Arieljay:

She's done enough,if she bends more than this then the guy will use it to his advantage in the future,if he wants to separate cause of this then he's not ready for marriage,girls with useless attitudes are getting hooked up left and right and this innocent girl is been overstretched just to be locking her in-laws a*as when they haven't even started,omongirl run run run

Jman06:
Y'all should cut the guy some slack abeg. Always looking for means to blame guys in everything related to women.

The guy's siblings are actually right. If the guy can build a rapport with her own family, nothing stops her from doing same. So, she should put in more efforts or get herself off the way for the guy to look for another lady.

Havilaah1:

Seriously it baffles me how he's forgetting other good qualities i have cos of this issue.
This same people I'm not yet closed I've sent gifts and cash on birthdays. I don't know how to pretend, i know some girls will pretend in situations like this and go back to their old ways once married.

Favfables1:
It's obvious your boyfriend has a very close relationship with his family and i can say that his opinion is largely influenced by what his family thinks ((thus that's why he's acting withdrawn because his family has reservations about you))...

The solution is quite simple...
Work things out with his family, try and get close to them....
There's nothing like "that's how I am", that mentality is BULLSHIT!!!!!! If it's important to you, you'll look for a way to make it work...
If you can't compromise, then walk away and date someone who's family you flow well with...chikina!!

On the other hand, your boyfriend should cut you some slack as regards you and his family...you can't become besties with people you barely spend time with...so tell the alaye make him rest small...

And please forget those childish people asking you "whether you're getting married to your boyfriend and his family?" With the closeness of your boyfriend to his family, if then no like you ...forget am... Them go table your matter for family meeting and you go see the results of the matter, whether e favour you or not...

Lastly...
Never expect that guy to choose you over his family ...you're just his girlfriend or fiancee and thus you're easily replaceable, but his family are not so... Like them elders go talk, "blood thick pass water"

Havilaah1:

I've told him severally that i will try talking with them.
I asked him what his response was when they asked the question, he said so that's what matters to me now abi.

Penguin2:


Just that I personally, and over 99 percent of men, will not put a ring on your finger if you can’t relate with my siblings. I will never.

If I were him I would dump your ass straight away because you going back to say you have accepted his siblings will only amount to pretense just for the marriage to happen then you go back to hating his siblings.

People like you cause your husbands to be detached from their families after marriage.

Change your ways!

Havilaah1:

At some point i wanted to believe he defended me but then again i thought if he really did he could have told me he tried explaining my personality to them but i should try reaching out to them.
I'm not considering ending things because he ticks most of my boxes but if he decides to end a beautiful relationship cos of this, i won't sweat it.

chris51:
My dear, I will be very honest with you. If you have been in a relationship with a man for some years and not close to his family, it means you are not serious, especially if you are both talking about marriage.

It has nothing to do with being an introvert. By now you should have built close relationship with the family. They will be the ones encouraging him to marry you.

If you are not careful, one of his sisters may introduce her friend to him. If you are not close to them, they will not trust you enough to marry their brother.

Please try and work on your relationship with them.

snazzie:

God bless you for this advice

bigpicture001:
U even tried.... Mine found excuse at the oddest time to avoid my sis wedding and blame shifted....

Swissheart:
@Havilaah1 most of the comments here are surprising. You are in a relationship with a man that you are convinced is very much in love with you, he has a very good relationship with your family and until recently he showers you with all the attention you need, you want to lose him because you can't get along with his family?

Look, Love comes with sacrifices and a little bit of empathy. Have you pictured what is going on in his head? You guys would have separated long ago if his siblings disliked you and I am sure you boyfriend is reacting now only because he has started considering settling down and he wants that part of concern resolved.

Being cordial with sibling-in-law especially closely knitted ones can't be over emphasized. You'll need them no matter how much your spouse loves you. How do you intend building a friendship that never existed after marriage? Bearing in mind that they'll be the least on my mind after marriage. You need to get along with them now. Sometimes people aren't really interested in your money or gifts, they just want to vibe with you and be assured they won't be given attitude when they visit you after marriage.

You need to talk to your partner and this, make him understand that you are interested in being cool with them and he should help you. He knows them better. When to call, visit, what to say and what to do.

I am way younger than all my husbands siblings and they are all boys! I made sure we got along because my husband is a great guy, I love him and I want him to be happy.

About someone saying they'll sack you.....it is a lie. If they meant it, they won't say it to your face.

pocohantas:


Did you sacrifice before your own wife agreed to marry you? Why do Nigerian men put unnecessary pressure on your wives and wonder why she is aging fast?

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

frozen70:


It's obvious you do t just like relating with people and you don't see why you have to, but let me put somethings right to you

As a matter of fact, that you and your guy loves yourselves is not enough reason to carry on, family or no family

As it is now, your guy could get another lady that is head over heals I've his family and the family may advise him to drop you that you don't relate the wah this babe does. No matter your bond, he will follow his family, do you know why ?

Non of his family members can fight for you because you don't relate with them so they don't connect with you

If for example you have issues with your guy in this marriage, they will never stand with you because you didn't come close to them for them to understand you

Lastly they have concluded that you are not friendly and it's possible you will teach your children same way and those children may grow up not relating with their cousin's simply because you don't interact with their parents

Make sure your read the above post again and again and use it to guide yourself

Family is everything and no sensible one jokes their's

Chrisx1x:
Are you normal at all?
Was I talking to you? Fvck off from my mention you.

bukatyne:


@bold

I don't have time this morning.

My simple advise to OP:

RUN!

God will give you your man.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Havilaah1:

Really wish he can see this. They're making it look like all brides to be are usually close to their in laws before marriage.
When one saw me during the wedding, she jokingly said see our wife that we'll soon sack. Didn't know they've been saying this.

pocohantas:


And they are in constant communication with him too. The woman’s side typically puts more effort into making things work!

I am sure her mother calls him too.

How many times has his siblings and family called her? Did they call her and she didn’t pick? Do they know her own birthday? Omo, being a woman in a marriage is hard. You’ll see families that don’t even love themselves, they’ll want to use you and settle.

descarado:


I wouldn't waste time running without looking back.
That marriage is a failure already before it has started.

It's painful.


Always marry whom you are compatible with.
It's not only sexual chemistry.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

jy2kbeyond:


If she leaves, will you marry her?

pocohantas:


Make amends to what?

I ask again, do you know your brother in-law’s birthday? Do you call and text him that day? Why haven’t you made amends? Apart from sending rice and groundnut oil every Christmas, how many percentage of Nigerian men call their in-laws regularly? [b]Yet they worship you guys and try their best to call. [/b]Later we wonder why women prefer their siblings visiting. Her siblings come to serve. The man’s siblings come to be served.

Na true na. As everybody come turn model in-laws.