood ourselves...



Loud gunshots ranted the atmosphere as we looked for a place to park. My ex Sunday school teacher began panicking and asking her husband.


"Why are the shooting gun in a burial? Don't they know that children are around?" She panicked as she covered her kids as best as she could, Collins and I behaved like say we no dey exist inside that vehicle.



"Uduak, please can you stay in the car with my kids till the burial is over?" The woman asked me as the car came to a stand still.


"No Ma, I wan go help my [youth] Presido wife for inside, she say make I check her if I come here." I explained.


Before the woman would turn to ask Collins, he was already out of the car and slamming the door shut as he briskly walked away, I circled the other side and jogged till I leveled with Collins...



"Bad guy.... You just loss like ghost" I hailed Collins.




"No mind that woman, her brain dey shake if she think say we go come burial to come siddon for car as her children nanny." He replied...



"No mind her, after all the mending we collected as teens. She go talk if na we help her born the chil......."


I was still speaking when another round of gun shots ranted the air, obviously they were hunters from the association that the deceased belonged to, they were paying him their last respects...


Soon after, Masquerades took over. I made sure I took a safe position far enough from the main action to avoid any altercation, but if them born the masquerade well, make e come my side come touch me, I go use the hunger wey I dey face to damage him blokus.


Well luckily for the gods, fate was on their side cause the masquerade chased folks in all directions except our side.

"Guy, is it not funny that masquerade is coming out for our youth Presido father's burial and pastor's full here and every body is cool with it?"

I asked Collins, he turned and looked at me, smiled and continued watching the action.



Before I'll comment again, Collins don go track one village babe wey get big boobs like say na mighty sizes of paw paw wey them tie for her chest, and she no wear bra but the paw paw boobs dey defile gravity, from where I stood, I was sighting the nipples.

No wonder Collins went for the package. I was bitting my lips andbl staring around for another better chick but be like all of them go on strike, na old mamas don choke everywhere. Abi na me no dey see fine girls again because that nipples don chook my eyes.





My eyes first caught hers as I waived to catch her attention, she was scanning the crowd for someone, then her eyes caught mine finally.

Her stare was a mixture of relief and apprehension, I wasn't sure which was happening that moment, but then she waived me over.


"Shebi I said you should come and check for me when you arrive? Where's Collins?" My Sunday school head teacher asked me as I walked up to her....



"Ahhhhh" that was the only answer I gave to her questions, the 'Ahhh' was for pretending to attend her first question and then I was indicating with my hand that Collins was behind me, I was moving backwards at the same time to go get him as her brow tightened...



"Guy them dey find us...." I barged into Collins who had pinned the girl near one paw paw tree and was pressing her stylishly while putting his hand on the tree behind him.



"Who dey find us?" He queried.


"Presido wife... She dey wait for us over there."

That was enough to wreck his connection, he immediately told the babe to look for him after the burial before walking away...



"Guy you collect her number?" I asked Collins.



"No....., But I go find pen write am for her." He assured me.


One part of my mind was sweeting me that he hasn't succeded..... YET!!!






As God would have it, we were given kitchen duties. As in, we were assigned to share food and drinks during refreshments time.

We just dey smile like say we win Canada visa lottery. We couldn't wait to start the job. But then we were given two big glass plates of rice and meat to consume first make we get energy for the work.

My Sunday school head just dey hail me and Collins as we ate against time, if only she knew the plans we had for her.

After declaring our food and meat wanted, we balanced it with a bottle of coke each and got to work.

Guess the work?



Opening bottles.....


Best job ever....

Collins go find four empty containers of bottle water and shared it with me, we filled them with drinks before we started official duties, that one na part of our thanks for coming.....



We were asked to open every single bottle so that people wouldn't go home with any bottles. Omor I notice say them sneak in palm wine for elder men inside one room wey VIPs go chop...


As we finish we pass go where them dey package food and meat for take aways, we were asked to attach spoons with elastic bands.


Na as we dey package Nai I notice say Collins dey drop food for one side codedly, like him go wrap twenty packs and lay it one side, then he'll drop one special takeaway near to him away from the other packs, when he did it the second time, I questioned him.


"Guy why you dey drop some food seperate?" I whispered to him.




"Guy, some food get extra large meat, I dey drop them as my own packages." He whispered back.



"Bad guy!!!" I muttered under my breath as I continued working.

This time I scanned every meat before closing the plate, time to time my luck would shine and I'll jam extra large meat, I go package am drop am near my side.


When the other women no dey observe, one take away go fall enter bag. As we finish, we no fit carry anything again, them give us one each to go enjoy while waiting for when item 7 time go reach....

"Guy how many takeaways you manage carry?" Collins asked.


"E no concern you oga, face your front." I cautioned him.



Soon it was time to share food. Since we had already loaded ourselves, we diligently made sure that the food went round except you no dey there to collect food.

"Guy, the car wey carry us come, shebi you know say the woman still dey with her children?" Collins reminded me.


"And so what? How is she my problem?" I asked.


"You no go carry food go give her?"



"Her husband cripple? Abi na me say make she no gree comot from car. Oga free me oh."



I was right because they were eating VIP food when we arrived, and them no keep our own. I turn look Collins to show am say every man is for himself (stomach).




Before Collins would go and check for that his new catch, the folks we were with were about leaving so we had to join them before them vex leave us make we trek come back. Na die be that nah....



Collins started eating as soon as we moved, I noticed that the woman was staring at him through the side mirror but I pretended to be listening to music with my ear phones.


Collins comot second food begin dey dig into am. The frown on her face tightened. When Collins comot third food, she no fit bear am again.


"Collins how many takeaways did you take? You have been eating since we moved."



"Ma, my own na small thing, you need to see wetin Uduak pack." Collins exclaimed.



The woman eyes went to my face. I quickly pretended to be sleeping.

"This is wrong, some people did not even get food. Even my children and I didn't get food until my husband sent food to us, and you boys were busy gathering food for yourselves, is that what you teach my children and other kids in Sunday school class?"


"Ma, is not like that. We were given the food because we helped to serve food." Collins explained, my eyes were still closed feigning sleep.



All the woman talk just dey follow one side dey pass out, na her matter concern her, e no concern me.



I made sure I visited my parents that day. My dad was out of town so I gave two takeaways each to my mother and kid sis, when they asked me, I tell them say na birthday rice.....




"Mummy, youth President father don die." I informed Mumsy after she don chop reach half of the food.


"Uh, uh, how come? Was he sick?" She asked concerned.


"Na the burial food you dey chop so, the man don old very well so na celebration we go do, no be funeral service."




She shock as she hear say na burial meat she just dey tear anyhow, she begin eat the food with remorse. Laugh wan kill me........






I didn't know that big trouble was brewing around the corner.... A problem that made me retire from Sunday school teaching......

Bad guyz. I hail o. you do well for the update.

Dem don carry you nd collins matter go meet pastor for church.. Bt collins sef no try. E for reach house b4 him dey devour d food. Besides i hate niggaz dat answers question d way e did. which one be if u see d one wey uduak carry.. I dey bcuz of dat kind thing kee pesin.

Wow

I just dey laugh dey read dey enjoy your story

Thank rock, for writing this beautiful piece

Though those are short and not satisfied cuz am yearning for more!
Love the update!
Especially where you blacklisted & deleted grace's contact, na role model you be uduak

Silentgroper:
Dem don carry you nd collins matter go meet pastor for church.. Bt collins sef no try. E for reach house b4 him dey devour d food. Besides i hate niggaz dat answers question d way e did. which one be if u see d one wey uduak carry.. I dey bcuz of dat kind thing kee pesin.

That stuff dey pain me to the marrow.
I swear

Nonsense and ingredients

~~~FIFTY~SEVEN~~~

That Sunday when Collins and I walked into the church compound, everyone were looking at us differently. Collins didn't notice but I did, cause me don study human behavior tire...

I also noticed that any body that came near us would stare into our eyes or trying to stylishly smell us.
My mind began to drift from one scenerio to another. Have someone one seen me smoking recently? Or did someone that knows me snitch, abi God show everyone for their Dream wetin I dey up to?


When I moved in with Collins, I made him promise not to tell anyone in church that we stayed together. The church folks just knew that I've left my parents house and was staying around Collins area because they usually sight us coming to church together....


But then why was Collins also given the strange look at I? It was just a matter of time that we'll know the answers.


When we walked to our Sunday school class, we were asked to go back to main Church and then asked to see the Pastor's wife after service....


We looked at ourselves and started walking back to the main church.

"Guy wetin we do?" Collins asked, worry written over his face.


"I don't know, I don't care. After church we go know." I replied before we stepped into the church...


We went two different directions, the ushers know me, I no dey hear word, na me dey decide chair to sit down, if you like direct me tire, I go still go where my mind wan go.


As I dey move to my seat, my eyes flirted to the direction of the elders, seated at the right hand side of the altar.

My eyes caught whom it was looking for, the woman that we followed to that burial. A twisted smile enveloped her face, I slowly nodded to her while staring at her abi her Triumphant look of Victory.

I don dey suspect the woman since we enter church compound and everybody dey look at us strangely.

The woman na my tribal person for that matter, so she's close with my folks, if person dey talk about my matter, that woman hand abi mouth must have been the fire stroker....


I slowly took my time to peruse through my wild imaginations, it's a funny habit with me, I could dive into fantasy land and maintain different story lines concurrently in my head while still behaving normally in physical, the only difference is that I won't remember almost anything that happened around me, it's just like water hitting your face and splashing back, it doesn't penetrate the skin....


You gerrit? If you don't gerrit, then forget abourrit. Hahahahaha.


"Guy make we go see Mummy(Pastor wife)" Collins whispered to me as I was forcing myself to smile as few of my former Sunday school kids that were now teenagers forced me to take a picture with them.

The pastor's wife was speaking to that woman as we walked up to them. The woman quickly cut her talk short and walked off with the excuse that her husband and children are waiting in the car for her...


The pastor's wife asked me to wait outside while she attended to Collins alone.

After about twenty minutes, Collins came out. A look of pure rage was written all over his face.

"Kai this woman eh, na goat she be. I been dey think say na because of that burial food she go report us, I no know say that woman foolish like this." He spat bitterly.


"What happened?" I asked.


"Guy go and receive your own dose, I dey vex right now." He said and walked past me as he went out and stopped a bike.



Okay, okay, okay... Collins no dey too vex over nothing, so this matter must seriously choke. Something told me that I already figured out everything since morning.


As I walked in, the pastor's wife ushered me to a seat just Infront of her, it was like judgment throne.

That was the first time ever that I'll be with the woman alone, me and her matter no dey align at all even though she was my lecturer in school, the one and only lecturer wey dash me C.O that year, I no like that woman at all, neither do I hate her, we don't just flow on the same frequency.

Slowly I made my way to the chair and sat gingerly before her, she was looking at me all through my charade.


"Uduak, finally you have my time. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this day?" She said.


"I don't understand."


"Do you know you're the only one in this church that doesn't relate to me? You're always very cold, very distant, it's a pity that a bad report brought you to my presence."



"I was asking Collins the same question, he quickly answered the first question but he bluntly refused to give a straight forward answer for the second question, so I am going to ask you the same questions I asked Collins."


Son of a ........ So that niqqa obviously sold me off. Nice one man, nice one..


"Does Collins smoke?"


"I think that question is meant for his family member, I don't know." I replied curtly.

"But you're his friend, right?"


"Yes, I'm his friend because we are both teachers, aside that everyone has his own business."



"Hmm, okay, let's move to the second question. Do you smoke?"




"Have you ever caught me smoking before?" I fired back.


Three different emotions wipe through her face in quick succession as I stared at her eyes for the first time that day. She thought I was scared of her by putting my head down she didn't know that my rage dey my eyes, I just needed a hot needle to prick it and feel my energy.

First she went stone face red, then entered into rage before holding herself to grips and calm down, my stare down really unnerved her, her lips shook lightly.


"Just give me a straight answer, do you smoke or not."


"I'm sorry Ma but I'll decline your question because it's a personal question in which you have no use for the answer except you have a prove for me to defend myself against."




"I don't know why you are replying me this way but then I'll not beat around the bush anymore. I was told by a reliable source that you and Collins have been misbehaving before coming to church."


"Just call her name, I can't beat her. And what are we being accused of?" I replied with a smile on my face.



"Uduak respect yourself, we are not calling anybody's name here, what I want to know is that, are the allegations true? Do you and Collins smoke before coming to church?"



I must say, I was expecting the question but how it sounded threw me off my seat for a moment before a nerve wrecking laugh enveloped me..


I must have been laughing for a good two minutes before I abruptly stopped when I stared back at the angry face staring back at me.


"Eh, Mummy, like serious, this accusation is funny, I can't believe what I'm hearing. How can someone tell you this and you just believed? Did you ask her of any proof?"




"She said una eyes dey red and una dey enter class late, and you know she's a teacher, she has knowledge of what young boys like you do."



"Mummy, you were my lecturer in school, you have known me for long, do I look like someone capable of doing that? Don't I have respect for God again? Or have any child reported that I've been teaching rubbish or bullying them?"




"No, but what I heard distabilized me, you've always been my favorite person in this church because I've watched from afar how to do things differently from your friends and age mates, you've always been a shiny star. I had to confront you guys because it's the last thing I expect you to do."


"Ma, I am very hungry right now, we barely eat on Sunday mornings cause we are hurrying to get ready for church, so even though we smoke, where we wan get time to do that one before coming to church? The person wey come report us, have she ever for once come ask us how we dey survive?
Collins parents are late, I live alone, have she ever asked us if we have money to eat? Na smoke be her problem. Is that a kind of person that you expect me to look up to as an elder in this church?
I'm really disappointed, I no dey talk to my father again because I insisted to remain in this church while they left, I dey answer black sheep tag all for someone to bring up baseless accusations for my head.

It's really okay. I guess I really over stayed my welcome. Happy Sunday Ma." I said and stood up.


The pastor's wife was still shocked as I walked out, she didn't even spit a word.

I took a bike home to meet Collins still fuming in the parlour.

"Guy, you dey hear that rubbish talk eh? Na God go punish that woman." Collins ranted.



"Guy free me abeg, no be their fault, na see finish cause am, be like say them think say we no fit do without teaching those kids or we dey escape main church by chilling in the children church. Me I don hands up like this." I replied.



"Omor you dey my mind oh, me sef don retire as e be like this. Make them appoint new teachers, now I don turn only member, make I rest small." Collins said.







What we did caused more than a stir in Church, for two straight Sundays, we no go Church, it happened that two of the other teachers weren't around too, so somebody was asked to go be with the children, and boy was it hell....




An informant told us that noice of crying babies and children reached the main church, despite the fact that as many as six helpers go take care of them, them come dey wonder how we dey take keep those children from making noise.

By the third Sunday, na order, them order us to show for church, we still no gree enter children church, na main church we go siddon.


Even when usher come whisper to Collins and I say make we go children church, we do as if we no hear.

As church close, them talk for mic say make both of us report for pastor's office.


As we dey comot, na gate I face, direct bike home, I put my phone for flight mode as I enter jungle go dey blow my dope.....



I get coconut head, I no dey hear word........

I like your response to the questions

aprilwise:
I like your response to the questions

Well, he over responded sef. My person would just be smiling and be looking at her. Only when she becomes provoking would I just drop few words while excusing myself in the most polite way I could provide at the said time.
Other than that I would never lie. if eventually I should start smoking and I'm being confronted about it. I would admit to it. Anything wey go make me dey hide do, I no dey do am..

But op na 000 you don do dey us for a while now, I even reason say you go make this one 011 to compensate us.
all the same i appreciate you effort in this selfless service, I don include you for people wey I go buy jet for wen my money come.

Uduak na man u be, twale for you.

Love this last update Uduak